Joe gripped Becky's pale hand tightly. It lay limply in his, but he refused to let go, all the same. He breathed in deeply, listening to the rhythmic beeping of the heart monitor by the bedside. Becky stirred slightly in her sleep and Joe straightened himself up a few inches taller with a glint of hope in his eye but to his dismay, she simply fell into a deeper sleep. Joe sighed. He was currently in the hospital, where he had been for the last two and a half days.
He wasn't necessarily sure what exactly was wrong with her but he did know that there was a lot of internal damage. When she was brought in, according to the doctor, her stomach was bleeding and her heart was threatening to give up. Joe hated seeing his beautiful, strong Becky lying broken in a hospital bed. It was such an unfamiliar sight to him. He never wanted to see her like this.
The door swung open, startling Joe. But when he saw it was only the doctor, he slumped down again, brushing Becky's dark hair out of her face.
"You should eat," the doctor said but he sounded more as if he were giving out a command. His voice was clipped and sharp, but Haru shook his head anyway.
"As a doctor, I am advising you to eat something." He offered Joe a small tray of food but Joe still just shook his head, refusing to look up.
The doctor sighed, and sat in a chair opposite to Joe's, "Your face is pale, your eyes are dark, and you look drained out. Becky isn't going to mind if you eat something; in fact, I think she'd rather you did. Now take this, and eat it or I'll have to ask you to leave."
Joe was defeated and he knew it. He accepted the plastic tray wordlessly, and devoured its contents without any cutlery, never taking his eyes off of Becky's still face.
The doctor took the tray back, and dropped it into a bin at his feet.
"You ought to get some rest as well, Joe. You need to rest for your work." Joe nodded silently, and rested his chin on the bed as the doctor walked out of the room. He hadn't slept for three days, and he felt exhausted. But what if he fell asleep and Becky woke up then? She would think that he didn't care and he couldn't allow that to happen. But still, he was so sleepy and she was completely unresponsive…
An hour couldn't hurt… Joe thought.
Joe felt his eyelids droop, and he finally gave into the dark depths of his slumber's embrace.
"Joey…" Becky said softly, a nervous smile on her face.
"Hey," he said. "You okay?"
The hesitation in her voice was evident. "I am, Joey. Why wouldn't I be?"
Joe shook his head. "Doubt it," he said, resting his free palm against her forehead checking for a fever. She would sometimes revert back to her old self, trying to carry all of her burdens as to not trouble anyone else, and Joe knew that.
"First of all, you haven't called me that in a long time." He was referring to the horrific nickname she had attached to the end of his name.
"And secondly, you're red as I don't know what."
Becky closed her eyes, "I'm alright, Joe. I really am." The close proximity of the male still made her cheeks heat up and turn a couple shades of red in spite of having lived together with him for nearly twenty years.
"No, you're not."
He swept the dark bangs out of her face and planted a light kiss upon her forehead. He leaned down, placing his forehead against hers, holding her face in between both of his hands.
"I know that you're scared. I am too."
"Oh Joey..."
Joe gently cut in, "I know it's really hard. But you know that I would be right next to you. I wouldn't let you go through this by yourself."
Becky forced a tiny smile before her face scrunched up as she let out a fit of dry coughs.
"I don't have much longer, Joey..."
"Don't say that, Beck," Joe snapped, "You got plenty of time left. You just gotta stop sayin' stuff like that."
"Joey, it's time for me to go."
"Beck, stop it. You're really scaring me here."
"I'm sorry, Joey but this is just the way it has to be. Tell my babies that I love them, Alex too, tell her that I love her. Tell her that Michael loves her too. She has to remember that. She just has to."
"Tell them that yourself," Joey murmuringly said and Becky glanced up, a look of hurt in her eyes, "You're gonna get through this, Beck, one way or another."
Becky's face fell, "Not everything can go your way, Joe..."
"Beck, look at me."
"I've only got a few minutes left with you, Joey."
The color began to drain from Joey's face and he began to stutter. "N...no...I'll get the doctor and he'll make you better! It's gonna be alright..." Slowly, a thin, pale hand started to reach for his face. It cupped his cheek.
"If there's anything you want to say, now's the time to say it."
For the first time in a long time, Joey just so happened to be at loss for words. Of all the things he could say, "I'm sorry" or "Your family is waiting for us" or even a simple "Don't die", none of them seemed to make it from his mind to his mouth.
