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Author's Chapter Notes:

As some of you know this story went to somewhat of a hiatus due to home life being up in the air with my mums ill-health. I think I need to start channelling my stress in to my writing or else Ill end up the size of a house with all of my stress eating, lol. So I'm back.... I think. I really want to spend the time to finish this story... and then Ill focus on finishing STT. 

Thanks for being so patient and for the emails and kindness I've received while I've been "away" ...so please enjoy this chapter. I just sat here and re-read it and it gave me a silly grin... good lord I miss Michael. 

Things felt a little bit stressful, but strangely my head felt clearer. Maybe it was the comfort of Malania or maybe it was the fact that my attorney was treating me with the bedside manner of a pediatrician with the kind of patience that could only be applauded.

“Sweetheart,” I called out to Malania. She was in the kitchen. I smiled as I made my way down the hall from the stairs landing. I found her, giving me just a tiny bit of her attention as she looked up from the fry pan.

“Yeah?”

“I had a thought…” I said. She was wearing a pair of long pink pajama pants and one of my white v-necks. I loved it when she wore my clothes. It was just a little bit sexy. I came behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

I could see her cheeks contracting in to a grin. I rested my chin on her shoulder. “We have three days til the trial starts… I’m not allowed to leave the state, I don’t think, but… do you want to go for a drive and stay somewhere for a night or two? Just to have those last few days as a wind down?”

There was an ulterior motive, I was hoping for a little bit of romance. I was being kind and patient, but it was hard to share the same bed with my girlfriend most nights and have her constantly pushing me away when things began to heat up.

I wanted to set the scene. I wanted to love her without her freaking out. I was careful not to be cheesy, but I knew sometimes that she really did prefer a little bit of cheesy romance.

“What, alone? Without security?” she asked, turning her head and raising an eyebrow as if I was crazy.

“No… well, we can drive… Carsen can follow if he needs… I just feel like I need a little bit of freedom-“ I knew that we both knew what I meant without having to say it out loud.

She raised an eyebrow at me, “is this a ruse to lure me to a hotel and get me in to bed?”

I laughed. I knew she was joking. “My heart, I wouldn’t have to try too hard, you’re always a little bit of a willing participant in getting you in to my bed.”

My lips met hers for a short, soft kiss. I felt her chuckle.

In the week and a half since my hospital stay, we had seemed to enjoy the mundane calmness between us. She went to her therapy, I went to my first two psychologist sessions and I had been working close with Greg every other day to find out our plan of attack.

I was scared though. I knew that was normal, we had talked about it in therapy, my fears of dying in a jail cell, or never being able to get my fame back.

Malania had been supportive but she also made it clear that she wasn’t going to tolerate any tantrums from me. Three days earlier I had refused to get out of bed and talked about cancelling my therapist appointment, she had met me with some tough love and it was enough to make me pull my shit together.

“Well…” she began as she continued to scrape the fry pan, scrambling some eggs for me. She made me breakfast every day and made me eat even on the days where I tried to refuse meals. I had always used food as a way to make me feel in control of situations—a little habit I had picked up since I was a teenager.

It was something else we had touched on in therapy.

I felt like even though everything was complicated, I was able to organise my thoughts more clearly and nothing was as overwhelming as it had seemed each time the phone rang or I turned on the television.

“What’ll we do?”

“We could go to Santa Barbara Pier, go stay at a nice place…” I shrugged, letting go and leaning against the cupboard, “I just thought it could be nice to have a little getaway…”

“Okay,” she said simply, “lets do it – when did you want to go?”

“I guess I could call Carsen and see if we can organise something for today… do you want to do some calling around and find us a nice place to stay?”

She smiled at me, seeming suddenly excited. “Really?”

“Yeah… of course, we’ll try to do something like a ‘normal’ couple…” I grinned at her.

“And if we get recognised?” she asked.

I shrugged. “It wouldn’t be the end of the world – does it matter, really?”

“Nope,” she smiled, “I’m always proud to be seen with you.”

Sometimes I became afraid that being with me would at some time become too hard for her, that she might feel like what others were saying about me were true and that she’d take a step back… but she often shared her unflinching proudness of having me in her life and it put all those silly fears to bed.

“Okay, is there anything I can do here?” I asked, “to help?” I added.

“Nothing, baby…” she replied, “just grab me a plate and I’ll finish up here.”

 

I couldn’t wipe the smile off of my face as I went to fetch two plates for our breakfast.

**

I watched my beautiful girl walk around the room with excitement when she realised there was a second level to our suite. She pulled me upstairs with her to check out the views. I knew she wasn’t a stranger to luxury hotels given that her father received all kinds of benefits as a pilot in his younger years, but she was obviously never spoiled by their fortune.

She turned to me and grinned at me, showing me that cute little dimple that always drove me crazy. “This is amazing…” she exclaimed, “look at that view…” she grabbed my hand and pulled me to the balcony that overlooked the ocean.

