When Michael slept, he usually took over the entire bed. He would often shift onto his sides then sleep on his belly with his legs and arms sprawled across the mattress. Sometimes, he still somehow managed to be everywhere at once. He rarely slept on his back unless he had had a rough day and was too sore to move once he had fallen asleep. He snored often too. It was a low snore, barely audible, more of an occasional snort followed by little bursts of breath, always more than two but never more than five. If he was dreaming, he was quiet save for his even breathing and, depending on what type of dream, a whimper or a moan. It wasn't often anymore that he whined in his sleep, the signal meaning that he was having a bad dream. If he did so happen to have a nightmare, he would tend to hold his pillow against his chest and bury his face into it while he shuddered and made soft whining noises that often made Janet want to escape her own nightmare to come to his aid.
That night was one of those nights.
Janet hastily clambered out of bed and rushed next door to her older brother's bedroom to see him in that pitiful position; his trembling arms were cradling his pillow to his pounding chest and his face was buried into it. This particular night wasn't like the others.
Instead of whimpering or moaning, he was sobbing, very quietly, almost as if he were trying to muffle it in an attempt to avoid attention. Unfortunately, it was a failed effort.
She sat on his bedside and ran her stubby fingers through his hair, silencing him almost instantly. She then began to silently listen to his snores as she watched him sleep.
"Alex..." he murmured, "I'm so sor..." and there went the occasional snore, which made Janet smile faintly.
Looks like he's dreaming of her again...
Michael began to shift onto his back and Janet snatched her hand away from his disheveled hair as he did so and his inaudible murmuring continued wearily.
"Alex... Don't leave yet... I have to tell you... I..." he began to murmur more inaudible words under his breath as his brows furrowed in somewhat confusion, "Not him..."
Janet sighed, He's having a nightmare...
Janet gently shook Michael on the shoulder and he jolted upright in surprise with a start to the sudden contact, his eyes wildly darting about his dim surroundings and soon enough shifting down to Janet who was smiling all the while at his state of panic.
Michael groaned, "Don't do that, Janet. You scared the shit out of me." He threw the blankets over his body and shifted onto his side so that his back was facing Janet.
"You were having a nightmare about Leonce," she replied, smiling sadly. Michael scowled at the name.
"What makes you say that?" he asked pretending as if he weren't dreaming of the stupid and rather inhumanly observant mime.
"Who else could 'him' be?" Janet asked teasingly.
Michael pondered, "'Him' could be anybody."
"Or just that somebody."
Michael pouted once he realized that he didn't have a witty comeback to throw back at her. Sighing, he simply decided not to retort.
"He's haunting me. I just know it," Michael concluded childishly as his face snuggled closer to the warmth of his pillow.
Janet giggled, "I don't think a human being can haunt anybody."
"He makes it possible," he grumbled.
"Or maybe you're just thinking about him too much," Janet shot back.
"I ain't trying to think about that French bastard," Michael snapped.
"I know. You're trying to think about somebody else."
"Who? Alex?" (No duh!)
"Well, duh! We know that."
"We? As in...?"
Janet grinned, "Me and Alex, of course."
Michael jolted upright and peered about the room in search for one particular person only to find that Janet was the only other person in the room with him. He scowled.
"Chill, AppleHead. Alex isn't even here."
Michael shot Janet a cold glare, "Don't play with me like that, Dunk."
"It's so obvious that you like her. I wonder why she can't see that..."
"It's because she thinks too hard about things," Michael replied as he plopped himself down on the mountain of pillows beneath him, folding his arms behind his head and shifting his gaze up to the bleary ceiling, "Ask her how the weather was and she will recite the entire weather report from the news channel without a single mistake. If she does make one, it was on purpose so that others wouldn't think that she was too observant."
Janet cocked a brow, "And she's the observant one?"
Michael shot her a glare but said nothing.
Janet drawled out a sigh, "I'm just teasing you."
"I know. I'm not worried about that."
"Then what are you worried about?"
Michael was reluctant to reply, "Her feelings."
"What do you mean?"
Michael shifted so that his back was facing Janet once more, "I'm afraid of how she feels about me. After all I put her through, she probably hates me by now, I know she does."
"She doesn't. Trust me," Janet assured.
"Why should I?" Michael snapped coldly.
Janet winced, "Have I ever given you any reason not to?"
Michael paused briefly, "I guess not..."
"Then trust me." She leaned down to his ear as if she were about to whisper something very sacred to him and to Michael, the next words that she had uttered was like something that should never be repeated ever again, "In spite of everything, she still likes you, Michael. She likes you, very, very much."
As Janet started her way out of the room, Michael shifted onto his back and wistfully stared after his wise little sister until she was out of his line of vision and was met by the door that had closed shut with a gentle click, blanketing his room with darkness.
