Dear Michael by LadyKeren

Just some things I would tell Michael if I were able to communicate with his spirit.

Categories: Open Letters Characters: None
General Warnings: None
Trigger Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Completed: Yes Word count: 866 Read: 199 Published: Jun 25, 2022 Updated: Jun 25, 2022

1. Chapter 1 by LadyKeren

Chapter 1 by LadyKeren
Author's Notes:

This is my truth on the effect that Michael's death had on me..

Dearest Michael,

I hope wherever you are, your spirit is resting peacefully. It's been 13 years since your passage from time to eternity, but it feels like only yesterday. I remember really hoping you would come out of your medical emergency all right..the possibility that you wouldn't didn't cross my mind, so imagine my shock when that's what fate would have it to be. First I was in a state of shock and had to process it, but within two days I was an emotional wreck..I didn't leave my room unless I had to, I barely ate and I wanted to be left alone unless speaking with those who shared the same grief. I fell into a deep depression for about a year. I felt as if I had nothing left. I think a huge part of me died with you. It seemed so unfair one period you were going through the darkest chapter in your life and the next, poof, you're no more (At least that's what it seemed like to me) and your family deserved so much better. I also lost patience and tolerance for the detractors who insist on believing lies over truth, and those who call themselves fans believing the tabloids, not to mention know-it alls. 

You don't know this since our paths never crossed, but I've grown up with you..I was 7 years old, almost 8 when I saw the "Remember the Time" short film, which was my first and a smile would come to my face anytime I saw a film you debuted on a music channel. Sad to say it's bittersweet to hear many old favorites because you're no longer here to perform them. But the love in my heart for you will always be there.

As you probably were aware, there would be people who would say it's ridiculous to be protective over somone who is unaware of your existence and it did discourage me for a time, I quickly realized they just don't deserve to be given the time of point in trying to explain, because it would be like talking to a brick wall. 

You can rest assure that I never bought into the allegations..admittedly it was so overwhelming that I stepped away from it all, but it was a relief when you were acquitted. Some 2 months before your death, I decided to do research on my own and that's when I realized how misleading the media/press one thing I'm proud of is that I learned the accusers were lying BEFORE your demise, as opposed to those who just found out after the fact. Nonetheless, I do owe you a big apology. I know I should have paid more attention, then I would have been aware of your suffering and I could have found a way to reach out in more direct manner as opposed to from a distance. I know I failed you..please forgive me. It wasn't due to lack of caring. If I were not so far away or if I were at least in a position where I could make arrangements to be there physically, you bet I would have come there in a heartbeat. 

I want you to know I can relate to the troubles you experienced in your lifetime in many ways..I know what it's like to have something made out of nothing, having to learn to be tough about who to form a rapport with, lack of trust and choosing isolation as a method to protect the peace. Like you did, I also have low-self esteem and low-self image/self consciousness. For a long time, I did feel like I had very little room to make my own decisions and also can be defiant if backed into a corner. 

Watching your interviews really helped me to cope and it also made me wish I could have been your friend. As you can imagine, the accounts of your final months were a trainwreck by some people but over time, I was able to piece things together and I'm now able to connect the dots, mostly. I still get so depressed and angry at the idea that your demise was caused by a greedy, possessive, narcissist who denied you the health care you so desperately needed and craved. And those people who still try to demonize you without knowing what truly happened..oh boy, that just raises my hackles. Those concert promoters..all I will say is I wished I had known that as well..I would have advised you to get out of the toxic, abusive that's what it was, even if they tried to gaslight you and say it wasn't. Sadly, having to deal with someone extremely toxic and narcissistic is another way I share your pain...but not to worry, I got out. 

Thank you for taking time for little 'ol me..when you could be doing something listening to the talents who have joined you..if you had asked me for a recommendation, I would say Joey Feek's rendition of the old hymns. The selfish me still wants you here, but the unselfish me says continue to rest easy, no one can hurt you. Be free.

From a lifetime fan.

End Notes: was hard to write all that without tearing up. I know..I'm such a baby. 

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