We had a loft-style villa with a small private pool. I was excited to go swimming; it was always one of my favourite things to do. I had to be careful of the sun these days, but the pool was shaded heavily which allowed that extra bit of privacy for us that I was glad for.

I was content to see her so happy and relaxed. Every now and then she seemed to clam up and need some time alone. I understood and respected it, but sometimes it worried me that she still didn’t share all of her feelings with me.

She opened the balcony doors and let the humid breeze enter through. I felt my own tension dissipate and my body begin to relax. “Look, Mal…” I called, drawing my eyes from her to the coffee table in the middle of the living area. I was reluctant to draw attention to myself by getting on to the balcony; instead I enjoyed the view of her standing by the rail looking over at the beach.

I made my way to the complimentary gift that was left for us.

I couldn’t help but to chuckle. The owner of The Harbor Inn in Santa Barbara was a long time friend of mine; he got the idea I was bringing my ‘lady-friend’ as he put it, for two night’s of romancing. He left us a bottle of wine and a platter of fruit and cheeses.

“Oh nice…” she picked up the wine and glanced at the label. “I’m no wine connoisseur, but free wine is always good…”

I laughed, “this is a good wine,” I told her, “it’s a Dom Perignon Rosé, bit of a top shelf classic.”

She forgot the view at the balcony and advanced back toward me.

Malania rose her eyebrow at me, “I thought you didn’t drink much.”

I shrugged, “I don’t… in fact rarely, but—I’ve been around the traps long enough to see what all the cool cats drink,” I told her, “and I have had a glass of Rosé or two in my time… there’s a lot you don’t know about me, see?” I joked.

She laughed, “Yeah… that your drink of choice is a pink girly drink, did you grow a vagina with that too?” she teased me.

If anyone else had ever spoken like that to me I would have taken great offense but that was just her; blunt and smart-alecky. I gave her a gentle shove away from me as though I was horribly offended.

“Hey!” she exclaimed, “not nice!”

“Well I don’t have a va…” I could barely even say the word out loud without my cheeks flushing. It wasn’t ever the word I would have used.

She started to laugh at me, “its okay Michael, you can say it… va-gi-na.”

We laughed together and I could feel my cheeks heating up a little. “That sounds so wrong…”

“Why?” she questioned, “it is what it is… just a heads up, don’t ever use the p word..” she gave a mock-shudder.

“What, penis?!” I asked, shocked.

“Firstly,” she began, narrowing her eyes, “no, that is not the word I was referring to. I was referring to the other name for a cat and also vagina…”

I began to laugh. “Pussy…” I teased her, “that word? What don’t you like about it?”

She made a disgusted face. “Don’t say it, Michael, it gives me the heebie jeebies… I promise you, you’ll never, ever get near me if you keep saying it, even as a joke…”

I giggled, “Okay, okay, I better shut up – in the interest of being able to love up on you—“ I added.

She gave me a close-lipped smile that allowed me to know she was totally okay with me making a move on her at some stage.

“What do you want to do first?” I asked her, slinging my arms over her shoulders. It was hard to leave the hotel and go too many places without actually being recognised.

She kissed me softly on the lips and shrugged “Maybe we should wait til it starts getting dark and then go for a walk along the wharf… maybe a swim.”

I felt my lips upturning in to a smile. “Really? You want to swim?” I had invited Malania to swim with me a couple of times since we’d been back at Neverland, but she declined every time—I figured she was too shy to dress down to her bathing suit in front of me.

“Yeah…” she nodded, “its warm—I could swim.”

“Well—I’m not going to turn you down there… hope you brought your bathing suit.”

She laughed, “you’d like if I forgot it, wouldn’t you?” she asked, fixing the collar on my plaid shirt.

I felt myself blush slightly at her light flirting. “Well, I’d lie if I said no...”

She shoved me away playfully.

I reached for her and pulled her back gently toward me. “What if, for now… we unwind, our bags should be up in a moment—we could find an in house movie to watch and order some room service for lunch…”

I knew there was a part of her that probably wanted to go out and walk around in the fresh air – and I did too, but my life had always been this way and I more than accepted it. I admired her willingness to be able to just go with it even when it wasn’t her lifestyle.

“Sounds great… I might go hang out on the balcony for a minute, enjoy the view…”

“Okay my heart…” I agreed, sealing our plans with a last kiss.

**

It was nice to see Malania a little bit dressed up again. She wore a soft, flowing maroon dress that fell just below her knees. She had her hair slicked right back off of her face showing me her gorgeous face with her high cheekbones and the very light sprinkle of freckles that I could usually only notice when I stood close to her.

Often she tried hard to hide the scars on her arms with bracelets and bands, but she seemed to have become a little more comfortable with them. She wore nothing on her left wrist and a silver watch on her right; covering the suicide attempt.

