Chapter 31

Michael was eager to come with Carsen to drop me home. He said he was interested to see where I lived, but I personally felt as though he just didn’t want to be alone.

It was almost 2 hours drive home. It had been a confusing twenty-four hours and poor Michael was very tired but was adamant that he didn’t want to sleep so I tried not to push it. Instead in the car we played stupid games like i-spy and a licence plate spotting game.

Even Carsen got in on it. Usually he didn’t speak a lot.

Eventually I navigated them through my neighbourhood.

“Oooh, this is nice, Malania… I love these gorgeous Spanish-style homes…”

I lived in an affluent part of town where the houses were all very big, bordering on mansions. We had one of the smallest homes that appeared bigger than it really was. I directed Carsen to the very end of the street and had him pull in to the driveway, as close as possible to the side gate.

There were two entryways to the house that I remembered as a child thinking it looked like a gingerbread home. At least, the colour did.

It was only around 4:30 in the afternoon. My Dad was still in the garden. Sometimes he was so cute that it was embarrassing. He wore his traditional straw takuhatsugasa hat as he watered the flowers. He had looked up curiously to see who was in the SUV that had pulled in to his drive.

“Look at your Dad…” Michael chuckled. “That’s brilliant, I love those hats.”

“Embarrassing,” I laughed too.

“Uh… do you think it’d be okay if I used the bathroom?” Michael asked me.

“Sure… Let me get out and say hello to my Dad. I don’t want to have you standing outside where people might see you,” I told him, “we’ll open up the gate so you guys can drive in.”

“Thanks.” He flashed me his beautiful smile as I opened up the door and slid out.

“Malania-chan!” Dad greeted me. He met me at the cement and gave me a hug and a kiss hello, “I didn’t know who was in the car. How are you?”

“I’m fine, Papa. Michael is inside the car too,” I explained, “but I don’t want him to get out here in the street. He needs the bathroom, so I’m gonna open up the gate so he can go inside through the car port entry,” I explained.

“Sure, let me get the gate,” he offered trudging through the grass in his special grass airing shoes to get the gate button on the inside of the front door.

I smiled at my Dad and waved Carsen in. I followed the car. Once the gate had closed Michael slid out of the car and thanked me. He also pulled my overnight bag from the other side of where he was sitting.

I went to take it from him but he refused. “I got it for you,” he smiled at me chivalrously. He followed me toward the door a couple of feet from the car. We went inside and instantly I could smell that my Mom was cooking.

“Oh damn… that smells good,” Michael whispered.

I laughed, “My Mom must have smelled guests in the air.” I joked.

“Mama, I’m home…” I called out as we entered the house. Michael had gone to the effort of even taking his shoes off before we walked on carpet.

My Mama came to greet me and seemed shocked when she saw Michael. She was lost for words for a moment but quickly gained her senses which I was thankful for. My parents were from a different era where celebrity didn’t mean too much to them.

She was nervous and it probably had nothing to do with his high profile but more to do with her English-speaking insecurities. “Oh draga, hello.”

“Mama, this is Michael, Michael, this is my Mama, Helena.”

“Hello Mrs. Nakamura, it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Michael smiled, holding out his hand. My Mom took his hand in both of hers.

“Thank you for being so good to my Malania, Michael. It is good to meet you.”

“And you too.”

He was pretty charming. My Mom let go of his hand. “Mama, Michael and I just drove from Hidden Hills so he is just going to use the bathroom, okay?” I explained.

Mama nodded. We were standing in the foyer area with the kitchen to the left and the hall that led to the staircase to the right. I grabbed Michael’s arm. “Come on, I’ll show you where the bathroom is at.”

He followed me down the hall and toward the staircase. I made a quick left to the downstairs bathroom. “Here you go. I’ll be in the kitchen with my Mama okay?”

“Thanks Malania.”

“You’re welcome.”

I went back to find my Mama in the kitchen. “What’s the occasion?” I asked her, “is Daddy going away?” she always liked to give my Dad a last meal each time he left, but she shook her head.

“No, Anica was going to come for dinner tonight but Danij had an accident.”

“Is she okay?” I asked, alarmed, thinking about my sweet little niece.

