Miles of desert surrounded me and I stared across the interstate and watched the tide shift back and forth in the transluscent sea. The long graceful movements were beautiful, and with each crashing wave the ocean's large and mighty presence made me feel not quite so alone. Inhaling deeply, I tasted the salty ocean air on my tongue as I watched the water spike against the large gathering of rocks to the left and I tried to make sense of all the conflicting emotions in my mind.

Everything felt so hazy and confusing. What was I supposed to do now?

Silently I wondered how I was going to pick up all the pieces of my life, and when I did where that path would lead. Just as the waves crashed over the shore it felt as though all of the events that had unfolded in the last few months had swarmed in against me, covering me in the same suffocating blanket the waves provided. I felt powerless to stop any of it... It felt as though I would never come up for air. My heart still overwhelmed with the grief over losing Michael, I couldn't make any decisions regarding Lindsey and I was quickly running out of time.

What would mama do?

I hadn't talked to Katherine in forever...and honestly I didn't feel like any of this was something I could discuss with her. Wishing desperately for some sort of sign, I reminded myself that today was probably not the day to make any type of life altering decisions anyway.It was hard enough to know that I was here at the shoot for for Michael and Lindsey's video.

I'd have to wait until later...when all of this was over. Hopefully somehow by then I'd be able to make sense of what I should do.

Standing a couple hundred feet away from the large white building and exterior permieter, I heard the multitude of people behind me preparing for the shoot and I wrapped my arms tightly around my stomach. It felt so different to be on one of Michael's shoots not being connected to him. Camera crews, directors, makeup and hair stylists, Lindsey's bodyguards and manager...everyone was here but Michaels camp and I didn't want to be anywhere near them when they did arrive.

Trying to maintain the space between me and everyone else I felt overwhelmed staring at the incandescent sea. Watching the wave's crash against the sandy shoreline, I blocked out the noise around me and closed my eyes, trying to push aside my loaded emotions.

"Lexi?"

Frank's voice interrupted my internal musings and I looked over to see him standing beside me. Shooting him a small smile, I sunk my toes into the sand and tried to still the pain in my heart realizing his presence also meant that Michael had arrived.

"Hey.."

Frank's crystal blue eyes peered down at me knowingly beneath his furrowed brow and sandy blonde hair and I stepped closer to him. Not sure why I had even tried to appear okay, I was grateful when Frank's warm strong arms wrapped around me tightly. Laying my head against his chest I felt Frank press a protective kiss to the top of my head and I ran my fingers along the edge of his black Armani suit coat.

I felt stronger, having someone finally here that understood what was going on. Both of us stood unmoving, until Frank's radio went off indicating he was needed and before he released me Frank leaned down and whispered in my ear.

"He doesn't know you're here."

My eyes widened and I took a step back from him in surprise.

"So if you want to stay behind the scenes..."

I felt my heart skip. Then he would never know I was here...and I wouldn't have to confront him.

My head pounded wildly from the added tension, and my heart felt even more conflicting emotions. Deciding no matter how I felt it would be better in the end if I avoided him I vowed to try my best to stay back from what was going on. No matter how badly part of me may have wanted to see him.

That is, if Lindsey would allow it.

Frank gently squeezed me one final time, and then broke the hug. Taking a step back from him I looked over to the set and saw Michael several yards away leaning against a classic red mustang convertible. Dressed in a white muscle shirt and a black pair of jeans, Michael looked incredible with his hair pulled behind his neck and large wire rimmed sunglasses perched on his nose.

"Michael..."

I whispered his name so low, Frank didn't even hear me. Memories washed over me from the past, and closing my eyes I remembered the last time Michael and I had driven home from an event together. It had been only been a few months ago but now, standing here, it felt like an eternity ago.

Flashback

"Michael... you cannot have my ice cream."

Sitting in the limo snuggled up next to Michael, my eyes twinkled in merriment dodging his large slim hands. Lifting my ice cream cone high in the air I let out a loud squeal as he clutched my waist tightly, lifted his head up and swiped a bite from my cone.

"Michael!"

Ice cream dotting his nose and left cheek, Michael's chocolate brown eyes stared down at me merrily as he chomped on the stolen treat. Licking his lips Michael leaned in close to me for a kiss.

"No!" I placed my finger to his lips giggling. "No kiss for you. Thief."

