Date: Feb 26, 2015 11:35 am Title: Chapter 4: An Epiphany
I'd not let him get off that easy. And he keeps telling her he was bored, that she was his go-to when he was bored. I wouldn't be taking that... haha. I hate it when girls let a guy treat them like an option...
In a perfect world though, it would be hard to get mad at Michael.... but I reckon she could be slightly more fiesty with him.
Author's Response:
True, but also, at this point they'd only met twice. Really only once, if you don't count the few minutes they talked after the first concert. You could hardly be pissed at Michael Jackson for not calling you. He's still Michael Jackson at this point. I'd be pissy until the second he called me, and then I'd go right back to him. Which is shitty, but the undeniable truth, I think,..
(but he totally is a dick for saying he was just bored. boooooooo)
Date: Feb 26, 2015 11:33 am Title: Chapter 5: Chinese Food
I feel tense every time she lies to Janelle. I don't like it... I'm too honest, I could never do it to a friend lol... it makes me hate her a little bit... sisters before misters... exactly... I dont even think I'd be able to keep him to myself. lol.
Something is going to give soon, I know it!
Author's Response:
I agree! I could NEVER! Or, I hope I could never...but then again, I think a lot of people would do things that they wouldn't normally when it comes to Michael. Don't worry! There's reconciliation!
[Report This]Date: Feb 23, 2015 09:44 pm Title: Chapter 30: Sink or Swim PT. 1
Yay! New chapter! I get so happy when I see you've updated :)
Michael continues to be the strong anchor in this chapter with his decision to forgo taking painkillers in order to be fully present for Julia. It speaks volumes about his character that he put her well-being above his own. Good job, Mike!
Ah, I was wondering when Michael's religious upbringing would be brought up. I think you handled that very well, given the comments he made about growing up as a Jehova's Witness and Christianity and spirituality in general when he got older. I like how you still show some ambivalence on his part on whether he's religious enough since he's still in his 20's here. I believe he became more confident in his spirituality the more he aged.
Hmm, Frank. I have never known what to make of him. The one thing that I see is portrayed pretty consistently about him is that he was a good manager, so you got that part down! xD ;)
I like how the primary focus of this chapter was the interaction between Michael and Janelle. I think it was necessary for them to have that interaction. And, I like how Janelle is being developed in these chapters because she's an important part of Julia's life, and it just wouldn't be realistic if Julia's best friend only received passing mentions without any interaction/characterization whatsoever. Julia had a life before Michael and she still has one that's separate from him. Supporting characters are an important aspect of a story! (Passing thought: I wonder what Janelle thought of Michael wearing a mask)
And, lol! It's good that this was a "slow/dialogue-y" chapter because real life isn't fast-paced action all the time. Changes of pace benefit the storyline in the long-run.
... I was just about to comment on something else, but I forgot what I had in mind! Darn, I hate it when that happens, lol. I'll get back to you if I remember.
Anyway, as to your question, nah. I don't have any pet-peeves with your writing. This is fanfiction done well, and I love your story :) I'm not afraid to dish out some constructive critiscism, so if something comes to mind, you'll hear it from me ^.^
Author's Response:
I grew up in a RIDICULOUSLY Catholic family. Crazy strict, very, very overbearing...so, I understand Michael on that part, I think. He left because he had to, and because he realized that the JWs just weren't what he believed in, but I'm positive it was an extremely difficult and scary decision on his part. I remember going through those same worries as a young adult, wondering if I would go to hell for leaving the church, wondering if it was even possible to believe in God, but not believe in religion. When you're indoctrinated in something so heavily for all of your formative years, you can't just drop it on a dime. Even after leaving the JWs, Michael didn't celebrate Christmas, etc...for years to come. You try so hard to distance yourself from it, but it's something that ways on the back of your mind every so often. I agree with you that as he aged he became more relaxed and more passionate with his spirituality, but it's definitely something that took time. Especially given his personality...
