When I woke up, I heard the shower running. The thoughts from the previous day ran through my head. What if you get pregnant? I was only seventeen, and I loved kids almost as much as I loved Michael. But I still couldn't take the thought of being a mother just yet. I wanted Michael. So bad. I thought of the preventions of becoming pregnant. Condoms, birth control, stuff like that. I decided while Michael was was rehearsing, I would run down to the nearest drug store and buy some. 

     I got up and walked to the closet when Michael opened the bathroom door. "Morning, beautiful." he cooed.

"Morning, Michael." I answered. I picked through his clothes and got a few outfits for him to change into. "Here's a white shirt you can wear if you get too hot. Don't overwork yourself, okay?" I said.

"When have I overworked myself?"

"Everyday!" I laughed. "Babe, you work too hard. You come home tired and out of breath, you need to take it slow." 

"Babe, you gotta get to know me. I've been working like this ever since I was five. I'm used to it, it's in my nature."

"Whatever you say Michael." I said as he took the shirt and planted a quick kiss on my lips. 

"So you coming or staying today sweetheart?"

"I think I'll stay this time. I'm gonna clean up a little."

"Aw, okay. I'll miss you baby." he said and took me in his arms and kissed me. 

"I'll miss you too." I replied. 

     After he was gone, I called a close friend I've known practically since I was in diapers. He's almost like a brother to me. A familiar voice answered on the other line, "Hello?"

"Sup stranger?" I smiled.

"Autumn! How are you? I haven't talked to you in months!"

"It's been too long! I'm great, everything's perfect. And you?"

"Oh you know, the same ole thing. So what's up?"

I hesitated. Cory and I have been through a lot, but I've never asked him anything this personal. "I was wondering if you could help me with something. I'm too afraid to do it alone."

"Well sure, anything, what is it?" he answered.

I paused again, "Uummm, I need you to go the the drug store with me..." I trailed off.

"Okayyy," he answered sounding puzzled. "What time?"

"Gimme an hour?" 

"Sounds cool, later." and he hung up the phone. I was still nervous as to how he would react to me buying condoms. But at least I'm being safe.

     After I showered, fixed my hair, and did make-up, I jogged down the stairs to grab a quick bite to eat. "What are you all dressed up fo, chile?" Mrs. Kai, the chef, called.

"I'm going to meet a friend. If I'm not back by the time Michael is home, just tell him to call me."

"Sure thang, sweetie." she smiled. I loved her deep Georgia accent. I grabbed my keys and drove to the store. Cory was already there waiting for me. He smiled as I pulled up. "Hey, girl!" he gave me a huge hug. "So, why am I here?" 

I could feel my face getting hot. "Umm," He looked me in the eyes. "Yes?" I motioned for him to get closer. "I'm going to buy some condoms..." I whispered. He didn't say anything, just had this smirk on his face and then smiled at me. 

He finally said, "Well, let's go." I seriously figured he would protest, or yell, or get angry because I was young, but to my surprise, he took my hand and led me through the aisle. He took me to the back to a large selection of different brands. I saw Trojan, Durex, Crown, and so many more. What should I choose, what's the difference? I don't even know what size! 

     Cory studied me as I looked at the different colored boxes. "I think you should get a large Trojan, they're the best." he said suddenly. What?? I thought. Oh shit, I hope he didn't mean I was buying them for us! My face grew red again. 

"H-how would you know?" I stammered.

"Well," he whispered to me, "I'm a large. And it feels the best for the ladies...so I've heard." Yep, that's exactly what he thought. Damn boys and they're hormones, all the time horny. I calmly explained that they were for me and Michael. He kind of looked over my shoulder, embarrassed. "I'm sorry, I really am." 

I couldn't help but laugh. "It's okay."

"But you're only seventeen." And there's where the big protective brother comes out in him. 

"I know, but at least I'm being precautionary, right?"

"Condoms don't always work 100% of the time, you know."

