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Author's Chapter Notes:

Theyre getting it onnnn! .... Or are they!? :D 

Chapter 64

I opted to get out of the pool; I could see Malania was getting cold. I jumped out first and patted myself down with a towel. I knew she had been nervous with me, afraid of the intimacy of being next to naked with me, but I suffered a little bit of nervousness myself that I hadn’t even bothered talking about. I didn’t want to try to overshadow her feelings.

“Here,” I held out the towel for her, watching her climb out of the water. Her body wasn’t anything she should have ever been ashamed of. I couldn’t help but to stare a little as her breasts almost spilled out of the cups of her plain black bikini.

She shivered a little, pulling the towel around her tightly, obscuring my view of her smooth, slim stomach. I tried to control my imagination, but I failed. It had been too long.

“Are you cold?” I asked her, “I’ll go get you a robe—“ I offered.

“It’s okay, I’ll come inside.”

I led the way in, holding the door for her, letting her step inside first. She looked cold; I could see her teeth chattering away. Maybe it hadn’t been warm enough for swimming after all. “Jeez, you are freezing…” I remarked.

“I’m okay, it’s just the breeze; I’ll warm up in a second,” she promised.

I ignored her and went to our room and grabbed the two robes that hung behind our door. When I returned, Malania was wringing her drenched hair out on to the towel, making sure she didn’t leave a trail of water behind her.

“Here…” I held out the robe. She regarded me with a warm smile. “Thanks,” she murmured. She pulled the towel from around her and let me help her in to the long, white, terry cloth robe.

“You’re welcome,” I returned the smile and watched her tie the sash at the front of it. I stepped back out, grabbing her towel and hanging it over a deck chair. I took off my swimming trunks and hung them beside it, ready for them to dry, standing a little awkwardly in my jocks, knowing that Malania was just inside watching me.

I came back in and pulled the second robe around me.

“Nice butt,” she teased me, realising that I was a little bashful about my own semi-nudity.

“Me?” I almost scoffed, “I barely have one.”

“Yes you do, you have a nice, cute little butt,” she grinned, not even giving me time to tie the sash at the front of my own robe. She stepped toward me and slipped her arms around me, “I didn’t tell you before, but I think you’ve got a nice body too.” I watched her face flush as the words left her mouth.

I smiled. “Thanks sweetheart,” I kissed her forehead. I tried to figure out what was on her mind. I wasn’t sure if she wanted to just hang out with me in front of the TV or if her mind was elsewhere.

It was almost 11. I knew that was around the time we usually went to bed to watch television for a few hours.

She was just enjoying the embrace. I was enjoying it too, but I could have been enjoying other things too, I thought as my mind wandered off.

“Do you want to go to bed…?” I asked her, “it’s kind of late.”

She smiled up at me, her dimple showing. “Okay.”

I took her hand and guided her upstairs to our loft bedroom. I figured even if we didn’t sleep right away, we could sit on the balcony and watch the stars in the dark. There were a couple of deck chairs up there.

“We could rent another movie…” I suggested.

“Sure,” she agreed.  Maybe I was wrong, but I felt as though there was an element of disappointment in her voice.

When we reached the landing of the stairs she let go of my hand and headed to her suitcase, which laid open on the suitcase stand. “What are you doing?” I asked her.

“Getting ready for a shower?” she threw me a questionable look.

“Oh…”

“Well, you wanted to go to bed,” she raised an eyebrow.

I didn’t know what to say to that. I wasn’t about to say that coming to bed with me didn’t necessarily require clothes. I didn’t want to put any pressure on her. She seemed a little put out.

“Hey, what’s wrong? Come over here…” I sat on the end of the bed and waited for her to make her way to me. She dropped her things with a little sigh. I held my hands out, waiting for her to come and take them.

“What’s wrong?” I asked again, “your mood totally changed.”

She shook her head, “nothing,” she replied, “I’m fine,” she tried to give me a smile, but we knew each other well enough to understand when we were just placating one another.

“C’mon… we can go and do something else if you’re not ready to go to bed.”

She looked at her hands for a moment. “Michael, I told you this thing tonight…”

I knew immediately what she was talking about. My heart skipped, thinking she was going to take the words back, that she spoke them prematurely. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed too.

“And it was so hard to have the guts to be honest like that with you—it made me feel so vulnerable and unsure about whether or not I even meant it.”

“Did you mean it? I don’t want you to say things just to appease me, Mal,” I replied, trying to force myself not to show any irritation with her. It isn’t her fault, it isn’t her fault, it isn’t her fault. I had to repeat it a few times to myself.

