#1

An engineer dies and goes to Hell. After awhile, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort down there and starts designing and building some improvments. After awhile, Hell has air conditioning, water fountains and escalators - making the engineer a pretty popular guy.

One day, God phones Satan up and asks with a sneer: "Hey buddy, how's it goin' down there in Hell?" Satan snickered back, "Things are going great actually! We've got air conditioning, flush toilets, escalators and the works. Hell, there's no telling what this engineer guy is going to do next!" God replies, "What? You've got an engineer? That's a mistake - he should have never gotten down there; send him back up!" To which Satan replies, "No way dude, I like having an engineer on staff! I'm keeping him!" God retorted, "Send him back up, or I'll sue." Satan laughs loudly and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to find a lawyer?"

#2

A woman gives birth to a baby and afterwards the doctor comes in to meet the woman and he says,"I have to tell you somethign about your baby." The woman sits up in the bed and says, "What's wrong with my baby doctor? What's wrong?!" The doctor says, "Well, now, your baby is a little bit different. Your baby is a hermaphrodite." The woman says, "A hermaphrodite? What's that?" The doctor replies, "Well, it means your baby has the... er... features... of a male and a female." The woman turns pale. She says, "Oh my God! You mean it has a penis... AND a brain?"

#3

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. The bus arrives and there's only room for the woman and the nine children, so the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After awhile, the husband gets irritated by the tapping of the blind man's stick and asks in an irritated tone of voice, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? The tapping is driving me crazy!" The blind man replies, "Well, if you had put a piece of rubber on the end of your stick then we'd be on the bus right now, so I'd shut the fuck up."

#4

3 impossibilities in the world

-You can't count your hair

-You can't wash your eyes with soap

-You can't breathe when your tongue is out

Good boy! Now bring your tongue back in, you look like a dog.

If you fell for that, review! XD