[Report This]Date: Feb 12, 2015 01:56 am Title: Chapter 29: Blur
Ohhh happy late birthday! Did you enjoy the weekend away? :)
Anyway, cool chapter! As for your question about the POV switch, I love it! I really prefer reading Michaels point of view so I liked it. The very first time you did that I was a bit confused, because the switching is not mentioned by "Michaels POV". But now I'm used to it and it's not confusing anymore, and I hope you're gonna do that more often :)
I loved how you described everything so realistic in this chapter! Most times when girls want to describe a car accident it just goes like: "BAM! *and everything went black* -- few hours later in hospital..." You know? But this, this is so realistic and different from others, so good job!
I was wondering, what is Michael gonna do with his car? Is he just gonna leave it there?
And maybe another stupid question, but was Michael not a little disgusted by her puke all over her? I mean, maybe he didn't care at all but I, personally, really can't stand it and I get the urge myself to puke when I see, hear or smell it. But ofcourse these are different circumstances... But I was just wondering haha.
I really can't wait for the next chapter girl, I was so excited when I saw the update that I went out of bed (even though it was like 8 am in the morning when I read it 3 hours ago) and went downstairs to get some popcorn. Not joking when I told you that the first thing I do in the morning is checking for an update ;)
xoxoxox
Author's Response:
Maybe I should've included POV markers. I think I was intending to and then somehow just forgot. Ah, well...
I'm kind of getting into the groove of writing Mike, finally. So who knows? Looks like there'll be more stuff from his POV! I think even more so when they're finally together more.
I actually kind of fell down the youtube hole watching car crash videos, lol. I've never been in one so I wanted to see exactly what would happen if a car hit a pothole at high speeds. After that, I really spent a long time just trying to figure out what the hell I'd do if I were in their situation. I wanted people to feel as if they could see everything as it happened, so I hope that got across.
The car will be discussed! Originally Miko was going to go back to the car and take off the license plates so that it'd be harder to track the car if a cop or someone found it before they could tow it away, but I realized that was kinda dumb since it'd be registered to the Drake and not Michael and either way I don't know if taking off the plates would actually do anything. SO, a more "realistic" thing is going to happen.
I think Michael probably didn't even register the vomit, tbh. He was trying to just get them to a safe place. Probably should've added in a little blurb about them changing out of their bloody/pukey clothes when they got back, but don't worry--they aren't snuggling in the fort in those same rank rags!
Thank you so much!! Right after updating I always go on like a binge of checking reviews; I saw this at like 5 AM my time and even though I was like half asleep, it made me soo soo happy!
Thank you thank you thank you for your wonderful questions and comments. Updates soon!!
-ann
Date: Feb 11, 2015 09:24 pm Title: Chapter 29: Blur
Happy birthday! This chapter had me reeling.
Author's Response:
thank you and thank you!!
Date: Feb 06, 2015 05:27 pm Title: Chapter 28: Fast.
omg that got serious real fast! i had a bad feeling about them taking a drive but it was cute seeing how they interacted wiht each other.
Author's Response:
lol it definitely escalated quickly. i was definitely trying to build up the cuteness of the relationship and then....just have it all come crashing down. bahaha. it's fun that way.
i've been gone all weekend and just started writing today, so there should be in update in the next few days!
[Report This]Date: Feb 06, 2015 03:01 pm Title: Chapter 28: Fast.
Acting young and dumb: CHECK!!
God Michael why... I hope he's ok. I know he's probably going to be feeling crazy guilty for putting Julias life in danger like that.
The fort making was cuteness overload. I can't wait to see them together. Though I will wait patiently because I love the pace of this story. UPDATE SOON. You cannot leave me hanging like that...lol
Author's Response:
THANK YOU for saying tha pace is okay. I get super self-conscious about that. If it's ever getting draggy just be like ANN, BITCH, MOVE IT ALONG, PLS.
I've been gone all weekend and just started writing this afternoon so there'll be an update soon! Promise!
Thanks for sticking with me so long :) Always love your reviews!
Date: Feb 06, 2015 01:29 pm Title: Prologue
Why do Mike be makin' wack ass decision, tho?!?!
Like I feel awful for them, but I feel like he should recognize by now for his own freakin' safety... ugh! Like, yes, do sneak out - whatever - but how the hell are you going to be hitting 100 on a road with freaking potholes, my mann????
Author's Response:
Because they're insaaaaaaaaaaaaaane. Don't worry. I think he's learned his lesson. We'll see.
