[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 02:19 pm Title: Chapter 6
And the plot thickens.
So, there was some "buddy" action going on with Diane. My thought is, who thinks a woman with a child, who is financially dependent on you, is okay with a relationship with out a clear definition? Especially when she refers to him as being a better father to her child than the bio dad and he is so close to her child?
Michael, Michael, Michael. SMH. I want to know what went down the last time they saw each other. There must be more to this.
And how is Malania going to get off the property unnoticed, with so many members of the press around? Not to mention, the possible return of Beth?
Loving this story!
[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 02:18 pm Title: Chapter 5
K. Commenting as I go. If it doesn't make sense or sounds like I'm jumping around, http://cdn3.sbnation.com/imported_as...crubs-XgR3.gif
I'm so excited to hear Malania's POV. She's been such a mystery that I wanted to know more, and now we get to! I like her honesty...I can't imagine just sitting in front of Michael, gushing. I can't relate to anyone doing that. I may compliment a few times, but then my sarcasm and/or bluntness kicks in. Side note: as it stands, I'm feelin' Malania's character. Rarely can I relate to an OG like I can relate to her and what she says/thinks.
As to Beth, I'm a little confused. So, she's willing to go to Mexico City, but can't brave a night outside his home? I mean, the security are right there...I'd expect some kind of a response, eventually. If not from him, from his mom.
Damn you for making me think so much about the accusations and what it was like for him. I really wonder how many people contacted him. I'm surprised that Liz hasn't dropped in, yet. It's just...heartbreaking. It reminds me why I completely trust very few people.
I can't wait to see what will happen in the morning. I wonder if Beth will come back while Malania is still in the guest house?
[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 02:17 pm Title: Chapter 4
Jeez. I come back from a meeting only to find another gift. Keep this up and I may overcome my avoidance of work meetings.
Diane: How did I guess that Michael had turned down her advances? You are really playing on my feelings towards the past IRL accusations.
Joseph: This Joseph has me tripping out. When he was referred to as "dad", I about choked. This makes me wonder what he was like during the trial....
Malania: yayyy she's back. I've been hoping that she'd be the lead. I'm so used to stories being told from a third person perspective or OG perspective, that having Michael be the lead is throwing me a bit. Will you be alternating perspectives in the future? I am definitely enjoying it being from MJ's perspective 
Michael: His invitation for Malania to come in? I think I melted. He still managed to be thoughtful even in his most trying times.
So a few minutes with this girl and he's preparing to eat and drink? 
Thank you for another great update!
[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 02:16 pm Title: Chapter 3
I still can't get over the fact that there have already been at least 2 characters in which you've stated that that was the last time Michael "ever saw" them. It's just so...ominous...and intriguing. That no one notified Michael of his flight just filled me with a sense of loneliness. How quickly the cracks grow when the pressure gets turned up.
Having him contact his father was an unusual twist. I like how you stayed true to the awkwardness in that relationship, while still gently humanizing Joseph.
Okay, this Diane and Casey. I've had a sickening feeling since you first brought up their names, but now? It's being replaced by a sickening, 
-y, feeling.
This just all feels so isolating, and I don't really know who to look to for the reason. On the one hand, he's doing it to himself by not allowing visitors (apart from Mercedes) and on the other, I wonder what kinds of friends would not be trying to call him or provide support.... and frankly? You are being a tease 
There's so much that I want to know that you aren't allowing us to know at this point. I'm sitting here trying to guess a bunch of stuff. I'm assuming it is the Dangerous tour, but I didn't think he was ever arrested. So, I assume you are taking creative liberty (take 'em). I'm also wondering who is trying to get a hold of him and why he doesn't see Rosa or Larry again. Then, of course, the female lead comes into question. Malania? Lisa? (I beg of you not to make the lead be LMP! My love for her is....severely limited).
Ugh. On the one hand, I love your writing as half the time I feel like each chapter leaves me with more questions than the previous chapter ending....and on the other? I want answers, now!
Can't wait until you update
[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 02:15 pm Title: Chapter 2
Your writing has really matured over the years and the content is noticeably riskier.
What an ominous ending to the chapter! I was already trying to balance which chick was going to be the "main" (Rosa vs Malania) and then you threw in that final twist?! Please update soon!
[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 02:15 pm Title: Chapter 1
I'm SO glad that you are posting this here! El comentario:
I love that you started out from his POV. That's a tough and risky perspective to start off with, but you did it well. I think you conveyed his pain richly, beautifully, and realistically. The sadness in this prologue is palpable. I'm very curious (and excited!) as to where you are going to go with this.
I particularly liked this line:
…Or maybe I did? I wasn’t entirely clear on whose fault it was.
That could be a thesis in and of itself.