Reviewer: TutThreeSevens Signed [Report This]
Date: Aug 23, 2015 06:28 pm Title: The C Word

I'm going to tell you I am sorry and I'm not being contrite in the least. In late January of 2004 I lost my grandmother to liver cancer.  She was my second mother.  She raised me along side my mom in the same house.  I do know what it is you're feeling and I'm sorry you have to endure it. It's an ugly distructive disease that's not only debilitating for the person suffering from it but for family members who have to sit and watch their loved one waste away right before their eyes. It's hard. At the time I was a new mother my son had turned 2 the December before. The weeks leading up to her passing were the most agonizing to witness. I'm not going to go into any detail of what it was because I don't want to distress you any further. But for our family things moved a bit faster. She was diagnosed in October of 03 and by Feburary she was lost to us. There are very little words of comfort I could extend that would make your suffering any less viable. I can share though that this is not due to you not being good enough or you not doing enough. I'm not going to tell you not to feel that way because it wouldn't be fair of me but it's not you.

Enjoy your mother. There is a lot to say to the old adage live everyday like its your last. Hey you could go tomorrow and your mom could still live a longer life. You just have to seize the day. I don't want to come at you with cliched bullshit but it really does work. I remember going through the same things you mentioned and my biggest regret was not being more present in moments that counted. Time is a nasty theif and can rob you of so much but you have to trick it and savor every moment you can steal back from it. 

One thing I know for sure is like you said if no one has never experienced what it is your going through they will never truly know your plight. I can attest to that on a daily basis. I won't really go into why that is but I know just how easily people can trivialize what other people go through because they can't relate.

You are not alone hun (I didn't mean for that to translate into an MJ song lol) There are I'm sure support groups you can find in your area to help you and your family through this time. Don't be afraid to reach out. You would be surprised just how comforting it can be to have other people share their stories and most of all connect with you through understanding. 

Keep your head up and Cherish yourself and your mom.

I can't say too much more as I'm getting quite verclepmt at the memories. <333

 

Author's Response:

I'm really sorry about your grandma. And... I'm glad I'm not alone. 

I lost my grandma in 1997, but I don't remember being nearly as affected by it, but granted i was only just 14 and up until that point I knew nothing about life and death -- or cancer, really. 

I feel a little bit short changed. We did our bit, we've donated to all the charities, we've done actual foot work for cancer charities, I always give very generously to all these kinds of places and even (somehow managed) to singlehandedly organise a charity event for over 100 people last yr to raise thousands of dollars for cancer research, pure blood sweat and tears in to it while I was trying to study, work and ... live. 

Im just over it, I wrote this this morning and felt on edge all the way to work -- when I got there I got ripped out by a manager for something really that wasn't my fault which was the tipping point. I broke down in front of eveerryoooooone. FUN! At least I got an apology from the manager who realised she was out of line. 

My Mum hasn't been told she is terminal, the chemo has a good success rate and all of her tests have come back with really positive results - actually, the best we can hope for, and we are hoping and praying that the advances in medical care come quicker each day. I'm almost 32, but my Mum is absolutely the closest person in my life, and I am not prepared to lose her. I'd be truly alone if I did... it cant happen.

Reviewer: Redone Signed [Report This]
Date: Aug 18, 2015 04:16 pm Title: My Version Of Michael

For me it depends on whether the story is AU or canon. It also depends on how well the dialogue is conveyed, how consistent Michael (the developing character) is to the personality the author originally outlines.

I perceived him in a way that was very similar to what you've shared, though not as reachable as you described. Then again, at that time I had a very distant view of celebrities.

Reviewer: TutThreeSevens Signed [Report This]
Date: Aug 18, 2015 09:57 am Title: My Version Of Michael

The version of the Michael I have in my mind is one that is a bit more gritty than most might say. When I say gritty I don't mean dirty or gruff, I mean real. I feel he's altruistic by nature, giving and loving beyond any reasonable measure. However he's guarded on many sides. Trust and insecurity issues did a number on him through the years.

He's a dichotomy really because as shy and demur as he was publicly I feel he was very much a man and men flirt and admire, intrigue and have sex with women they're not married to or in some cases married to someone else. Peter Pan he was not.

