The Next Day

"Lexi! Michael! Over here!"

Michael's hand tightened protectively around my waist, and I stepped into him, mesmerized by the smell of his cologne, as he tipped his light grey fedora over his eyes.  Both of us were moving intently through the large crowd trying to get inside of the lobby of the hotel and it was proving difficult even with security.  The AMA's later this evening, Michael and I had figured it would be a good idea to be closer to the venue and had both had all of our stuff delivered and set up ahead of time.

Now we only had to make it inside the building ourselves. At least we were talking this morning.

Yesterday after we had gotten home from the rehearsal had been incredibly awkward, and both of us had gone to bed without a word.   This morning so far had been better...both of us trying to forget what had happened but I was having trouble since every time I felt his touch or looked at him I flashed back and wondered if i had made the right decision to keep pushing him away.

Seriously though, how could I not? I couldn't trust him...not like I once could.

I watched him, thoughts churning in my mind.  Michael's porcelain white skin glowed, and his intense chocolate eyes were tilted towards the ground.  My heart pounded painfully in my chest looking at him, a feeling I was becoming all too familiar with, and my knee length tan riding boots sloshed through a large puddle of water near the curb as Michael's grip tightened around my waist possessively.  Desperate to slow my rapidly churning thoughts and to think about something else I forced my thoughts away from Michael and looked up at the hotel.  Nervous anticipation consumed me.

This was the first time I'd be attending one of these for myself.  It was a strange feeling.

 I was shocked that I had been asked to perform tonight...and had been even more shocked to learn that my first single's instant success had put me in the running for Best New Female Artist. It was convenient that I was supposed to attend tonight since Michael would have had to go anyway and he was visiting...but a large knot formed in my stomach at the thought of walking down the red carpet with him. 

God only knew how many questions I'd have to dodge again this evening.

I turned to look at Michael again as we stood a few yards away waiting for security to clear us inside. Trying to shield his face from the paparazzi, Michael's face was, for the most part hidden beneath the brim of his hat but I saw a hint of his thick ebony eyelashes beneath it.  Clasping the silver necklace that dangled several inches below my shoulders, I watched Michael and my thoughts, once again, returned to him.   It was amazing how, like my thoughts, I kept coming back to this one man even after everything that we had been through.  Even now, in the midst of a flood of scandal and controversy about our relationship here I was trying to work through it so I didn't lose him. It had to look insane to others...
And yet, none of that really made a difference to me.  I had to figure out what my heart was saying...but even in the cloud of confusion I knew for certain I couldn't ever completely let him go. I loved him too much.

If that made me weak, I wasn't sure that I cared.  In some ways the pull he had on me was an enigma; in others I understood it perfectly.  Life would have been so much easier if I could have moved beyond what we had and found someone out of the spotlight.  Our relationship at times was so hard...but my relationship with Michael in a lot of ways was part of my identity.  To give that up would be like losing a part of me.

If only he hadn't ended up in this kind of career...

 I wondered like I often did how such a quiet, private person had ended up with such an openly exposed career choice and life.  He had been such a loving, open child but even as a kid he had always desired a level of privacy.  It had surprised me, after everything Joseph had put him through as a child that he had desired to continue on with his career after the Jackson 5.  Despite the way his career was started though Michael burned with passion for his music and I guess it was something I guess he had sacrificed to share his love of music with others.

Would all of this happened between us if he hadn't? If he'd have chosen something less complicated?   I'd given anything to know...but knowing wouldn't change anything. 

I sighed, and twirled the silver chain watching a slight breeze fill the darkened landscape.  The wind wisped against my neck, and I shivered watching a strand of hair glide against Michael's cheek.  Glancing away quickly, I felt Michael jerk me and I fell against him as he protectively dodged us both right to avoid smacking into a photrapher that had jumped in front of us.   A bright light blinded me, and I squinted.  Grumbling beside me, Michael half waved to the crowd as he finally opened the large amber tinted glass door to the lobby, and I breathed a sigh of relief as the doors closed shut behind us.  Our security wrapped around us and secured the doors behind us and I slipped my sunglasses from my eyes and felt Michael's hand slip from my waist.


