Date: Jan 20, 2018 05:45 pm Title: Chapter 1
This is so fucking sexy! I swear, I love slash with Prince and Michael, and you made my night with this! π’β€ I love how Michael takes control over Prince and Ms. "Pineapples." Please continue to do more like this.
Omgg u made my day with this!
TYSMM LOVELY. I was a bit discouraged when I first uploaded and it didn’t get much notice but happy you found it:)) yeaa i wanted him
to be top for once. And yess tysm! If inspiration strikes I shall!
Date: Jan 19, 2018 03:26 pm Title: Chapter 2
SURPRISEEEEEE!!! π It’s none other than your PPIC, your Brian, making a brief return especially for your chapter. I know we talked briefly today about when I’ll be back with the updates, and it’s still kinda uncertain when that will be but you’re my friend and I know you’ve been waiting for my feedback for a very long time. Ofc I wanted to dedicate time to this given the length, but you know what - I wanna read it. Plus my exams are over, and the review MAY fall short but at least I’m here! Honestly you’ve been working on this since like September fam. It’s ABOUT TIME LOL. I feel my shing zooping already!
Ooh so straight away something I noticed is that you used the present-tense type of narrative. I’m not usually a fan of this narrative style, I find it hard to keep up with but for this instance - it worked it worked well, because the pacing legit makes ME feel HER tension. YAS OFF TO AN AMAZING START!! π‘π½ Oh myyyy GOURD Michael just came out of nowhere and pinned herπthe next 6000 words is going to be A TRIP. lol I also need to try not to comment on EVERY LITTLE THING.
No but I can’t resist omg like I even love the way he pronounced her name for the first time, with that hesitation. Reminds me that they’re strangers. Makes this 100x hotter.
“REALLY REALLY BAD” OH YOU DID NOT JUST HAVE HIM DO THAT WHAT’S NEXT, is he going to start advocating peace and telling her they need to save the children while they’re in the middle of the nasty like “we have to heal the world” or
Prince’s entrance was epic. He talks soooo dirty omfgπ. WHY IS MICHAEL WHINING LMAO I LOVE HOW ACCURATE THIS IS.
Lol...nipple - the one word I refuse to use during my own smut scenes. Kudos to you for using it brazenly, Rashida.
omg there’s that scene we discussed where they make her watch and wait!!! It def lived up to everything you made it out to be! Loved that entire scene. Side note: I’m honestly surprised by the amount of dialogue in this but you know what it fits and adds to the smuttinesssss. Keep it going fam. Royal Badness and Thriller Boy. Why no GLITTERSOX HAHA OK no but idk why TF you were asking ME for advice and shit when it comes to descriptions, BC YOURS ARE AMAZING, FAM!!! π‘π½ I mean you’re really not holding back π which is great for this type of writing. GOD U USED MIKEZILLA. Why. That term needs to die from this fan base BRO U SHOULD HAVE just gone with ‘Ronald’.
but “slick as silk” is good π‘. Feel like severine’s disbelief that these two music legends actually hate each-other mirrors your own beliefs π that Pricheal. Really. Existed. Well no she shouldn’t complain π I get she’s impatient bc she hasn’t had her share of the relaxing atmosphere salty snack as of yet, but this scenario ain’t ever gonna happen again! She’s the only person from earth and from Jupiter who will prob ever witness that so SHE CAN WAIT. Lmao
ooooo released with a pop. YES. Your use of onomatopoeia is good - something I could work on. Just adds another element to the whole senses thing, makes it so much better π‘π½. Seriously she’s getting bored?! OMG I remember you asked me if you should do the lyric interpretation and FAM CAN I JUST SAY, I am soooo glad you did it, it fits pretty well! Def increases the tension of that entire scene and it’s unique I honestly don’t think I’ve ever read anything like that happen before - which is a compliment trust me. Whoa I’m like legit afraid to write instances of self-pleasuring but damn. I’m actually jealous by how well you NAILED THAT in regards to Severine. Idk why but I’m not laughing at the the cookie jar reference she made. IT WOKRED LOL. But love how she was like nah fuck you guys I want to GO TO JUPITER TOO AND U CAN HELP ME COME BACK TO EARTH MINUS THE FROWNING AND CROSSED ARMS (couldn’t resist π).
Bud. Come on. BUD. AS IN HEY BUD, WANNA HANG OUT? I’m off to the golf club, join us, bud! At least her nips aren’t pregnips. Lmao so I was just enjoying reading for a few paragraphs and then Michael drops that she tastes like pineapples πππ. I CANNT BELIEVE AN ACCIDENTAL JOKE/SUGGESTION we were talking about actually snuck it’s way into this story, and at first I was like ‘she won’t really add this’, but then the pina colada happened with the coconut thing and omgπ. I CAN’T EVEN. This is the scene I’ve been looking forward to in particular, and I loved the little element of humour to it. It seemed just getting more and more explicitly as the zooping action happens, and I ain’t even complaining fam. The actual sex scene was incredible. Simply. HAHA he threatened to pull out π classsic. Def one of my fav moments of this chapter.