How does she know that? How does she know how Alex feels about me? She barely even knows her. Hell, they don't even see each other enough to know the other's phone number! So how in the hell could she identify her feelings for me? That just doesn't make any sense to me... Does she make it look as obvious as I do?
Everyday, Michael would wonder when he would stop tormenting himself and finally tell Alex how he felt about her. He needed to tell her that he only bullied her to get her attention, even if it was the negative kind. He never knew how to be sweet and flirtatious like Bruno because he had grown up with a bitter, abusive man for a father. No one ever really cared for him except for Katherine and Janet.
He loved Alec with all of his heart. And he would do anything for her.
He had helped her with her problems which included staying by her side until she decided to stop crying, not even giving a rat's ass about anyone else's opinion.
He did it for Alex. As much as it didn't show, she made him want to become a better person, made him feel like he could actually be someone...
But he didn't dare let anyone know about that. His reputation of being tough and reckless would have been destroyed if he actually started being nice to her. He couldn't risk that. Without being a bully, who was he? Who was the real Michael?
He wanted to be someone who was funny, sweet, and lovable. Someone that everyone wanted to be like, look up to. Someone like Leonce. Which was why he hated the boys guts. Leonce knew how to get Alex's attention positively. Michael wanted to be able to do something like that, to just glance up and instantly be caught under her gaze. That's how he wanted their relationship to be.
That's it. I have to do it. I have to tell Alex how I feel. Screw my reputation.
Determined, Michael swaggered down the hall, searching the hall for a familiar heart-shaped face. Just as he expected, he saw Alex all alone, getting her books out of her locker. That was the perfect chance to tell her that he loved her.
He started to trudge towards her but he suddenly stopped, mentally scolding himself.
What am I thinking? He thought, I just can't waltz up to her and vent about my feelings for her!
She was Alex, the girl that he always messed with, his personal punching bag. If he didn't bully Alex, then everyone would think that he was going soft and that he actually cared for her.
At the very last minute, Michael decided to stick to the regular routine; he bumped into her on purpose and knocked all of her books out of her hands. Shooting him a weary glare, Alex bent down to pick up her books as Michael shared a laugh with those who had witnessed the assault.
As soon as Michael turned the corner of the hallway, he pressed himself against the lockers and heaved a shaky sigh.
"Why do I always have to torture her?" he asked.
Mike, you have to man up. Stop being a wuss and tell her how you feel already!
The guilt overwhelmed him and so did his love for Alex. He forced himself to walk back around the hallway. He was going to apologize for all of the misery he had caused her and then tell her the real reason why he had been treating her so badly.
When he turned the corner though, he stopped short in his tracks.
Alex was talking to Leonce.
He couldn't hear exactly what they were saying but he heard her laugh at whatever Leonce was saying. Then, he offered to walk her to homeroom. Michael watched in defeat as Alex and Leonce walk past him without saying anything to him or even acknowledging his mere presence. He felt hurt that she didn't even nod into his direction or bother to say hello. His hurt faded into oblivion and jealousy seeped into his heart.
Michael fumed, Damn mime!
Michael groaned as he stormed down the hallway past a particular trio that stared in shock after him.
"Gee. Michael seems pretty mad," Monica murmured under her breath.
"Yeah. He looks pissed," Bruno added.
"Wonder what's up with him."
Tatiana shrugged, "It's probably nothing that he can't handle."
"But he seems so..." Monica paused briefly, "...broken..."
Bruno nodded in agreement, "Touché. You think it has something to do with Alex?"
"Most likely. That girl does wonders to him," Tatiana remarked with a hint of sarcasm.
"No shit," Bruno muttered under his breath, receiving himself a sharp nudge to the side from his nagging girlfriend.
"I told you to watch your language," she remarked scoldingly wagging a slender finger at him.
"It slipped," he curtly said.
"And I also already told you to think before you speak."
"I told you that it slipped."
Tatiana smiled in awe at the bickering couple then glanced over at Michael to see that he had just struck a locker with his fist. She winced.
She didn't want to have to admit it but she actually felt sorry for the guy. He was fuming with so much anger and yet, he looked so miserable to be living the life that he was in.
Alex must have really broke him this time... Tatiana thought frowning.
"Guys, we should do something to help him," Tatiana suggested.
The couple's argument ceased almost instantly as they turned to face her.
"Help Michael?" Bruno questioned.
"Yeah. I mean, he looks so sad, you know? It's kind of depressing to me."
"I know but why are you concerned about him?" Tatiana remained silent, "Don't tell me you still like him."
Tatiana blinked rapidly as she uncomfortably shifted her weight from side to side, her thin alabaster arms slowly crossing over her chest as she opened her mouth to reply only to be cut off by Bruno's semi-interrogational voice.
