Alex sat on the edge of the back porch, looking out at the neatly kept rock garden. Her bare feet held onto the wood with sheer determination; the front halves hung off the edge, whilst her heels struggled for any traction. Her hands, fingers loosely tangled up, rested on top of her feet, nearly forced apart by the inexorably advancing ankles.
Staring blankly at the rocks and wondering what sort of peace they were meant to bring, Alex simply breathed deeply and let her long hair shift sluggishly in the wind. And then two hands settled onto her shoulders for a brief second, came together, and moved the gathered hair over Alex's right shoulder with a gentleness that, just at the moment, might have broken Alex just as easily as a raised hand.
The person sat behind her – Alex could feel the planks under her shift with the weight – and then a warm back was present and just barely touching the lower curve of Alex's.
Alex, holding onto her ankles with new determination, straightened her back and leaned it against the newcomer's with a wistful sort of smile.
"Hey you," the voice greeted.
"Hey, Janet," Alex greeted back.
"Your aunt told me that she's letting you stay," Janet said smiling inwardly, her eyes glistening once she felt Alex nod her head.
"Yeah. She's looking for some cheap hotels. That's why she dumped me here."
Janet giggled, "I see."
Silence.
"Why did you come back?" Janet asked.
"Hm?"
"I was asking why you came back. I mean, I thought you didn't want to have to see him again."
"I didn't."
"Then what made you come back?"
Alex's heels were slipping, and she hitched them up, wrapping her arms more securely around her knees, "Realization."
"Of what?"
"Of how I feel."
"For him?"
"Correct."
Janet's head leaned back to rest in the curve of Alex's neck, "And how exactly do you feel about him?"
Alex hummed thoughtfully, musing over her own inner thoughts but not necessarily thinking about them. She couldn't find an answer.
She shrugged, "I honestly don't know, Jan," she said laughing.
"Love is confusing," Janet remarked.
"I never said that it was love," Alex snapped but Janet knew that she was only being defensive, just like her older brother.
"And you never said that it was hate either."
Alex fell silent then beamed, "Then I suppose I'm neutral."
If only that were true...
Janet pulled away, rolling forward and taking first her head away from Alex's neck and then her back and then stood up altogether. The hands came back, pulling Alex's hair back over her shoulder to flare out across her back.
"You know," she began, twisting Alex's hair into a loose ponytail, "denying doesn't get anyone anywhere. It just keeps you away from the realization that needs to be realized."
Alex kept her eyes forward, not looking around and up at her.
"I know," Alex said and then, Janet left.
Alex's heels lost the battle and slipped over the edge of the wood, dropping until her legs were caught just behind the knees.
"Isn't she smart?" she asked the garden. "No solution to the equation and she can still say just enough to get you back to thinking."
Sighing, she struggled up to her feet and started her way inside, never once glancing back at the garden.
She stepped into the living room and padded towards the stairwell to make her way up to Janet's room to start a more casual conversation only to find herself stopping at the sound of her name being called.
She slowly turned, silently and secretly hoping that it was the person she thought it was.
"Michael…" she heard herself say, her gaze never leaving his.
As if a miracle, all of the bitter feelings she felt towards him completely vanished, not leaving a single trace of hatred or disgust behind. All she could see was Michael, standing there, hoping that this wasn't a dream, that this was real, that she was really standing there and that she wasn't an allusion or figment of his imagination.
Then, without another thought, Alex barreled into him, clinging to his neck with desperation and not wanting anything more than to just hold onto him until she grew limp. Michael welcomed her with open arms, still unsure whether he was dreaming or not.
"You came back," Michael whispered into her ear.
"Yeah, I did," she said.
Michael pushed away from her slightly to gaze down at her flustered face, "But why? I thought you wanted to leave."
Alex opened her mouth to respond to the once true statement only to find herself shutting her mouth with an audible snap. She attempted again by cracking her lips open and once a thought occurred in her mind, she smiled a wistful smile and simply replied, "I missed you."
Michael smiled through the tears he was bracing himself to (later) shed.
"I missed you too, gurl…" he said and he forcefully pulled her back into a warm embrace, "I'm so glad that you came back."