"Wow, this is beautiful."

  Turning to look at Michael I saw him glance back to the people on the other side of the glass.  Clearly not hearing what I had just said I cleared my throat and stepped closer to him.

"So you're staying another week?"

I heard a murmur of voices from the other end of the room as Frank confirmed our arrangements.  Glancing over at them for a moment, Michael turned and glanced me and gave me a small smile. "Yeah, that's the plan."

If only everything went as planned.

The happily ever after I had planned with Michael flashed across my mind and our eyes locked.  Clearing my throat, my fingers shook nervously as I reached up and brushed a curled tendril from my eyes.  With the swift movements of my hand, my large green and white rings creating prisms of light around me.   Watching the speckles of light fall against the tan colored rocks in the fountain, my soft white stilettos ground against the tan marble floor and the hem of my paisley skirt swished against my calves.

 Lightly tugging down the edge of my cream knit sweater, I soaked in the large gold and cream colored lobby and the tall etched marble columns.  A large water fountain situated in the center of the room, the room's decadent plush sectionals and floor to ceiling water fountains ensconced on the walls all lent to the tranquil colors.

"Lexi? Michael? We're ready."

Frank's voice from across the room forced my attention back to the check in desk and I felt Michael's hand against the small of my back.  Clutching my middle Michael and I walked silently the large metallic elevators and stepped inside as the doors opened.  My heels clicked against the light grey marble, and Michael and I's security piled in just as the doors closed. 

"Michael, Anna is waiting upstairs for you and Lexi she requested to see you for a minute too."

My brow furrowed in confusion and I glanced over at Michael who shrugged his shoulders. 

"Okay..."

The elevator dinged, and the doors slid open revealing the private hotel floor.  Hearing from Michael on the way here that all of these rooms were filled with other celebrities attending the same show later this evening I glanced curiously at the rooms as we passed by them. 

"Here we go Mr. Jackson.  Miss Adams your room is the one with the connecting door."

Nodding my head, I took my key from the head of Michael's security and smiled my thanks.  The floor secure because of all of the other celebrities, our security team headed down to the end of the hall to give us some privacy and Michael slid his key in the lock and opened the door.   The room decorated in dark blues, we stepped inside and were met by Anna, Michael's hair and makeup team, and his wardrobe assistant.  A small vanity table and chair set up in the middle of the room beside the large queen bed, the bathroom was jutted off to the back left corner and a large flatscreen television sat across a couch and loveseat in front of the balcony.  Setting my purse on the floor I saw the connecting door they had been talking about leading to my room and Michael slipped his fedora off his head and tossed it in a large overstuffed chair near the door.

"Good you're hear."

His team went into a flurry of activity and I sighed and walked over to the bed.  Spreading the soft velvet comforter beneath my fingertips I gingerly sat down and glanced over at Anna.

"So what's going on, they said you needed to see me?"

Anna's long brown hair flowed down both of her shoulders and her dark rimmed glasses were tilted down her nose as she looked down at a small brown clipboard in her arms.  Looking up at me hesitantly, Anna glanced over at the bed and bit her lower lip.

"Yes...about tonight."  Anna shifted the clipboard to her left arm and tucked a strand of hair against her ear.  "Frank and Michael's publicist aren't so sure you guys should be seen, you know, together..."

My eyes widened in surprise.  "What? Why not?"

Anna avoided eye contact.  "They think he should walk the carpet with Megan and his s-"  Clearing her throat Anna stopped herself in time and corrected herself.  "Her son."

"Un freaking believable.' I crossed my arms and my voice rose an octave " So now she's coming between us while we were trying to work things out?"

"This, is not happening." Michael's voice boomed his disapproval from over by the large glass doors leading to the balcony.  Moving a strand of hair from my eyes I glanced back over at him and saw his eyes flashing irritation in Anna's direction. 

Refusing to look at either one of us she continued.

"...And Lexi's management team feels it would be better for her if you guys were seen separately as well. They claim it makes you appear...weak."