I often see Frank portrayed as the villain in mjffs. He, like everything else in MJ's life, was multifacited, I think. Clearly shit went down to make MJ lose trust to the point of firing him over money suspicions, but there's also a reason he stayed on as his manager for so long (and eventually ended up coming, right at the end.) So yeah, he's wary of Julia and he's overbearing and probably a little patronizing to an extent, but him and MJ had to have had a good relationship for at least several years. We don't know what really happened, so it's hard to say if there was legitimate cause for his dismissal, or if it was a product of MJ's inevitable paranoia. One thing that I think stands true is that (and please correct me if I'm wrong) Frank DiLeo was one of the few people who never said anything shitty about Michael to the press. He supported him during the trial (he freaking flew out there to just be there for Michael on his own dime!) even though they weren't working together, and he was the one that broke the news to MJ's kids in 2009. That says a lot.
The scene with Michael and Janelle was interesting to write. I wanted to get across how uncomfortable Janelle still was being around MJ, but how at the end of the day she was worried about her best friend and that that was all that mattered to her. I think Janelle was pretty weirded out about the mask. In one of the previous chapters, she finds the magazine with his picture on it and comments to Julia how weird it is or something like that. Janelle is WAY out of her element being one on one with Michael.
Thanks of the lovely words :) If you remember what you wanted to say, feel free to drop by and let me know!
Date: Feb 21, 2015 12:04 pm Title: Prologue
LOL. You aren't doing it wrong. They try to discourage multiple comments in a row by having that amendment function. It's annoying.
Okay, then I won't try so hard to keep it brief/simple in the future. I just didn't want to overwhelm you with information, as I know that can sometimes increase stress, which then feeds writer's block. Information overkill is real.
I totally missed that part. I think it's that I kept reading about his facial expressions and it overrode that previously conveyed message. Either way, you are on point!
Author's Response:
ALSO, totally comment over on MJEE, but read the actual story over here, lol. I write in a word document and for whatever reason the italics/bolding doesn't transfer over to the message board. I probably over use text-emphasis, but it makes a big difference in how a story is read, I think. I should probably just go through all the posts over at mjee and fix them, but it's just soooo muuuuchhhh woooooork. I've yet to figure out a better system.
[Report This]Date: Feb 21, 2015 11:36 am Title: Chapter 30: Sink or Swim PT. 1
Damnit. I missed your update at first b/c of the suuuuuuper long summary above yours.
A to your Q: No. I honestly don't. Yours is one of my examples of ff being very well done. Peoples' lives don't revolve around the main characters (unless employed by MJ), characters are well developed, drama isn't artificially high, your OOC is no where near out of control, and you balance well-developed moments with some skips over periods of time. Plus, you don't go too far into details of injuries or medical conditions. Information overkill is something that is VERY real and takes a story from realistic to sounding like a textbook. You research enough for realism without going too precise. Keep it fun <3. Artfully done!
kindathankyou for this chapter. BTW- I'll be moving future comments over to MJJE. It's easier to comment the way I like to, over there.
el comentario:
I love Janelle's directness in this chapter. I'm also surprised MJ didn't wear a mask b/c of his nose being broken. I know this isn't a lot that I'm writing about the chapter, but that's mostly because it was so natural, very fluid, and engaging that I don't have much to say. I really like how much depth this added to both Janelle and Michael. This is a shining example of how, if one's writing is on point, the drama isn't needed for a chapter to be engaging. -claps-
Author's Response:
He was wearing a mask! I only mentioned it once, though, so it was probably easy to miss. That and it's easy to for the reader to forget he's wearing it, I think, when I write about his facial expressions. Technically, the other person wouldn't be able to see them, but they still exist...if that makes sense? The mask is a pain in the butt, lol.
**I'd sent a car for her immediately. "Janelle," I greeted her pleasantly, rising when one of the concierges brought her into my room. She looked uncomfortable. The way she awkwardly clasped her hands in front of her made me tense slightly. I nervously touched the edge of my mask, making sure the soft fabric was still in place. "Hi." **
**"What happened? she repeated, her place flushing. Her eyes ran over the little of my face that was exposed, fixating on the growing bruises under my eyes. "Where is she?" her voice rose and cracked.**
I decided to not have MJ go to the doctor a) for realness purposes b) just so that I wouldn't have to get into medical jargon that I know nothing about. You and 2DreamFire's comments were crazy helpful though! It's good to have an idea in my mind of what Julia's going through and to be able to pick and choose which info is necessary for the reader.