Btw I love how you literally had to take a minute after your first review to come back and re-comment. I honestly laughed out loud at that first "yooooooooooooo"
[Report This]Date: Feb 06, 2015 10:28 am Title: Chapter 28: Fast.
Bahahaha! I found it hilarious how you updated two minutes after I posted that review, like you also mentioned xD I read the chapter as soon as it was posted, but I needed some time to compose my thoughts to properly write them out into a review.
Ahhh, so Julia was purposely trying to attract Michael ;)) I had a feeling.
My mom is exactly like Julia's mom! Lol I really, really enjoyed this chapter. It actually had a whole bunch of things that I mentioned I would like seeing in my previous review, like learning more about Julia's childhood and family!
This chapter brought back so many good memories. I used to make pillow forts all the time when I was younger! This chapter had a lot nice, little heartwarming moments between Julia and Michael ^.^ Man, though, Michael needs to eat.
Annnd, WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?!?! That ending!! What? Reading that, I just knew something bad was going to happen. The more and more Michael sped up, the faster my heart went! Gosh, that section of the chapter had. So. Much. Energy. I definitely see why the chapter is called "Fast." now. (Side comment: I always try to predict what'll happen based on your chapter names, lol) Goodness, they're both crazy! That's certainly an experience to write home about. I know Julia's conscious and that's a relief... But, what about Michael? Bill or Janelle or someone needs to be called to pick them up or something without a huge media frenzy happening. I neeeed to know what happens next!
P.S
Yes, definitely don't feel bad at all at catering to the smartest reader ^.^
And, I LOVE YUCCA! That's so cool that your boyfriend is a farmer and you guys live in Ecuador and he grows lots of yucca. I totally agree!
Yucca > Potatoes
Gaaah, you're very welcome, no problem at all, and I loved your response! :D
Author's Response:
I kind of imagine Julia's mom like Kitty on That 70s show, I think. More toned down, but there all the same haha.
I feel like Michael was kind of a nervous eater, ya know? Like would rather eat in private than with other people. A lot of people with eating disorders other than just out and out anorexia/bulemia/etc just get very, very anxious about food without realizing the rational behind their actions.
I'm glad the energy conveyed what I was shooting for! I had to rewrite the last sections 2 or 3 times til it had that buildup and vibe I was going for. I'm a big fan of finding a song that fits each section that I'm writing and letting that help me set the tone for me writing. The pillow fort was Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran. The driver/build up to the drive was Style and Out of the Woods by Taylor Swift. And then obvs Don't Stop Me Now by Queen at the end. It really helps me get the pace and mood where I need it to be.
I'll be gone all weekend, so check for an update maybe around Tuesday, Monday night at the very, very earliest.
Thanks so much for your wonderful feedback!! Happy Friday!
[Report This]Date: Feb 06, 2015 06:07 am Title: Chapter 28: Fast.
Eat Michael, eat! He ate more sometimes. It just depended on his comfort level. Now, in anxiety provoking times, he definitely ate less.....so maybe that's why he didn't eat ice cream?
"Hi! I'm Julia! Do you wanna be my friend?" I mimicked my own childlike voice. "Didn't work nine times out of ten," I laughed. "Kids are mean."
^Yeah, some are sweet, but children don't have that complete innocense that adults credit them with.
What.the.eff was he thinking going 100 in the middle of no where? Now what are they going to do? 
Author's Response:
Not at all. I personally am NOTNOTNOT fan of children. Idk, Mike. Most of the one's I know (that aren't straight up related to me) kind suck. Good on you, tho, man..lol
That's the thing...they weren't! Sometimes you just get caught up in the moment...although tbh I was driving yesterday and saw some potholes and kinda had a mini internal freakout about ending up like them bahaha.
I'm gone for the weekend, so check back probably around Tuesday or Wednesday for a new update! Thanks as always!
[Report This]Date: Feb 06, 2015 02:16 am Title: Chapter 28: Fast.
Ohh my GOD!
Now is definitely not the right moment to stop this amazing chapter :o :o :o
Please, don't let us wait too long, please please I'm begging you!
Author's Response:
I'm gone for the weekend, unfortunately, so check back maybe Monday or Tuesday! LOL sorry for the cliffhanger. I thought it fitting that it fell on a particularly busy weekend for me.
Thanks for reading and revewing!! <3
Date: Feb 06, 2015 12:12 am Title: Chapter 28: Fast.
