Date: Mar 12, 2015 09:44 am Title: Chapter 9
Malania's brother can take a hike and if that was the last time she sees Beth that's probably a good thing too. If she knew that Malania had met Michael her jealousy would probably destroy their friendship especially if they have no common ground outside of Michael.
I hated Beth by the time I wrote her. I met too many Beths in my time.
Date: Feb 01, 2015 11:17 pm Title: Chapter 9
Okay, I'm sorry, but I'm getting really, really confused. Is there two Caseyes or one?? I thought Casey, Diana's daughter, was Casey Blackthorn or something like that, but now there's a second Casey Hargrove??
I think possibly adding date stamps or using italics to differentiate between the past and present would be helpful. I'm definitely getting confused here.
Over all, still a really, really good chapter!
LOL. Sorry I edited this and changed the surnames, obviously it didnt update all the names. There's one Casey. I will have to go back and fix that up, thanks for pointing it out.
I was hoping it was all kinda clear, but maybe I will edit and add "past" for all the flash back parts :)
Date: Jan 31, 2015 02:23 pm Title: Chapter 9
Wha?! Why'd she say she met Jermaine? I'd be like "A security guard took pity on me and let me in; I spent the night in the guest house with an old tv". Questions about Michael would be met with "I saw him; I was so tired that it feels like a dream."
Seriously, though, after Beth ditching her and Malania now lying to Beth, I can't see this friendship as lasting in any genuine sense of the term.
“if it helps, I didn’t sleep very well because I was worried, I was back there at 5 this morning and when you weren’t there I was scared something had happened to you.”
If Malania hadn't gotten in, I'd be really pissed by that line. I'm so glad you returned to her. I was about ready to pelt you with tomatoes via the interwebz.
Woah. Her brother came out of no where. I'm so glad she took action and went to the police. I imagine this will turn into an interesting subplot as the story unfolds more. I love how you infused her culture into the narrative, having her bring edible gifts to Michael and his family, as well as items of the era (rocking the Walkman!). Not to mention, the little details, such as pulling her car into the driveway. So often authors jump from scene to scene, which while entertaining, limits my ability to really marinade in the scene and my imagination to color the scenery. Those details are truly appreciated!
I can't wait for the next chapter!