Chapter 37: In the Back
Jaden felt her nervous jitter as she drove through the town she had left behind years ago. Her high school still looked the same and some of the neighborhood parks looked better thanks to her anonymous donations. She couldn’t believe that she was back to talk to her mother of all people, but she felt as though she had put her mother out of her life long enough. She wanted to talk to her before she married Michael and lived happily ever after with her new family. Things needed to be cleared up and she didn’t want to have cloudy conscience as she was about to enter a new chapter in her life.
She agreed to meet her mother in the north side of the city. Jaden wasn’t sure how she would handle being in her presence after all these years, but it was something that she felt had to be done. She planned to meet her at Cedar Springs Park, a place where she remembered going to play as a child. It was usually low key and private enough for her to be there without a lot of traffic from people. Jaden refused to meet her mother at her apartment; it felt too personal and she wasn’t sure that she was ready to handle that.
When Jaden pulled up to the location where she agreed to meet her mother, she was glad that the park was relatively quiet. Looking around, her eyes fixated toward the woman that she had not seen in over 7 years and her emotions began to rush back. She began to feel like that timid little girl once again who was afraid to make her mother upset. What have you just gotten yourself into? Maybe I should have asked Michael to come. She thought to herself. For a brief second, Jaden wanted to turn around and leave, but she knew that it was too late once she realized that the middle aged woman had set her matching topaz eyes nervously on her. Slowly, Jaden took a deep breath and walked toward the woman who was her mom. Once she got close, she timidly shook her hand. “Hello, Jadey,” she said. “I hope you don’t mind me calling you that.” Her mother, Jamie Coleman-Ross was in her fifties, but looked well kept despite years of alcohol, and possibly even drug abuse. She was a medium built white woman with wispy strawberry blond hair. Naturally, Jaden gained some of her good looks from her- including her signature eyes.
It took Jaden a few seconds to look her over before responding. “I guess that’s okay,” she mumbled out. She sat down next to her on the bench and rubbed her hands together. “Do you need anything? Coffee? I always remembered how cold you would get.” Jamie said as she looked down. Jaden shook her head quickly. “No I’m fine, and I’m not cold either.”Although she really was from all of the nervousness, she didn’t want her mother to be right. “So you said that you wanted to talk to me.” she went on, cutting to the chase. “So I’m finally here. Talk to me.” Jamie immediately pulled out a picture and handed it to her. Jaden held her breath as she looked at the photograph of her in her father’s arms when she was around 4. Her father, who had a small afro then, was a handsome tall black man with telltale almond shaped eyes that gave way to his Asian roots. “This is one of the few pictures that I have of him to show you,” Jamie began. “I thought you would want it.” She finally looked up to Jaden. “He and I grew apart until he up and left one day,” she went on. “He tried to be a part of you guys’ lives, but I wouldn’t let him. I didn’t want him to hurt you and your brothers like I felt he had hurt me.” Jamie’s eyes began to fill up with tears. “But slowly, I was the one who ended up hurting you all the most. I’m not here to give excuses, but I began to drink because it was the only way that I could deal with the pain. Plain and simple.”
Jaden looked up from the picture and began to feel anger. “Pain?? You want to tell me about the pain that YOU suffered? Do you realize how you treated me growing up? You would degrade me and yank me around and hurt me for any little mistake that I made! You never cared about what we were gonna eat or if we were even safe when you would abandon us night after night! You never seemed to care about my music and how much it meant to me and now you tell me that you are part of the reason why my father, excuse me, Leroy, wasn’t a part of our lives?! –“Jadey I- I’m sorry,” Jamie cut in. Jaden went on. “I had nightmares about you almost all my life! The only reason that it went away is because I found someone who gave me the love I desperately needed!”
“Why did you hate me?? Why?”
Jamie began to cry. “I never hated you Jadey, I swear. You have every reason to feel that way however. I was young and stupid and extremely selfish. I remember listening to you sing in that beautiful voice and I would wish that could have been me. I was supposed to go far in music once in my life, but it never happened. So like a fool, I let my own feelings of jealousy come in before anything. I was stupid and I was foolish and I know that it is hard for you to understand that. I only acted the way that I knew how and the alcohol didn’t help much either.”
She took her hands and put them around Jaden’s angry pained face. “I know it’s hard to believe this, but I love you and your brothers so very much. I’m your supporter. I’m so proud that you went out to L.A. and became a superstar. I have all of your albums, magazine covers, everything. I’m so proud that you use your celebrity to give back. You always have been a generous, compassionate person. I didn’t come here today to expect you to forgive me for all of my past mistakes. It’s been eating at me for years. I don’t want anything from you if you think that’s it also. All I ask is that you give me a chance to somehow, someway be in of your life.”
It took Jaden a few minutes to let what her mother said to sink in. It had been years since she had seen her and finally she began to understand the reasoning behind why her mother did what she did. Eerily, she began to feel a bit cleansed as some of her past questions were being answered. She looked at her. “What about drinking? Are you still doing that?” she asked. Jamie immediately shook her head. “I went into rehab a few years ago, and afterwards that’s when I reconciled with your brothers.” Jaden looked at the picture once again. “And Leroy? Where is my dad?” Jamie shyly shrugged. “Honestly I don’t know,” she admitted. “But we could find him if you want.”
For the first time ever, Jaden felt as though she had finally faced her past demons head on and finally, she was getting the assurance she needed before she became married. It was the closure she was looking for and it was the purpose of why she did the impromptu trip in the first place.
For the first time in a long time, Jaden looked up and gave a small smile. “Yeah, I’d think I would like that.”
She showed her mother her engagement ring and told her how she had met, fell in love, and planned to marry the notorious King of Pop. Jamie told her that she was shocked at first, but told her that it would be one of the best decisions that she had ever made and marveled at how something extraordinary like this came to happen. Finally, Jaden decided at the last minute to invite her to the wedding, which Jamie accepted.
She spent the next few hours talking about more things with her mother Jamie. She knew that she would never be her best friend or even close to her. However, Jaden realized that she had to forgive. She remembered Michael telling her that she would feel better when she would be ready to forgive and heal. Finally, that day had come and it gave her a sense of peace. She could return to California and get married knowing that her hurt past was slowly piecing together and making sense.