Date: Jan 31, 2015 01:25 pm Title: Chapter 4 - "Reload"
I like Denice's bitchiness, tbh. I laughed out loud at the part where they thought they were gonna die :) Nice job!
I'd be sketched out as hell if I were Jasmine. "Damian" must be sending her some pretty nice texts, haha!
One little, little thing I just wanted to point out to you just to make it easier to read is that when you write, for example,“I’m not carrying all this into your apartment, by the way.” Bellowed Denice from outside the doorway. You should really write it as, “I’m not carrying all this into your apartment, by the way," bellowed Denice from outside the doorway. Sorry if that's annoying, it just helps clarify for readers that it's not two separate sentences, but one that both provides a quote and then says who said it etc...it's just jarring to read and mentally correct the other way. Not a big deal at all though :) :) :)
Please keep on writing, I'm really, really enjoying it so far!!
Author's Response:
Oh whoops! I missed that part. I know I sometimes go back 2-3 times adding on to a published story ( habit ). Thank you for pointing it out! Originally that was all she said, but then I decided to add more. Silly me for not rewriting the sentence entirely.
Thank you so much for your thoughts! It's really encouraging and I can't wait to add more.
[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 11:21 am Title: Chapter 4 - "Reload"
Awww!! The flowers were sweet, but Michael's next step needs to be figuring out how he's going to tell her who he REALLY is. Denice is annoying lol but she seems like a good friend. OMG I love this...
Update soon!
Author's Response:
Haha, yes! I am going to love writing that part when the time comes. If it comes! Suspense!
[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 10:07 am Title: Chapter 4 - "Reload"
Great!
Author's Response:
<3
[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 08:26 am Title: Chapter 4 - "Reload"
Ok so Denice is that one friend I see will be a little green when they find out the mystery man is Michael Jackson. I understand the 'I told you so's' but to be full on jovial at the fact her friend clearly was heart broken was a bit much. Plus she has no boundaries. Sometimes friends like that turn out to be bitter enemies. IDK in keeping an eye out for her I sense drama.
The butcher knife/broom episode was very comical tho lmao.
Way to redeem yourself Michael but step two better be on some epic shit!!!!
More soon. I'm hooked already!!! <333
Author's Response:
Haha! The thought comes to mind 'With friends like this, who needs enemies?' Denice is both a blessing and a curse.
[Report This]Date: Jan 31, 2015 07:21 am Title: Chapter 4 - "Reload"
great chapter cant wait to read the next one
Author's Response:
Thank you for your thoughts! ( Yay I know how to reply to reviews now! )
Date: Jan 31, 2015 05:23 am Title: Chapter 4 - "Reload"
Michael just needs to really show his face now
Author's Response:
In due time!
Date: Jan 31, 2015 03:20 am Title: Chapter 4 - "Reload"
I love it. Great story please continue. You are an amazing writer keep up the great work.
Author's Response:
Aw, thank you. I am enjoying writing it. I will try to keep it updated as time allows.
[Report This]Date: Jan 30, 2015 11:26 pm Title: Chapter 4 - "Reload"
Dear Catfish...
Seriously. Get it together.
lol loved this chapter! :-D *hugs*
Author's Response:
I finally figured out I can reply to reviews! Haha. Thank you!