Beneath her dress was the bikini that she planned to wear if we decided to swim after our dinner. I was pretty sure she wouldn’t be confident enough to disrobe before me.

I took her hand feeling confident and happy for the first time in what had felt like months.

Carsen and another two security guards that he insisted we bring along with us, kept a fair distance behind and in front; just enough space to allow us to feel like we were on our own.

I realised I had been walking a little faster than her. It was just habit that I was always trying to get to from point A to point B as quickly as possibly in case I was recognised. Not this night though, I thought as I fell in to step with her. “Sorry, I’m speeding ahead.”

“No,” she smiled, “I’m just being a slow poke…”

“There’s no rush,” I insisted, “its just habit.” I didn’t need to explain further. She knew what I meant.

It was just on dusk which made it a little easier to not be recognised. We had a back up plan though—a decoy car and a look-a-like. Sounded ridiculous, but sometimes I had to work hard for a little bit of privacy.

Santa Barbara was full of billionaires; especially in this part of town. I hoped that the affluence and status of the general population would afford me a little more leverage in public than usual.

Though, people seemed to go bat shit crazy over me at times regardless of who they were. It was as though they lost their self-awareness. I didn’t mind because I was used to it; but I really wanted to have a nice night with my girl without any of the usual distractions.

“So if we get recognised,” I began, “and too much attention gets drawn to us, Brandon,” I pointed to the burley white giant a couple meters ahead of us, “he’s going to call for the car-“

“I know, Michael, we’ve been over it. Don’t stress; just relax. By the time we finish dinner it’ll be dark and we can go for our walk.”

That was the part I was looking forward to the most.

Eating dinner, I knew I would be recognised, but that was just part of the lifestyle. We had a small and private dining area that I felt like could allow us to enjoy the view, have a nice meal together and feel like a normal couple for a few hours.

I was feeling a little nervous for a few reasons.

I’d had it in my head that tonight was going to be the night. I didn’t want to get my hopes up because I was entirely running the risk of panicking her. But, there was a little pent up and well-hidden frustration on my behalf.

I understood her fears and her trauma. I was patient and I was kind and I knew I would never be anything but; however, sometimes my urge to make love to the person that I’d fallen in love with became a little all-consuming. It was hard to be able to lay next to her most nights and make out and cuddle and look in to those eyes and not be able express my feelings to her.

“Sorry,” I apologised.

We walked down toward the Harbor Restaurant which was situated right at the end of the pier.

“Have you ever eaten here?” Malania asked me.

I felt a knot in my stomach as a few men in suits passed us in the opposite direction. They were laughing heartily and thankfully not really taking too much notice of their surroundings. I realised I was holding my breath until I was confident they passed.

“Mike, are you alright?” I realised I was squeezing her hand a little too tight. Malania stopped me. I peeled my eyes away from the suits and looked at her. The security stopped walking too.

I took a deep breath and met her eyes with mine. I nodded, “Yeah…” I hesitated, “just… a little bit of anxiousness.”

“Michael…” she reached up and took my face in her hands, “it’s okay, if we get recognised we can just leave and it’ll be fine.”

I managed a smile and rested my hands upon her waist. “I’m sorry, I guess it’s just been awhile since I tried to go out—“

“Me too…” she agreed, “but we’re in this together—and even if we end up hanging out in the hotel suite all night, I won’t even care.”

I kissed her upon the lips and drew her toward me. I knew she found it a bit harder than I did to forget the security, but she was doing a good job of pretending they weren’t around.

“I love you…” I told her, “I really do… you’re amazing.”

She smiled at me. “I love you too…” She let her hand fall in to mine again and we continued past a few other people and straight in to the restaurant.

One of the new guards, Jim, held open the door for us. He spoke with the Maitre D for us and then we were shuffled straight to a private dining area. I heard people whisper and I heard someone call my name; but I pretended to be a little deaf—Malania did too, Carsen, standing behind me blocked anyone from seeing much of me which I was relieved about.

“Wasn’t so bad?” Malania smiled once we had been taken to our private dining.

“It was fine…” I agreed, hiding my anxiousness for public places. I didn’t remember ever feeling this way, but I knew I was worried for how people would perceive me since my hospital stay.

I pulled her seat out for her and joined her.

We were seated close to a wall-to-floor window that allowed us a beautiful view of the harbour; we were able to see the sunset and watch the yachts leaving and coming in to dock.

“Is this table okay?” I laid my arms across the table, leaning forward a bit. I picked up the silly vase out of the way so it didn’t obscure my view of her.

She folded her hands on the table top and smiled back at me. I quickly forgot about all of the anxieties I felt leaving the comfort of our secure car only a short while earlier. Instead, I was able to focus on my girl and spending some time on our own as though we were a normal couple.