“Yes my sweet, she is fine but she needed to go to the emergency room. She cut here,” my Mama pointed to her chin; obviously forgetting the English name for it as she sometimes did, “she needed to have it sewn up so they are going to stay home,” she explained.

“Oh the poor thing. I bet Anica panicked,” my sister was highly-strung sometimes, especially when it came to her daughter.

Mom just nodded. “Would your friend like to stay and have dinner with us?” she asked as if just coming up with the idea.

“I don’t think he’d want to, he has to drive all the way back to Hidden Hill-“

“Hey, you could at least ask me,” a voice chimed in from the kitchen door. He had a big goofy smile on his face.

“Yes draga, he needs to eat, look at him he is too thin.”

“Don’t take notice of that,” I warned him, “Mama thinks everyone is too thin.”

He just laughed showing that he wasn’t worried. “Sorry Michael, would you like to stay for dinner? I’m sure there’s room for Carsen too.”

“Carsen?” Mom asked, wondering who we were talking about.

“Carsen is Michael’s security officer. He is in the car as well.” I informed her.

“No,” Michael said with a shake of his head, “Carsen would be really happy to go and take the night off… sure I’ll stay for dinner. Thank you Mrs. Nakamura.”

“Thanks Mama,” I smiled. I knew she was trying very hard with Michael. I knew she could tell how I felt about him. My mother and I had a close bond in that respect. She always seemed to understand my emotions, if nothing else.

“I’ll let Carsen know what’s going on. And I can call him later to tell him to pick me up, is that alright?”

“Yes, or I could drive you back… your Mercedes is still in the garage.” I reminded him.

We did a car trade back when I had been spotted at Neverland by the media. “Or that,” he smiled, “but Carsen will be fine.”

Michael disappeared outside. “Thanks for inviting him to stay Mama.” I thanked my Mom. I knew it made her nervous to meet people for the first time, but I appreciated it.

“That’s okay draga, I am sure he is a very nice man,” she replied to me, “and I like to see you happy.”

Michael re-emerged at the door of the kitchen. “You have a beautiful home…” he remarked, looking around the country-style kitchen that my mother had slowly decorated over the years.

“Thank you,” my Mom smiled and gave him a little nod.

“Do you want me to show you around?” I asked Michael. He smiled and nodded.

“Okay I’ll give you the grand tour.”

**

Michael grabbed for my hand as we headed upstairs and were out of vision of my parents. “This is scary for me…” he whispered honestly.

“What is?” I asked, surprised as we got to the landing.

“Being in a ‘normal’ home, trying to act normal…” I rose my eyebrow at him and paused our tour.

“What do you mean, ‘act normal’? I asked him, “you are normal. And if it helps, my Mama is probably more nervous than you are.”

“Why?” he asked quizzically, “she seems like she hates me, I can tell…”

I laughed, “You are so dramatic. My Mama is scared of new people. She’s always scared that her English is awful and that you’ll judge her. So, if she doesn’t speak a lot to you, that’s why… its not personal.”

He seemed a little relieved. “Okay, show me around… where’s your room?”

I laughed at him and showed him down the end of the hallway past my parents room to mine. I’d moved in to my sister’s room as soon as she got married. She’d always had a problem with that, but I was sure she could figure out why.

I opened the door and invited him in. “This is where I sleep and hang out.” He took a step in and looked around with a half-smile as if he were drinking in his surroundings. “Finally!” he remarked, “tell me you did this?” He made a beeline to an oil painting of cherry blossoms on my wall.

I smiled, “Yes, I painted that…”

“Wow… its beautiful, good technique… I love it. What else have you painted?”

I looked around, “I don’t know, I’ll see if I can find some things and show you later,” I told him.

“Hey you got your own TV…” he remarked as if he were surprised.

“My Dad is in Japan almost half the year round, you’d be surprised what cool gadgets we have in this place. He may as well be a shareholder in Sony,” I joked.