I'll hopefully be posting all of the chapters on MJEE in the next few days. The only issue is that sometimes it says my posts are too long and I can only submit like 8k words at a time. I try to do another post after that, but it won't let me. It just adds it as an update to the previous post...I have to wait for someone else to comment in order to keep posting, lol. Or maybe I'm just doing it wrong?
Date: Feb 18, 2015 10:06 pm Title: Chapter 29: Blur
*sending some good juju* Lol
Date: Feb 18, 2015 10:05 pm Title: Chapter 29: Blur
What's causing your writer's block? What are you stuck on?
Author's Response:
My face when I have writer's block and all I want to do is write:
I'm not sure what's up, tbh. I have everything plotted out and I have a good portion of the scenes written...but there's just something missing. I think that the issue is that I've come to realize that the next moment I've been working up to just realistically doesn't fit with the direction the story's gone in and until I reconcile that, there's going to be distraction on my end. I don't want to just push out any old thing, ya know?
That being said, I'm suddenly in a very MJ mood, so let's see what I can crank out :) Thanks for the juju!
Date: Feb 18, 2015 05:07 pm Title: Chapter 29: Blur
You're on page 4 WHAT EVEN! please update D:
Author's Response:
I'M TRYIIIIIIING! Guys I'm going through the worst writer's block of my LIFE! Send me good juju...
[Report This]Date: Feb 12, 2015 10:41 pm Title: Chapter 29: Blur
It's difficult to say which one would be more likely until a person has brain imaging tests performed, but yes, given the fact that a DAI results in loss of consciousness 90% of the time, coup-contrecoup is generally more likely when there is blunt force trauma to the head involved.
Julia's case is more difficult to determine because she was involved in a motor vehicle accident that had a significant amount of acceleration and deceleration involved and she hit her head hard. The symptoms for a coup-contrecoup injury vary significantly depending on which lobe of the brain suffered the most damage. Frontal (behind the forehead) and temporal lobe (underneath the temples) are the most common forms of coup-contrecoup injuries, resulting in problems with making decisions, and speaking and understanding language. Given that she can still speak and is just experiencing minor confusion with understanding what people are saying to her, I don't believe it's that.
Usually with a DAI, the most prominent symptom is extended LOC and the areas most affected by the shearing must be determined through brain imaging scans/studies. In the rare 10% of cases in which there is no LOC, the DAI is mild and the person will likely experience the symptoms you are describing Julia as having. Therefore, I believe Julia has experienced a DAI and will probably need to be prescribed a light and short course of steroids (as mentioned in my other review).
I must say that, with any brain injury, ibuprofen, aspirin, motrin, and any other non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs (NSAID's) must be strictly avoided as they may increase the risk of bleeding in the brain. I just noticed that you mentioned how Michael got Julia an aspirin. The doctor will usually advise against that. Don't worry, though, he just gave one small dose, so it's not likely to do anything ^.^ Just make sure it doesn't happen again and have the doctor advise against that when Julia goes to take her CT scan. The first doctor should have mentioned it, though, and it could be considered negligence on his part.
As for when she could commence drinking again, that varies wildly also. Patients usually need to be cleared by their doctor when they can commence drinking, driving, etc. when experiencing a traumatic brain injury (TBI). So, since it's your story, you can choose to have her recover quickly (one-two weeks), and to be safe, have her drinking after three weeks. The problem with alcohol and brain injuries is that alcohol masks the signs that a brain injury is getting worse, making it more difficult to adequately monitor the person with the brain injury. This is because alcohol and TBI's have similar effects on mental abilities and thinking flexibility. Additionally, alcohol lowers the seizure threshold and may trigger seizures in a person who recently suffered from a TBI. If Julia goes for another scan after two weeks and the swelling has gone down completely (if you do choose to go with a DAI), the doctor will probably clear her for drinking and driving, etc.
Ahh, yes, I'm very glad that you're touching on the plastic surgery because, as you said, it's not a subject often dealt with when discussing or writing about Michael amongst fans. I completely agree with your viewpoint, and I've read multiple articles on lupus and how lupus could have affected Michael's recovery from surgery. I actually read from a credible source that a doctor was appointed by the court during the allegations (I'm not sure whether it was the 1993 or 2003 ones) to review Michael's medical records, and in his professional opinion, the surgeries Michael got were corrective in nature and his attempts to look as normal as possible when dealing with the illnesses he suffered from.