Michael growled. Getting up out of his seat, Michael quickly came around in front of me and tossed himself on my body, knocking me back onto the seat.

"What are you DOING?! I squealed, falling back against the crisp leather bench. Placing both of his hands on either side of me, Michael's eyes were crinkled happily and long ebony curls trickled over his forehead. Adjusting my black wool coat beneath him with my free hand, I looked up to see Michael lean in to me again for a kiss.

"No" Giggling I turned my head playfully towards the seat and I heard him let out another growl. "Not gonna happen. Your too Bad for me."

Michael's loose curls tickled against my neck, and my ice cream cone still perched half haphazardly over the floorboard, Michael quickly pinned me down and leaned over to snatch another bite.

"Michael!"

Michael's black leather jacket rose up slightly, and I saw him successfully steal a bite. Letting out a squeal I jerked my ice cream away from his mouth and I wiggled underneath him trying to get free. Not giving an inch, Michael locked his legs around my hips and shot me a cocky grin.

"What's the matter Lex? Lose something?"

Evidently.

Michael's eyes shimmered mischeviously beneath his perfectly arched brows and any retort I was going to respond with quickly faded away feeling his breath tickle against my neck.

"Your ridiculous..." I murmered half heartedly. Michael's eyes searched my face, and reaching up, I grazed my fingers slowly along his cheekbone. Noticing the change in my expression, Michael's eyes softened and he tilted his head to press a gentle kiss to the oustide of my hand.

"I was starting to wonder if you liked me anymore... since you wouldn't kiss me" He chuckled, leaning torwards me.

I furrowed my brows playfully and crinkled my nose. "Your still a thief."

Michael's eyes shone with humor and I shifted slightly underneath him. Wrapping my arms tightly around his neck, the forgotten ice cream cone slipped from my hands and fell to the floor. Michael's lips parted, and my breath halted in my throat as his lips collided against my own possessively. Clasing strands of Michael's hair between my fingertips, my back arched from the sheer intensity of his body being etched so closely against my own and his kiss felt electric. Feeling his heartbeat beneath his exposed undershirt I closed my eyes and sunk deeper against the seat.

"I knew i'd get my kiss."

Michael murmered the words against my lips, and the haze lifted. Realizing he must of seduced me to make a point I moved my head slightly away from his and glanced up at him incrediously.

"Did you just kiss me to prove i'd let you?"

Reaching down to caress my face, Michael moved a strand of hair away from my eyes and chuckled lightly.

"I plead the fifth."

End Flashback

The moment had been so easy, so flawless and I missed every second of our time together. Letting out a shaky breath I blinked a couple of times.

You'd think with all of the people that I had lost i would have mastered the art of letting go.

"How long is this supposed to last?" I finally whispered looking over to Frank.

Frank's eyes searched my own and I felt uncomfortable knowing that soon he'd be back over with Michael. "I think Mike mentioned something about wrapping on Tuesday." He said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Tuesday? As in four days from now??

I let out an aggravated sigh and ran a hand through my hair. Scanning the crowd for Lindsey I found her sitting in a director's chair dressed in a skimpy white skirt and matching midriff shirt. Her long dark hair flowing over her shoulders, Lindsey's eyes were focused intently on whatever she was being told and mentally I reminded myself that after next week I was free of her for two weeks.

And free of being forced near Michael.

I just had to get throught this.

"Have you heard the song yet?"

"No...he did tell me the title. Something about a closet."

My eyes shot back over to Michael and I saw him talking with the director. Towering over the petite bald man, Michael smiled and nodded politely at whatever he was saying. Watching him I wondered if maybe the song was one of the enviromental ones Michael had shown me awhile back. It would explain why we were outside. Although...that certainly wouldn't have explained Janet's reaction when I told her i'd be here.

"Lexi, i really need to head over and see what's going on. I'll catch up with you later though okay?"

Frank touched my arm, and I smiled and nudged my head torwards the set. "Sure, i'll catch you later."

Frank leaned in to me and brushed a kiss against my cheek. I smiled, and mouthed goodbye to him one final time as he turned and headed back over to Michael.

I guess i had better check on Lindsey anyway.

When she noticed I was gone she was bound to scream my name across the set looking for me and if I wanted to keep a low profile I had better shadow her until she was called for a take. I peaked over at Michael to make sure he was distracted and when I saw he was I took off torwards her.