"Me too, Michael..."
They both heard footsteps approaching them and they both jolted in surprise to the sound, Michael instantly pulling away from Alex and leaving her blushing a light scarlet. They looked like two kids that were almost caught doing something wrong.
Katherine emerged into the room with a look of exasperation on her features but once she noticed the two flustered teens standing innocently in the center of the living room with their arms folded behind their back, a look of delight illuminated her features and a smile graced her lips.
"Has your auntie found you a place to stay yet?" Katherine gently asked.
Alex quickly shook her head, "No ma'am," she curtly said and Michael snickered, knowing that was embarrassed to have almost gotten caught hugging her "enemy".
Katherine hummed thoughtfully to herself and glanced over at the pair of suitcases at the front door that were waiting to be hauled away to their next destination. She looked back at the teens then back at the suitcases and then back at the teens again before smiling.
"Michael, how about you make yourself useful and bring the baby's things upstairs to Janet's room?"
Michael's brows furrowed in confusion to the request but he didn't show any restraint as he strolled over to the awaiting suitcases. Alex was struck with puzzlement as she watched Michael haul her suitcases up the stairs and stared after him until he was out of her line of vision. With a look of hopeless confusion, Alex whipped her head around to face Katherine.
"Mrs. Jackson-?!"
"I'll just get started with dinner," Katherine sighed propping her hands on her broad hips, "What would you like for dinner, Alex?"
"Whatever you would like to make but Mrs. Jackson-?!"
"I'm sure Janet will be able to help with the unpacking."
"But Mrs. Jackson-?!"
"In the meantime, you are more than welcome to stay here until you are back on your feet."
Alex's eyes flew wide open in shock at this, "No! I couldn't possibly— I really couldn't! Taking care of me in your own home... It's too much trouble!"
"I'm asking you to stay," Katherine slowly emphasized, "You're not being a bother. If I didn't want you here, I wouldn't have asked. Besides, where else would you go?"
Alex sighed in defeat, "I'll try not to be any trouble..."
"It's okay. Just be yourself and do things at your own pace. You'll fit right in."
Do things at my own pace, huh?
Alex mused over all the times she had overexerted herself when trying to get to her goal, like studying her textbooks from front to back all night in order to be prepared for every quiz or test that was to come, or like putting up with Michael's bullying in order to seem strong compared to other students and to strengthen her body or even like during track when she had literally overexerted herself by pushing herself too hard in order to beat some stranger's record. Doing things at her own pace was out of her vocabulary, out of the ordinary. To not be able to strive for better, to not push herself harder than necessary, it was foreign to her, impossible. How could she not prevent herself from doing such a thing? How could she stop striving towards perfection?
She had too many imperfections to not work for perfection. Everything needed to be perfected whether it was her I. Q., her grades, her social life, her private life, anything and everything had to be perfect, not a single spot or blemish. Simply perfection.
"Yes ma'am..." Alex murmuringly said, wondering how she would be able to commit herself to relaxing for once.
Katherine gently smiled at her and nodded, "Good. Now how about you go upstairs and settle in while I make dinner?"
Alex nodded at her and slowly turned her body to start her way up the stairs. Waiting for her behind the wall was both Janet and Michael who both darted out of view to avoid being seen by her.
Alex laughed, "I can see you two."
Embarrassed, they both emerged from behind the wall, both flustered and timid to have gotten caught.
There was silence.
"What did mother say to you?" Janet eagerly asked.
Before Alex could reply, Michael intervened, "No Janet. The question that should be asked is what did Alex say to her?"
Alex smiled and faced Janet, "To answer your question, Janet, she asked me to stay here," she shifted towards Michael, "and to answer your question, I agreed."
"So, you're like, living here-" Michael started.
"With us?" Janet finished.
"If you guys don't mind having me here, then yes."
Janet squealed in delight as she began to giddily hop up and down like a little schoolgirl with a new frilly dress. She barreled into Alex and embraced her with all her might, still hopping and squealing. Michael was happy as well but he only expressed his excitement through a simple tiny smile. On the inside, he was bouncing off the walls that kept him inside. He could have broken into flips if he wanted to.
