The limo door swung open and my head spun seeing all of the bright flashes on both sides of the brass metal barricades.
I could do this.
“It’s Lexi Adams!”
I smiled politely at the reporters and I slid my hand into Frank’s as he gently helped me out. Brushing my hair back over my shoulders, I ran a hand nervously along the cool metallic satin of my dress and I took in the large Kodak Theater several paces ahead. Large gold Grammy statues positioned at the entrance, a soft gold velvet curtain was secured against the beige stone building and I saw golden lights flickering inside, inviting us in. I soaked in everything, amazed that I was here, and I glanced down the carpet at the other celebrities dressed in elaborate formals. I recognized a few, but I didn’t see Michael and I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed or relieved knowing the conversation to ensue. Inhaling a deep breath, I cast a side glance at Usher as he climbed out of the limo behind me and I held out my arm to link in his when he stopped beside me.
“You ready?”
I nodded my head and gave him a small smile. Winking at me, Usher cockily strutted, his sunglasses still perched atop his nose, and we stopped a couple of times to answer brief questions before reaching the door. My eyes scanning the crowd inside, my heart sped up seeing Michael off to the corner in conversation with Whitney Houston and Megan. My eyes soaked in Michael first, and I touched my neck nervously when he glanced up and saw me. Dressed in a coal colored leather jacket with thick straps running down the front, a silver pair of sunglasses, and matching leather pants, Michael’s ebony hair ran down his shoulders in subtle waves.
Usher opened the door, and the noise that had been deafened by the closed doors intensified. The lights dimmed to a soft glow, my dressed shimmered against the amber lighting and I glanced over to Megan. Dressed in a fiery red fitted dress with slits running up to her calves, her long hair fell over her sun kissed shoulders and my stomach turned, seeing her wrap a possessive arm around Michael’s waist. His gaze still firmly planted on Usher and I, a frown was engrained in his expression and I waited until he glanced over to me and pointed in the direction of a small hall off to the side of the room.
Nodding his head, Michael said something to Megan and headed off in the direction I had pointed. I turned back to look at Usher and slid my arm from his.
“Hey, I’ll be right back okay?”
A confused look on his face, he nodded. “Okay…”
Not taking the time to explain, I glided through the crowd until I reached the other end of the room. Before turning the corner, I stopped a moment and closed my eyes.
What was I going to say?
“Lexi?”
I opened my eyes, and Michael stood a couple inches in front of me. Reaching up, Michael pulled the sunglasses from his head and his dark brown eyes shimmered angrily beneath his thick lashes. Seeing the irritated expression on his face, I glanced tentatively behind us at the crowd and put a hand on his arm to nudge him the other direction.
“I think, we should probably get out of earshot…” I warned, tugging him a bit down the hall. “If we are going to have this conversation.”
“What are you doing here with him?”
Michael followed behind me gruffly, and I sighed and continued tugging him until we were several feet down the hall. Releasing his arm, I stepped back and leaned against the railing on the other side of the wall.
“Well?” Tapping his foot impatiently, Michael furrowed his brow.
I looked down to the floor, and bit the corner of my lip. “It’s not what it looks like…”
“It looks like you’re on a date.”
“Michael, I-”
Abruptly Michael turned away from me and ran a hand through his hair. Biting my lip, I watched him and tried to figure out what to say.
“Listen” Michael spoke suddenly. “It’s fine okay? I get it. Your done with me and have moved on.”
His words took me by surprise and my lips parted slightly. Tilting my head slightly, I leaned up off the railing and took a step towards him. “No… that’s not what’s-“
“I just don’t understand…” Michael interrupted, shaking his head in disbelief. “Why didn’t you tell me you were dating? Do you really think you’re going to be happy with someone else?”
Frustration swelled within me. Why wouldn’t he stop interrupting me and just listen?
“Michael…I am trying to explain if you’d just give me a chance.” Stepping forward again I hesitantly touched his arm. “We are not here together….”
“Then why were his hands all over you?”
I raised my eyebrows. “All over me? Michael, your acting insane.”
Shaking his head no, Michael placed a hand in front of him to stop me from talking and took a step towards the lobby.
“Forget it, I don’t want to hear it Lex, I’m just done. I’m done dealing with this. You’ve evidently decided to move on.”
He could not be serious.
My irritation morphed into fear and my heart lurched in my chest. My irritation forgotten, desperately I reached forward and grabbed his arm. “Just listen. It’s not what you think.”
Tossing his hands in the air in frustration, my hand fell back down to my side and Michael spun around on his heel and gave me a disbelieving look.
