Reviewer: brandyandMJ Signed [Report This]
Date: Sep 26, 2014 10:01 pm Title: Chapter 6

Okay... first thing is first.. You have a good plot but:

- The chapters need to be longer
- Try spacing out your sentences. 

Ex. instead of 

"What took you so long anyway?" "Uhh nothing just that I forgot my back-pack." I lied. 

Try:

"What took you so long anway?" 

"Uhhh nothing just that I forgot my back-pack." I lied. 

It's much easier to read then everything being in one paragraph. I think this would be a good story if you just combine the chapters and possibly make a banner. It could catch more attention and you can have a few more readers/reviewers with a cleaner story but again the plot is good! Its just the way you have your chapters set up. 

If it's hard for you to write a long chapter then type a little each day until you have at least a thousand words or more and save it in Microscoft Word as a document. you don't have to update every day and little chapters like these can cause someone to want to stop reading but it's a good plot! I'd like to see you continue!

 

Author's Response: You're right brandy... thanks,I needed that... I will do that,thanks again for checking it out... I really appreciate it

Author's Response: You're right brandy... thanks,I needed that... I will do that,thanks again for checking it out... I really appreciate it