"This is so great! You get to share a room with me! We're going to have so much fun! We can do each other's hair, have pillow fights, tell each other secrets— Ooh! I can tell you some embarrassing things about Michael! There was this one time when he was in this talent show at our old school and when he was dancing on the stage, the zipper to his pants was-?!"
The rest of her words were muffled by Michael's hands as he yanked her towards him. Alex simply stared, amused.
"She's lying," Michael said solemnly.
"Oh really? Then if she's lying, why are you so scared about what she might say?"
Michael blushed, "Because," he slowly said, pondering for an excusable lie, "... because it... scares me when she lies."
Smooth, Jackson.
"I see."
Janet struggled free from Michael's smothering hands and loudly gasped for air, panting heavily as she did so. She shot Michael a cold glare and turned towards Alex.
"I'll just tell you later."
"Janet!" Michael exclaimed.
"Chill, AppleHead. You're just upset because you want to share a room with Alex."
Michael jolted in surprise and blushed furiously at the remark, "What?! Janet, don't say stuff like that! You make it seem like I'm a pervert or something!"
Janet shook her head in shame, "I never thought that you would turn out to be such a lascivious brother."
"Janet-?!"
"You disgust me."
Michael snarled at her and Alex giggled.
"You two really are related to each other."
Both Janet and Michael looked up at Alex in confusion but soon enough, they were laughing along with her.
This all happened so fast. It feels like a dream, living in this house. It's all too good to be true. I hope my staying here doesn't cause them too much trouble.
Alex had always been used to the idea of eating someplace alone. Usually, back at her aunt's apartment, her uncle would eat in the living room where the TV was turned up to it's limited volume, buzzing with either news reports or sport broadcasters. Ross usually ate either outside on the roof or with his father in the living room and Kirk usually ate alone in his room. Aunt Becky would often be found eating at the dining room table and Alex was usually in her own room, enjoying her meal in silence.
Eating with people at a dining table was something she didn't find herself familiar too. And yet, she was gradually growing accustomed to it.
Having dinner at the Jackson household was quite carefree, having to hear the sound of cheerful chatter and the clanks of silverware gently coming into contact with fine china filling the room reminded Alex of the precious times she had eaten dinner with her own family, her parents.
"How's the food, Alex?" Katherine asked, jolting Alex out of her reverie with a start.
Blinking, she curtly replied with a tiny smile, "Great, thank you."
Katherine nodded at her, seeming convinced but not necessarily satisfied.
"It's been awhile since I've eaten food as good as this," Alex sweetly added.
Katherine beamed, "Oh really? Well then, I'm glad that you feel that way."
Alex smiled and glanced over at Janet who sat across from her and she gave her a quick thumbs and proceeded to eat her food. Over to her left, Michael was inwardly smiling, bowing his head slightly so that she wasn't able to see his eyes, the love and pride that they both held. Smiling, Alex continued to eat.
Suddenly, the front door slammed open and the clanks of silverware collapsing to the porcelain plates pierced Alex's ears. When she looked up, she had expected Janet or Katherine to have dropped their utensils but once she looked over at Michael, she was proved otherwise.
Michael had fell silent and his entire body seemed to tense up with every step that bounced off the walls. He was hovering over his plate in such a way that made him seem subdued. Alex thoughtfully watched him. It pained her to see him like this, so terrified, so helpless; she knew it would just make things worse to ask him.
Alex swept her gaze upwards to the man who had just emerged into the room. She froze for a moment, as if Death itself had found her, and then, she felt her body move on it's own volition. Her shoulders began to stoop, her head bowed, her eyes lowered, her heart pounded. In just a matter of seconds, that man had reduced her to nothing but a slave. She only acted that way whenever she was standing before her uncle. Having her body contort in such a way was something she was oddly familiar to.
"Welcome home, Joseph," Katherine said with a warm smile gracing her lips.
Joseph? Alex glanced up at said man and a spark of realization flashed in her eyes, Joseph. I've met him before...