“Yes,” she looked away from me again and nodded. “And we’ve had this wonderful, warm, romantic evening and we’re both feeling a bit normal and you’re talking about wanting to go to sleep like an old married couple.”

I couldn’t help but to laugh and grin stupidly. She seemed irritated for a moment but she couldn’t help but to smile at my reaction. She shoved me, “don’t laugh at me!”

“I’m not laughing at you, sweetheart, I’m just laughing at you thinking that I would take something that you’ve told me with such a grain of salt, that I’ve brought you back here just to go to bed and sleep. Do you think I was gonna be all, ‘hey come upstairs so I can do sex to you!’”

She cracked up. “If you ever say you are going to ‘do sex’ on me, I will kill you, just for your information.”

We both began to laugh and I was glad for the tension leaving the conversation. “No, but for real,” I began when we both calmed down a little bit, “I didn’t want to assume anything, Mal, we don’t have to sleep together the very night you’ve told me you think you’re ready, I didn’t want to do that to you—“

“But…” she murmured quietly, “I…” she drew in a breath as if she was going to protest.

I stopped her from continuing, “I don’t like making you feel nervous…”

“And here we are still talking about it…” Malania interrupted, “and it’s frustrating, Michael because I just want to get over with-“

Her words hurt me just a little. I cocked my head, giving her a reproachful look. “C’mon, is that really the way you’re really looking at it? As if it’s something you’re doing just for me?”

She breathed in and I could tell immediately that she was beginning to feel the stress.

“No,” she murmured, “no, Michael, it’s not how I really feel… I just want to be able to not feel all this shame for something that has nothing to do with you or our situation.”

I winced. I hated that she still felt shame over another person’s actions. It wasn’t fair to her and it certainly wasn’t fair to me.

I loved her so much but it was sometimes hard for me too. I tried so hard not to make it about myself.

“I just want you to…” she started but then stopped. She took my hands and avoided looking in to my eyes. She seemed frustrated by her own lack of ability to pinpoint what she really wanted to say. “I just want you.”

I tried to discern whether or not her words were a green light for me to kiss her. I felt awful for her.

I decided not to say anything cheesy. I decided to just kiss her and if that wasn’t what she wanted, she would stop us.

I leaned in to kiss her lips, expecting that she would pull away. She didn’t though. She let go of my hands and rested her hands upon my shoulders. I took her face in my palms and just went with it.

She didn’t protest, she didn’t stop me, she just kissed me back eagerly—I figured that she had probably just wanted me to shut up. It probably took a lot of energy to continue talking in circles about everything.

I felt her hands holding the hem of my robe, letting them clutch on to the material.

I opened my mouth slightly, allowing her tongue to enter my mouth. Given how long I’d been holding out, I became aroused at the drop of a hat. Her tongue against mine caused an ache down below. I clenched my eyes shut tightly and told myself to just calm down.

I grazed my tongue against hers before closing my mouth, pressing my lips against hers and relishing the taste of her for a few short moments, before repeating my actions. Each time, I slowed my pace a little more. It seemed to make her feel eager. I buried one of my hands beneath the damp hair at her neck and my other hand found its way down to the small of her back.  

I kissed her with passion and urgency again. I knew she welcomed the change of pace and so far so good – she enjoyed my fingers running through her hair, she let out a soft and almost inaudible whimper each time my fingers grazed against her scalp.

I drew a line with my tongue against hers and closed my mouth one last time. I broke it off and planted some soft ones along her cheeks and down to her earlobes as she caught her breath.

She tipped her head to allow me more room to brush my lips down her neck. I knew she was enjoying it by the way her body responded. Her back arched a little and she tried to move closer to me, which wasn’t really all that possible.

Her stationary hands let go of my robe and began to search for a way beneath it. I was surprised by her initiative, but not really all that shocked. I grabbed her hands, stopping her. I knew if she touched me too intimately too quickly, it would have been all over. I had been waiting a long time.  I continued to kiss down to her collarbones.

I could see the goose bumps rising all over her skin as I left a wet trail from where my mouth had been.

I was quickly becoming aroused and I accepted that it just couldn’t be helped. I’d have to deal with it if she shut things down at any point.

She shivered, making me smile. I knew she was enjoying herself despite the fact that she was trembling slightly; a mixture of nerves and pleasure, I was certain.

I broke off my kisses and looked at her. She gazed back, looking a little starry-eyed.

“Did you want to…would it be okay to –“ being forward wasn’t ever really my forte. I was shy, too; I really had trouble trying to say exactly what I wanted. I didn’t have a great deal more confidence than she did, but I knew I had to just man-up. “Do you wanna get more comfortable?”

