Sunlight escaped through the soft cotton white curtains and shimmered strands of light across the mahogany floor and the soft lilac quilt I had my arms tucked under. Releasing a yawn I turned over on my side and long strands of hair fell over my shoulders. Surprised, I saw that the other side of the bed was empty and I glanced over torwards the bathroom and saw light streaming from underneath the door.
He was up? Already?
Michael and I had been up most of the night, and although I wasn't sure what time it was the pounding in my head and the glue keeping my eyes from opening completely told me it was still early. Releasing another yawn I covered my mouth and pulled the blankets off.
I heard Michael's soft voice drift from the bathroom, and I smiled realizing he was singing to himself. Getting off the bed I tugged my oversized t-shirt down over my thighs and I pulled my hair back behind my shoulders as I crossed the room to the bathroom.
His voice got louder the closer I got to the door and my smile deepened realizing he was singing the song he had written for me a couple of years ago before we had gotten engaged. I glanced down to the engagement ring Michael had slipped on my hand last night again and I paused and watching the large saphire diamond sparkling against the white gold. My heart warmed once again seeing it back on my finger and lightly I ran my fingers across my hand.
I had been so stupid the last few months running from him after all that we had been through. The fear of abandonment clearly run deeper than I had imagined. My dad had left a lot of disaster in his wake and I had stuffed it in and not dealt with it in a long time. I had taken it out on Michael....we had lost a lot of time.
But we wouldn't lose anymore.
Finally, after months of being apart, I could once again envision our future together. It was a dream I had thought was lost forever. It was the only dream I had ever had that was worth having and when I had lost it the pain had been deeper than the loss of my parents.
They had never really loved me like Michael had.
Insecurities rose up in my chest as I thought about the pain I had put Michael through recently and I pushed them back down and inhaled a deep breath.
He was here....he loved me. It was enough.
Forcing my thoughts away from the past and pushing them to the present I opened the door and Michael came into view. Standing in front of the mirror with shaving cream on the left side of his face, a razor glided down his cheek. His hair flowing down behind his back in waves I smiled and leaned against the doorway.
"Hey you."
Michael's eyes widened and I saw him hesitate and glance down to his chest. My eyes followed his to the large white patches on his stomach, chest, and shoulders and my heart melted seeing the uncertainity in his eyes.
Even as long as we had been together I could only count on one hand how many times Michael had taken off his shirt around me when the lights were on. Even that was a miracle. He rarely took his shirt off ever. Being Michael Jackson he typically got away with it even when he was at the doctor or in the hospital. Rarely did people argue with him. I was pretty sure even his brothers and sisters hadn't seen him without his shirt on since the patches had appeared.
Leaning back up from the doorway I closed the chasm between us and I walked around him and stepped in front of him. Careful not to look down at his chest I kept my eyes trained on his face. Reaching up I gently brushed a strand of hair from his temple.
"You're perfect to me..." I whispered tenderly, curling the stray hair around my finger.
Michael swallowed and his eyes still reflected uncertainity. Leaning in against him I released the strand and I leaned my head against his bare chest and pressed a kiss to his collarbone. "Perfect..."
I felt Michael's arms slip around me and he pulled me up and laid me gently on the sink. Linking my legs around his waist I glanced up into his eyes again and ran a hand against his temple.
‘I love you..." He murmered in a strained voice. Smiling I latch my hands behind his neck and pulled his face torwards mine.
"I love you more."
Michael's lips met my own, and I closed my eyes in bliss feeling his warm, smooth hands reach up and clasp my hair. The familiar scent of Michael's cologne wafted in the room and the kiss felt electrifying and familiar as our lips connected. Unclasping my hands I ran my thumb along his jawline and Michael stepped closer to me and pulled me into him. His fingers roaming in my tangled blonde hair, I gently bit the bottom of his lip and pulled away from him. Our foreheads touching, I made sure to keep my face away from the shaving cream on his cheek.
"This is nice. Being together...like this."
Michael pressed a kiss to my nose and lifted me off the sink. "Mmm."
"What- Where are we going?"
Michael's chest moved up and down as he released a chuckle and I clasped onto his neck so I wouldn't fall.
"Michael?"
Walking to the bed, Michael dumped me down on the comforter.
"Oomph."
My hands slid from around his neck and I fell against the covers. I felt my shirt ride up over my hips but before I had time to react Michael leaned over the bed and started crawling torwads me. Pulling my hair from my face his head came to rest above mine and he leaned his body down against mine. A drop of shaving cream fell from his cheek and dropped on my nose. Crinkling my nose I turned my head away giggling.
"What are you DOING?" I squealed as another glob landed on my face.
Michael's mocha brown eyes shimmered in merriment and he tilted his head slightly and pressed his face against mine. Releasing a loud squeal I felt the shaving cream smear across my face and I lightly jerked away from him. His arms rested at my sides in an attempt to keep me still, and I squeezed my eyes shut as it spread across my forehead, jaw, and eyes.
"Michael Joseph!"
I reached up to wipe the soft white cream from my face and I felt Michael's chuckles deepen as he pulled his head away.
