Abandoned. The word kept repeating over and over again within Alex's mind. She sat on the ground with her back to the brick wall of the track building. She was on the northern part of the building, away from the track field, so far that she wasn't able to hear as the others began to practice for next weeks' competition.
Alex was skipping practice today, because she had found no reason for her to be there. There was no reason for her to practice track again, though Alex still had her track bag sitting next to her. She had hoped that maybe, just maybe, she would feel the urge to go to practice.
Alex could not summon up the urge though. She just wanted to sit up against the crumbling wall, tilt her head back and stare at the motionless clouds. That cloud looked like a turtle, that cloud looked like a pirate ship, and that cloud looked like the same exact car that had whisked Michael away to Indiana!
"Damn classes," Alex muttered, closing her eyes so that she would no longer have to see the clouds.
It hurt Alex that Michael had still gone away without her. Her heart hurt the worst though, a knifing pain that not even Leonce's company could cure.
"Hey." A broad white shoe nudged her knee. Blinking her eyes open, Alex glanced upward, momentarily blinded by the sun engulfing the other. "I've been looking for you."
"Well, now you've found me," Alex spoke monotonously, not even bothering to try and conjure up the false cheer as she stared out across the vast monochrome view that became marbled with green at the edge of the horizon, "At least someone decided to look for me since a certain somebody decided to follow his dreams and didn't even think twice about the certain somebody that he was leaving behind."
"Whoa whoa whoa, slow down there." Bruno knelt down next to her, shrinking his tall form into something that was huddled up against the wall, "I suppose you do have a reason to be angry. Never thought you'd take it out on me though but I digress." Laughing, Bruno ran a hand through his hair.
"Sorry," Alex murmured, glancing away from the others bright eyes, "I'm just a bit upset about the leave and all."
"The leave? You mean Michael moving back to Indiana?"
"Visiting," Alex emphasized, "He's only visiting. He's not staying there. He'll come back. He promised."
"I sure hope so," Monica said as she was walking towards them, "You being so sad makes me uneasy. I feel like you're about to commit suicide at any time."
"I'm not sad." As opposed to laughing, she only sank deeper into her depression. But she still made a failed attempt of a chuckle, which came out sounding as hollow as her heart. Knowing that they would suspect something, she quickly turned it into a cough.
"Really? You still seem hung up on him to me," Monica said matter-of-factly.
"No, not really. I'm just a bit worried about him," Alex replied with a shrug of her shoulders.
"Alex, come on. You can't be as blind as you pretend to be," Bruno said stifling his laughter, "Michael is in love with you. Madly."
"It doesn't matter, I don't love him back," Alex grudgingly said and the harshness in her voice made Monica's heart wrench with pity and sorrow.
"He's not going to wait around forever," Monica quietly remarked.
"What happened to you not liking him?" Alex demanded, tired of everyone telling her that she was stupid, that she was blind to her own feelings. Of course she knew about Michael's feelings, but that didn't mean she could do anything about them or him. All she could do was feel the way she wanted to feel. She couldn't (nor wouldn't) want to have feelings for Michael in such an affectionate way. Not after he had put her through that hell.
"I don't like him," Monica calmly said, "But I can see how much he loves you and how he would do anything for you. For you, Michael is one of the good guys you've been looking for."
"I hate to agree with Monica," Bruno said and received himself a cold death glare from his girlfriend and a slap to the shoulder, "but its true. I hate Michael just as much as the next guy but the way he cares for you is incredible. I've never seen anything like it." Alex turned to stare at him as if he were crazy.
"You too?" Alex demanded.
"I'm sorry but yes. Under any other circumstances, I would never defend Michael. But I know how he feels about you. Hell, the entire world knows how he feels about you (even the reviewers). Maybe you should just give him a shot," he suggested softly. Alex stared between her two best friends, unsure of how to respond to them.
Give Michael a chance? Give Michael a chance! Alex inwardly exclaimed, Give the person who had beaten me to levels beyond measure, wore down my bones to the core, internally damaged my very being, reduced me to nothing but a filthy rag, lowered my self-esteem to zero, a chance?! Why would I ever do that?!
"Why, of all people, should I give him a chance? He has done nothing but hurt me ever since I got here."
"Think about it," Monica said.
"Think really, really hard," Bruno added.
Alex pondered for a brief moment, "I am but nothing's coming up."
"I'm serious, Alex. That guy's been treating you right. He had his days."
