Chapter 10
Emotional Breakdown
Author’s Notes: The Arviso family is mentioned here and I have fictionally gave them a change in lifestyle. May I repeat what is mentioned in this chapter about the Arviso’s is pure fiction.
She was taking a walk around the mansion. It was late and she knew the kids were already in bed as was the staff of the mansion. As she walked, she walked past Michael’s door. She could hear soft noises coming from in the room and they slightly disturbed her. She stopped and turned back to the door of his room and gave a slight tap.
“Michael?” she asked. “It’s me Lorna. Mind if I come in?”
She could hear some shuffling in the room and a moment later the door opened. Standing before was a vulnerable man. She could see his eyes were red. Even his pale cheeks were a little redish. He was wearing a red set of pajamas.
She could tell he was crying. But for what reason? She did not know.
“Michael, what’s wrong?” she ventured.
“Nothing,” he answered quietly.
“Michael I’ve known you long enough now to know when I see red eyes, something is wrong. Please tell me. I want to help.”
Michael turned away and walked further into room, but kept the door opened. Lorna stepped inside, seeing that it was an invitation to walk in. She quietly closed the door and looked around the room. She was simply bedazzled of the room.
“Oh Michael, you’re room is beautiful. Looks like something befitting for royalty.”
“Thank you,” he answered quietly.
She watched as he walked over to his window. His arm raised up to lean against the window and he leaned his head on his arm. She noticed he was being very quiet and it was something that wasn’t like him.
Since she had got to know him, he was quite the chatter bug. And he was nothing like what the tabloids said about him. She stepped further into the room, ignoring the elegance of the room. He was upset and she knew it.
“Michael?” she ventured. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“I don’t know,” he answered. “I don’t know what to do anymore, sometimes.”
Lorna kept walking over to him, until she was finally standing directly beside him, nearly touching his arm that was resting at his side.
“I feel like that sometimes,” she said softly. “Did something happen today?”
“Old wounds,” he answered. “Have you ever had days where you just wish you could disappear and never return?”
“Of course,” Lorna replied. “But then I would later think on who would miss me most. That was when my Mom was still alive.”
A tear rolled down Michael’s cheek, his eyes were closed. “I love my children, very much, but I’m tired.”
Lorna took a chance and lightly touched his hand. She twisted her body somewhat to lean against the wall so she was more facing him. She raised her other hand up and rested against his face. The movement caused his eyes to open and look at her.
“You have lived a life that you shouldn’t have had to endure. I wish I could take your pain away,” she admitted. “You deserve to be happy and not just for your kids. Your best happy times were before your ‘Dangerous’ album.
“I don’t pretend to know your whole life media story and frankly I’m not sure I really want to. Or at least the media’s point of view. From what I’ve seen you’re a decent, kind man who never deserved such punishments.”
A few more tears slid from his eyes as he watched her. Her words and pretty face was forcing those hidden hurt feelings back to the surface. He was already upset as it was from the News broadcast, but he had to stay strong for the kids and Lorna as she was emotionally hurt by it. When the children were in bed, he went to his room to cry.
Lorna lightly brushed his tears. “Michael, it’s ok to cry. You are no less of a man if you do.”
Michael tried to crack a smile at her sincerity but his lips wouldn’t move. He stared at her and remembered the day he watched from his den window as she played with his children, which was just before she was going to leave, but didn’t. He could see she had a love for children.
More tears fell from his eyes. “How much do you know what the media put me through?”
“I know you nearly went to trail in 1993 and you of course that pain in the ass trail in 2005. I prayed for you, everyday during that. I really didn’t pay attention to your problems in the 90s. You know how it is to be a teenager.”
Michael slowly nodded as he could remember his teenage years. He had seen many teens his age were going out dating and having fun while he was with his brothers, toured. He loved being on stage but he wished to have had a childhood. He missed those years and he was going to be damned if his kids missed out. He loved his kids so much that most days it was more than his music.
He could feel the dam breaking. The dam of his pent of emotions of everything, but he didn’t want to release them in front of her. She was too nice to know his emotional baggage. He removed his head and arm from the window and grasped her hand from the side of his face.
“Please,” he quietly pleaded, nearly in a whisper. “Don’t do this.”
“Michael, I am your friend,” she whispered. “Friends help each other and friends are there to have a shoulder to lean on as well.”
She removed her hand, turning it just so, to grasp on his hand. With his hand in hers, she moved away from the window, forcing him to go with her. Walking to the bed, she sat on down, making him do the same. He looked into her eyes and he could see the sincerity. He had been hurt so many times it was unreal. As he continued to stare, he felt the floodgates were opening.