His mouth, however, was doing things he would have slapped himself for.
Somehow, in the past few seconds, his mouth seemed to be getting closer to Becky's. He wasn't sure who's account it was on, but the proximity of their faces was beginning to scare him.
And then it happened.
It may have been just for a second or two, maybe less, but the skin of their lips definitely touched.
It sent Joe's heart soaring and he thought that that couldn't possibly be good for Becky. Unless she had meant this all along.
Nevertheless, he did it again. This time it was defintely more tangible, more physical, and lasted for more than a fleeting moment that could easily be forgotten (he would never forget though).
Becky drawled out a soft sigh of bliss, "I feel at peace..." She leaned forward, slowly, and kissed the forehead of Joe's astonished face.
"Joe..." Becky whispered, and it was then that Joe froze in panic. This was it, Becky was really dying, and these were the last few seconds of her life.
"Joey, remember to tell Alex that... that..." Breathing had become a challenge for the both of them, and it took most of Becky's energy to breathe out her last words.
"He... loves... her..." Her hand was on Joe's face again, as it had been at the beginning of the end. This time, Joe's hand was on top of hers, holding it there as a last resort.
There was one last small breath, a faint radiant smile, before Joe felt the hand go limp in his own.
The rhythmic drumming on the windows filled the emptiness within the room. The rain was cold, and left a chill running up Alex's spine. As she peered out the bleary window, all she saw was the gray sky almost lost in the clouds.
How she wish that she too could be those clouds, always there but but never noticed, to be as disastrous as the hurricane, yet as beautiful as when hovering over the sunset.
Alex shut the blinds, feeling the depression seeping into the room and once again, the room fell into darkness.
Empty.
Cold.
Ever since the news about Becky's death, Alex's depression only seemed to intensify. Nothing seemed to make her happy anymore. Not Janet's jokes, not Katherine's cooking and definitely not Joseph's motormouth. She didn't even want to know how her cousins were taking the news. She figured it would be much worse, considering the fact that Becky was their mother.
Why is it that everyone I love is dying? Alex thought. Is it my fault everyone that I love is dead? Am I the cause of their deaths? Who's next?
Alex gasped in shock once she realized something. This could actually be her fault. If she ever stopped worrying about herself, if she had ever stopped being so selfish, maybe she would have noticed the things out of the ordinary instead of just continuing on with her own life.
What if he's next? No! I can't think about that! That would never happen! But... Alex's shoulders slumped, I thought the same thing for Aunt Becky and my parents but they still...
"I hate this..." she sobbed.
Why does everything bad only happen to me? What have I done to deserve this? I get good grades, I use my manners, I help other people... Where did I go wrong?
"Good morning, Alex," a voice said.
Alex didn't feel the need to look up at the owner of the voice in order to realize who it was.
"Good morning, Mrs. Jackson," Alex wearily greeted back.
"Michael's about to head out. He asked if you wanted to join him?"
Alex felt her spirits soar, for a moment but then she felt her heart sink.
"Sure. I'll be down in a minute."
Katherine nodded at her and turned to leave but once she noticed how glumly and slowly Alex looked as she struggled to lift herself off the bed and walk towards the dresser, she stopped at the doorway and smiled sadly.
"I know you're feeling bad about your auntie, Alex, but you should be happy."
Alex glanced over at her with an incredulous look, "Why should I be happy?"
"Because she ain't suffering no more, baby," Katherine said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, "She's at peace now. Where she is now is where she won't feel anymore pain, no more sorrow and no more worries. She's in Heaven now and that's where she will forever stay."
Alex nodded at her to show her that she understood but she only did that so that she could be left alone. Even though Katherine didn't look convinced or assured of Alex's current mood, she still left with a tiny, empathetic smile and shut the door behind her, unable to hear the grudging sigh from inside the room.
Alex took her time getting dressed, unintentionally, of course. It was as if the melancholy and dread she felt clawed at her heart and weakened her muscles.
Once she was fully and properly dressed, she made her way out of the room down the stairs and into the living room where Michael was awaiting for her arrival. He shot up to his feet and presented her a cheeky grin only to have it curved downwards into a deep frown once he noticed the look of chagrin on her face.
"What's wrong, Alex?" Michael asked taking a cautious step towards her, as if he were afraid that she would become startled by him.
She just shrugged her shoulders, "Nothing."
"Is it your aunt?" he asked.
Alex drawled in a shaky breath and heaved a soft sigh, "Yeah..."