"There you are." She huffed when I got close. Forcing myself not to groan in irritation I saw a chair a couple of feet away and I clasped both arm rests and hopped up in it.

"Here I am." I agreed, casting another look in Michael's direction. Still leaning against the car, Michael's eyes scanned over a stack of paper's in front of him. His brow furrowed in concentration, I had seen the look on his face a million times before, each time when he was working on his music. Breathing a sigh of relief that he was still distracted I forced myself to relax again. I was going to have to calm down if I was going to keep myself away from him and survive the next few days. As paranoid as I was I was bound to trip over something watching him and make a huge scene.

"What are you looking at?"

Resisiting the urge to scream, I looked back over to Lindsey. I was not in the mood to deal with her drama today. Blowing a frustrated breath between my teeth I forced a smile. "Nothing."

Lindsey followed the direction i had been looking with her eyes and then looked back to me, a snide smile on her face. "Stalking him with your eyes?" She retorted, tossing her hair behind her shoulder. "It'll do you no good. Michael's moved on."

What the heck was she even talking about? I had just seen him a few days ago and he clearly hadn't. Besides it was none of her business.

"Whatever."

Lindsey gave me a knowing look, and it irritated me to no end to know she realized how much her comment had irritated me. I crossed my legs and clasped my hands around my knee trying to look nonchalant.

"You'll see."

Just then the director's assistant approached Lindsey with a clipboard in his hands. Dressed in a black t-shirt and dark khaki shorts, whisps of his short blonde hair fell over his light green eyes and he gave Lindsey a warm smile.

"Michael's ready for you to meet him for the first take now."

Lindsey hopped out of her seat and started primping herself.

They could have her. I was more than ready for her to leave.

My eyes scanned the crowd of people and I saw Anna, Michael's assistant a few feet away talking to someone by the food cart. Quickly I turned my head away and decided I should probably move a little bit farther away from everything going on. Sliding out of the chair I swiped at the bottom of my dress to keep it from flying up from the movement and I inhaled deeply. Running a hand down the tan sequins littering my dress I headed in the direction of a small trailer that had been set up for Michael.

Knowing that he was being filmed with Lindsey I figured that would probably be the safest place for me to be right now. Moving past several piles of equipment and a couple of tents that had been pitched to hold supplies I walked behind the trailor and halted, surprised when I saw Natalie sitting in a director's chair behind it.

Why would Natalie be here?

Shooting her a curious look, Natalie's eyes scanned over me in disgust. Laying down the magazine she had been reading on her lap, she uncrossed her legs and popped a bubble with her gum.

"What, are you doing here..."

I raised my eyebrows and leaned against the trailer. "I was about to ask you the same thing."

"I'm with Michael." A slow catty smile filled her face and her eyes flashed posessively. Lindsey's words popped back in my head, and I reached up and touched my throat.

Was she...where they?

"Your together?" I whispered, in surprise. Natalie raised an eyebrow and cocked her head to the side. "Isn't that what I just said? Why don't you ask him?"

It didn't make sense.

I felt dizzy, and I reached behind me and grabbed onto the side of the trailer to steady myself. The hot metal burned the back of my legs but I remained where I was,unable to process what she had just said.

It couldn't be...

Michael was mine and a small part of me had believed him when he'd said he hadn't cheated on me. If that was the case, why was he dating Natalie a week after telling me how much he needed me? Was this the way he had always been? The hope I had been carrying dissolved into tears and they begin trickling down my cheeks. Reaching up to brush them away I jerked away from the trailer and pressed a hand to my stomache.

"Daddy?"

My eyes swung to the right, and Megan and a small boy came around the corner.

The same boy that I had seen in the photos. Which meant...

This was Michael's son. How much more was I supposed to take?

I watched them both approach in confusion and Natalie pasted a fake smile on her face and greeted them both.

"Hello darlings, where have you been?"

What the heck was going on?

Quickly I turned on my heel and raced torwards the set. I was desperate for answers. It didn't make sense that Michael was now dating Natalie and toting Megan and her child around with him unless I truly was wrong...that Michael didn't need me as much as I had hoped. My heart pounding furiously in my chest I searched the set for Frank hoping he could tell me what was going on.