Lorna on her part released his hand and just sat her hand on his red clad pajama leg. The texture of the material was so soft and silky; she was beginning to love the feel of it under her fingertips. “I’m here for you,” she whispered.
With a sudden force, and before either one knew it, he had snapped his wrist around, grabbing her hand and then pulled her to him. It was so fast and so sudden Lorna couldn’t stop herself, even if she wanted to. He pulled her close to him and hugged her tightly. With his head lying on her shoulder, nearly buried in her hair, he cried.
It did not take Lorna long to realize she had just met the vulnerable side of the King of Pop. She brought her arms around his back and hugged him tightly back. One hand was around his silk pajama shirt and the other was softly touching his soft black hair. With his head on her shoulder, her mouth was close to his ear.
“Let it out,” she whispered in his ear. “I’m not going anywhere.”
He continued to cry and listen to her sweet voice, whispering comforting words in his ears. He was a broken man and she wasn’t degrading him. In fact she was encouraging him to release that pent up frustration. He continued to cry until he was finally spent out and when he finally stopped, he still continued to hold her tightly, not wanting to let her go, in fear she was just a dream.
When she realized he was finally starting to get back under control of his emotions, she tried to pull away, but he held her fast.
“Don’t go,” he whispered. “I…” he couldn’t get the words out.
“I’m not leaving,” she managed to get out. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”
Michael slowly nodded on her shoulder and finally lifted his head up. His arms released her back and she was finally able to sit up.
She looked at him and saw he was trying to hide his fear from his eyes.
She grasped his hand, linking her fingers with his pale ones. “Don’t hide,” she said. “I want to know the real Michael Jackson, the King of Pop. And the real Michael Jackson is an African American man with a skin disease and he has so much love in his heart that some days it cannot be contained within himself. He loves children and sometimes can seriously have a childish side. He also has three beautiful children all named after him Prince Michael the First, Paris Katherine Michael and Prince Michael the Second. And those same three children give you unconditional love everyday.”
His eyes widened as she spoke highly of him and his children. He was amazed at her speaking words about him and his family, made feel like he could take the world on once again.
“But you don’t know everything about me,” he tried to defend.
“Excuse my language for this, as I know you don’t like it, but what the tabloids said about you is just such horse ****. You deserve better. Those kids deserve better. Some days I wish I were as rich as you if not more but then other days I’m glad I’m not. If I were, I wouldn’t have a shred of privacy left. And as far as I can see that is exactly what you were trying to do. You were trying to keep yourself private, but then all those ****ty lies happened and it forced you to talk about yourself and by then it was too late.”
“But you don’t know what I had to endure when I was arrested or what happened to the Neverland Ranch or even what I had to go through during the trial.”
“I would like to know what happened to you when that happened but those are your own personal thoughts and feelings and I don’t want you to feel pressure. I am not the tabloids or the media. I am not a crazed fan who wishes to strip your clothes off.”
At the mention of what some fans ripping his clothes off, he gave a slight blush.
Lorna did not miss the blush and she found that it made him look cute. “You’ve had to put up a façade for so long,” she continued. “That you might have forgotten what it’s like to be a person.”
“I don’t allow what has happened to me to affect my fans. I want to stay strong for them.”
Lorna nodded. “Michael the decision is yours and yours alone.”
Michael thought for a few moments, allowing silence to rein through the bedroom. She was becoming too important to him to keep his past bottled up. Besides most of his past was public knowledge anyway. The only thing that was public knowledge was his true feelings and he wasn’t going to let those out for all the tea in China.
“Lorna,” he finally said. “I don’t want to keep you in the dark. Though you had fallen at my doorstep, not knowing where you were, you have changed my life and my kids and I don’t want that to change.”
“And it doesn’t…” she tried, but he quickly laid a finger against her lips, silencing her.
“Let me finish,” he stated. “Mostly what has happened to me in that 2005 trial is what I keep bottled up most. But I also keep bottled up on how I truly felt in 1993 I was subjected as a guinea pig. It made me sick and feel real dirty. But I didn’t allow it ruin me. And you make me feel like I live again after all those allegations and what I had to endure.”
He removed his finger, allowing her to speak. “Michael, I’m not going anywhere,” she stated again.
He watched as her eyes gave him a different sign than what she was giving him. He recognized the look, as it was something he would often give when his back was bothering him, which it actually was.
“You’re back is bothering you?” he asked.
Lorna blinked and realized that he could see her discomfort through her eyes. “Yeah,” she answered. “I didn’t want to tell you as…”
“Then lay down,” he stated.