Michael smiled sadly and gave her a few pats on the shoulder, "It's gonna be okay. She's in a better place now. No need to worry."
For some odd reason, Alex actually felt her heart sigh with relief, even though she knew that Katherine had basically said the same thing. It seemed as if hearing those words from his voice made everything more authentic to her, more refreshing, perfect in a way. He couldn't have said those words any better.
"Yeah, you're right."
Michael's brows furrowed in confusion, "I am?"
"Yeah, you are," Alex confirmed.
Michael jolted in surprise and laughed, "That's a shocker."
Alex's own laughter harmonized with his. Gesturing for Michael to lead the way to school, she fell into step beside him.
They walked down the sidewalk in silence, neither of them wanting to speak to the other even after sharing such an amused and uplifting moment together. They both felt awkward having been enemies for such a long time and now becoming like a... family.
Alex shuddered at the thought, That's so awkward.
As they rounded a corner onto the main street, Alex was surprised to see Michael suddenly look very nervous. He had dug his hands into his pockets, and was glancing around as if expecting an attack at any moment.
"What is it, Michael? Something wrong?" she asked.
Michael didn't seem to hear her, but muttered to himself, "I can't believe I'm doing this..."
"Huh?" Alex questioned, puzzled.
"Oh, um..." Michael stammered, slightly embarrassed.
"Michael?"
"Are you doing anything after school?" he asked in a low, quiet voice.
Alex felt the blood in her face flare against her cheeks, "No. Why?"
"Just wondering..."
He began to say something else, but Alex never figured out what it was.
"But..."
"Just forget it," he said pulling Alex along with him as he deftly sidestepped around the conversation and moved off at a fast walk.
Eventually, their voices faded, and silence descended upon them once more. Alex was the first to break it.
"So, what are you planning to do after school?"
"Please, don't ask..." Michael almost whispered, sure he was blushing and furious with himself for seeming so weak. Especially in front of Alex.
"I just wanted to-?!"
"Look, it's none of your damn business, alright?bSo would you just drop it already and leave me the hell alone?" Michael snapped.
Alex seamed her lips together and nodded at him, shifting her eyes forward so that she was no longer looking up at him and instead, looking up at what was ahead of them.
They continued their walk in silence but the silence between them was unlike any other silence neither of them had ever experienced. This silence in particular was discomforting and somewhat painful for the both of them, considering the fact that they had just broken whatever they had going.
Michael came to an abrupt halt at the school gates and since Alex's head was down, she bumped into him and once she lifted her head up to see his reaction, she noticed that he was unfazed by her.
"I'll meet you here after school. Don't leave without me, okay?"
Alex nodded, "Okay..."
Michael sighed and motioned for her to continue on without him and she reluctantly obeyed. She didn't know why but she suddenly found herself not wanting to leave his side. She felt so much safer being alongside him, whether he was her enemy or her friend, she didn't care. Just as long as she was near him, she was safe, or at least, that's how she felt.
The rest of the day passed in the usual blur that any high school student experienced along with the occasional fits of laughter from the classroom caused by the local class clown who cracked yet another pun and yet another disturbance from a rebellious student gone wild.
Unfortunately, these happenings didn't faze Alex the slightest. All it ever did was make her feel more secluded than usual. Monica was absent, for reasons unknown, and it seemed as if Tatiana was no longer around to notice what her friend was going through. Bruno seemed to be looking too stressed out to deal with anyone else's problems but his own and Nelson... Nelson seemed to have been wiped off of the face of the earth! Alex couldn't even remember the last time she had seen him.
I barely even remember his last name... Alex thought.
And Leonce. He seemed to be more concerned about making her forget her problems instead of solving them or at least comforting her. Sure he was a nice guy but he didn't seem to have any empathy or compassion for Alex. All he ever did was make himself look sympathetic and careless to her current situation. Not as if Alex cared anyway. She didn't really care about anyone anymore, what or how they thought of her. All that she cared about, all she could ever think about nowadays, and the one who was currently occupying the thoughts in her mind was Michael.
She wondered if he was still mad at her for prying on his after school activities, for not thinking twice when asking him a question, for annoying him to the point where he was close to hitting her. She wondered and mused over so many things but what she thought about most was if he would ever speak to her her again.
Alex heaved a melancholy sigh, I should have just shut up when I had the chance...