She nodded. Her eyes were full of nervousness and uncertainty, but I think she wanted to be with me just as much as I wanted her. I knew that she did trust me despite any fears that she may have had. I slid up toward our pillows; she did too.

I undid the sash of my robe and discarded it. She surprised me and did the same. I smiled at her, trying not to stare at her laying almost naked beside me save for her bikini.

“There are too many decorative pillows…” I remarked with frustration at the bunch of irregular shaped cushions that seemed to overcrowd the bed. I pushed them all off and pulled back the comforter, wrestling with it all for a few moments a little comically as Malania watched with amusement.

I watched her eyes linger over me, as I lay next to her in my black jocks.

“You look good,” she smiled. I almost flinched, feeling her hand running down the side of my chest. Her touch was warm and sensual and aroused me like crazy. I hoped she didn’t notice.

I leaned over her, kissing her on the lips, enjoying the feeling of her hands searching my pecs, her palms grazing my nipples. I moaned in to her mouth and I kissed her just that little bit more passionately.

I tried to pull away, inducing a series of short lingering kisses.

“Do you want me to cut out the lights?” I asked in a whisper, thinking that she would have less to be alarmed about if I turned them off.  

She shook her head, “no, leave them on,” she answered quickly.

I remembered about her night terrors and felt a bit silly for the suggestion. “Well, that’s fine with me…” I smiled cheekily, “cos you look really beautiful in your bikini, I know I said that already but…”

She just chuckled. I could tell that she was suddenly consumed with nerves. “Don’t be nervous…” I murmured, deciding to just be blunt with her. “It’s me. You know me, you love me… I’m yours.”

“I know,” she said with a little smile. “I do love you, I trust you. I want to be with you.”

What I really wanted was to get her out of her clothes. My erection must have given me just that little bit of sexual confidence. All I needed was for her to tell me if I had to stop.

“You can… undress me…. if you like,” her voice was low and quiet as if she feared that that wasn’t what I wanted to do. I knew she was nervous, I could hear it as her voice trembled a little; but I think we both felt like if we pushed past it, we might be able to get to a place where she felt safe in this situation.

I planted another kiss on her lips. I kneeled over her, getting as close as I could without pressing any of my weight on her. I slowly ran my fingertips up her arms to her shoulders, slipping beneath her so I could get to the clip of her bikini.

She rose her back slightly, helping me. I tried not to break our kiss as I fumbled around like an idiot, trying to figure out the clasp. Eventually I pulled away and cursed with a laugh.

Malania laughed too, it was a nice tension relieving moment. “You don’t do this often, do you?” she joked.

“Are you kidding right now?” I chuckled, “what the hell, does this Bikini come with some kind of special man-proof clip?”

“Obviously,” she remarked. I eased up off of her, resting back on my knees. She half-sat up and helped me out. I heard the snap of it opening and she rested back down again, leaving her loose bikini covering her. “There you go…”

I reached for the straps of her swimwear and removed the article from her body, uncovering each mound of perfect flesh.

I knew my erection was probably pretty obvious to Malania. I tossed it to the side of the bed; it was just getting in the way. I barely got the chance to admire her; her arms instinctively reached up and covered her breasts. I knew she felt vulnerable in bright light of the bedroom with me, straddling her in such a situation.

“Do you want me to put the lamp on?” I asked gently.

She nodded, “Y-yes…”

I got up off of her and turned the lamp on my side on and went to turn the actual room light off. When I turned back around, she had pulled the covers up over herself.

“Is this too much?” I asked, crawling under the sheet beside her.

“No…” she shook her head but her eyes seemed unsure. “I don’t want you to stop,” she told me bravely.

It was all I needed to hear. I resumed my position; straddled over her thighs. She still protectively covered herself. I let my hands wander over her stomach, enjoying the softness of her skin, inching up to her arms. I gently pulled them away from her chest and guided them around me.

I grazed my fingertips further up until they reached her breasts. They were silk against my hands. I stole a glance of her as I flattened my hand, grazing both palms along the hardness of her nipples.

She trembled a little beneath me. I looked to her face in the dimmer light and saw that her eyes were clamped shut.

I moved my hands away and knew I needed to be incredibly patient with her. I kissed her briefly on the mouth. “We don’t have to…” I had to squeeze the words from my mouth because my dick said otherwise. “We can just lay together…”

She shook her head. “I’m not scared,” she murmured.

“You’ll tell me, right? If you want me to stop, you’ll tell me, no matter how far things have gone?”

I wanted to make her feel better because I could see her eyes growing watery in frustration with her self and probably the situation. She nodded. “I’m sorry…”

I shook my head. I didn’t want her to apologise. I thought maybe me being on top of her may have intimidated her a little for the moment so I flopped down on to my side beside her.