“Why would I believe anything that you say when you clearly don’t believe anything that I say?”
Was he seriously comparing me being here with another guy to the accusations of his infidelity?
“This is HARDLY the same as you being accused of CHEATING and LYING.”
“Isn’t it?” Michael stepped towards me and I took a step back and ran against the wall. Moving a few more paces Michael placed both arms on either side of me and looked down. A dark strand of hair falling in front of his eyes, Michael ignored the stray and studied my face, his expression softening.
“I asked you…to believe me. To believe in me and you’ve been running ever since.”
“It’s not that simple…”
Gazing at me earnestly, I saw a hint of vulnerability in his expression and it dawned on me the reason he was reacting so strongly wasn’t because of anger, but because of hurt.
He thought I was replacing him…
Swallowing a lump in my throat, I took a hesitant breath and tried again to explain.
“Michael, I love you…no one else.”
Michael searched my face, and his eyes pleaded with me Reaching up to brush his hands against the sides of my face, Michael’s breath was hot against my neck and my eyes fell to his lips. I closed my eyes, against his caress, and Michael pressed a kiss to my forehead.
“Then let’s end this.” He whispered. “Take me back.”
“It’s just…not that simple.”
The words were painful, and my heart ached with each syllable. The light in Michael’s eyes dimmed, and his expression hardened. Pulling back away from me Michael slipped his hands from my face and shook his head in disbelief.
“I don’t know what to do anymore then Lex. I love you, I can’t even stand the idea of living without you for the rest of my life…but I will not pay for something I did NOT do for the rest of my life. I cannot just stand here and watch you move on. I just…can’t. I’m sorry.”
“That’s not what’s happening.. I am not moving on!”
Michael pushed up from the wall, and before I had a chance to say anything else he spun on his heel and began walking away.
______________________________________________________________________
1 hour later
Backstage after Lexi’s performance
It took every ounce of willpower I had to pretend that everything was okay.
My entire body felt like it had been shot, and my heart pounded long painful beats in my chest. Watching a couple of stage technicians arguing in the corner, I lightly tugged the small microphone from my head and sat it on a black table near the edge of the stage. Completely zoned out, I couldn’t pull my thoughts away from my conversation with Michael earlier and I jumped, startled, when my assistant approached me from behind and tapped me on the arm.
“Are you ready to head to the dressing room?”
Peeking out beneath brown rimmed glasses, Lora, my assistant’s bright green eyes stared up at me in expectation and I gave her a smile.
“Yeah, sure.”
I moved in a daze through the crowded backstage area dodging frantic behind the scenes workers and other entertainers preparing for their time on stage. Lora rambling in my ear about my upcoming week, I stopped abruptly when I saw Michael off to the left with Frank Dileo, his head lowered in conversation. Reaching my hand up to my throat, I studied the elaborate stage costume he was wearing and watched Anna hooking up his microphone for him.
Could I really live a life separate from him? What if he was serious, that he was done waiting?
“Miss Adams?”
My assistant lightly touched my arm and broke my trance. Shooting her a weak smile she glanced in the direction I had been looking and looked back at me sympathetically.
“Perhaps…it would be best if we went ahead and got you out of this costume...”
Gazing back over at Michael again momentarily, my eyelids fluttered for a moment and I straightened and smiled at her bravely.
“Probably so.”
Was I really facing the reality of living without him? Living my life without him would mean watching Michael move on without me to another woman. It would mean watching him marry and have children. Not only would I lose the man that had become my lover I’d lose my best friend.
But how could I let him back into my life if I didn’t trust him?
Glancing back behind me again, I saw Megan approach Michael and give him a fake smile. Lacing her arm through his, Michael uncomfortably shifted away from her and she sashayed closer and laid her head on his shoulder.
She was desperate for Michael to pay attention to her. Too desperate. If Michael had actually cheated on me with her, wouldn’t there be some chemistry between them?
Stopping abruptly again, I turned on my heel and studied them. Wrapping her arms around him, Megan ran a finger down his chest and Michael again shifted uncomfortably away from her.
Watching their interactions, I thought about the things that Michael had been saying over the last few weeks about his innocence and my mind flashed back to the conversation earlier before the show.
“Tell me something, if you really meant so little to me that I would risk everything while I was with you, why would I be chasing you so hard now when I don’t have to? When I could find something easier and less complicated?”
When have I ever lied to you or even acted interested in another woman?
For the first time since all of this had happened, I really thought about all of the times I had seen women throw themselves at Michael. There was no way to know how many had actually attempted it had happened so frequently but every time Michael had glanced at them with disinterest and pity. Even the ones that were knock down gorgeous.