“Yeah,” she replied with a nod, “its perfect…” she murmured, looking out at the view with a little bit of awe. I was able to watch her with adoration. I liked that she could appreciate the simple things like me.

“I hate being bothered when I want to do stuff like this…” I explained, “you know, trying to be normal…”

“You’re normal,” Malania told me, “you just have a unique situation…”

I loved her for her quickness to defend the unintentionally loathsome comments that I made about myself.

We were on our own for a few moments until a waiter came to present us our menus. I was happy that he was incredibly professional and if he was thrown by my stardom, he didn’t show it.

I gazed in to her eyes; she really knew how to make me feel calm. There was some silence between us and I couldn’t help but to hide a little smirk as her cheeks turning a slight shade of pink.

“I don’t have anything on my face, do I?” she asked, lifting her hand to touch her cheek a little self-consciously.

“No!” I interjected quickly, reaching to pull her hand away, “Sorry, I’m being all weird, aren’t I?”

“No, you’re fine… I’m sorry if I’m being a bit nervous—“

“Nervous?” I asked, “why?!”

She gave me a smile and I was certain her cheeks flushed again. I reached across and took her hands. “Why are you all nervous?”

She shrugged coyly.

I couldn’t help but to chuckle at her sudden bashfulness. I stroked her hands in mine, staring at them for a moment. “You know what?” I asked, drawing my eyes up slowly from her hands, up her arms, shoulders and finally back to her eyes, “I swear it, I’m going to marry you.”

Malania’s mouth dropped open. “Michael-“

“Not today, obviously, and don’t freak out, I’m not proposing—“ I knew from her tone I had scared her and quickly needed to clarify. “Have you ever met a person and knew immediately that you like them?”

She shook her head slowly, “well, you… but… I sort of knew you before I met you…” she answered seriously.

“I knew when I met you…” I told her honestly. “I mean; I didn’t know we were going to be together—I didn’t know that I wanted to marry you, but I knew you were special, even right back to the first time we met and I was dumb enough to gush about you to Diane.”

Malania started to laugh at the idea. “No shit, that was a bit dumb.”

I laughed too, realising in hindsight how insulting it was to her.

“No, but for real… I know, one day we are going to get married. I’m going to totally marry you up real nice-like,” I winked and gave her a little smug smile.

Her cheeks were bright read and she was beaming happily.

“Sorry,” I chuckled, “I’m being a giant weirdo…”

“Michael, you’re not a weirdo,” she smiled, “I like it when you’re being like this—intense and attentive, it’s … really nice.”

I watched her fingers stroke the arch of my thumb as though she was deep in thought. I picked up a menu with my free hand and swept my eyes over it, not wanting to disrupt her reverie.

“Michael?” she spoke up after a few moments of silence.

“Yeah?”

She gave me a sweet smile and took my hand in both of hers. I watched her cheeks get a little rosy, “what is it?” I pressed.

“Uhm… I’m ready…”

“To order?” I asked her, “you’ve barely looked at the menu.”

She laughed, “No I mean…” she cocked her head to the side and gazed at me, “I’m ready to… you know…”

I stared at her, confused for a moment until it finally dawned on me. “Ohhhh…oh, really?”

We both laughed. “Jeez, I thought I was going to have to spell it out to you.”

I was surprised by her admission. I certainly wasn’t expecting it. “Are you sure?”

“Yes!” she exclaimed, “I mean,” she paused, “I think that’s what I want... I love you. I want to be with you… I know that you love me too.”

“Okay,” I said simply.

“Okay?” she smiled.

“Absolutely its okay… but, same rule applies, if you change your mind, it’ll be okay,” I assured her.

There was an air of awkwardness between us, but the waiter returning seemed to break it. I had about a hundred things going through my mind—and all of them were sex related.

I welcomed the distraction.

“Mr Jackson and…?” he nodded to Malania and smiled at her kindly, waiting for one of us to speak.

“Malania,” she spoke up. “My name is Malania.”

“Miss Malania,” he nodded, “can I get you both something to drink?”

“Sure…” I spoke up, “what would you like to drink, my heart?” I asked, picking up the drinks menu.

She shrugged, “you’re the wine expert, why don’t you pick something good for me?” I knew she was teasing me.

“Really? You want a wine?” I was a bit surprised. In the whole time I had known Malania, she had never had a glass of wine or even a sip of alcohol.

“Sure, why not?”

“May I ask if you have chosen your meal?” the waiter asked, “if so, I could recommend a wine to complement your meal.”

“Okay, great… could we have a few moments to choose?” I asked, knowing both Malania and I hadn’t actually chosen our food.

We spent a few moment; she chose the chicken and I chose the salmon and waited with a strange, new electricity between us.

Chapter End Notes:

Please leave your reviews.... let me know what you all think should happen in the next chapter. Cos Im sitting here scratching my head lol

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