"You jerk..." I mumbled playfully opening my eyes. Biting the inside of his cheek, strands of ebony hair covered in shaving cream draped the sides of his face and he tilted his head and kissed my neck.
Rolling my eyes, I pulled some shaving cream from my hair and tossed it at his nose.
Michael's grin widened and I squealed when he pressed his face up against mine and smeared It against my face again.
"MICHAEL! You are so DEAD."
"I've heard that before."
"You'll be sleeping in the guest room tomorrow if you don't STOP" I giggled, throwing another gob at his face.
The teasing glint in his eyes faded and I watched him curiously for a moment until it dawned on me.
I knew that look.
Releasing my waist, Michael climbed off me and pulled himself up into a sitting position. I followed suit and my heart dropped into my stomach as his warm, firm arms pulled me against him and tucked me in his lap. Leaning against his chest I looked down at my hands and voiced my fear.
"Your leaving tomorrow aren't you...."
Michael tightened his hold on me in response, and I released a sigh and tilted my head back to look up at him. His eyes closed, I saw him warring with his emotions and I knew that the look on his face reflected the inner turmoil I was feeling.
We had just only gotten together and he was leaving again.
"I don't understand though..." I glanced back down at my hands and shrugged. "I thought you were staying longer."
"I was....but the Children's Hospital called down in Phoenix. That kid I was going to visit next week took a turn for the worse and so I'm flying down there tomorrow morning before...."
My heart lurched seeing the strained look behind his eyes and I felt a pang of tenderness for the sweet man I was marrying. He was leaving me earlier to fullfill the dying wish of one of his fans. And I knew how much he didn't want to leave me. It was a big sacrifice for him. Realizing this, I tried to push back my disappointment. I nodded my head and leaned my head back against his chin. I felt him press a kiss against the top of my head and I closed my eyes.
"We'll see each other again....."
Not soon enough.
_____________________________________________________________________________________
The Next Morning
Tears slipped down my cheeks and I wiped them away and leaned my head back against the black leather bench. In my limo on my way to a photoshoot, Michael and I had said our goodbyes at the airport about a half hour ago and it had been nearly impossible to let him board his plane.
He had to go.
The last couple of months Michael had been in touch with a family who's child had been diagnosed with leukemia and he had promised to come and spend a couple of days with him before he subcommed to his illness. I remembered him mentioning it to me on the phone that he'd be leaving from my house next week and flying directly there to see him but I hadn't realized at the time it would be the deciding factor in his departure. Still, even though the ache in my heart was great and the pain of him leaving so soon after our reconcilliation was making me crazy I knew that he had made the right choice when he'd received the call. I also knew it wouldn't be the last time. Michael would probably sing at the funeral as well.
More than any of the other Jacksons Michael had inherented Katie's sweet spirit and compassionate heart. All of them were good natured and kind to others, but Michael and Katie were the kind of people that would always go out of there way to help others.
Which is how they had ended up in my life.
I smiled thinking of that first Christmas when I'd met Janet and Michael. It felt like an eternity ago, and I remembered the contrast I had noticed in my own home and theirs after I had went home that night.
There house had been warm, happy, full of love.
And mine....
My eyes shut painfully remembering the way my dad had snatched the Christmas present away from me and stormed off with it into his room. I had begged, cried, pleaded with him not to take it but instead I had received a slap to the face that had sent me flying into the floor. It had taken me weeks to find where had hidden it, and when I'd discovered it I'd quickly hid it between two loose floorboards in my room.
It was the only time I had ever defied my dad.
Why hadn't he loved me?
Pain from my past seeped into my subconscious again, and I shook it off and wrapped my arms around my waist. Shivering, I bit my lower lip and watched rain pelt the sides of the limo as we stopped at a red light. Outside a few pedestrians walked the city sidewalks and the lights to a small green florist shop flickered on. Watching the elderly woman arrange a bouquet in the window I inhaled a deep breath and collected myself.
Why was I rehasing all of these memories now? After so long? I had to let it go. Move on.
But wasn't that what I had been doing all along? Forcing myself to let it go? To not think about it?
It had always been easier to pretend that I was a Jackson and not think about my own family and it had only grown easier as I bounced from foster home to foster home. I mean, who wants to sit and dwell about being nothing more than a paycheck? That's what I was to every foster parent I encountered.
It just....hurt.
I felt my phone vibrate in the pocket of my denim miniskirt and I broke from my thoughts and reached in to pull it out. My silver charm bracelet jingled as I unlocked the screen and punched in my password. As the home screen loaded a message notification popped up and I smiled when I saw that it was Michael.
I miss you already.
Tears streamed down my cheeks again reading the message, and I reached up and wiped the tears away before hitting back a reply.
"I miss you too."
I waited a few minutes to see if he replied, but when he didn't I knew he had punched the message as he was preparing to take off. Locking my phone again I tossed it down next to me and sighed.
I didn't mean much to my dad or my mom, and that hurt. At some point I'd have to address the insecurity it dredged up, and make peace with it. But for now it was enough to know that with Michael...
I was home.