"Of course they do." I rolled my eyes. 

"I don't care, we're going together and it's settled."

Anna hesistated. "Not...exactly.  You see they kind of already-"

The bathroom door busted open, and my jaw fell slack seeing Megan and her son.  Dressed in a pair of jeans and a red and pink striped tunic, Megan's dark brown hair fell over her shoulders in waves.  Giving me a catty smile Megan turned to look at Michael.

"Hey sexy..." She cooed, releasing her son's hand.

Shaking my head in disbelief I got off the couch and walked towards the adjoining door.

"Lexi, wait!"

I heard Michael shuffling behind me as he called my name, but quickly I threw open the door and stepped into my room.  My own makeup and hair crew setting up in a room identical to Michael's, I saw the gold dress I had selected laying in a garment bag on the bed and I turned to shut the door when Michael's hand clasped around the edge of it.  Peaking his head in the doorway Michael's eyes pleaded with me.

"Lexi...I didn't have anything to do with this.

Sighing, I wanted to be angry at him but I knew that was unreasonable.  He truly hadn't done anything wrong...but still.  Just the thought of Megan with him tonight was enough to make me want to hurl.

"I know..."

Michael searched my face, and swung the door open.   Taking a step back so that he could come in I ran my hand through my hair in frustration and watched him close the door.  Reaching forward to take my hand in his Michael and I walked silently past everyone and headed into the bathroom.   Letting go of my hand as he shut the door behind us I turned to look at the beige granite countertop and placed both of my hands on the edge.  Inhaling a deep sigh I looked down to the sink.

"This is insane..."I muttered, a lump in my throat. 

"Lexi, I'll tell her to go home.  This is supposed to be our time together and they had no right..."

I closed my eyes and my hands slipped from the edge of the counter as I straightened and turned.  Leaning back against the smooth edge I crossed my arms across my chest and opened my eyes.

"No...you can't do that."

Michael's eyebrows shot up and he opened his mouth to argue.

"No..." I held a hand up to silence him.  "Just listen, okay?"

Michael tilted his head slightly, and nodded slowly.

I sighed and continued.  "Her stuff is already unpacked...and her dress bought.  You really think she will go quietly? It would be all over the tv tomorrow that you were a man whore who would rather be seen without the mother of your child."

Michael winced and looked towards the closet.  Reaching up to run a hand through his hair in frustration his eyes clouded over.  "When is this all going to just end..."

His face looking dejected, my heart broke seeing the slump in his shoulders and the heavy makeup covering the circles around his eyes.  Blowing a breath between his teeth Michael bit his lower lip and placed a hand on the wall.  Hanging his head helplessly my heart couldn't stand seeing the conflicted agony in his eyes. Leaning up from the counter I walked across the room and wrapped my arms around his waist to comfort him. 

"This is all going to get better..." I sighed.  Michael's hand fell from the wall and his arms wrapped tightly around my waist as he pulled me close.  "I wish I had an answer to when it was going to...but whatever happens this all does have an ending point.  We just have to find it."

We stood, in silence.  I laid my head against his chest and Michael rocked us back and forth. 

"I get it, you know."  After a few minutes he finally whispered.  Confused I glanced up at him and crinkled my eyes.   Pain etched in his features Michael continued and stopped rocking.

"Why you don't believe me..."  He said searching my face. "I get that. I thought about it all last night.  I'm not mad anymore. I just miss you."

Michael's words ricocheted a bullet to my heart.   Wrapping my arms tighter around his waist, the sound of the radio playing in the other room trickled into the silent bathroom.

"I miss you too..."

_____________________________________________________________________________________

"Lexi...you look beautiful."

Sitting in my hotel room waiting to head over to the venue, Jermaine and I had been skyping for the last hour or so.  Tugging the laptop a bit lower so it wouldn't rub against the gold belt and silver clasp at the center of my dress, I grinned and turned my head side to side showing him my new haircut.

"Has Michael seen it yet?"

Shaking my head no, Jermaine let out a low whistle.  "He's going to flip."

"I don't care what he thinks..."