She thought I’d given up. Still on her back, she turned her head to me, trying to determine what I was thinking. I gave her an encouraging smile. I showed her I meant what I said, by closing my eyes and kissing her.

I rested a hand on her tummy. I felt her suck it in nervously. I didn’t move it though, I just rested it there until she relaxed. Once she stopped freaking out, I began to caress her belly, taking time to explore her flesh that I’d never really seen uncovered before.

I settled a hand at the waistband of her bikini bottoms. I slowly inched my hand over her backside, cupping it in my hand, squeezing gently as I kissed her.

I felt her tense up, so again I waited, giving her time to relax, though once she did, I could feel her trembling beside me. None of it felt right; it was all wrong. Even though she tried to convince me otherwise, I felt as though I was taking advantage of her.

She was too nervous and too frightened and I felt terrible. It wasn’t how it was supposed to go. I just removed my hands and continued to kiss her. I just draped my arm over her, guiding us closer together, enjoying the feel of skin-on-skin and decided that I needed to let that be enough.

“I love you…”

“I love you,” she repeated.

I smoothed my hand over her back. I wanted her so much but I wasn’t about to compromise her feelings. I knew she was struggling and probably more with the expectation that I wanted to have sex, but I really only wanted it if she was in to it as well.

“I’m sorry,” she apologised again when she realised I’d given up. “I feel awful, like… I’ve ruined our night.”

“The night is not ruined,” I replied. I smiled at her, noticing that she was just a few words away from tears. “Don’t be upset, it’s all good. If nothing else, we’re closer right now than we’ve ever been.” I kissed her forehead. “But, you’ve just put way too much pressure on yourself.”

“I wanted it to be perfect,” she murmured.

I thumbed away a tear that escaped the corner of her eye. I kissed her again.

“Just relax, you’re worked up. I don’t want you to feel like that. We’ll just hang out in bed like this, okay? Whatever happens, happens…” I replied, “I’ve had the most wonderful night with you, it won’t suck any less if we just chill out.”

“Are you disappointed?” she asked my point blank.

The truth was, I did feel disappointed, but I wasn’t going to tell her that and make her feel worse. “No,” I said shaking my head, “I know it will happen when it’s supposed to happen. Right now, I am enjoying your awesome boobs against my chest.”

She managed a laugh. There was no one that I would have ever spoken like that with anyone else. “I think this is like the second time I’ve seen you without a shirt…” her voice trailed off, “but the first time you were at your Hidden Hills place and I was only really concerned with getting you under the shower.”

Oh yeah, I thought, the almost incident that I disliked anyone even bringing up.

“First time for me too,” I stated the obvious, “I certainly don’t have any complaints.” I drew away slightly and looked down between us.

She slapped me playfully. I knew it was a little confronting for her to see me staring at her body. She kept me close, trying to keep herself out of view. “Stop teasing…” she replied.

“What about me, am I all you ever dreamed of and more?” I joked.

She raised her eyebrow and smiled at me. “Obviously you are. I don’t need to even look…”

“So, if you never saw my naked body, you’d be fine?” I asked, “You’re not interested?”

“No…” she flushed, “I’m saying that I love you and I know that if you had any scars or anything you felt funny about, it wouldn’t matter to me.”

“Right…” I smiled, finding irony in what she was saying. “Now, put yourself in my situation… that’s exactly how I feel about you.”

“I know…” she averted her eyes away from me briefly. “It’s not so much that I’m concerned about my body, I’m just scared of intimacy; of what all of that means, of what being naked leads to, you know?”

I nodded. “I know, my heart…”

“And it’s not about trust, because I do trust you, I just can’t help the way my body reacts.”

“I’m glad you’re not insecure about your body, because I’m pretty impressed by yours, you are so beautiful… I think you’re perfect.” I told her, wanting her to feel like a million dollars with me.

She kissed me, “thank you for saying that.”

Surprising me, she raised herself up, pulling the sheets around her, securing herself.

“Whatcha doing?” I asked her.

“Sitting up,” she replied, “I don’t want to lay down anymore, I don’t want to go to sleep just yet.”

I sat up too, easing myself back against the bed head. “Come here…” I suggested, wanting to be close to her, I patted the space on my lap. I could see her weighing up a decision in her mind.

She grabbed my hand and let me guide her to my thighs, trying to keep herself strategically covered. She seemed to almost entirely give up as she drew near to me. I caught a glimpse of her pert breasts as she got comfortable. She stared at me for a moment, smiling. She took my face in her hands and kissed me again.

