Dear Applehead,
I am usually so elegant and articulate in expressing my feelings, but today, I've completely run out of words. For the past decade, your absence has sort of always felt temporary. Like you were taking an extended vacation and one day, I'd blink and you'd be back. But I woke up this morning and reality hit me with a heavy blow. I realized that what I thought had been a simple "See you later" was an indefinite, bittersweet goodbye.
A lingering angel's breath on my pillow. You were gone.
I can't explain, justify or analyze my love for you - and I won't try. I haven't found a word, a reason or a rhyme for what it means to love someone that you've never even met so deeply. It's the most abstract, bewildering, frustratingly beautiful feeling- and I know I'm not the only one. Your smile radiates warmth and your eyes reflect the deepest, complete love. I believe anyone who ever heard your voice or witnessed your incredible, untouchable aura has fallen just a little bit in love with you, even if they deny it.
There are few people in this world who are too gentle, too wholesome and kind for a world too harsh, vile and ungrateful. You were one of them, the shiniest and brightest of stars- an otherworldly being. When a star shines too bright, it's a knee jerk reaction to douse that light to make others shine brighter. Clusters of fog have tried to dim your star but they could never block your light. It's too deep, too organic. You shine from within, from your whole being and no one could ever take that away from you.
My deepest regret is that our stars never crossed paths in this universe. That I never got to know you inside and out. But you left me with so many grand gifts, so many ways to feel connected to you, so many ways for me to see the deepest depths of your soul that it makes up for the fact that I never got to hold your hand or brush your tears away. Maybe it wasn't meant for our stars to collide but I'm thankful to have lived in the same universe as you- even for a short while- and I'm thankful for an open heart and bright eyes that have allowed me to see the beauty and truth that is you.
You're not here, you're not coming back. Although it is hard to admit, although I will shed many tears, my heart is at ease because I know where you are- carried with angels, deep in the cosmos, perched on a crescent moon and smiling down at us all.
I love you, Michael. Always and forever.
Story Notes:
This is the first new story I have published in about 5 years and will likely be my last. I am so full of emotion right now and really have no other platform to share this. You all also know I enjoy writing poetry and letters to Michael around this time of year so I hope you enjoy.