Reviewer: RhythmChild Signed [Report This]
Date: Feb 19, 2013 06:53 pm Title: Chapter 6 - The Solution

It looks like a decent story, and I don't know why others haven't reviewed it yet, but I will. May I suggest that you make new lines for the dialogue, otherwise it will look visual cluttered, which usually makes the reader averse to reading it.

So instead of: "What are you doing?" I asked. "I'm just working," she said.

Try:

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm just working," she said.

 

Good luck!

Author's Response:

thanks!

I will try it and well its my fault that there are no reviews because I deleted before.So dump.

well thanks