Joseph nodded at Katherine and as he started his way towards the awaiting chair at the head of the table, Michael pushed his chair back, causing the feet of the piece of furniture to scrape against the floor and leave various scratches upon the surface.
"Excuse me," he said and he straightened himself up to leave but Joseph thought otherwise.
"Si'down, boy!" he shouted, his voice as craggy and as decrepit as the rest of him.
Michael reluctantly settled himself back in his chair, slowly scooting his chair closer to the table and proceeded to pick at his food.
The entire table fell silent.
"Who are you?" Joseph abruptly asked.
Alex stared at him, drinking in his form. He sat stiffly at a slight forward tilt, looking to only be a light breeze away from falling and breaking into a thousand pieces. The creased, ancient features which had long ago been claimed by wrinkles wore an expression of extreme distaste and disinterest. He didn't seem like someone who should be feared but he did seem well-respected.
Alex forced a smile, "Alex Avery, sir."
"Mr. Jackson," he coldly corrected, "Call me Mr. Jackson."
"Yes, Mr. Jackson. I apologize for the misnaming."
Joseph harrumphed, "You go to Charington?"
"Yes, Mr. Jackson, I do."
"How did you get in?"
Alex's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, "What do you mean, Mr. Jackson?"
"How did someone like you get into the school?"
Someone like me? Oh Lord, help me now...
"Just like every other student, Mr. Jackson," Alex calmly replied.
"Every other student was able to pay for it," he enunciated, "How were you able to get in?"
Alex felt her face flare with anger, "What do you mean how was I able to-?!"
"She got in on a scholarship," a voice abruptly sputtered.
All heads whipped around to face the owner of the voice.
"She got in on a scholarship, that's all," Michael murmuringly said. His voice was shaky and breaking slightly, as if he were on the verge of tears. Joseph shifted in his chair so that his front was facing Michael.
"Am I talking to you, boy?" he asked.
Michael's head inched lower, "No, Joseph..."
Joseph flipped his plate over with rage and through her peripherals, Alex saw Janet jolt in surprise and Katherine winced.
"Then why are you talking?!" Joseph furiously shouted.
"I was just-?!"
"Just what?" Joseph pressed.
"He was just answering for her," Janet hastily replied.
All eyes darted towards her.
Joseph shot Janet a cold glare, "That girl got a mouth. She was just speaking to me. She can speak for herself!"
"He was just answering for me, Mr. Jackson," Alex slowly drawled out, "There's no need to get mad about it."
Joseph turned to Alex, "I'm just about this close to kicking you outta here," he warned holding up about an inch of a gap between his index finger and thumb.
"What size shoe are you?"
Joseph shot up to his feet and instinctively, Michael's hand grasped Alex's. He was panting heavily as if he had just ran a marathon and judging by his pale features, he was petrified of what may come.
Joseph accusingly pointed an arthritic finger at Alex with a look of demented anger but he said nothing. He stormed out of the room in a fit of rage and the only thing that could be heard was the sound of his shoes stomping up the stairs and the slam of one of the doors in the hallway.
Alex scanned her eyes across the table at Janet, who was staring in shock of her and then looked over at Katherine who instantly cocked her head forward to avoid eye contact with her. Alex looked over at Michael. His breathing was shallow, no longer audible and the color in his face was beginning to fade back into it's original shade.
Slowly, Michael pulled his hand away from Alex's, blushing all the while.
At that moment, Alex began to wonder about the family. What happened to the almighty Michael she used to know, the one who wasn't afraid of anybody, the one who would knock all of your teeth out if you looked at him the wrong way, the one who bullied a "commoner", knowing good and well that she didn't have any money to give and not giving a rat's ass about it? What happened to the opinionated Janet, the one who wasn't afraid to express her mind, the one who spoke out her thoughts without hesitation? She had barely spoke a word when Joseph had came in. And in the midst of it all, there was Katherine who had said nothing at all as if her own fear had taken away her ability to speak.
What happened to those people? What happened to the personalities Alex had come to know and love? What happened to them?
Alex muttered something and Michael looked down at his empty plate and suddenly, Alex felt as if she were sitting with three people she no longer knew.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Enjoy peoples!
Chapter End Notes:
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