"Name me one."
"Remember those times during your first week of school when you had to pay him money in order for him to "soften up" on you?" Monica asked.
Alex winced visibly but passed it as a blink. Thinking about those days still made her hurt. "Yeah. So what? He still beat the crap out of me."
"Do you remember that one day when you owed him twenty dollars and when you saw me in the hallway, you thought it was mine?" Monica asked.
Alex nodded, "Yeah. So?"
"Well, it wasn't. It was his, Michael's," Alex's breathing hitched, "I saw him toss it in front of you in the hallway."
Alex's eyes flew wide open in shock, What? There's no way he could have done that. There's no way...
"Hey, I remember that too," Bruno grinned, "He didn't want to have to beat you up that day. He was already starting to feel guilty about it."
"And what about that one time when you told me that you were in the cemetery and he stayed with you until you stopped crying?" Monica asked kneeling down in front of Alex so that they were at the same eye level but Alex refused to look up at her. "You can't tell me that that wasn't sweet of him to do that. He didn't have to, you know."
Alex frowned, That's when it all started...
"And when he saved you from the boys who were beating you up after he came from boxing practice. He could have just left you there alone to die but he decided to help you."
"Because he loves you," Monica added.
"And how about that pretty little necklace you never take off?" Bruno asked throwing a vague gesture towards the piece of jewelry around her neck.
Alex instinctively touched the 'A' charm clasped on the glistening silver chain. It was true. Ever since Michael had given her the necklace, she had never taken it off (except for when she was showering and whenever she did take it off, she would feel a sensation of emptiness that could only be filled with Michael's presence). It was a possession of hers that she cherished deeply, more than anything. It meant so much to her. Throughout her days in school, she would sometimes feel bits of Michael spilling from the charm into her heart, giving her the strength to go on.
"It seems important to you," Bruno said jolting Alex out of her reverie with a start.
"It's not," she sputtered.
"Then may I take a look at it?" Bruno asked reaching a hand out to touch it but Alex instantly jolted back.
"You can look but you can't touch."
"And why not?"
"Because it's... meaningful to me," Alex slowly said.
"Meaningful how?"
"Because Michael gave it to me!" Alex practically shouted and her voice resonated throughout the area and back into their eardrums.
Bruno grinned triumphantly, "Exactly."
Monica smiled tenderly, "You see, Alex? You do like Michael. You probably even-?!"
Alex held up a hand to silence her, "Don't you dare say it!"
"r13;love him!" Bruno finished.
"Shut up!"
"Michael and Alex sitting in the tree!" Bruno obnoxiously sang and Monica joined in, giggling all the while, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Mikey Jr. in the baby carriage!"
"I am not in love with Michael and I am not gonna have his babies!" Alex shouted.
Both Monica and Bruno laughed in amusement at her stubbornness. Glowering in frustration, Alex shot up to her feet and stormed off into the opposite direction, gathering up enough patience and self-control to ignore the distant giddy voices calling after her.
She was too pissed to turn around.
I don't like Michael. I don't like Michael. I hate him! I hate him! I hate him! I hate Michael!
She really didn't like Michael. But once she got to thinking...
Dammit. They're right. I probably don't like him. I probably...
"Shit!" Alex shouted and her fist shot out in front of her only to collide with the brick wall of the track building and the intense pain that enveloped her knuckles had no effect on her. She was in too blind of a rage to even notice.
Okay, so she had it bad. But it's not like she would ever admit it, or the fact that she was in love with him. She would always try to find an excuse to be close with Michael.
'He stole my homework.'
'He needed to tell me something.'
'He was asking for change.'
'He was doing CPR.'
Those were her known (and only) reasons. Even though everyone knew about her and Michael, she would ultimately deny it. They would always tease her, but she would either ignore it, or deny it. Yeah, the girl had it bad. I mean; they were destined to be together for Christ's sake! Still, she felt like a complete idiot to fall for Michael, of all people. But no, she denies it every chance she gets. Anyways, he never showed any sort of emotion towards her that would make her think that he was interested in that way. The thing was, she just didn't see how they could be together, at least, not after all they had been through.
I hate this.
Night had came all too quickly for Alex. The stars glittered above in the midnight blue sky. The full bright moon glowed happily, smiling down at the park below that was blanketed with a silver blue sheet. Tonight was a beautiful night. It was tranquil and beautiful. Even the fireflies enjoyed the calm aura that the night was giving off.