Michael laughed, “Really? Your Dad is in to gadgets?” he asked, “that’s one of my favourite things about Japan…”

“Well…” I shrugged, watching Michael take a seat at my desk, overlooking all of the little trinkets and things that covered the surface, “I don’t know if he is in to them, but he always brings them home for me or my niece or sister…”

“Awesome… hey, this is very cool…” he pointed to the corner of my built-in desk where I kept my collection of the puzzle boxes my Dad had bought over the years for me, “that’s like the one you gave me.”

“Yeah… I gave you my most favourite, most cherished one, I hope you know” I informed him as I sat on my bed.

He picked up one and ran his fingers over it carefully. “You know, when I finally got that thing open and I read your note… I totally panicked,” he admitted as he briefly looked up to meet my eyes, “I have never had someone find me out so easily, I didn’t really know what to do…”

“So you ignored me… and made me feel really, really awful for that week.”

He grimaced. “I’m really sorry about that… can I be really honest about something?” he asked, lowering his voice.

I nodded.

He stared at the carpet beneath his stark white socks. “Around that time when I was being a complete ass to you, I was self-medicating.”

His admission could have knocked me over with a feather. I never would have picked him for the type but it sure did explain a lot. “Are you kidding? When you and I were hanging out in the beginning, you were high?” I exclaimed incredulously. I wasn’t mad at him, I was just shocked.

“Shhh…” he hushed me, “Please don’t be mad…”

“I’m not… I’m just surprised… what were you taking? And are you still?” I asked.

“When I came to see you in the hospital and I saw what had happened to you, it was a bit of a reality check. I wanted to be a good support,” he explained, “And I would have been a giant hypocrite asking you to stop all of your self-destructive tendencies while I was still committing mine.”

“And that’s it? Cold turkey?”

He nodded. “I was taking Adderol as an upper and sleeping pills when I’d taken too much… but after seeing you, I flushed everything when I got home.” 

“Thank you…” I murmured, “for being honest with me, for stopping for me…”

“I guess that’s why I acted like a bit of a jerk when I got that note from your puzzle box. I was barely functioning and was scared you’d figure out that I was using since you’d figured out about my cutting.”

“Do you ever still cut?” I wondered.

He dared to look me in my eyes and slowly shook his head. “I want to some days…” he murmured, “really, really… but most days I’m okay knowing that you need me so I shouldn’t do anything stupid.”

“Don’t you need me too?” I asked a little insecurely.

“Yes,” he smiled, looking up at me. “Of course I do and I’m really proud of how well you’re doing.”

We shared a meaningful smile. He leaned his arms on his knees and focused on the small box in his hands. “We’re two messed up little pieces, aren’t we?” he asked.

“But we fit together well…”

He smiled weakly. “So, now you know all of my secrets, are you still attracted to me?”

“Yes…”

He reached over and took my hand. “You know, I was thinking about everything you said earlier, about not being prepared and being concerned about expectation…”

I nodded, trying to not be uncomfortable by his frank conversation. “Yeah?”

“And it wasn’t fair to fob off your concerns by telling you not to worry. You obviously are worried about it, and I just wanted to say that I’ll always be mindful of everything you’ve been through and I’ll be extra careful with your heart.”

I couldn’t help but to smile at him. I pulled him closer to me, letting the wheels of the chair roll toward me. He smiled back at me as I pressed my lips against his. I was painfully inexperienced but I knew how much I felt for him. He took my other hand and squeezed them. I opened my mouth slightly, inviting his tongue to graze against mine.

He pulled away first, licking his lips where mine had been. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. “I’ll never get tired of telling you that…”

I couldn’t help but to smile and give in to the butterflies that filled my stomach whenever he touched me as tenderly as he knew how. I always believed the words that came from his mouth.

He was right, neither of us were perfect—in fact, far from it, we both had our own serious issues, but rather than fuelling the problems, we seemed to keep each other accountable and well.

“I’ll never get tired of hearing it…” I replied, staring back at him. Usually, I let his eyes unnerve me when they searched my face intensely, but I made myself hold his gaze. He seemed relaxed though serious and I could see that the fatigue was starting to take a hold on him. He had dark rings beneath his eyes and they were a little blood shot.

“Did you need to take a nap or something?” I asked him, running my fingers over the back of his hand.

“No, I’ll sleep on the way home, I promise.”