Alex waited at the front gate as planned. She watched as high school students were picked up by their exasperated-looking chauffeurs. Some elegantly-dressed girls carrying around either Chanel, Louis Vuitton, or Christian Dior purses strutted towards their respectable limos, their exquisite jewelry gleaming on their wrists and necks, and diamonds glistening on their ears. Some boys had their wrists clad with expensive-looking watches and golden bracelets.
Once again, she was the oddball.
Standing there, all alone, Alex remembered her first day here at Charington. Just like the beginning of the year, here she was, waiting for someone to stand by her side. She had spent almost an entire year at this school and yet, she was still alone just as she was the first day.
Sighing, Alex shifted her messenger bag higher on her thin shoulder and proceeded to walk to the Jackson household.
She walked down the sidewalk at an achingly slow pace, not fazed by the vehicles that zoomed or honked past her. She didn't know whether she was going the right way or not, considering the fact that on the way to the school, all she was staring at was the ground and her meandering feet.
She wasn't necessarily lost. She just didn't know where she was going.
Isn't that the same thing? Alex silently wondered. I suppose not... Lost is not being able to find my way. I know where I'm going. I just don't know the way there.
She came to an abrupt halt, nearly falling over in the process, "I'm not lost," she assured herself aloud.
"I'm on Charington Street," she then turned to the storefronts, "at the bookshop."
Lost? No. Alex Avery never gets lost.
She could not possibly be lost, she rationalized, if she knew where she had started. And she could not possibly be lost, she ascertained, if she knew where she was destined to arrive.
If pressed, she would concede that she did not know exactly how she would travel from point A to point B, or what she might encounter on the way; after all, the whole world lay in between them. She possessed no maps, no directions, either in her head or on paper.
No matter what people said, Alex was not lost. She knew where she stood.
Glancing around, she sighed in defeat.
I'm lost...
Michael was starting to get irritated. How bad was Alex going to make him look before she finally made her presence known? For the past two hours, he had been combing the city streets within a one mile radius of the Jackson household, constantly dashing back and forth to Janet's room on the second floor where he would (usually) always find the duo resting beneath the sleep-inducing warmth of the twin-sized bed with glazed over eyes as they went on and on with idle conversation. But not once in the five or six times he had barged into their room did he see any sign of Alex.
He would have asked someone for help—maybe one of his classmates in his neighborhood and if it came down to it, he would even go to Mr. Matthews, his math teacher—but as Michael had figured out, it was sort of his fault his companion was missing, so he thought it'd be best to not bother the others with his own problems.
And so, for the seventh time that night, he found himself sprinting down three flights of stairs with his long ebony hair swishing behind his head with each sharp turn he made on the way down to the living room.
On his face was plastered a look of unyielding determination, one that could inspire both awe and fear. This quest to find Alex started off as a guilt-induced one. After seeing the state he had put Alex in that morning, he knew that he wouldn't be able to rest easy that night until he knew that she was safe. But after he had made his third trip to and from the house, his noble quest for reconciliation was transformed into a conquest of sorts.
Normally it was very easy for Michael to track that girl down but tonight, it was…different.
Maybe I'm off my game? No, no that isn't it. He hastily dismissed the unpleasant thought with a shake of his head. Alex is just particularly…on her game tonight.
He zipped down the last flight of stairs and burst through the door leading into the living room, knocking down his sister with the door but he only glanced back at his victim briefly as he raced on by.
"Ow!" she yelped, "Hey! What the heck, Michael!"
"Sorry, Jan!" he called back to her.
As he bolted out the front door, he just barely heard someone behind him say something "watching where he was going" or some such nonsense but it did nothing to affect his speed.
And with that, the door closed behind him and he was once again released onto the streets, running about like a black streak shooting through the dark, only stopping here and there to ask anyone if they had seen a girl fitting Alex's description.
"…she's about yea high," went on Michael, sounding out of breath as he raised his hand below his head to what he imagined Alex's height would be. "Sparkly gray eyes, curly black hair longer than mine, pretty face, sexy hourglass body. You seen her?"
The older couple looking down at him with concern.
"Was she that sad-looking thing sitting in the booth behind us in the café?" the woman questioned.
Her husband smiled. "Well she seems to fit this young man's description pretty well."
Michael perked up like a bloodhound picking up a scent. "Café? Where?"
"Oh it's just up the road a few blocks," said the man, pointing behind Michael. "Can't miss it. It's got a big ol' sign saying Starbucks."