Because I just couldn't accept what I was seeing.

I finaly found him, standing near the area where Michael and Lindsey were preparing to start. Too desperate for answers to wait until he was alone I stormed torwards him, unconcerened that Michael would see me.

"Frank!"

Eyes swung in my direction, and out of the corner of my eye I saw Michael glance my way and pale considerably. Refusing to look at him I stopped a few feet away from Frank. Sitting in a chair next to the other bodyguard on duty Frank leaned up in his chair and eyed me in confusion.

"Lexi...what are you doing?"

It only took a moment for him to notice the tears on my face and I reached up and brushed them away quickly.

"What's going on? Are you okay?"

"Lexi?"

I heard Michael call my name behind me and knowing that he was moments away from coming over to see what was going on I quickly grabbed Frank's arm and drug him torwards the area I had been staring at the sea earlier from.

"Lexi?"

"I'll tell you in a minute."

Michael's voice trailed behind me, and the tears that had been coarsing down my cheeks intensified. I quickened my pace, praying that he wouldn't follow and my sandals pounded furiously against the sand. Hearing Frank radio to his partner that he'd be back in a bit I finally stopped a few feet away from the interstate and released his arm.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

The words slipped from my lips instantly and Frank gazed at me in confusion. Nodding my head torwards Michael's trailor I swiped at my eyes again and inhaled deeply. Frank took a step torwards me and my heart stopped in my throat when I noticed for the first time Michael had trailed behind us. Only a few feet away from him I backed up shaking my head.

"No." I screamed, my voice breaking. " Go AWAY!"

Michael's presence transformed my grief into rage. Every promise he had thrown at me, every assurnace that he been innocent all came rushing at me and I felt like I was going to explode. Clenching my fingernails in my palms I stared at him coldly. The tears dried up on my cheeks and Frank glanced back and forth between us.

"Can someone please tell me what's going on? Lexi? Michael?"

"Or if Michael doesn't want to answer we could go ask Natalie. Or Megan."

Michael's face went completely ashen. "Lexi it is NOT like that."

Like hell it wasn't.

"Wait a second. Lindsey or Megan? What do they have to do with this?"

Poor Frank still had no idea what was going on but I was so angry that I couldn't even form the words to explain. Deciding to call Sony in the morning and set up the audition I realized that I was tired of everything going on and I was going to play by my own rules. I couldn't take all of this anymore. I needed to break away from it all and move on.

"Lexi, I swear."

"Save it."

Furious, I stormed away from both of them and I headed over to where my SUV was parked. I only got a few feet when I felt a hand slip over my wrist and, smelling Michael's cologne, I knew it was him. Letting out a frustrated grunt I ripped my arm away from him and kept moving.

"Lexi, why are you being so stubborn? Just listen to me!"

"Don't you have a video to shoot?"

"Good point, why don't you come with me and we can talk on the way back."

I rolled my eyes and kept walking.

"Lexi, this is ridiculous."

I heard the aggravtion in his voice, but I didn't care. I was pretty irritated myself. Keeping my eyes trained torwards my vehicle I kept walking until Michael circled around me and stopped abruptly, forcing me into his chest.

"Ugh, Just leave me alone!" I screamed, colliding against him.

"No. You're going to listen to me."

Michael's voice was calm, despite the slight edge to it.

My eyes flickered away from him, and I took a step back to put some distance between us. Using the extra distance, I tried to sidestep him but Michael blocked it.

"I am not listening to this." I retorted, shaking my head and looking torwards the water.

"Then you're going to stand there while I talk."

I said nothing and stopped fighting to get around him. Part of me wanted to hear what he had to say.

"Lexi, seriously stop and think. As far as Megan goes if I was stepping out on you while we were together don't you think Frank would have said something to you by now? Or at the very least clobbered me with his fist? And what about Janet? You think she'd still be pushing us together if I was some sort of man whore?"

Those...were actually good points.

"I am telling you" Michael's voice broke mid-sentence. "I don't know what's going on."

A slight breeze caressed my neck, and I felt whisps of hair whip against my back. Michael's eyes searched my face as he waited patiently for me to respond. Closing my eyes for a moment I tried to gather my thoughts before I spoke.

"Okay, then..." I finally started, opening my eyes. "Why are they here?"

"Megan and the kid?"