“Okay, do you want the rest of the tour?” I asked him, “or do you want to hang out here?”

He shrugged, “maybe we should hang out in a public place in the house so your folks don’t think I’m taking advantage of you.”

I rolled my eyes, “it’s a bit late for them to worry about someone doing that to me.” I knew I shouldn’t have said things like that, but I couldn’t help it.

“Sweetheart, don’t say that. They do care. You know since you’ve told them they’ve done nothing but try to accommodate you in every single way that they can.”

“I know.” I nodded, “Forget I said that.” I got up from my bed and watched Michael get up too. I knew he was tired and sluggish but he was trying to remain upbeat just for me.

I finished showing Michael around and showed him in to the living room where we met my father who was coming from the downstairs bathroom. He’d obviously finished gardening.

“Papa, Michael is staying for dinner,” I informed him.

He nodded at Michael politely, “welcome, Michael.”

“Thank you Mr. Nakamura… Malania has just shown me around your home.”

“Please feel very welcome, Michael. We are glad to have you here. How are you today? Yesterday was a very big day.”

Michael nodded nervously, hating when people brought up his legal battle. “I’m really okay, thank you for asking.”

“Are you feeling confident?” he questioned him.

Michael just smiled. “I am remaining quietly hopeful that this will all be cleared up and the person making the accusations will understand that I’m not guilty as well,” he responded diplomatically.

“Anyway,” I butted in, “we’re going to watch some television, Papa.”

“Okay Malania-chan how are you feeling yourself?” he asked me, “are you alright?”

“Yes,” I smiled, I wanted him to know how much I appreciated them letting me go with Michael, “I’m feeling good, Papa, I promise.”

“That’s good my sweetheart, I’m going to get changed,” he nodded to his garden clothes.

We left to go in to the living room. Michael looked around curiously as he always did. He loved being outside of the walls that confined his life since I had known him. His curiousity was always boundless. I was sure that living a life inside a fishbowl had made him borderline nosey when it came to how other non-famous people lived their lives.

I flipped on the television and waited for Michael to patiently look at my Mama’s glass cabinet full of little figurines and keepsakes that she had collected over the years. Finally he realised I was waiting for him and regarded me with a brief smile and sat down on the couch.

I sat down beside him, leaning my head against his shoulder and gave a yawn. “You tired, sweet?” he asked quietly. I knew he was shy being in my family home and probably very worried of what my parents might think him, but he was being such a good sport. I knew the situation was uncomfortable for him, which flattered me that he would have endured it based on his feelings for me.

“Not as tired as you must be…” I murmured. He gently took the television remote from my hand and switched the channel over to the news. It was something he’d been doing periodically to try to desensitise himself to the stress of the trial.

“Prosecutors in the case against Michael Jackson have had a small victory today with lab reports confirming DNA matches of which will weigh heavily upon the shoulder’s of Jackson’s defense.”

“What the hell…” Michael murmured.

I grabbed the remote from him and changed the channel. “Don’t worry about it,” I told him, “its just the media spinning crap for sensationalism.”

I felt his shoulder’s drop. I turned on something else. “You need to stay away from the news,” I added.

“I know… it doesn’t help that I’m tired either, I suppose,” he agreed.

“Why don’t you close your eyes and I’ll wake you when dinner is ready?” I suggested to him, worried about his very obvious lack of sleep. Even his words were growing sluggish.

He shook his head, “No, I don’t want to be rude to your parents. I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me.”

We focused on the television for a few moments before my mother appeared in the living room doorway. “Malania, Treba mi pomoć, molim…”

I frowned at her for a moment before slowly understanding that she wanted my help. “Ok, Mama…” I saw her smile, I knew she was pleased that I understood some Serbian without having to ask her to repeat herself as I usually did.

I stood up, Michael looked at me quizzically, “she needs my help, I’ll be back in a moment.”

“Okay…”

I followed my Mom to the kitchen, “Mama, please speak English in front of Michael, he’ll think we are talking about him,” I told her, “And besides, my Serbian is awful, you know that…”

“But your Japanese is wonderful,” she couldn’t help but jibe me. I knew she hated that I was so fluent in Japanese but so hideous speaking her own mother-tongue. Probably because my father spoke English so well, she on the other hand, didn’t speak it half as well as he did.