Yoooo...
Author's Response:
I know. I know.
[Report This]Date: Feb 05, 2015 09:59 pm Title: Chapter 27: The Other Side PT. 2
Gaaah, I'm back to reviewing every single one of your chapters!! I haven't reviewed since Chapter 22, "Tip #3: Take her on a surprise trip PT. 2" because I have been without Interent access -- boo :/ I am soooo happy I get to read your story again!! Wow, you went on an updating spree! :D Get ready for a loooong review.
So, starting with Chapter 22:
Okay, so this was a big turning point of a chapter, so I'm going to dedicate a good portion of my review to it. I'll start with the small little details and scenes that I love <3
Number one: Janelle is aweeeesomme! I love her when she's drunk. I died at the whole "spooning Michael" bit. I couldn't stop laughing! Just getting that visual in my head and envisioning her freak-out afterwards was priceless.
Number two: your desrciptions and the little details you add that allow the reader to become immersed in your story! For example, when they were playing Scrabble, lots of authors may have just written, "Then, they played some Scrabble," and would have left it at that. You actually took the effort to engage the reader by writing out how the game would actually be played between Michael and Julia -- you even included what letters they had!
And, hahahaha at the word Yucca! I find it funny because I'm Hispanic (English is actually my second language), and in my culture, Yucca is a very common dish and my family regularly eats it. It's the first time I've ever seen it mentioned in a written work.
Number three: You assume your readers are intelligent people and trust that they'll pick up on the little hints and bits of foreshadowing that are sprinkled throughout the chapters. A mistake I've unfortunately seen a lot in writing is that the author basically spells out everything that is going on and doesn't leave anything for the reader to surmise on their own or figure out for themselves. That leaves a story without suspense or intrigue. I wonder what Bill knows that we don't... And, Michael's health is worrying.
Number four: You adeptly tackle the subject of Michael's fame. The crowds, the media, the strategies to avoid causing a scene, etc. It's not just a passing thought in your story that's once in a while mentioned in a short sentence. You accurately convey that his fame was something he had to deal with everyday and was a huge part of his life. I can completely imagine a Disneyland trip actually ending up like it did in this chapter.
And, now, the biggest plot point addressed in this chapter: the proposal to Diana! This part genuinely made me sad. You expertly expressed Michael's adoration and later utter desperation and broken heart for Diana. The dialogue was spot on. The repeated words were used very effectively to demonstrate Michael's nervousness, Diana's shock, and the emotional weight of the situation. Michael taking the pills to dull his pain (Physical vs Mental? You're starting to blur the lines here), aimlessly wandering the beach without purpose, and finally, throwing the ring into the vast ocean... Oh, my heart! Just... Very well-done! *Claps*
Chapter 23 "... Take her on a surprise trip PT. 3":
Oh. My. Gosh. They kissed!!!!!! They finally kissed!! Well, technically, this was their second kiss, but still! The build-up to that moment was amazing! I felt the tension rising as all of the emotions of the day climaxed, and I just knew that something was going to happen between Julia and Michael. It was unexpected, but sooooo perfect!
And, oh gosh, the photographers managed to snag a picture of Julia. Well, it was inevitable. She couldn't stay secret from the media forever. And Michael couldn't stay secret from Harry forever. Horrible way for him to find out, though... Poor lad.
"Yeah... I hope Diana doesn't see it."
Poor Julia, man. That must sting.
Chapter 24 "The Eye of the Storm":
An effective transition chapter detailing the fallout of the previous chapters' events. Well, I'm glad Harry isn't an obstacle in the development of Michael and Julia's relationship anymore, but I still feel pretty bad for him. Maybe he'll eventually develop into a really good friend for Julia and come to accept Julia's feelings for Michael.
Chapter 25 "Static":
I'm so happy Julia is realizing the extent of her feelings for Michael and has admitted it to Janelle. It's kind of bittersweet, though, given the fact that it still seems that Michael is infatuated with Diana and it resulted in hurting Harry.
I enjoyed reading the reactions of all the people who saw Julia in the newspaper. Her mom, John, her classmates, etc. What Julia's mom said got me thinking... I can't wait for Michael and Julia to meet each other's families! Oh, goodness... Those are going to be very exciting and dramatic days. It'd be nice if Julia and Michael eventually had a nice, deep conversation with each other about their families and respective backgrounds. I'm pretty curious about Julia's. What her family is like, what inspired her to go to Loyola and study journalism, how she met Janelle, etc.