“But…”
He slid his body up the bed and laid his head on the pillow. Her eyes widened in shock at his silent invitation. He was offering her to lie on his bed. She took a deep breath and slowly slid herself up on the bed and laid on the other pillow. She kind of felt uncomfortable lying beside him on his bed, but he was allowing it so she knew she didn’t have too much to worry about.
“That’s better,” he answered quietly. “My back was beginning to bother me.”
“Ah,” Lorna answered, not sure what more else to say. She was leaving the floor opened for him to speak. She had said everything she could say for now. She knew he had an emotional trial and probably some that led up to the trial.
The two were quiet for a few moments, staring at each other. Finally he broke the silence again. “It all started when I met a boy who was dieing of cancer. His dieing wish was to meet me. I helped him and his family and allowed them to stay with me,” he explained. “Before we knew it, he was completely cancer free. I continued to allowed the family to stay and that was when things began to go astray.”
She watched him carefully as he opened the floodgates of truth. “What happened?” she asked.
“They betrayed me. While I was away, they abused their privileges. They vandalized the property and destroyed some of my precious things. When I returned I saw what happened. I had no choice but to have them leave.” He remembered back to when he saw the damage. His black leather guest book was ruined, which had many names including celebrities and some of the names were people who were no longer alive.
“I’m sorry. They should have been punished for abusing your hospitality like that.”
“I thought it was over until the day came when the allegations started that I molested the boy who had cancer and gave him alcohol. I was arrested and was treated very badly. I’ve had back problems since then and my shoulders were badly wounded as well. While I was being held, 70 cops raided Neverland, destroying the innocence of the place.”
As she listened, tears streamed down her face as he spilled his darkest secret emotions. She couldn’t believe he was used like that. He was a kind man. As she spoke tears shimmered in his eyes again and she saw this. She had reached forward and grasped his hand. He gripped her hand and continued talking, allowing the tears to fall and not hide them. He did not care he was dampening his pillow. All he cared was telling her the truth.
“But that was no the worse, the worse was under oath that family testified against me saying they were prisoners in Neverland and I would never let them see the time. That is so full of lies it’s unreal. Neverland was full of clocks. Nearly every hundred feet there was a clock. Each room in the house had at least a half a dozen clocks. And they were spending my money while I wasn’t there and leaving the property so why would I force them to stay on the ranch?”
Her heart bled for him as he bared his true soul to her and how he actually felt and how sometimes it would still affect him to this day. When he finally stopped, she knew it was time for her to say something.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered as tears still fell from her eyes. “I wish I was there for you throughout the trial. And I’m sorry you had to abandoned your dream hideaway. Neverland was your life.”
“It was,” he answered. “But after they raided the place, I couldn’t remain there any longer. So I sold it so I wouldn’t have to keep paying the bills for something I wasn’t using. The good name of Neverland has been destroyed all because of that raid and it sickens me that police officers did that.”
Her hand moved out of Michael’s hand and she rested it against his damp cheek. “You’re children must have been scared at the time.”
“They were,” he admitted. “Blanket was just a baby so he won’t ever remember. But Paris and Prince, I’m not so sure. So I have dedicated the last couple years in trying to have them forget all that to be safe.”
“Who was this family that betrayed you?” she asked. “I knew of your trial and why but I didn’t know who caused the problem.”
“The Arviso’s,” he answered.
Lorna’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?” she watched him nod. “I have heard they are money swindlers. And just recently they have been arrested for trying to swindle money.”
“Where did you hear that?” he asked, slightly intrigued.
“When I was living in Vegas. There was a wealthy family who took them in because one of the teenagers was said to have had cancer. But it was soon found out they were the same family that swindled you. And they were arrested.”
“I don’t normally say this,” he said. “But good. I hope they get what they deserve and that is one hell of a hard trial and they will know what it’s like.” He was being honest and normally he did not like seeing people in that sort of situation, unless they really deserved it. And the Arviso’s family did.
Lorna nodded. “If you don’t mind me asking, but what brought your onslaught…” she wasn’t sure how to ask her question but she was really curious. “Why did I find you so upset?” she finally managed to get out.
“That news broadcast where you were upset.”
“Yeah, about that. I’m really sorry for my outburst. I shouldn’t have done that in front of Paris. It was wrong of me.”
His hand rose up and lightly touched her hand on his cheek. “Don’t worry about it. You have every right to be upset when you did nothing wrong, expect to conceal yourself.”
She looked at his hand and she could see a faint scar on his upper arm. “Michael, you have a scar on your arm. Where did you get that?”
