I was cleaning up and found some notes scrawled out. About, a page and a half. I never read his things...but it caught my eye. I know, I know. Who reads their husband's private stuff? Me. This one time. As I was reading I started to cry silently. Michael walked in a few minutes later and looked at me.
"Jessamy..?"
I turned around holding the papers behind my back before gently wiping the tears from my eye and cleared my throat.
"Yes?"
"What, what were you reading?" I looked down. "Was it mine?" I nodded silently. "...Michael McKeller?" I nodded again.
"I didn't know you felt this way," my voice cracked.
"I, it's nothing Jess..."
"Doesn't seem like nothing Michael." I took him into my arms hugging him tightly. I looked up at him seeing tears start to form in his eyes before he blinked them away and hugged me back. I reached up and kissed his cheek. He smiled slightly.
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Three weeks earlier
I woke up to get a drink of water. Peeking around the corner I saw Michael. A single tear fell from his face as he was humming to himself and writing away. I pretended not to notice and went back to bed. Hours later I felt him climb into bed.
6 weeks later
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The door closed softly. "Jessamy, I'm home." I ran into his arms and smiled. He laughed quietly. "I'm glad to see you too! I've got some news."
"News?" Michael nodded.
"I do too, you go first" I said.
"I've joined the army." My mouth slammed on the floor and my eyes widened more than they ever have.
"No no no no you've got to be messing with me." Michael smiled a little.
"No, I'm gonna be a doctor in the military. I'll get to help people."
"Michael no, Michael...Michael..." My eyes watered. Michael shook his head.
"I'm leaving tonight." He couldn't help smiling slightly. "Jessamy, this is a good thing. I swear."
"Tonight?!" He nodded.
"Tonight."
I bit my lip shaking my head. "What's your news?" He asked. I could barely make out the words, I was shaking so hard.
"I'm pregnant..."
It was Michael's turn to tear up. But he was happy. He was smiling wide and covering his mouth, then hugging me, then laughing lightly out of pure happiness and then repeating. I managed a smile seeing how delighted he was. But...the next thing I knew...he was gone...
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Every once and a while he would video chat me. He would be with me on video chat at every doctor appointment for at least 10 minutes. But it wasn't the same. We both pretended it was, but it wasn't. He wasn't next to me at night. I didn't get to feel his warm embrace. I didn't hear him humming to himself all the time. On his side, his pillow still left the mark of his head. At night, one night, I traced my finger over the outline of it. His jacket was still on a chair in the kitchen and it smelled like him as if it was on him. I didn't ever let him know it... But sometimes I would cry.
I had a heart attack every time there was a knock at the front door...because that's where those nice men come...and tell me my husband's gone. I never ever wanted to hear that knock. Open that door. And see those two men. And hear that news. I wouldn't. I couldn't. That's not how it's going to work... I love him too much, and he loves me. His voice echoed through my mind. "It's a good thing. I promise."
I went out to get the mail and saw a letter from Michael. It was the best thing I had seen in a while. At this time I was 6 months pregnant. I read it smiling. All the "I love you"‘s scrawled in there made my heart warm. "I'll be home soon" he said. "A few more months" he said. And he ended the letter with, "don't think you'll get away with it, I love you most (underlined twice) Jessamy. Love always, Michael."
On our next video chat I told Michael I was having a girl. He was ecstatic. But, 5 minutes later... The line went dead. I wasn't scared though. He just had to go. Someone needed him. He was making people happy, feel better, be well, get to return to their families. And I knew in my heart he'd return to ours.
"It's a good thing... I promise..."