Never had he looked at them the way he looked at me. Not even once.
My heart warming, I thought about the caresses and kisses we had shared…the stolen moments we had spent backstage at countless arenas and the long, middle of the night phone calls we had shared when his schedule hadn’t allowed for us to be together. Even on the days he had only a couple hours to recover for the next morning he had always made time to check in with me about my day. I had taken that for granted at times…mistaking his business for lack of interest. But never for a moment, until all of this had happened, had I ever doubted for even a second that Michael loved me when we were together.
And suddenly, I just knew.
A deep fire erupted in my gut and every hesitancy, every doubt that had been restricting my relationship with Michael crumbled around me. Peaking over the crowd again I saw Michael headed towards the stage and I fought the urge to run and tell him, knowing that here at the awards show was not the time or place.
I’d have to wait until tomorrow.
________________________________________________________________________
The Next Day
It was the morning after the awards show and I was exhausted. I had won two awards last night, and I shifted the statues in my arm and kicked against the front door of my condo to be let in.
Where was he?
I searched the living room for some sign of Michael, but saw none. Sighing, I dropped my duffle bag and statues on a small glass entryway table and kicked the door shut behind me.
He was surely back from the hotel by now…
I glanced at the digital clock on the wall near me and kicked my shoes off. Somewhere close to noon, I was certain he was here even though I didn’t see him and I was a nervous wreck anticipating the conversation I knew that we had to have.
How do you bring something like this up? Especially when you are admitting you were wrong?
Exhaling a deep breath, a yawn escaped my lips and I reached up to wipe my eyes.
Those meetings had lasted entirely too long this morning. I was less prepared for a confrontation and more prepared for a nap.
Not that I could sleep even if I tried. Sleep had evaded me all last night.
The rest of my day was clear, and I was grateful. I glanced around the empty room and was struck by how the empty room parallel the last few months of my life. To most people, the room would look full with all of the lavish furnishings my recording contract had afforded me in the last few months. To me, it just looked empty.
Very empty.
Life was definitely not about what you had, but who you had. And I was ready to get who I used to have back.
I walked across the living room and glanced down the hallway. My bright pink socks slid a bit against the cool tile kitchen, and I placed my hand on the edge of the wall. Noticing a light on beneath the spare bedroom door my heartbeat picked up speed.
This was it. I was going to be sick.
I knew in the back of my mind I had to do it before I lost my nerve…but I honestly wasn’t sure how he’d respond. He had definitely acted like he was done with me last night. When I had agreed to go to the show with Usher I had no idea it would have created such a strong reaction in Michael. I mean…I knew he would be upset. But the level of upset he ended up being was a complete surprise.
…I had made such a mess of things lately.
Running my hands down my jeans nervously, I walked a few paces until I was standing a few inches away from his door and I knocked lightly.
How was I going to do this?
Michael didn’t respond, and I knocked again and waited a few minutes.
Had he not heard…?
Clearing my throat, I turned the doorknob and opened the door.
“Michael…?”
The door creaked open and I was bewildered to see Michael standing at the edge of the bed in a pair of black jeans and a matching t-shirt. Soft music playing from the small white radio on the oak end table near the bed, the teal colored comforter was neatly made up on the bed. His back to me, his hair was pulled behind him in a straight pony tail. My heart sinking, I took a tentative step forward and saw his suitcase open.
No. this wasn’t happening.
“Where are you going….?” I whispered, biting the side of my lip and walking towards the bed.
Not saying anything for a moment, Michael continued packing and finally responded.
“I’m leaving. This was a mistake.”
I had to get him to listen.
Trying to clear my throat, I stepped forward. “Can we talk?”
“There’s nothing left to say I think maybe we need some space for a little bit. Especially if you’re going to be dating.”
“I am not dating. Michael I-“
Heaving his duffle bag off the bed, he slid the thick black strap over his shoulder and glanced over at me. “I don’t have time Lexi. My plane is going to be at the airport in twenty minutes.”
He was seriously going to leave.
Michael walked past me and out the door and I stood paralyzed what felt like an eternity until I realized I had to stop him. Casting a furtive glance at the doorway I raced out of the room and down the hallway. Seeing him a couple of feet away from the front door I ran across the room and slammed it back shut just as he opened it.
“No” I replied breathless, laying a hand on my stomach and looking up at him. “You can’t leave.”
Michael’s eyebrows rose and he shifted the duffel bag higher up on his shoulder.