He was sophisticated and "ghetto". He was shrewd and sweet. He had a strength most couldn't understand and a vulnerability most sought to take advantage of. He was flawed and human and perfect in the same breath. He's funny and playful and intelligent both academically (he couldn't spell for shit sometimes tho lol but) along with an understanding of spiritual aspects of the world most don't explore because they're not open enough to it. All this made for an incredible and unforgettable human being.

The Michael I write in my stories have all these qualities except in some, I kind of ramp up the asshole facter a couple of notches. (Ok a lot you caught me! Lol). In the end tho he always grows in character and finds himself and accepts his true nature. The asshole tower is built brick by brick by past hurts and betrayals and its always fun to see each brick broken down. 

It's awesome you got to witness that smile and stare. <333

Author's Response:

I feel like you have a pretty accurate portrayal there for the most part. You're right about the dichotomy part, I've always felt like that. He was shy and demur, but then wasn't... just when the situation called for it. However, so incredibly honorable. You know, despite the fact that sometimes I desperately wanted Michael to call mother fuckers out when they played him, I am always so proud of his ability to always turn the other cheek. I would say 98% of the time, you never heard him breathe a bad word about another person publicly regardless of how badly someone hurt him or broke his trust. That is a very, very, very honorable trait, I think thats the #1 thing that I've always respected. 

I sometimes like to imagine the asshole factor, for the reason I just mentioned. I would have loved to see him lash out and get immature in public just to have satsified the anger I felt by the treatment he was given, but still... 

Reviewer: Redone Signed [Report This]
Date: Aug 11, 2015 07:16 pm Title: C'est moi

Why'd you put a "mild violence" warning on here? Planning on kicking (or in your case, punching) someone in the balls?

Author's Response:

Because maybe I'll feel stabby at some point and will descriptively write the incident as it occurs in my mind. :)

Reviewer: TutThreeSevens Signed [Report This]
Date: Aug 11, 2015 02:19 pm Title: C'est moi

Burn all tabloids and journalists on the funeral pyre!!!! *Angry yell and fist shakes!!! Lmaoooo. I'm just kidding. I'm a terrible person. 

I can get with the things you're about. You seem like you can get my kind of humor so if you're like me you will snicker at my opening joke. 

As you know I adore you're story The Accused. 

I envy that you've met the man himself and at the same time happy you got to experience it in the first place. I could only imagine the illuminatation. (Not a religious reference but a spiritual one)

I, like you for the hectic mess my life can be at times I chose to focus on the good things that come my way. That's a great attribute to have to keep sane.

I must add tho that having insecurities doesn't always lead to not liking who you are. For me those are chances for improvement within self. Change is the only constant in life and how do we grow without finding some things to improve within, you know?

looking forward to your insights! <333

 

Author's Response:

Hahaha. One of the reasons why I stalled studying so long was because I felt like being a journo was a disservice to Michael. However, the kind of journalism I like is more on the indie, non-commercial side. So, I'm safe!

I didn't snicker so much as I guffawed. 

Thanks for liking The Accused. I need to like writing more in it. I feel a bit stale. lol. 

Yep, I wish that other people got these same opportunities cos he was pretty fucking amazing, I'm not going to lie. And kind, sooooo fucking kind! 

Lack of insecurities have no direct link to liking myself. But, in all honesty, I've always thought that I'm the shit, in a non arrogant way hahaha. 

To sum up, one of my friends sent me this video once and said, 'this reminds me of you when we were kids', and I feel like its pretty perfect summation of what I was/am like. hahaha. 

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=faSHV6bBZWI

(how do you embed videos here!?) 

 

Reviewer: Redone Signed [Report This]
Date: Aug 10, 2015 03:39 pm Title: C'est moi

Pfft. I object to the image. I know you LIVE for my very conditional acceptance and approval.

Of course, that's my assumption and I will complain like hell if you try and refute it.

Author's Response:

I'm just curious as to your complaining. 

I refuse to accept your line of thinking. 

Now, complain! 

Reviewer: MI-Is-My-Morphine Signed [Report This]
Date: Aug 10, 2015 08:06 am Title: C'est moi

Looking forward to reading more about your experiences with Michael and other fans!

Author's Response:

Thanks love, I'll write about some of them when I get some time. Xxx