"Starbucks," repeated Michael with a curt nod, making a mental note of the name.
Hmmm... The commoner coffeehouse?
"So it's just up the road there?" asked Michael hurriedly.
"Yep," the man nodded. "Just a few blocks. Would you like us to come with you and help you look?"
"No, thanks. I'll be fine."
Eager to bring his conquest to an end, Michael broke out running in the direction he had indicated until he came stumbled upon the café.
Michael pressed his face against the large glass window by the coffeehouse's entrance, not taking notice of the alarmed stares of the patrons seated by the window, and he quickly spotted Alex, beautiful and all, sitting lonesome on a stool in the far back of the joint, staring introspectively into a cup of coffee.
Now he had actually found Alex, he didn't know what he should do next. He didn't even know what his options were at the point. What had he meant to do once he found her?
He vaguely remembered something about reconciliation and about consoling a weeping Alex but really, at the moment, from the looks of it, she seemed to be back to her old self just as he predicted.
"Damn conscience getting me all worked up for nothing," he grumbled.
She's fine! It's not like this is the first time she's gone out by herself and well…she's thinking (as usual). Now that's my girl! Tough as nails!
His frown deepened; that stubborn conscience of his was really kicking into gear as it so rarely did.
But…I guess what I did to her was pretty mean. Still though, I didn't mean to make her cry! She just takes me too damn seriously! But how was I supposed to know that she'd take me so seriously? She's been so tough when I used to kick her ass all the time and now since I've grown soft and snapped on her, she's acting like a damn wimp!
He was so deeply engrossed in the point/counter-point raging on inside of his head that it took him a while to notice Alex was currently waving over to him excitedly from inside the café, looking unusually happy to see him.
Shit! She saw me! I need to abort! Abort mission! Abort mission! I honestly think I can only do more damage at this point! And not just with my mouth but with my fists too!
Michael nearly jumped out of his skin once he heard the café door open with a little ring-a-ling, followed by a cheerful greeting from Alex who he had not even noticed get up from her seat and walk outside.
"Hey you!" chimed the girl as she approached him, "I was waving at you for awhile in there. Didn't you see me?"
Michael finally removed his face from the glass, looking astonished by his own obliviousness.
Of course I saw you waving at me like a damn idiot! Dammit! That's why I don't like thinking! It's too damn distracting!
"Where the hell have you been?!" he suddenly shouted.
Alex jolted in surprise, "I'm sorry?"
"I told you to wait for me out in the front but did you wait for me? Noooo! You just had to walk on without me!" He didn't realize that he was yelling to the top of his lungs until several people began to glance into his direction with looks of startle. Not as if he cared anyway. He was so full of rage, he didn't realize what he was doing.
"You couldn't have just waited a few more seconds before you just wandered off like that? What if something happened to you? What if some pervert picked you up off the street thinking that you were some local prostitute? What would you do then? What would I do? What would I do if that ever happened to you?! I would go insane if that happened to you! I swear, I can just kill you right now!"
Alex attempted to apologize but that only encouraged him to continue with his rather loud lecture.
"I've been looking everywhere for you! Everywhere I went, I looked! I looked in every store, every house, even sewers! Your as skinny as I don't know what and I am sure as hell that you would be able to fit your skinny ass into those manhole covers! I asked everyone in the neighborhood where you were but no one knew! You worried me to lengths unmeasured!"
"Michael-?!"
"Do you realize how scared I was?! How guilty I felt for being the reason that you left? I was so worried about you! I thought that I lost you for good," his voice grew hoarse from yelling and he could feel it break as he continued to softly speak, "I thought someone took you away from me... I thought you were gone..."
"Michael..."
Michael's head perked up in response to his name escaping her lips and he grasped her shoulders in a tight grip and shook her, "Don't you ever do that to me again, Alex. Do you hear me? Don't you ever scare me like that again!"
Alex slowly nodded her head and was slightly startled to find Michael embracing her body against his own. And to her surprise, Alex didn't pull away. Instead, she wrapped her arms what she was able to reach: his waist.
There were so many things that she wanted to say, so many things that she wanted to tell him, to confess to him. But out of all of the things she could have said in that moment, she only uttered three words that she would have never thought that she would ever direct towards him.
"I'm sorry, Michael..."
And then, within that moment, Michael said three words that he thought he would never have to say to he.
"I forgive you."
If only you could forgive me too...
Author's Chapter Notes:
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Chapter End Notes:
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