I'd been on cloud nine since my kiss with Michael. It was magical. Like nothing I'd ever felt before. I didn't know what came over me. I never figured I'd be bold enough to make the first move. Maybe it was the gorgeous brown eyes of his that made me loose control or his soft voice whispering those comforting words to me. The kiss and Michael's promise to be there for me made me feel much better about my situation with Charles. In fact it was almost as if Charles didn't even exist. I was infatuated with Michael and his kisses. Even though we'd shared that intimate moment, Michael and I haven't spoken to each other since. I honestly didn't know what to say. What do you say to a guy after you've kissed them? And it was just a kiss, it wasn't as if Michael has professed his love for me. I honestly didn't know what to call our relationship right now. It was very complicated.
"Why do you do that?" Charles asked me as I scribbled away in my new journal. He sat next to me under my tree. I'd been sitting there we he unexpectantly arrived that afternoon. I was going to get up so that we could sit on the porch, our usual courting spot, but Charles insisted that he'd join me under the tree.
"Write in that journal. I thought women were interested in other things. Like cooking and cleaning." He replied. I fought the urge to roll my eyes. There he goes with those stupid chauvinistic ideas. "Well,not all women. There have been plenty of women who wrote like Emily Dickinson, Flannery O'Connor, Jane Austin- " "I bet none of them had husbands either. I don't know why some women waste their time with their heads in books. My father says a woman does her best work in the kitchen and the bedroom" Charles interrupted. I felt angry. Not only am I marrying a creep, I'm also marrying a chauvinist. I sighed closing the journal and sticking it in it's secret hiding place. I didn't feel like wasting my time arguing with him. I couldn't win to Charles stupidity.
There was a silence between us as I brought my knees up to my chest. I still felt very uncomfortable around Charles and my dream didn't help either. To my luck however, our date at the drive-in turned out noting like my dream. Charles may have been too close for comfort but he did not make any advances toward me. I spotted Michael in the yard trimming hedges and I felt a little more at ease. Just having him anywhere nearby made me feel secure.
"So, Farrah, there's a sock hop coming up Saturday and I was hoping that you'd join me. I'd give you a chance to get out from under this tree and meet new people." Charles declared. I sighed. I was very bored whenever I went out on dates with Charles. I wanted to tell him how boring he was and that I never wanted to see him again. But I couldn't I knew they'red be consequences. "Sure. Why not?" I replied non- chalantly keeping my gaze on Michael in the distance. Charles moved closer to me. "You know Farrah, I really like you." He declared. "Really?" I asked. He nodded. "I do, a lot." Charles added moving closer to me. I could tell where he was going with this. He sure knows how to make himself obvious.
By now I was practically pinned to the trunk of the tree and Charles was leaning over me, slowly but surely closing the gap between us. I closed my eyes preparing myself for the worse. Thankfully though, I hadn't let Charles take away my first kiss. I'd given Michael the honors of doing that. I felt like I had the upper hand on Charles, having already kissed when he thinks I don't even know what it feels like. After what felt like an eternity, Charles lips finally touched mine. To my surprise he wasn't a bad kisser but his lips could never compare to Michael's. And I didn't feel the sparks like I'd felt with Michael. It just didn't feel right. When he finally pulled away I spotted Michael again by the hedges. He had stopped his work and was staring at us. He face seemed to hold a mixture of jealousy and hurt.
I sighed as I straightened my dress. I felt really guilty letting Charles kiss me but like my mother said, I had to. She'd really be on my case if I kept avoiding it. I hope her and Charles are both happy.
Charles smiled at me. "I bet that was your first kiss, huh?" He asked. I slowly nodded pushing a strand of hair from my face. If only he knew. "Well there's a lot more where that came from in the near future." He replied with a wink. How much more is there to come? I felt uneasy again. Charles fixed his shirt and quickly set his sight on Michael who was still staring. "What are you staring at, Nigger boy?" He questioned darkly. Michael was silent as he whipped the sweat off he brow before returning to his work. I felt really bad. I just couldn't understand why the world wouldn't let us like who we want to like.
*****
I found myself tossing and turning again that night. I just couldn't sleep. I felt too bad about what happened with Michael. My mother had actually praised me for the first time in forever today since I let Charles kiss me, but I couldn't accept her acclamation. I felt like I'd betrayed Michael. Even though we weren't officially in a relationship, I felt as if I'd been unfaithful to him. My head was spinning. I didn't know if we were in a relationship or just friends. It was all very confusing and I needed to get an answer right away.
One again, I found myself getting out of bed and slipping on my robe and slippers. I made an effort to me super quiet as I came down the stairs. This was about the third time I'd snuck out at night to go to Michael's cabin and I didn't want to be caught. When I was finally outside, I was practically run full speed to Michael's cabin. I didn't dare stop and gaze at the moon or observe the night. I had a mission.I stumbled a bit in the wet grass and tripped over a few twigs but I didn't care. I was out of breath when I reached lake and the cabin. I rapidly knock on Michael's door anxious for him to answer it.
"Farrah." He answered plainly in a groggy voice when he finally opened the door. He was wearing the same thin shirt and the ill fitting pants he'd worn the night we kissed. He looked just as tiered too.
"Michael. Please let me in." I spoke catching my breath. "Of course" he replied. "Have you been running?" Michael asked. "No." I lied as I made myself comfortable on his cot. He took a seat next to me. "I'm so sorry about Charles today." I declared not wasting any time. Michael sighed. "Stop apologizing for other people's actions. You apologizing for them is not going to make them a better person. They'll only continue to do what they do." He replied with a hint of annoyance. I nodded. I guess he was right. Charles would still be the horrid person he was no matter how much I apologized.
We sat in silence for a while. Why wasn't he talking? Why wasn't I talking? This silence is too much. I have to break the ice. "Michael, what are we? I mean, it's pretty obvious that you like me and I like you back. And I kissed you and you kissed me back. But what are we?? Are we friends? Are we lovers? Sweethearts? I need to know." I spoke firmly. I hope I didn't sound over bearing or desperate. Michael stared at me for a long time with those beautiful brown eyes of his. He reached out and cupped my face as he'd done that afternoon at the lake when I was cry. He sighed. "Farrah, I've been attracted to you since the day I met you. I'd love for you to be my girl but, it's too dangerous. Society's not ready for a couple like me and you. There's too many dangers. I could be killed, you could be shunned. I just don't know if the both of us can risk that." Michael replied. So it was true. He felt the same way.
I could feel tears welling in my eyes but I refused to let them fall. "I don't care if it's dangerous Michael. If we like each other we should be able to be together. I don't care what other people would think or say. Forget what society feels. Let's not let them hold us back. Let's do the unthinkable." I declared boldly. I don't know what was coming over me lately. I was becoming so bold. Michael stared at me and sighed. He slowly moved closer to me and leaned in gently pressing his lips against mine. His mouth tasted so sweet. This was so much better than kissing Charles.
He eventually pulled away placing kisses on my neck, a totally new feeling. "We can't let anyone know. We have to keep this a secret. We can only meet at night. This is all pretty risky but it's worth it." He whispered into my skin. I smiled. "So, I'm your girl now?" I asked. He pulled away, smiling. "Yes, you're my girl." Michael replied wrapping his arms around me. "Charles would die if he heard this." I replied. "Who cares what he thinks. Remember, this is our little secret, Farrah." He reminded. I nodded "Your secret's safe with me."
Author's Chapter Notes:
So, I forced myself to sit don and write and behold, an update!! I hope you all enjoy if you haven't forgotten this story!!
Chapter End Notes:
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