“Lexi…”
My eyes wide with fear, I shook my head adamantly and his expression softened. Reaching up to pull the sunglasses off his eyes, Michael slid them on top of his head and looked at me in resignation. “I have too.”
“Please. We need to talk.”
Michael looked away from me for a moment, and I held my breath until the duffle bag slipped from his arm and fell to the floor. Looking back over to me, Michael begrudgingly nodded his head in acceptance and I exhaled in relief.
“Okay, but quickly.”
Biting the inside of my cheek, I motioned with him to follow me over to the couch and both of us sat down. Inhaling sharply, I looked down and folded my hands in my lap.
I had almost lost him and still might, if I didn’t word this right.
The image of Michael standing at the doorway with his duffle bag swung over his shoulder made me realize just how close I’d come and I shuddered. Trying to keep from crying, I looked back up at him and saw him gazing at me quizzically.
“I am so sorry.”
I blurted out the words before I even knew what I was saying, and tears slipped from my eyes. Embarrassed, I turned away from him and glanced out the window. Inhaling a deep breath, I calmed my shaky nerves and turned back to look at him.
“Lexi, are you crying?”
I dropped my head again, and shook my head no.
“Dang it Lex…”
I heard Michael shuffling on the couch beside me and in a moment I felt his strong, warm arms wrap around me and lift me onto his lap. Reaching up to brush at my eyes again, I leaned back against him and his arms tightened.
“Please don’t cry... I didn’t mean to make you upset. I just can’t stand the thought of you with him or anyone else. It makes me crazy. I know I was harsh with you yesterday, and I’m probably being a jerk leaving today-“
Shaking my head, I looked down at my hands and laced them together. “That’s not why I’m upset.” I interrupted.
My words muffled, I wasn’t sure he understood until he responded.
“Then what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry.”
Sighing Michael ran a hand soothingly through my hair. “But why are you sorry?”
Breathing deeply, I tried to collect myself and lifted my head up to look at him. His eyes searching my face in concern, Michael leveled his gaze with mine and looked at me questioningly. “I was wrong” I tried again “To push you away. To not believe you.”
Blinking a couple of times, Michael looked at me in disbelief and I pulled a strand of hair from his forehead and looked away.
“I know you probably hate me…and it’s too late.” I started again. But I was wrong. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s going on but…I believe you. Please don’t leave…I want to come home.”
Michael sat quietly, not moving. Anxious to gauge his reaction, I hesitantly looked at him and saw him gazing towards the window.
“Michael?”
Slowly Michael turned back to look at me and I felt his hands slip from my waist.
“You’re coming home…? He finally whispered, reaching up to brush my cheek. His eyes full of wonder, Michael eyes searched my face like a caress and his thick red lips parted slightly.
“If I can.”
Michael tilted his head and looked at me questioningly. “But I thought…?”
“That I was moving on?”
Michael nodded his head.
“Michael…I ran into Usher in the elevator and Frank accepted his invitation to come with him for me. I had nothing to do with it.”
He looked sheepish and his mouth formed a circle. “Oh.”
“I realized yesterday, when you told me you were done how stupid I had been.”
He searched my face, and leaned in close to me. Dropping his hand from my cheek, Michael reached under my chin and tilted my head up and brought his lips up against mine.
His kiss felt wonderful.
The unspoken longings and raw desire both of us had been suppressing erupted in the familiar, electric promise and I reached up and tightened my arms around his neck.
“You have no idea…”
Michael’s voice was gruff as he pulled me against him and I ran my fingers along the sides of his face caressing every crevice.
“Trust me….I do.”
I closed my eyes, and our lips explored each other’s hungrily. My heart fluttering in my chest I felt Michael shift underneath me and he pulled back and made eye contact with me.
“Let me see your hand”
Tilting my head in confusion, my hand slipped from his face and I glanced down as he took it in his.
“I don’t want you to ever take this off again.”
My eyes widened in surprise, seeing my engagement ring, and Michael gently slid it back on my left hand and leaned in to give me a soft kiss.
“You had it with you?” I stared in amazement.
Giving me a slow smile Michael nodded his head.
“Obviously Lex. I mean I just pulled it out of my pocket.”
“So I take it you’re staying then?” I teased back, leaning in for another kiss.”
“Mmhmm. Forever.”
Chapter End Notes:
Hey Guys.....so this is most definetly a rough draft lol but I wanted to get this up because you guys have been waiting so long. I'm just logging in long enough to get this up, so when I get on tomorrow to tweek things I will answer all of your guys reviews. Thank you guys for sticking with me and let me know what you think :) <3 <3 <3
Leah