Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed [Report This]
Date: Apr 08, 2020 05:55 am Title: Chapter 5

I remember reading this story a long time ago and thinking it was pretty good, but at the time I was busy with other things and lost track of all the fanfiction I used to read. Since I saw that you were trying to finish it, I thought I'd revisit this.

Right off the bat, this story drew me in because of the lack of errors. XD But seriously, this came as a surprise and real treat. It is extremely well-written, leaps and bounds beyond most of what's on this site. It reads almost like an officially published novel. You should be proud of it, because not only is the prose excellent, I can tell you really did your research. I'm assuming you've been a fan and studying MJ for years, because your characterization of him is incredibly believable and authentic.

My only concern in these early chapters was that you would wind up spending too much time focusing on Michael's emotional suffering and grief to the point where it would become too repetitive, but you went ahead and switched the POV to Malania before it got to be too much. I also must say that I really like Malania so far. She's not a perfect Mary Sue type heroine; she has a detailed backstory and her characterization is very clear and strong. Like your depiction of Michael, she has both admirable qualities as well as flaws which can be exploited as the plot unfolds.

I look forward to reading on, and since you have shown yourself to be very receptive to comments from readers, I will be posting further reviews every few chapters or so. Rock on! <3

Author's Response:

Hey Miri!

 

Thanks so much for your lovely detailed comment. Its really nice to hear from someone who has put a lot of thought in to their response. As a writer, that is incredibly complimentary and such a nice feeling. It takes a lot of effort to write detailed comments, I know! Thank you for saying such kind things about my writing. I am trying very hard to write books outside of my MJ fandom, so sometimes a bit of a build-me-up when self-doubt sets in is really nice! You are right, I have been a fan of MJ since the late 80s. Obviously the MJ in this story is closest to what I expect him to be with some poetic licence, of course! I'm sure he had his Peter Pan side, but I'm also sure he had his normal guy side too. I think its very important to highlight that although many of us thought of him as a hero to us, he was also just a human guy who probably did annoying stuff and had annoying habits and reactions that disappointed at times. 

When I read Malania's name sometimes I get disappointed because of Trump's Malania, but honestly, Malania is a common Eastern European name and thankfully I dont conjure her up when I think of MY Malania. Malania can be a bit annoying but I'm glad that she can be because she is a flawed person, I like that she's not perfect and she can be incredibly frustrating and childish but also insightful and doesn't take Michael's shit and doesn't always eat up his "sunflowers and rainbows" outlook on the world. That makes her human. I think sometimes fictions make the female lead in to a "shell" of a woman that has no personality or who is obsessed with sex with Michael and the reality is, is after the initial excitement dies off, a personality will keep a romantic relationship more interesting than sex. I like that my characters are complexed and flawed. Its the best part about them both :)

Thank you so much again for writing your lovely comment. I am still writing chapters but I am near the end now and am trying to unravel the plot and take my time (as I have plenty of time at the moment!!!) with the ending so it doesn't feel rushed. 

Have a great day :)

 

Reviewer: HoneyToTheBee Signed [Report This]
Date: Mar 10, 2015 05:01 pm Title: Chapter 5

Awww at him being able to joke a little bit despite everything. Another light hearted moment. Malania seems to be a very likable OG so far.

Author's Response:

Malania is the best. I'd be her friend. 

Reviewer: Redone Signed [Report This]
Date: Jan 31, 2015 02:18 pm Title: Chapter 5

K. Commenting as I go. If it doesn't make sense or sounds like I'm jumping around, http://cdn3.sbnation.com/imported_as...crubs-XgR3.gif

I'm so excited to hear Malania's POV. She's been such a mystery that I wanted to know more, and now we get to! I like her honesty...I can't imagine just sitting in front of Michael, gushing. I can't relate to anyone doing that. I may compliment a few times, but then my sarcasm and/or bluntness kicks in. Side note: as it stands, I'm feelin' Malania's character. Rarely can I relate to an OG like I can relate to her and what she says/thinks.

As to Beth, I'm a little confused. So, she's willing to go to Mexico City, but can't brave a night outside his home? I mean, the security are right there...I'd expect some kind of a response, eventually. If not from him, from his mom.

Damn you for making me think so much about the accusations and what it was like for him. I really wonder how many people contacted him. I'm surprised that Liz hasn't dropped in, yet. It's just...heartbreaking. It reminds me why I completely trust very few people.

I can't wait to see what will happen in the morning. I wonder if Beth will come back while Malania is still in the guest house?