Hmm, Michael's mask... There's more going on there than "smog".
Chapter 26 "The Other Side PT. 1":
I love your Michael POV chapters. I like the essence that is ascribed to him when you write out his thoughts, if that makes sense. I'd like to think the real Michael thought somewhat like what you're writing. I can imagine it's really difficult writing his chapters, though, because it must feel weird writing as him given that he was a real person and differentiating him from Julia. I really appreciate the effort you've gone through in writing these two Michael POV chapters!! :)
And, I am so amazingly proud of Michael for taking a significant leap in taking Diana out of his life!!! Yaaaay!
Oh, and I love how Michael is comfortable enough with Janelle to tease her, haha. "I look forward to snuggling with you again very soon." If you haven't noticed, I reeeally like Janelle xD
Chapter 27 "The Other Side PT. 2"
Ahh, finally caught up to the latest chapter! The switch to first person is great! You did a really good job of having Michael come off as a distinctly different character than Julia, so I congratulate you on that!! :D
You are very skilled at conjuring emotions and empathy from your readers... Well, at least me, but I'm sure all your readers would agree! xD ;P I felt Michael's energy and anxiety from the insomnia, the physical exhaustion that set in after he danced, and the panic when he looked at himself in the mirror and saw his red face. The description of how he felt strong and good, but how his legs buckled beneath him when he saw himself in the mirror killed me. Him calling himself a monster... :(
You effectively humanize him and make me feel great empathy for him. I thought his impulsive decision to call Julia and cancel his "date" (*wink wink*) with her was very realistic. I'm glad that he changed his mind and ended up going!!
Oh, reading the paragraph mentioning James Joyce and Finnegan's wake:
You asked me a while ago in response to one of my reviews if I was reading Finnegan's Wake, and I forgot to answer! Yes, I am, actually, haha. I'm very determined to get through it! I'm almost halfway through now. I try spend an hour of my day everyday reading and annotating the text. I don't know if I'm comprehending the full extent of the text, but hey, I'm trying and I haven't heard of anyone who can, lol.
Oh my goodness, I love the constant reference to Michael's horrendous driving skills! Hahahaha!
I'm glad Michael finally explained everything to Julia. Her freak-out was very much justified. So happy he's finally getting over Diana... (Julia must be secretly happy ^^)
Annnnd, yes!! Michael's feelings for Julia are becoming more clear. I seriously adore the pace you're going at! The buildup to "them" is perfect! The different descriptions of Michael noticing her proximity, her hair's smell, and her adorable singing are so endearing and provide great build up to his developing feelings for Julia. Janelle noticed his semi... LOL that's so embarassing xD You have a great balance of humor and drama in your chapters! ^.^
I am very much looking forward to the next chapter!! I'll be sure to review!
Here are some websites that I find useful for information on Michael, if you're interested:
www.truemichaeljackson.com (quotes from Michael and about Michael from those who knew him/met him)
www.crazyovermj.com (GREAT forum)
mjjtimeline.blogspot.com
rhythmofthetide.com
http://lacienegasmiled.tumblr.com/
https://mjrepository.wordpress.com/ (A blog dedicated to collecting Michael Jackson videos -- interviews, backstage footage, concert footage, etc.)
https://mjtheman.wordpress.com/
www.thesilencedtruth.com
www.the-michael-jackson-archives.com/main_content.html (various newspaper and magazine articles from the different eras of his life, starting with Off the Wall)
mjjarchives.weebly.com (same as above)
Hopefully you find the above sites interesting and/or useful for your research :) ^.^
Author's Response:
OMG. I'M CRYING. YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
This is insane, thank you so so so so so so much! How incredibly thoughtful!!! (Although I'm kind of laughing because you posted this like 2 minutes before I updated again! Ah, well! Another review, another day!)
I always try to catar to the smartest reader if that makes sense. It cheapens the story to spell everything out, so I want. I reference what I want, I insinuate, drop clues. If people don't get them, too bad, bahahaha. So THANK YOU for making me feel better about that!
Drunk Janelle seems to have been a big hit with people, so I think she'll have to back a come back soon. She was fun to write...very very much like some of my friends, bahah.
Total side rant: YUCCA IS THE BOMB! I'm obsessed with Yucca! I live in Ecuador w my native boyfriend who's a farmer. He grows lots of yucca and it's wonderful. Yucca > Potatoes.