She seemed to be a little more comfortable. She encircled her arms around me and I slowly dared my hands to slide from her waist up her side, letting myself cup the contours of her soft flesh.

She didn’t seem to mind. As she pressed her lips against me again, I felt the tip of her tongue against mine. I kissed her back with a little bit of urgency, but I interrupted it in surprise as she grabbed my hand from the side of breast and guided me over it entirely.

I eyed her sensing her nervousness, though her body didn’t seem to tremble the way it had earlier, but still, it was kind of hard to ignore. She flinched often to my touch until I could see her talking herself in to relaxing. It was a little off putting.

She let her eyes fall shut for a moment, probably collecting her thoughts and fears and trying to do away with them. I ran my free hand over her dark hair that was slowly drying.

The curve of her breast was smooth and soft and I tried not to let myself become too hard but it was difficult considering how much I wanted her.

“I want you…” she said softly, “I can’t even tell you how much I want this to happen…”

I knew she meant it and I knew it was frustrating for her. I closed my eyes tightly and took a deep breath, trying to get the self-control to put everything on pause.

I let my hand fall from her hair, down her shoulders to her back. I began to draw patterns on her skin with my fingertips. “I don’t want to do this while you’re scared of me….” I told her honestly.

“Michael, I’m not scared of you, you’re perfect.”

Instantly our moment was lost. She seemed upset by my response.

“So if you’re not scared of me and if it’s not a trust reason, but you are scared? I’m just wondering what it is exactly that you are scared of?” I tried to be delicate, but I figured maybe if we talked about it, maybe we could get past it. I was sure it was only something she would have been comfortable discussing with Raia, but I decided to try anyway.

“I’m scared of him, Michael, but I know you’re not him, but I have no control over my body’s condition. I don’t have the control to stop myself shaking. And it’s embarrassing and my mood gets killed and then I’m sitting here upset because I know I’ve killed the mood for you as well.” Her eyes filled with tears and I felt bad.

She reached up and wiped her eyes before they spilled over. I didn’t try to console her because her feelings were completely valid. “A couple of times we’ve made out and we’ve gotten close to doing other stuff and you’ve been okay, I’ve stopped things because I was afraid you weren’t ready – but maybe because those moments were unplanned you were okay. Maybe this whole situation is freaking you out because you’ve planned it in your head and you think it’s expected.”  

 “Maybe…” she murmured.

“Don’t stress, Malania, I only want to make love to you when you’re ready.” I wanted to make love to her then and there, obviously, but not if she wasn’t whole-heartedly in to it. I didn’t want her to ever regret her first time with me.

“So you’re telling me you weren’t coming in here tonight with a sense of intent or desire or even – a sense of relief that the wait was over?” she asked me. Her glassy eyes had mostly dissipated.

I considered her question and tried to answer to be straight with her. “Well, honestly, sweetheart, maybe a little. But we’ve talked about your fears and everything in the past and I knew that there’d be a chance that you might not want that, we might have had such a big, drunken night back there that we would have come back here and zonked out.”

She managed a laugh. “There’s no way I could sleep,” she admitted. “This is probably going to keep me up all night. It’s so bizarre, I’m sitting here shirtless in front of my boyfriend, Michael Jackson… who for some crazy reason, I haven’t let bang me yet.”

I cracked up, “Mal! That’s dirty!” I loved it when she surprised me with a bit of crassness. I knew it was always just for shock value.

“You know what, maybe alcohol isn’t a bad thing. Maybe we should have a glass, if for no other reason but to celebrate the fact that the trial is going to start, Michael, and the sooner it begins the sooner it can be behind us.”

My breath caught, thinking about the trial, but I didn’t let it throw me off. I was glad she was so positive about it. I needed one of us to be.

I smiled. “Really? You’d like a glass of wine?”

“Sure, do you feel like it?”

“I could have a glass of wine,” I nodded. “In fact, why don’t we go sit on the balcony with a bottle of wine. It’s a nice night, it might be a bit romantic.”

“Okay,” she agreed, “Obviously I’ll need some clothes,” she remarked. She moved off of me, allowing me to get up first. I still had my jocks on, but I could feel her eyes lingering over me as I picked up a robe that was lying on the floor and I handed it to her.

She swung her legs over the opposite side of the bed and with her back to me, she pulled the robe around her bare save for the bikini bottoms, which by the way, made her ass look grand.

She turned around, tying the sash, still looking so beautiful. She had little traces of eyeline slightly smudged under her eyes from the pool. “Why don’t you go wait out on the balcony?” I suggested, “I’ll go downstairs and get the wine and bring it up.”

Chapter End Notes:

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