And Alex was going to enjoy while she could.
Alex was sitting on the bench with her knees pulled to her chest and her chin resting on top of them. Her beaming face had a smile plastered on it, her toes wiggling over the ledge of the creaking bench.
She let out a small laugh as a firefly used her arm as its new perch. It's wings fluttered and it's light flickered. Just like how she felt whenever she was close to Michael. Her heart would stop then flutter with hope and happiness. It was a really good feeling…
Alex watched as the firefly bulb gave a last flash of light, and then flew off with it's friends. The sixteen year old raven-head followed the fly with her own bright eyes. The gleaming flies flew around in flickering lights. Her eyes blinked in surprise. Standing just a few feet away from her was her friend (er, boyfriend) Leonce. He offered her a warm smile.
Alex missed him so much. She missed that warm loving smile that he always gave to her an her alone. But… something was off… and no, it wasn't him, it was her. Where was that intense warm feeling that she would always receive whenever she was around him?
"I knew I'd find you here," Leonce chuckled. She was too adorable for her own good sometimes.
Leonce took the vacant spot next to her and copied her position. Alex smiled at him then turned her attention to the swaying swings. She was confused. Very confused. She didn't feel her cheeks heat up when he had sat next to her. Her heart didn't leap when she heard his melodic voice. Something was wrong. Where were those feelings that Alex always felt whenever he was around…
"Why didn't you come to track practice, cherrie?" Leonce asked, "I was worried."
"I wasn't feeling well," Alex said.
Horror claimed Leonce's features, "Are you feeling sick, cherrie? Do you have a fever?"
He pressed the back of his hand to Alex's forehead to make certain thar it wasn't hot and once he was content with the warmth spreading across his skin, he pulled his hand away.
"Your head is warm," he said.
"I'm not sick."
"Then what's wrong?"
Alex sighed sadly and averted her gaze down at the ground to watch the tiny silhouettes of ants marching in a line on the cement. Leonce sighed as well and crestfallen, he decided to stare at his shoes.
There was an awkward pause.
"Can I ask you something?" Leonce asked.
"Sure. What is it?" Alex released her legs.
"It's about that boy, Michael… Do you… by any chance…like him, Alex? As more than a friend?" Leonce looked up at her with curious eyes.
Alex felt her stomach lurch quite painfully. She could feel her face grow considerably warm at the sound of his name. She let out a nervous chuckle. Boy was it getting hot…
"M-me? Like Michael? As more than a friend?" Alex continued to laugh nervously. "That's ridiculous Leonce!"
Okay. Now something was really wrong with her. Her face felt hot and she was stuttering like an idiot. Not to mention the fact that she was laughing nervously as if she had done something wrong. And it was for Michael! What was going on? Could she possibly…
No. Not again.
"Oh yes. Ridiculous. Very ridiculous," Leonce said nervously chuckling, shaking his head in spite of his question, "I apologize for not thinking before I spoke."
"It's nothing, really. It was just a mistake."
A quite unforgivable one at that.
"Yes, of course. But cherrie, I am very concerned of the closeness you two share. I mean, he seems awfully protective of you."
Alex fanned off his concern, "He's not, really. He's just... very possessive."
"Then I have nothing to worry about, yes?" Leonce asked with a hopeful smile.
"Nothing at all," Alex assured.
Leonce sighed in relief, "Thank goodness. I was afraid that I had competition to compete with. I would have been sure to lose."
Alex smiled as she looked down at her feet. Her toes were curled up from embarrassment. Leonce was really jealous? Bah! What should he be jealous about? He had everything going for him. He was handsome, insanely wealthy, had great grades and even balanced his studies out with his extra-curricular activities. Michael just seemed to be there. He didn't really join any clubs and Alex was pretty certain that he didn't do anything but stay at home outside of school. The only hobby Michael practiced that Alex knew of was him beating up on her.
Leonce has nothing to worry about. Alex thought, Michael shouldn't either. All who I am really worried about is myself. Who do I really like? If I like who I think I like, I think I'm going to kill myself. Not because I had let myself so helplessly fall in love with a guy like that so suddenly but for letting my guard down by allowing myself to have such feelings towards the one I'm supposed to hate...
Author's Chapter Notes:
Enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
Don't forget to review and suggestions are welcomed (in fact, they are encouraged). Having Michael and Alex kiss, Michael moving back or anything of that nature allowed (that will happen some other time that's not now)