Jermaine gave me a knowing look and I sighed and tossed my head back against the back of the couch.

"Lexi you know as well as I do that something doesn't sit right here.  I mean, Michael sleeping with another women while you're in the hospital? I don't believe that no matter what a piece of paper says.  It's bull.  Even mama knows it.  She's refusing to see the kid. "

I pulled my knees up on the cushion and sighed.  "I know....but."

Jermaine shook his head no firmly and pointed towards me. "But nothing.  You're bullheaded and paranoid from your past.  You have men issues from your dad.  Although God knows I understand father issues...this is not something you need to question.  I know my brother and that man loves you."

I bit the inside of my cheek and looked at my lap.  "But what if he slipped up?"

"I don't believe it."

A knock on the door interrupted me from replying and I glanced towards the doorway to see Frank opening the door.  Dressed in a black suit with a gold tie to match my dress, Frank gave me an affectionate wink and nodded towards the door.  "You ready?"

Nodding my head I looked back to my laptop screen and gave Jermaine a reluctant look.  "Listen, it's time for me to head out.  I'll talk to you later, okay?"

Jermaine smiled proudly and leaned towards the screen.  "Sounds good babygirl.  We'll all be watching tonight.  Love you."

"Love you too."

I blew Jermaine a sisterly kiss and shut the laptop. Laying it down beside me I hopped off the couch and slid into my sandals.

"You look beautiful Lex."

I walked towards Frank and looped my arm in his.  Reaching up to brush a piece of lint from his coat I smiled at him affectionately and leaned up on my tip toes to brush a kiss to his cheek.

"Thanks."

Frank smiled and opened the door. 

"So are you ready for this?"

The door clicked shut behind us and we walked down to the elevator and pressed the button.

"I hope so."

A door opened in the hallway behind us and I turned to look, surprised by who I saw.

"Lexi? That you girl?"

I clung tighter to Frank's arm and I heard him chuckle beside me.

"Don't tell me your going to start fangirling again..." He whispered, playfully in my ear. 

No doubt.  I was totally going to.

Dressed in a pair of dress slacks, a white shirt, and an open black vest Usher walked down the hall to stand beside us and gave me an appraising look beneath his sunglasses.

"Girl, you look beautiful." 

I was going to melt into the floor and die.

"Thanks..." I stuttered, reaching up and twirling a piece of hair.  "You're beautiful too."

Had I really just said that??

A large grin spread across his face and the elbow of his crisp white dress shirt crinkled when he reached up and brushed his hand against his head.

"Thanks"

Frank coughed loudly tried to cover his laughing and I shot him a glare as the elevators door opened.  Quickly spinning back around on my heel I walked stepped inside and turned back around to lean against the back. 

Frank and Usher piled in behind me, and I looked down to the ground my cheeks red from embarrassment.

"Your Frank, right? Lexi's bodyguard?"

"Yeah that's right."

"So where yours date to this thing?"

"I, uh- don't have one."

Leaning back against the side of the elevator, he pulled his sunglasses down his nose and looked at me in surprise.

"Really?"

"Yeah..."  I half smiled and bit my lip.  "I had one lined up...but they backed out on me."

"Me neither.  ....You interested in joining me?"

Michael would flip.  No, scratch that...Michael would go homicidal.

"Thanks, but..."

"She'd love too." Frank interrupted, nudging me towards him.

The elevator shifted, and the doors opened revealing the lobby.  Turning to look between Usher and Frank my jaw dropped and I blinked in surprise.

"I-"

Grinning at both of us, Usher pushed his sunglasses up over his eyes again and took a step towards me.

"Great. I don't like to make it a habit of being seen without a beautiful woman on my arm."

This was going to turn into a scene from Michael's bad video before the end of the night.

Before I could say anything Usher gently linked his arm and mine and guided me off the elevator.  Glancing around the lobby nervously for Michael my heels clicked against the marble and I reached up and brushed a strand of hair behind my ear. Resigned to the fact that it was too late to say anything, I prayed that I'd be able to catch Michael and explain before he went ballistic.

Here went nothing.