Now that I think about it, prince and Michael were totally merciless to poor severing, even when they got right down to it finally, they still had so much control over her and they were damn cruel to say the least!!!!! But WOW as long as this was, not a single part of it was boring at all. You really faced a challenge here in regards to keeping it interesting whatvwith the length, and you def did an amazing job with that. Pina coladas. Case and point. Haha but I also know you were really lost on the entire tbreesome scenario overall. WHY? YOU ACED THIS. You did FINE. More than fine! You were legit apprehensive for no reason fam, you didn’t need my input. Ya got this on your own. Like damn she screamed soooo much she lost her voice HAHA.
I’m so happy you added that next morning scene. I did expect it to be longer, not just a paragraph? Like I was looking forward to reading Michael and prince waking up in shock at the fact that they’re cuddling while sleeping and severine catches this on camera very sneakily. But π this is already very lengthy and eventful, and I know you were so desperate to complete and upload it once and for all, so ima let you off Brian. Still, I also think you wrote it really well, and it ended on a very nice note! The one-shot as a whole feels pretty finished to me. There’s only so much like smut one can cough up and I feel like you have DONE MORE THAN ENOUGH π this is enough to provide me with entertainment and I really did love reading this, finally!!! Wasn’t romantic at all, but didn’t expect it to be. It was raw, fun, hot and erotic and I didn’t even know you had this in you, manπ.
OKAY SO hopefully you liked my review!!! My hands gone numb from typing it, so you better LOL. I don’t expect you to respond to every point I’ve made and there were so many more things I wanted to comment on but they’d just be my general thoughts -nothing toooo important, thought I did fill you in on Basc what were my fav moments and the way you wrote certain scenes. You’ve taken slash to a whole new level with this one-shot. In short, it was fucking brilliant. Would rate 20 stars if I could. Can’t give you a GIF so I hope the emojis are a good alternative for you π THIS WAS EPIC CRISTINA/RASHIDA!!!! I FEEL ACCOMPLISHED now that I’ve read it!
OK IM A HORRIBLE PERSON FRIEND WIZARDPAL CUZ I TOTALLY SPACED ON RESPONDING TO THIS LIKE MIND FLOORING BLOWED IM JUST A PUDDLE BASC REVIEW
i realize LIKE YOU SAID i dug myself into a pit/sinkhole basc doing first person narrative AND PRESENT TENSE. prob why it took me 5 years to do this right
HEAL THE WORLD SPEEECH SCREAMING NO BYE THIS IS EROTICA NOT SNL OK WE R CLASSY HERE! NOT. i really really forced myself not to use ANY GENITAL NAMES OR PHRASES but nipple just worked ya know. you gotta go with what works. I hate the words, cock, pussy and dick. and PENIS in a story but it sometimes just clicks haha. or yogurt slinger, wizards pocket or sleeve, oysters mouth all just hell to the no. yea first person during smut ur stuck with a lotta inner monologuing u gotta balance it out so it doesnt sound like she or he is bored af thinking about grocery shopping for salty snacks and fresh biological fruits. the mikezilla thing was a joke i put it in cuz its beyond overused and hilarious af to me it was NOT MEANT TO BE SERIOUS but like mocking of the pervy fangirls. yes u know what they say thin line between love and hatee. YAY SO GLAD U LOVE MY DORKY USE OF THEIR EXPLICIT PORNOGRAPHIC LYRICS i wanted it to be that way NO TALKING JUST lIKE adding to the slow burn orgasm denial, that their songs basically are haha. glitersox didnt make an appearance cuz thats my nickname and i dont wanna push too much of myself on a character cuz then its just boring. lol. idk isnt that writers taboo? jealous? gurl dont be lmao. just ya know went off of uh. real life.. lmao. LMAO YES.
YOU DARED ME to put it in so i did! it worked SWIMMINGLY HAHA. you should know by now i never turn down a dare. yes they were merciless jUST AS THOSE FFSSS IDIOTS R ON STAGE. well im glad it wasnt boring! hahah she mightve?! i didnt know what else to add for the morning after scene haha. OF COURSE I LOVE TO AMAZE HAHA. omg this is legit the best review idk essay anyones ever said about me im emotional all over again! tysmmm fam! love uu. haha i should hope i set a new standard lmao. THANK YOU FOR ALL OF THIS IM SPEECHLESS I WAS WHEN I FIRST READ AND JUST WOW just thank you FAM.