And, I'm very glad I can help! :D You're very welcome, and it's no problem at all.
[Report This]Date: Feb 12, 2015 08:48 pm Title: Chapter 29: Blur
And, haha, I just read Redone's review. Looks like you didn't need any of my info! Lololol Well, hopefully, it was still helpful.
Author's Response:
yes i did! you were both WONDERFUL! Thank you SO SO SO SO much!
[Report This]Date: Feb 12, 2015 08:46 pm Title: Chapter 29: Blur
Oh, I forgot to mention that I really love how Michael has been taking a stance against Frank and not letting him affect his relationship with Julia negatively.
That last line -- "Tell him to go fuck himself then, Michael swore, his grip on my waist tightening. "I don't wanna hear it." -- was perf! ^.^
Author's Response:
Gooo Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiike!! Gangsta as fuckkkk
[Report This]Date: Feb 12, 2015 08:43 pm Title: Chapter 29: Blur
I believe you've gotten the hang of differentiating Michael from Julia when writing their respective POV's! It was easy to tell who was thinking/speaking immediately from the first two-three sentences because of the distinction in their voices, even without any POV markers.
I am so glad it seems like Julia is going to be okay! If she had experienced loss of consciousness (LOC) along with the symptoms you were describing, I would have been very worried. I took a few neuroscience classes (I also have great interest in neurology, psychology, and other subjects involving the brain/mind) some time ago, so the terminology and definitions I'm about to throw out are based on that. I'm by no means an expert, though.
Concussions are a type of mild traumatic brain injury (mBTI). Concussions have a pretty broad definition: any head injury that alters the way your brain functions. The brain is cushioned from everyday bumbs by cerebrospinal fluid inside the skull. But, in the case of a violent blow to the head or upper body, the brain can slide back and forth violently against the inner walls of the skull and result in injury/altered brain function. A concussion may not always occur as a result to a direct blow to the head. As is the case in many motor vehicle accidents, they can occur due to sudden acceleration and deceleration. In cases such as that (and the one being presented in this chapter), diffuse axonal injury (DAI) is often included in the differential (Dx).
In a DAI, axons, the part of nerve cells that allow neurons to send messages between them, are disrupted. As tissue slides over tissue, a shearing injury occurs. DAI's also cause brain cells to die, resulting in swelling of the brain. The increased pressure can cause decreased blood flow to the brain, as well as additional injury. In the majority of DAI's, loss of conscioness occurs and the prognosis is somber, since about 90% of survivors remain unconscious, and if one does regain consciousness, severe neurological impairment is likely.
So, that's why it would have been very bad and very worrying if Julia had lost consciousness. Although, just because she didn't lose consciousness, that doesn't mean that she didn't sustain a DAI. It was just one of the rare and fortunate occasions in which it was mild and she remained conscious the entire time. If brain imaging studies, such as the CT scan Julia will be getting, show diffuse, generalized swelling with no significant focal neurological legions, then the doctor will probably want to prescribe Julia a short and light course of steroids to reduce inflammation and swelling. Of course Julia may not even have a DAI, but the symptoms you included and the fact that they were in a motor vehicle accident that involved a large amount of acceleration coming to a sudden stop really make me believe that she suffered one.
In the case of a DAI, Julia will need to be closely monitored for several weeks and she will need to be restricted from driving, drinking, cycling, skateboarding, etc. She will most likely be fine and return to normal function with a week to two weeks given that the injury she sustained was probably very mild.
You did mention at the end of the last chapter, though, that Julia's head hit the plastic side of the door very hard. This means that she may have a coup-contrecoup injury. A coup injury occurs under the site of impact with an object, and a contra coup injury occurs on the side opposite the area that was impacted. Coup and contra coup injuries can occur individually or together. Usually, if a moving object impacted a stationary head, a coup injury will occur. If a moving head strikes a stationary object, a contra coup injury is likely or both may result (called coup-contrecoup when experienced together). If Julia's CT scan shows focalised lesions (those that occur in a specific area of the brain), then this is the likely diagnosis. It's possible she experienced both a coup-contrecoup injury and a DAI. It's most likely just one or the other given the fact that she didn't experience LOC and she seems like she's already starting to recover at the end of this chapter.