Thank you for appreciating human Michael and all the build up I'm working towards! Stuff would be boring as hell if everything was perfect or easily fixable, and half the fun is writing the build up to the relationship! Plus, things are never as fast in real life as they are in ff. I'm trying to fight against that!
THANK YOU for all these wonderful resources! I've read some, but there's also some I haven't read so I will be scouring them in the next few days. LOVE IT.
once again, allow me to gush and say thank you for this wonderful review. it means so so so much to know that people appreciate what i'm putting out there.
please keep reading and commenting! i just updated again and i'm...very interested to see how people respond.
<3 <3 <3
-ANN
[Report This]Date: Feb 04, 2015 11:38 pm Title: Chapter 27: The Other Side PT. 2
i cant believe i forgot to review this chapter lol well for starters...i loved it!!!! its great seeing their relationship start to form into something more now. julia seemed to be teasing him a bit im curious what is going thru her mind. and im so happy he is 'getting over' diana so him and julia can be together!
Author's Response:
thank you for coming back to say something! soon, soon, my friends...
[Report This]Date: Feb 04, 2015 03:18 pm Title: Chapter 27: The Other Side PT. 2
Hi Ann! I just wanted to tell you that I woke up early in the morning to go to school and before going I checked your story to see if you had updated and you had! so I started reading and fangirling over Michael's feelings towards Jules, next thing I knew I had missed the bus and I had to run to reach the next one, so I arrived 30 minutes late because of your long ass chapter(jk), hahahah (this was 2 days ago but I was too lazy to review that day haha)
Thankfully no one cares if someone arrives late in college lol, also I re-read it in class, amazing chapter as always, I loved the complicity between Michael and Janelle, so cute how Julia is oblivious to Michael's reactions. I'm conflicted now because I don't even know If I want you to write more from Michael's POV because his mind is so complicated and I really want to know what he's thinking all the time or If I want you to keep writing Julia's POV because I totally relate with her and her wtf moments when being around Michael.
Even though you made me lose the bus your story, your writing, julia and michael and janelle and patrick and everything entertains me during my boooring classes <3 <3 <3 so please update soon!!
Author's Response:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
haha.
Sorry.
That's wonderful in a not at all but also yes kind of sorta way. Thx 4 the dedication?!?
I think I finally got over my fear of writing MJ chapters, so it's totally possible in the future there will be more! However, in my mind this has always been born of Julia's story than Michael's, so it'll probably stay with her for the most part. But there will be more Michael POV, I promise!!
I'm sorry aboutt he bus, but thank you so so so so SO much for your support, reading, and reviews! They make my day!
I've been writing here and there throughout the day, so hopefully there'll be a new chapter soon! (knock on wood!)
Date: Feb 03, 2015 06:09 pm Title: Chapter 27: The Other Side PT. 2
Loving this story n I love the 1st person
Author's Response:
thank you thank you thank you!!
Date: Feb 03, 2015 06:03 pm Title: Chapter 27: The Other Side PT. 2
This story is so fucking fantastic, I'm beside myself with glee that I started reading it. So glad that you update so often and with such loong chapters, I could genuinly sit here and read this all day, no lie. Bravo!
Author's Response:
oh my goooood! thank you so much! you've been here since the beginning, so thank you so so so much! updates soon, promise! <3
[Report This]Date: Feb 03, 2015 07:28 am Title: Chapter 27: The Other Side PT. 2
I love the switch to first person. I think the only time when I had any question if it was him speaking was when you had him describe a feeling as "lovely"
"So I guess I can so that out of all the things I was expecting tonight, finding you, all alone, desperately trying to parallel park in front of my apartment was not on the list." "Sorry for, um, interrupting your night was Patrick..."
????
I loved this chapter. The energy is so much more palpable when told from a first person perspective. To answer your question, her freak out was more than justified and long overdue.
Author's Response:
**WITH Patrick and I can SAY** Bahaha this is what I get for writing until 1 AM and being too lazy to give it a third read over for the mistakes I didn't get the first time. Damn though, I wrote the first half in 1st person and had to go back and change all the pronouns...the first read over was a mess. I'm surprised I didn't miss more stuff when I submitted it! And I remember the lovely part. I'll change it--lovely does seem a bit weird now that I think back on it.
This chapter was just all over the place, so I'm glad that that translated to energy!
The freak out wasn't even planned. It literally just came out so naturally! Love it when the characters drive the story instead of me. Makes my job easier.