Date: Dec 27, 2017 07:18 am Title: Chapter 1
well I finally found some time to at least read the first part. Oh how the tables are going to turn ;) you're in for a roast, my friend.
man child in velvets
could they have they? well according to you, yes LOL. nice arousing message she recieved there. OK love how you described her outfit omfg she might be a little snackish....VIP seats? she's prob going to get a good view of the shing duings flopping around to their own beats
his purpleness WHAT IS IT WITH YOU AND YOUR NICKNAMES FOR PRINCE. OH IT'S JUST MJ STROLLING IN NOTHING NOTICABLE. The bass thing. Seriously you added that?! LMAO why am I not surprised that Prince started playing bass in Michael's face?! I LOVE THIS LMAOOO. Yep you can bet he would've called Prince a 'meanie' for. It's nice that there's an element of comedy and a nod to a real life thing which actually happened even though this is erotic fiction. LOVE that you incorporated this legit *applauds* it's prob my fav part of this chapter.
Well damn fam Severine is one lucky girl. He yanked said moonwalker lmao this is amazing omfg. They sound like such teases up there if I was Severine I wouldn't be able to control myself, idk how she is stilllll just watching them at this point.
THE TENSION which has been built up in this chapter alone is incredible.....!!! such a unique way to go about it like she could've been a groupie or something but this is way more original, like she's a fan instead! It was also kinda funny too. Like how they're both vying for Severine's attention and in the end they're like "f it, let her choose".
SAY YOU'RE ROOM SERVICE OMFG QUITE LITERALLY LOL
AMAZING START. I didn't roast as much trust. Well, prince warned her. He really brought MJ out i bet she was nottt expecting that. I know there's a lot in store for part 2, and it's a lot longer, so ima need to take time out at some point to dedicate to reading it. Not sure when this will be you know I'm hugely busy with studying, but I'm looking forward to seeing the zooping. Charmed, I'm sure. ;)
Well the author becomes the reviewer haha. I bet this is fun for you.
Yes this really should be listed as a comedy because i threw in so many jokes, ours and just ones on the spot.
Yes im a firm believer in the OH HELL YEA THEY DID. I mean so much tension there.
Shing duings flopping around why doesnt this surprise me. Lol.
i used nicknames not only to show off her indifferent or so she thinks , but mocking witty personality, also it was to avoid confusion between the two morons, like saying he , it’s hard to know which and it gets boring and repetitive using names so. Idc if u dont like it lol it works. Considering i was digging myself into a hole doing a threesome in first person. Im glad lol you liked that I was like this is too unbelievable and the fact that nothing interesting happened in RL as a result of that except calling his royal purpleness a meanie like two five year olds so i was like what the hell this was an almost lap dance so might as well give it the push it needs.
Thank you you know i hate cliches. Lol. It was easy cuz i could see myself doing this, and whats more sexier and erotic then being teased from on stage. Lol shes not a fan in the since wheres she like OMFG ur and faints. Like she doesnt idolize em. Haha yea i hated the room service excuse i thought i could come up with something better but whatever i was proud of where i took this RL incident lol.
Haha hell no she wasn’t i thought it was in his character he lovvved being unexpected (still sucks talking about either in the past tense but theyll never READ THIS SO )
soo happy you got around to reading it:) i look forward to your next review! Tysm for all the feedback and seriously dont be afraid to lay some constructive criticism when u feel its necessary like i do for you. Always a pleasure my PPIC wizard pal.
Date: Dec 25, 2017 11:31 am Title: Chapter 2
Fml fr that beginning lucky bitch lol
"Gurl you got no idea what WE have planned for you", his mischievous eyes twinkling with tease. - damn
Well? What's the plan? Get me drunk on overpriced champagne, feed me strawberries, and ill just magically open my legs for you , just because you both well, who you are" - lol I love her spice lol
Well? What's the plan? Get me drunk on overpriced champagne, feed me strawberries, and ill just magically open my legs for you , just because you both well, who you are" - well what did u expect? Lol
"Well see about that, your highnesss" the short cocky one, whips back. - She got herself in trouble
Are you trying to make ovaries non exits it barely began but already sending out a search and rescue for ovaries
No hands? Damn
they hate each other? - obviously not
That whole lyric thing is hit af
If you have a brain I'm gonna say no - lol possessive much? What happened to sharing is caring? Lol
Hot af, I don't smoke but damn where's those cigarettes? Lol
Too bad it's over lol
Hahahaaa that’s the reaction I was looking for! I thought the lyric thing might be lame af but it actually worked. Dont we all wish to be her;) yes thats the point ovaries dont get to live through this muhaha. U never know where my brain may go next XD
Date: Dec 25, 2017 10:49 am Title: Chapter 1
Feel like years ago instead of a few months ago this idea was born , finally it's here lol
LMAO be nice lol she's something
Lol first he blocks her but then invited her, make up your mind already lol
A 'lap dance' has never been that hot lol
Catfight or two five year old's lol
One of my faves the beautiful ones
Nowhere near done? Damn, thankful you have part two posted already
Loll I know i took foreverr but I wanted it to be perfect. And glad you enjoyed it:))