"That's why I need birth control also. That's another thing, I want you to come to the doctor with me, please?" I gave my best sad puppy dog look. 

He gave me a look then said, "Fine..." 

"Yay!" I hugged him. I grabbed the every size of the Trojans just to be safe. I paid for them and me and and Cory piled into my car and headed to the doctor.

"So why not just buy birth control over the counter at a pharmacy?" Cory questioned.

"Well, to be honest, I haven't had a check up in about two years, and I wanted to be safe." When we arrived at the doctor and checked in, we sat in the waiting room. I noticed a magazine with Michael's face on the cover and picked it up. 

"So you really love him, don't you?" Cory smiled.

"With everything I have." I answered honestly.

A nurse opened the door and called, "Jackson, Autumn?" I got up and followed the nurse to a room at the end of a hall. I sat down on the patient's table while she asked me some questions. The doctor came in shortly afterwards. "Wow, Autumn, I haven't seen you around in awhile." she said warmly.

"I know, I'm sorry." I answered sheepishly. 

"So what have we got here?" She  instructed me to lie down with my legs open. She asked me a few questions then said, "I think we need to do a quick internal examination." She stuck two fingers inside and said, "I need to run an ultrasound real quick." She left and came back with an odd looking machine which she placed just above my private area. When she was done, she took the machine and left. About fifteen minutes went by when she came back and had a weird look on her face. It made me have a sick feeling, like something was wrong. "What is it?" I said nervously. 

She sat down next to me and took my hand. "I'm not sure how to say this." My heart was beating fast now. "You have Pelvic Inflammatory Disease. It's caused when bacteria and other germs push their way up into your vagina. It also means," she paused, "you won't be able to bear children." I could feel my heart drop all the way to my stomach. I felt dizzy and uncomfortable. I sat back against the wall and began to cry. I didn't even know how it was going to be brought up to Michael. What if he wouldn't love me the way he does now? What if he leaves me? The doctor gave me a quick hug then left the room. "I'll let you have some alone time." she said

     I sat on the bed for ten minutes crying my eyes out. How could this happen to me? Why me? I thought over and over. Why me? After I gathered myself, I walked out the the office and back to my car, Cory following behind. I explained everything to him. "Wow, I am so sorry." he said sympathetically. I buried my face in his chest as he held me close.

     After I took Cory home, I sat in my car outside Neverland, just thinking. It was now ten after eight. Michael would be home in a few hours. I dreaded telling him, but I had to. I took the condoms and stuffed them under the seat. I walked up the steps and opened the door. To my surprise, I saw Michael standing in the hallway, his eyes red from crying. He didn't say anything, just came up to me and embraced me with a hug. I wondered how he found out, or if he was sad about something completely different. Either way, I started crying again. He took my hand and led me up the stairs to our room.

     He looked me in the eyes and softly said, "Your friend called me and told me." Oh my God! I cannot believe him! For some reason I became angry. I was going to tell him myself! I started crying again in a fit of anger and sadness. Michael held me close. 

"Peach, I know this is hard. It's hard for me too. But we can get through this. It'll be awhile before we even start thinking of having a family. So don't worry about it, okay?"

"How can you be so calm, Michael?!" I yelled. "I cannot bear children of my own! Do you know how that makes me feel?!"

He had tears in his eyes. "I know Peach. I know it's hard. But you can't beat yourself up about this. Maybe this is God's plan for your life and you'll learn a valuable lesson." He held me close once more as I cried into his chest. "And besides, you're only seventeen. You've got your entire life to worry about other things. You know there's other options also. Adoption, surrogate, anything." 

"But just knowing that I'm not the biological mother of my children breaks my heart." I whispered. 

"I know baby. But sperm and egg isn't what makes the mother and father. It's love, compassion, kindness, discipline, and caring for the child that makes the parent." I guess he was right. It was still too early and it hurt too much to think about this just yet. 

     We changed into our pajamas and fell fast asleep in each other's arms.