My father was especially wonderful with language. He spoke five extra languages and one of them was Serbian. He spoke English, Spanish, Serbian, Italian and was pretty clued in on French.

“Sorry, my sweet, but it is hard for me,” she apologised, “is Michael a vegetarian?” she asked, “or will he eat meat?”

“He’ll eat meat, I’m sure.”

“Malania, what is happening?” she asked quietly, “is there a romance between you both?”

I didn’t want to lie. “Maybe,” I admitted, “but please trust me to figure it out with Michael on our own. We are adults.”

“I worry for you,” she said softly, “right now is a very hard time for you both.”

I nodded, “but we are supporting each other well during the hard times and if we can do that, we can do anything… I think if you make an effort to get to know him, you will understand why I like him so much, but that won’t happen if you speak Serbian in front of him. He’s very shy and nervous like you.”

I didn’t want my Mom to suddenly feel as though she had the right to lord over my happiness, she had to sit back and deal with it even if she didn’t like it.

“Okay, okay, I just want what’s best for you, please know this,” she murmured avoiding my eyes and stirring a pot on the stove.

“I know, but as I said, put some effort in with Michael to make him feel comfortable and he will be comfortable to be himself and you can get to know him as well.”

I figured that’s all she wanted from me, help in understanding what was going on. I left her to it in the kitchen after setting the table without being asked. I heard voices as I got back to the living room and found Michael and my father chatting. Michael was laughing. He had a nice, sweet and contagious laugh that made me feel happy to hear.

My Dad was a pure gentleman, he had always been that way. For that reason, I knew he would love Michael, Michael was pretty much a similar, calm and traditional man. “Your Dad told me that a newspaper called here yesterday after the hearing,” Michael informed me as I took a seat beside him.

“What?” I asked, “are you kidding? What did you tell them?”

Dad laughed, “I put on my bad-English voice and said I speak no English. In Japanese, repeatedly. They eventually hung up.”

I smiled but I was annoyed with the press and how they were just vying to find out dirty secrets to ensure they could publicly lynch Michael.

“Honestly, I’m sorry that you are being bothered, that’s unfair to you and your family.”

“Its alright, its not your fault, Michael, you didn’t ask for this to happen to you,” my father told him with a great deal of compassion in his tone. “It’s a hard time for you, you should focus on the important things right now.”

“Thank you…” Michael nodded, grateful but unable to find the words to say much else.

“May I ask, this woman who is saying you did these things, is she someone who has been in your life? Or is she a fan? I have been confused by all the news stories.”

I felt Michael stiffen a little bit. I tried to send my Dad glares to warn him to stop interrogating him, but my parents were pretty oblivious and he was just trying to make conversation and to show his support.

“I knew her. She was a very good friend of mine which is why I am so shocked by the accusation. They are saying so many things about me and it feels unfair because I’m not allowed to confront her. Her child was a big part of my life, I was helping take care of her financially while she was very sick with cancer… I’m just… really blown away by it.”

My Dad seemed surprised by Michael’s long explanation and I was too. Usually he was too polite to show his emotions or to say more than he needed to to strangers, but I knew his fatigue was making his lips a little more loose.

“That is disgusting. Sometimes people will do anything for money or fame,” my Dad replied, “for a piece of notoriety…”

Michael shook his head, “No, she truly believes that I hurt her daughter. Which I think is harder to swallow for me than if she were actually after a pay-day.”

“I’m sorry, Michael, but I am sure your lawyers will help reveal the truth; and if there is anything you need from us, we will be grateful to help—after all you have done for my Malania-chan.”

Michael was able to smile, “Thank you. Its been my pleasure to have found friendship with Malania, its nice to have someone who is honest and kind within my life, its very hard to come by in my industry.”

I felt butterflies in my tummy with his words, but I waved them away, feeling my face blush a little. I dared to glance at him. He was grinning at me, I knew silently making fun of my blushing. I also knew that my Dad was probably catching on to our silent communication and was probably realising it was more than friendship now.