Michael blinked before realizing an old wound was visible. “It was when I was arrested. I was treated me like I had resisted arrest. They even hand cuffed me higher on my arms than they should have. And it’s why my back hasn’t been the same. They literally treated me like I committed murder. Also what happened earlier brought back another unwanted memory.”
“What memory of that?” she asked, but then quickly regretting asking.
“Back in 1993, I was forced to stop my Dangerous tour earlier than expected. It was for the first molestation allegation. They had a warrant to search my body.” He took an uneasy breath of air.
“Search your body? You mean as a strip search?”
“Worse,” he admitted as he tightly closed his eyes. “They photographed me in places that no person should be photographed.”
Lorna gasped. “You mean they took pictures of the areas that make you man?” she asked in disbelief.
He slowly nodded. “I had no choice,” he choked out. “The allegations were forced a boy to see me in the nude. The boy then told the police I had blotches still from my Vitiligo. But after they search and photographed me, they still wanted to take more, but they didn’t. The boy and his family lied about what I looked like.”
“What is Vitiligo?” she asked, trying to keep her anger in check.
“A skin disease that destroys pigmentation of the skin. Some, it takes years while others such as myself it took a short time. By 1993, my pigmentation was nearly gone and it started around 1983. I still have the odd spot here and there.”
“Is this common in African Americans?”
“Yes,” he nodded slowly. “And my family gene is known for it.”
Lorna gasped again and quickly scooted closer to him, forcing his eyes to open and see that she was only a couple inches from him. “Those *******s,” she whispered.
Michael took the chance and wrapped his arms around her again, pulling her tight against his body and just held her as he allowed his breathing to return to normal. With telling her everything, he felt light headed.
“That was a long time ago,” he replied quietly in her ear. “I have been able to move on from that. I had even made a media statement of that and showed to the public how disgusted I was of it, but allowed it to happen. If I had denied access, they would have thought me guilty.”
“Now I wish I had watched TV more than played around with my other friends. I would have wrote to you, I’m sure and said how I sorry I was.”
“You being here now is all I need,” he admitted. He felt a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He had a feeling God was working his magic. He began to feel that Lorna’s kidnap and her runaway was fate. He felt that her collapsing in front of his home was fate. That she was to become his friend.
He felt such ease with her. He was beginning to fall in love with her. He knew of his attraction towards her and that attraction was vastly becoming stronger and turning into something that he didn’t want to stop. He hoped that she could feel the same for him as he was starting to feel for her, but only time would tell. All he knew right then and there was that he wanted her in his life, but he would wait. For now he was content in just having her with him. And now he knew why he almost kissed her the other night.
“Lorna,” he said after a few minutes of silence. “With your permission, I would like you stay here with me.”
“I am living with you, now,” she answered.
He moved a little to stare at her in the face. “No, I mean here. Share my bed with me for tonight.” He heard her take another intake of breath. “I’m not asking for sex, I’m just asking to have you fall asleep in my arms and wake up with you in the morning. I’m only asking for this one night.”
She was speechless. “I…I--don’t know what to say.”
“Please say yes,” he replied. “From what I said tonight, I really don’t feel like being alone. I’m afraid I may break down again if you’re not here.”
Looking into his eyes, how could she not say no. “I will,” she answered with a light smile. “I will stay with you tonight.”
Michael smiled and hugged her again. But he soon rolled off the bed, startling her. “Come. Let’s go to your room so you may get your night clothes and something to wear for tomorrow.”
Lorna nodded and got off the bed. He held out his hand for her to take and the two left his room to her room so she could grab the things that she needed. Once she had her things, the two walked back to his room, hand in hand. When they got back to his room, she noticed that it was nearing on midnight.
“It’s getting late,” he stated.
He looked at the clock. “So it is. Go into my bathroom and change into your nightclothes.”
She nodded and went into the bathroom. Michael went and sat on the bed and waited for her. When she emerged, she was wearing a simple cotton navy blue nightgown. She had left her clean clothes in the bathroom neatly folded on a counter.
He now was seeing her for the first time in a vulnerable stage as well. Seeing her in her nightclothes made his heart swell more with love. Though he saw her before in just her nightgown, this time was more intimate. She was so beautiful being in such a state. He saw that she was blushing a little and he realized he was staring at her. He walked over to her and grasped her hand again.
“Let’s go to bed,” he stated.
The two crawled into bed. He quickly had her snuggled against his body as he turned off the light on the nightstand. He was so going to enjoy this. Once he turned back to face her backside, he draped an over her arm.
“Good night, Lorna,” he whispered.
“Good night, Michael,” she answered back.