Well, I hope all that information was helpful and not confusing xD I really, reeally enjoyed the chapter!! Michael's character has been experiencing some growth and development these past few chapters, and a significant part of that happened in this chapter. He demonstrated a lot of courage when he decided to take responsibility and attempted to get Julia and himself to safety. His selflessness when prioritizing Julia's safety and well-being was very... I don't know what word to use xD Inspiring? This chapter demonstated Michael's compassion.
In real life, Michael went through many trials and tribulations, but I always admired him considerably for managing to show and demonstrate compassion and forgiveness in the midst of all that. I actually read this account of Michael's character once by someone who knew him that described that afer the 1993 child molestation allegations, Michael didn't blame June or Jordan Chandler for what happened. Michael was cognizant of the fact that it was Evan Chandler who was the greedy, money-seeking personality. I found that so respectful because it's easy to cast blame on everyone who is involved in a stituation that causes harm to you and truly focus on who/what the problem actually is. Michael also remained exceedingly humble his entire life, despite his immense success. These past two-three chapters are really started to demonstrate Michael's strengths.
Hmm, Michael's nose is fractured. I can envision now what the media will have to say about his nose job to fix the fracture.
Anyway, thank you so, so much for updating and giving us this wonderful chapter!! :) Happy, happy birthday! *sings Happy Birthday song* I hope you had a day filled with love and happiness.
Author's Response:
Okay. Can I just say that this is why I love this community, why I love writing, and why I love reader feedback? Between you and the user Redone I've honestly learned so much today about concussions/prognosises/recovery and it's SO fascinating! I hope what I wrote for Julia wasn't too horribly overdone. I wanted it to be something severe, but not bad enough for LOC/amnesia (which is what happened to my brother years and years ago when he got a concussion. It was really freaking scary.) Would the coup-contrecoup injury be more likely given that there was no LOC? How soon do you think she'd be able to drink again (needed for a futureish scene I had in mind.)
Mike really came into his own in the story in this chapter, I think. It's been hard because I want to include all the horribleness and insecurities he had to deal with given all the shit he really had to endure, but at the same time you don't want his character to be bogged down by weakness, etc. I didn't write this chapter intending it to be Mike's turning point, but the more and more I outlined, his character just sort of took control. I knew Julia was going to be pretty much M.I.A, but it didn't occur to me just how much strength he'd after to exhert in order to get them where they needed to be. I mean...okay, if I were in his place, as in just a random person who'd gotten into an accident, broke my nose, and had a fucked up friend...dang, I'd be a hot mess. But Michael's character wouldn't let me write it that way. It's exactly ike you said--IRL Michael was a compassionate, intelligent suriver. He did what he had to do to overcome everything thrown at him. I think this was the chapter I needed to write to show myself (if this makes sense) that Michael can be insecure and yet strong at the same time.
Dun dun dun..the nose fracture! The plastic surgery of IRL Mike has always been a touchy subject, even amongst fans. I for one firmly believe that the amount of surgery he had was greatly exaggerated and that most of it was corrective. I read somewhere that lupus can really prevent surgeries like that from healing correctly, and given that he had the first nose job done before he was diagnosed and began lupus treatment, that it led him down a path that required more correction than anything else. I wanted to include some sort of surgery, though, because you'd have to be crazy not to think that he had some (as he had every freaking right to, for whatever reason--whether it be corrective or cosmetic,) and I've noticed that it's not a subject often touched upon in fanfics, probably because it's so hard and sensitive to deal with.
Thanks for the wonderful, informative review!!! Seriiiiousslllyyyy
[Report This]Date: Feb 12, 2015 07:28 pm Title: Chapter 29: Blur
Oh the days before cellphones... I'm glad I never lived in that time. Happy belated birthday!
Yay for Michael taking charge!! I was thinking that he was gonna be like ejected out of the vehicle somewhere in a ditch and Juila was going to have to drag him for miles LOL
That's right Mike! You tell him! Can't wait to see what happens next.
BTW you would have fooled me with whatever condition Julia ended in. I've never had a concussion or known anyone who's suffered one. Never been in a serious car accident either. *knocks on wood
Author's Response:
LOL no cellphones. I know! I was like shit shit it's 1985...how the hell do they get out of there?? It really makes you think about how easy we have it, bahaha.
