Chapter I
I loved loud music. For me it was the most beautiful thing to hear. Screeching guitars, the singers screaming and the hard bass and drums. It gave me the peace I needed before attending the worst place on earth: School. Just the thought of it created a sick feeling in my stomach.
I pushed my cold hands deeper in the pockets of my warm black coat and sighed. The morning was beautiful. Sunny, cold and the streets and houses were buried in white sparkling snow. To me winter was my favourite season. I could just hide myself in thick warm clothes and watch the snow fall quietly on the ground.
Just when I pulled my headphones out of my ear I heard them shouting and laughing at me. Even the building looked evil and dark and the closer I got, the colder became my body. The words they shouted were like fists punching me until I couldn't breathe any longer.
"Witch!"
"Vampire!"
"Emogirl!", they laughed. In the beginning I always had been on the verge of crying and screaming hysterically for them to stop pushing me, but now I understood that it wouldn't help a thing. They loved to hurt me.
I tried to ignore the comments about my looks or my music and sank on the chair in the very last row. My table was an artwork itself with the drawings of everything my mind created. The teachers gave up on trying to hold me back and I welcomed it so I could continue with fleeing in different worlds I created.
I put my hat into my rucksack and pushed a few strands of my pastel pink colored hair behind my ear. The class became silent and I looked out of the window to see the white fluffy fume swell out of the chimneys, that somehow made me think of an older more beautiful past.
"Morning", my teacher, Mr. Smith mumbled. He was a little man with round glasses and not one hair on his head. But today he wasn't alone. The boy who followed behind caught my full attention. He was tall and slim and had black curly hair hanging down to his shoulders. His eyes were a deep dark brown and surrounded by black eyeliner which accentuated them beautifully. He stood there wearing a pair of tight black jeans, a white t-shirt tucked in his pants and a leather jacket. Two necklaces dangled down his neck. One had a little silver wing on it and one a pentagram. Interesting combination...
"Sit down there, Jackson", Mr. Smith said pointing out to the empty chair one row in front of me. The boy nodded slightly and put down his bag and the motorcycle helmet. Jackson... It was a beautiful name and I wondered what his first name was while staring at the back of his head. Suddenly his eyes met mine. They captivated me in this very moment, but in the same moment I blushed and looked down on my table, pretend to be drawing. God, he looked at me... At ME! Not at that girl next to me... My heart raced as I carefully looked up at him and found him smirking at me, then looking at the board again. Damn, now he definitly thinks I'm weird.
"OOH, the freak has a crush on the new guyyy", Steven cooed. "Maybe she puts one of her Voodoo-curses on him. Or she just wants his bloood!" He laughed evil and kissed his girl on the cheek. She stroked his back and smiled sweetly at him. "Honey, don't be so hard. It's just a matter of time, she's lying under a train or dangling down the ceiling", she said with her smooth voice which made me jump up and run with hot tears in my eyes to the girl's bathroom.
I slammed the door and locked it with trembling hands. People were so cruel sometimes. Maybe she was right. Maybe I just should kill myself. I often had those thoughts, but I never did it. Everytime I wanted to leave this aweful world, something held me back. Maybe it was my Mom... Or the hope for it getting better when i finally graduated. Yeah, hope. A butterfly in a ruined and burned world, which could die so easily.
I sank down the wall and let the tears run down my cheeks. Why was I even crying? Every day was the same. Sometimes it was harder, sometimes easier.
I fiddeled my best and only friend out of my back pocket. A shiny silver rasor blade. It helped me to feel alive again and to forget about those people around me. I loved the pain from letting it slip over my pale skin and watching the dark red blood run over it. To me it was one of the most beautiful things I had in life.
To me life sometimes was a train, which just rushes through the station I'm waiting at. I couldn't hop on. I couldn't live like I used to. One part of me was broken and dead. Stop thinking! I told myself and created another red line on my wrist. It felt so good... A few black tears rolled down my face before I finally calmed down a little. Now, this was the worst part of the procedure. I had to go back to class and face all those staring cold eyes.
After I cleaned my blade and my face I went wordless back to my place in class. I didn't see the worrying stare the new guy gave me. I didn't waant to look anyone in the eye, I hated it, because nobody should see my empty eyes.

After the day was finally over I started to pack my things. "Are you okay?", a soft deep voice asked and caused me to jump and hit my head at the table. "Ouch", I hissed and blushed hard as I saw the brown eyed boy sitting in front of my table. "Uhm, yeah... I think", I mumbled and stroked the back of my head which hurted a bit.
"Really? You were crying." I sighed and pretended to be busy packing my bag.
"Why are they saying such cruel things?", he went on and never broke the stare.
"Because I'm... A misfit. I don't fit in and I'm a whole other person than those people", I whispered and looked down at my hands. Maybe he wanted to make fun of me after he pretended to be interested or worried. Everyone was the same.
"Well, I don't fit in either." He slightly smiled. "I like people, who are different. You seem to be a creative person." His finger pointed at my table-artwork. "By the way, what's your name?" His voice was so sweet and smooth... Maybe he wasn't like the others? And there it was again... This little helpless butterfly named hope.
"Sylvia. And yous?", I whispered and bit my lower lip while shyly looking at his chocolate eyes. "Michael. I like your name. Are you from Europe?" I slightly nodded. "My parents moved from Poland to America." He lifted his eyebrows and smiled. His smile was beautiful and perfect, like every other thing on him. "Poland is quite far. Why did your parents move here?" I shooked my shoulders. "I don't know..."
"May I walk you home?", he smiled again and made me look at him in surprise. "I'm serious, my dear", he chuckled and made me blush again. What was he doing with my feelings? Damn...
"Okay..." The first time on this day I slightly smirked.
"I like your hair. Did you make it yourself?", he asked, as we walked down the icy street. He pushed his motorbike alongside him. It looked quite good. Black with a little red. My both favourite colors.
I blushed a little and smiled, again. Nobody made me smile, than my mother since two years. "Thank you... My mom helped me", I said and stroked my pastel pink hair which was in a messy bun. Michael nodded and looked at me a little longer. I couldn't imagine what he was thinking.
"We're at my house", I said quietly and looked him in the eyes. They were so deep and captivating, hiding pain in the dark. "Then... See you tomorrow. It was great talking to you. We should do it again", he smiled and winked. I nodded slightly and waved shyly at him as he went away.
"Honey, what's up? You smile like you met someone special", my mom grinned and made me roll my eyes. "Not in THIS way, mom", I said and looked down at my Pizza. "Oh, well, if it's not in THIS way, in which way is it then?"
"I don't know", I truthfully said. I didn't know if Michael really liked me or if he just felt sorry for me being the bullied victim. I did like him. He was sweet, nice and really good-looking. A perfect man, if you ask me. Maybe my little vurneral butterfly named hope grew bigger?