[Report This]Date: Jan 09, 2014 08:38 pm Title: Birthday Night
Hey girly! Lol Im sorry I'm just replying I've been traveling a lot. Any who, me likey lol no but seriously I enjoyed reading this story and I feel as if it does have great potential. The errors arent centered around your ideas and your actually plot which is a good thing. Alot of the issue lies within the structure of this story. How things play out, time frames and basically how you map out your story. Sometimes things happen so quickly on parts that seem important. Try to really take your time and allow the characters to gradually build. An example being Michael taking Bille in. It would have been nice to have seen that relationship slowly blossom, rather than skipped. Also try to be mindful of errors. Sometimes they confuse the reader and it's kinda hard to figure out whats going on. I suggest reading over it before posting so that it meets whatever expectations you have and so there will be no surprises. Details are vital. Try to describe their surroundings a bit more so that the reader can get a better visual. Also try to describe the emotional side of things. How she felt in a certain moment. What different emotions were braught out because of the situation? When you write with more emotion it tends to evoke emotions from the reader. Dialogue seems fine to me I have no complaints and the over all idea for the story is really cool and I look forward to reading more.
Hope to speak again darling! Now on to the next story I go!
Author's Response:
Thank you so much but you know what I have a treat for y'all readers lets say something gonna happen to Michael and Billie relationship....that's all I'm gonna say. Thank you babes. Hope to speak to you again too!
Also update heist..im so serious right now!!
[Report This]Date: Dec 03, 2013 10:03 am Title: Birthday Night
Ooooooh my the sex scene was yummy! I love how you used break of dawn as inspiration, well fitted in. They've finally declared their love for each other!
Author's Response:
Thank you so much!!
I will update be on the look out!!
1/12/14
Date: Dec 03, 2013 09:48 am Title: Does It Matter
Im glad they were able to laugh it off and be happy again, can't wait for her birthday!
Author's Response:
Lol!!
Me too.. Update will be place on 1/12/14
Date: Dec 03, 2013 09:35 am Title: Creep
Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww MICHAEL! !! HE'S JUST TOOO FUCKING SWEET!
I love how determined and thoughtful he is about the unborn babues and Lisa needs to back the fuck up before she get smack the fuck up, smh.
Author's Response:
Lmao!!!
Im dead at this review !!
That's so true!
[Report This]Date: Dec 03, 2013 09:13 am Title: Bad Ways, Good Outcome
Oooooooh Michael's like some guardian angel now! Its crazy with the pregnancy but least she's seeing it as a blessing! I'm proud of her!
Greeeat chapter!
Author's Response:
I AM TOOO!!!!
Thank you!!!
[Report This]Date: Nov 29, 2013 07:33 pm Title: Birthday Night
That was beautiful! And sexy!!!!! I wish this would last forever lol...BUT! I know that there is something always around the corner. Great Chapter:)
Author's Response:
Second Review !!;)
[Report This]Date: Nov 29, 2013 07:33 pm Title: Birthday Night
That was beautiful! And sexy!!!!! I wish this would last forever lol...BUT! I know that there is something always around the corner. Great Chapter:)
Author's Response:
Yes there is something around the corner I will update 1/12/14
[Report This]Date: Nov 28, 2013 01:23 pm Title: New Story !!!
That was great T x well done Sweet
Author's Response:
Thank you Ria !!
Much love<3
[Report This]Date: Nov 27, 2013 09:23 pm Title: Birthday Night
Awwwwww!!!
And Ooooooohhhhhhhh!!!!
That was just.... WOW!!!!! :O
I'm speechless. Hee-hee! Wow! I can't say anything but... Wow. That's all I can say. :D
Author's Response:
Lol Im proud I made you speechless!!
[Report This]Date: Nov 27, 2013 06:58 pm Title: Birthday Night
Oh. My. Mother. Fucking. God.(*o*)
I just can't.... WOW.
HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME?!?!
This has to be one of the best scenes on MJFiction OMG o_o
Author's Response:
Lol!!
Maybe maybe not!!
[Report This]Date: Nov 08, 2013 02:26 pm Title: Does It Matter
Lol..loved the chapter. Billie is funny at that last part, glad they were got along
at the end! Update soon!!!
Author's Response:
I Know... I update and I will update 1/12/14
[Report This]Date: Nov 06, 2013 08:58 pm Title: Does It Matter
Eeek!!! I love surprises!! XD
Can't wait for the next chapter!!
Fannice xxx
Author's Response:
Me Too !!!!
It's so sexy
[Report This]Date: Nov 06, 2013 07:52 pm Title: Does It Matter
This is awesome!! It was so funny when Bille was like, 'If you don't stop I'm gonna be the one who's gonna rape you.' I laughed at that! I love this story! :D
Author's Response:
I know right. I think I should start making the chapter more funnier with less drama but hey anything can happen. That so sweet of you to say.
[Report This]Date: Nov 06, 2013 07:37 pm Title: Does It Matter
Oooooohhh......Can't wait till the next chapter!!!
Author's Response:
Thank I might update today ;D
[Report This]Date: Oct 30, 2013 04:20 pm Title: Creep
AWWWWWWWW!!!! Michael and Billie are too cute, really like this story and by the way, the girl on the front is beautiful:) Update soon!!!
Author's Response:
I know she really is :). Yes they are so cute things are gonna go a bit wrong in the next chapter. I will update. Thank you for liking my story.