Everyone seems so impressed by ballsy Mike. This is his big turning point!! Go Miiiiiiiiike! It's easy to forget sometimes that even with all the shit he had to go through and all the stuff working against him, that this guy was a survivalist. He always made it through and he did what he had to do. IRL Mike was such a bad ass. Story Mike had to step up to the plate.
And redone's definitely helped me out with the concussion thing. I think I miiiiiight have gone a little overboard but idc. It was fun! She's given me a bunch of technical stuff to help balance out my very earnest concussion depiction, lol. My brother had one when we were kids where he had like full amensia and stuff. I wasn't gonna touch that in this story. That's a lot lololol.
Date: Feb 12, 2015 03:27 pm Title: Prologue
Concussion: well, as it sounds like she had a DIA which I'd hazard was around a moderate severity. I kept expecting her to go straight into a coma given the symptoms you were describing. Now adays, she would have been hospitalized ASAP, but this is in the 80s, so it makes sense that they didn't. They didn't have today's technology.
Since she experience LOC, it wasn't a severe DIA (thank god). I'd expect the doctors to warn her about taking on too much stress in the immediate future, her to have a horrible headache, warn her about drinking anytime soon, advise her that she may experience sleep problems, and rest.They might also tell her that if her confusion worsens, she starts forgetting things, experiences mood changes, a seizure, severe lethargy, etc, that she needs to see a doctor.Also, no driving, cycling, rollerskating, etc for several weeks.
Side note: The 90s was when the real advancement in our understanding of the brain occurred. With regard to modern practices, a MRI will be done before a CT. A CT isn't as sensitive...still, if it's a mTBI, imaging may show mild swelling/intracranial pressure, if anything. If the doctor uses the Glasgow Coma Scale, I'd have her around a 12, so on the borderline of a mild/moderate brain injury. (that's been around since the 70s, so I could see a doc assessing her eye, motoric, and verbal responsiveness.
Author's Response:
Dang. Coma expectations? Maybe I over did it a little bit lolololol.
Thanks for the info though! Lots of professionaly terms I can try to work in ;) This is much more pertinent than the typical webMD crap that basically says if your head hurts after hitting it you're fine or gonna die. lololol. so thanks for that. Just sad that I have to rewrite the major cycling/rollerskating scene I had coming up (jk. maybe.)
[Report This]Date: Feb 12, 2015 06:22 am Title: Chapter 29: Blur
The opening was so richly detailed that I immediately had a vivid image of what was going on.
I really like how you gave Michael a chance to be the strong person. I was worried he was going to end up being too vulnerable/weak, in this story. By having him step up in that moment, it pushed his character to another level of development.
I also found myself nerding out and Dx'ing her type of mTBI, point of impact, consequences of obtundation, and coup contrecoup injury. I love that you included enough detail to make that possible. Very cool!
Love love love Michael's last line. Please update soon!
Happy late Birthday :)
Author's Response:
This was Michael's turning point, I think. That wasn't my original intention, but I'm really, really, really glad that that's how it worked out. The more I outlined, the more Michael's character took control from Julia and really saved the day. I totally know what you mean, though. It's hard to include the eating disorder, the skin stuff, the drugs, etc...and NOT have a character that's weak and constantly needs saving. I think that's a balance I need to work on, ya know? IRL MJ was a tough dude. He had his shit and he had a lot of weak moments, but I don't think they defined him.
Ohhhhhh noooooooo! I was so scared including the concussion stuff because I'm like "damn it, someone's actually gonna know about this stuff and I'm gonna look like an idiot!" All I could do was think back on common knowledge, wikipedia, and webMD, lololol. I hope everything seems more or less copacetic...Any tips on how her recovery would actually go? I gave it at most a week, thinking that was a lot, but I don't know. My brother had a full-on concussion when we were kids (like amnesia, hospitalization, the whole shabang) and he was fine after about 2 weeks, I think. Is there anything I'm missing here?? I don't even know what the heck those terms your throwing around mean, hahaha! Either way, it was fun doing my best to make it somewhat realistic (at least to the best of my abilities!)