"You still like him, don't you?"
"I'm just concerned about him, is all," said Tatiana, looking as guilty as ever.
"You still like him," Bruno declared.
"I don't like him!" Tatiana shouted furiously as she stamped her foot against the marble floor, leaving a slight dent caused by her two inch heels.
"Tati and Mikey sitting in the tree!" Bruno obnoxiously sang, "K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Mikey Jr. in the baby carriage!"
Tatiana flushed, "What are you? Five?!"
"Nope. Just stating the obvious."
Tatiana shot him a cold glare, "Well, I'm about to state my foot up your ass-?!"
"Are you two done acting like a bunch of kids?" Monica demanded, "This is about Michael here. Can we focus on him for a few minutes before we start making false accusations?"
The arguing duo shot each other a glare before shifting their softened gazes onto Monica's solemn face.
"We're done," Tatiana assured.
"Yeah. We're good now."
"Good. Now, how do we help Michael out with Alex?" Monica asked.
"Let's get him jealous," Tatiana suggested.
Monica giggled nervously, "I think we go that covered," she said remembering the look of envy on Michael's face as he watched Leonce and Alex walk off to their homeroom.
"I mean more jealous. Like, we could pair Alex up with someone that Michael hates. Someone like-?!"
"Leonce!" Bruno exclaimed.
"Yeah, him. Maybe Leonce could ask Alex out on a date in front of Michael and get him jealous. Maybe he would actually do something to show that he cares about her."
Monica grinned, "That could work."
"Yeah but Leonce barely got to this school. He can't just ask her out out of the blue," Bruno remarked.
"Then we should convince him," Tatiana said.
"Or Bruno," both Bruno and Tatiana whirled around to face Monica and she blanched considerably, "I mean, he is a guy after all. Wouldn't that be easier than a girl asking a guy to ask another girl out?"
Tatiana and Bruno exchanged looks with each other before nodding at Monica.
"That could work," Bruno said and Monica sighed in relief.
"Great. Then, it's a plan. Somebody's life is going to change."
Michael plopped himself down in his assigned seat in his homeroom, his scowl still outwardly present on his face, only to harden when he glanced back at Alex to find that she was not only laughing but she was laughing with Leonce as well. Leonce was sitting on her desk, teasing her about something Michael didn't care about and telling a joke that Michael could have sworn wasn't the least bit funny.
I tease her and she never laughs like that. What does he say that I don't?
Leonce laughed even harder once Alex told him one of her jokes and Michael found the sound awfully annoying and childishly mocked his laugh by doing his own impersonation of the nasal-like, honking noise. Several students around him noticed but knew not to question his peculiar behavior.
"You are very funny, Alex," Leonce said grinning cheekily.
"Thanks."
"I'm glad to know that you have a sense of humor. I would love to know more about you. How about I take you out on a date Friday night?"
Silence fell over the room.
"A date?" she inquired.
"A date," Leonce declared.
A date! I mentally exclaimed, What the hell do you have to go out on a date with her for?!
"Why?" she asked.
"To get to know you better," he replied softly, looking a little discouraged that she asked why instead of saying yes or no.
To get to know her better! You get to know them first before you go out on a date with them, dumbass! Everybody knows that!
"This Friday?" she croaked.
He nodded, "Oui, cherrie. This Friday."
Say no. Say no. Say no!
Alex seemed reluctant to agree to the invitation, her lips parting ever so slightly and then shutting with an audible snap.
"I guess..." she replied murmuringly.
Dammit. Dammit. Dammit!
"Wonderful. I'll pick you up at seven, yes?"
"Sure..."
As if on cue, the bell sounded and Leonce hopped off her desk to sit beside her and the look of disappointment on her face outwardly showed just how uncomfortable she felt being beside him. She glanced up at Michael briefly and he held her pleading gaze for a moment before whipping his head around to face the board.
He didn't know what to do. He didn't know whether to scream out in agony of the pain in his heart or to stomp towards Leonce and bash his face into the floor. Mixed emotions were welling up inside of him, never seeming to reduce or cease. He was fuming with rage, aching with pain, drowning in his own puddle of misery all at the same time. He felt like such a wuss for not being able to object to Leonce's offer and declaring his love for Alex. He was too afraid to express his own feelings out in public. He was too afraid of the outcome.
I'm not ashamed. He told himself, I'm just afraid of what will happen. What if she rejects me? She would laugh in my face if I ever tried to love her. I would never hear the end of it. I'd rather have her not know my feelings than for her to reject them. It's risking too much for the both of us. Besides, she deserves better than me. She deserves Leonce after all I put her through...
Author's Chapter Notes:
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Chapter End Notes:
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