I nodded my head, and looked over to the water. Michael sighed.

"My lawyer said...it looked back that I had nothing to do with them. He said I needed to at least be seen with them until he figures out what is going on."

Well, okay. That made a lot of sense too.

"Alright, fine. I accept all of that." I turned back to look at Michael and placed my hands on my hips. Another warm breeze whipped across the humid desert, and a bead of sweat trickled down Michael's forehead. "But what about Nat.." I couldn't even bare to say her name. "The whore. Why is she claiming your dating?"

Michael's eyes fluttered in surprise and he looked away from me in amusement. Not finding my question very funny I waited impatiently for an answer, and Michael let out a low chuckle and turned back to look at me. Cocking an eyebrow, Michael gave me a mischevious look.

"Did you just call Natalie a whore?" He grinned, studying my face.

Michael's amusement made me uncomfortable and I furrowed my brow and narrowed my eyes.

"And? What if I did?"

Michael searched my face knowingly and chuckled again. "Your jealous aren't you?"

If this man thought I was going to admit I was jealous he was insane.

"Why is she here?" I responded cooly, ignoring his question. Michael took a step torwards me and I swallowed, watching the muscles ripple beneath his muscle shirt. Traitorously my throat hitched.

"You know.."

Michael's voice immediately lowered, and the amusement still evident in his voice he smirked and leaned in closer to me.

"If you like what you see...we could head over to my trailor..."

Michael's words made my gaze falter and I blushed.

"Id be glad to give you a tour..."

I cleared my throat again and reminded myself why I was so angry. He was not going to get me distracted.

"Michael...i'm serious. I want an answer."

"Your cute when your jealous."

Funny, it didn't feel cute.

"Michael!"

I was completely exasperated and he knew it. Watching me for a moment, Michael titled his head down and drew a circle in the sand with his shoe.

He was purposefully trying to stall to drive me crazy.

"You know, I don't see what the big deal would be anyway." He responded crossing his arms. "Didn't you break up with me?"

I scoffed. "That doesn't mean your free to date other people."

Michael glanced up and cocked an eyebrow. "Then what exactly does it mean?"

"It means... i'm sorting things out."

"Alone?"

"Yes."

"So if your alone, and i'm alone then that means i'm not allowed to not be alone."

"RIght."

Michael stared at me like i'd lost my mind and for a moment I wondered the same thing. What I was saying didn't even made sense. A few minutes ago I was furious and now here I was telling him he wasn't allowed to date? I didn't even know if I could trust him, so why was I still holding onto him so tight? Apart from me missing him like crazy I didn't even know how I felt about getting back together.

But still.

"Why didn't you mention any of this last week? You said...you said you didn't love anyone else."

"I don't."

"And that you didn't even want anyone else."

"I don't."

"Then why...?"

"Lexi, look. If I thought that you were going to take me back i'd drop everything. But...it's been four months and you still don't believe me. I tried last week...but your still pushing me away. I have to try and move on."

So Lindsey had been telling the truth. He really was trying to move on.

I couldn't believe it.

"Look...we haven't even went out once yet. We're grabbing dinner after this wraps tonight..."

Pain shot through me like a flame igniting but I forced myself not to show it. Not to react.

"I see..."

Michael sensed the disappointment and hurt in my voice and took a step closer to me. Reaching up, Michael's arm grazed against my cheek and he brushed a hand through my hair. "All you have to do is say the word Lexi, and i'll be here." Michael's soft brown eyes stared at me earnestly. "But I can't make you believe me...and it hurts too much to live in limbo like this. I'm sorry."

There was nothing that I could say...because deep in my heart I still couldn't make sense of what had happened and I couldn't lie just to keep him from moving on. Nodding my head, tears were lodged in my throat and my chest felt heavy.

"It just...feels like goodbye though doesn't it?"

"No." Michael vehemently responded, cupping my face in his hands. "No, never goodbye. You're too important to me for that...We'll always be friends."

Friends.

It was crazy to me that we were going full circle after all that we had been through together...but as much as I didn't want to admit it he was right. We both had to move on or this was going to crush us. Still, I had always thought in the end he would be here waiting for me...I guess I was wrong.

"I guess...friends will work."

Michael's eyes reflected the sadness in my own, and gently he pulled his hands from my face and took a step back.

"It will have too."