Penname: Miri Fern [Contact] Real name: Miri Fern
Member Since: Apr 01, 2011
Membership status: Member
Bio:

My name is Miri. Well, that isn't my real name, just the one I use when I'm posting fanfiction.


I've been writing since I was about ten years old. I got into MJ when I was twelve, and since I was already a writer involved in several different fandoms, writing fanfiction about him came naturally. Since I am much younger than many of the users on here, I became a fan only after his death.


My first MJ fanfic, The Thriller, was posted on DeviantArt, then later on Michael Joseph Jackson Board, or MJJB. Unfortunately MJJB closed down shortly after I joined due to financial issues. A few of the people I had met there directed me to Crazy Over MJ (COMJ). I eventually closed my account there due to a disagreement with another user, and because I didn't really feel like I belonged. MJJ Eternal (MJJE) was created for members of MJJB, and so I also joined them. Both sites appear to have closed, since I haven't been able to visit either site in about two months. It's rather unfortunate; the best MJ fanfic I've ever read, All the World's a Stage, was posted on MJJE, and I haven't been able to find it anywhere else.


I stumbled across this site while looking for a community of fans who would appreciate my work. For a long time I wasn't very active on this site, mostly because there was too much focus on role-playing. However things seem to have died down and some great writers are finally coming into the spotlight.


Since I have (unfortunately) seen plagiarism in this fandom, I feel I should list all the sites where I post my stories. Currently I have posted my stories at MJJ-Legion, Quotev, and of course MJFiction. If you see my stories posted on any other sites, please report them and notify me.


Gender: Female
Beta-reader: Yes
Age: 16-18
[Report This]
 
Reviews by Miri Fern
Summary:

Everyone in Normal Valley just assumed. They never really knew Maestro's story. They blamed him for the death of Orpheus and his family, but little did they know, that the Maestro himself has been living in hell since the day he was born.

Note: This story isn't my own work. I was asked by the original author, Rose Red Alchemist on FanFiction.net to post it here.


Categories: Romance
Characters: None
General Warnings: None
Trigger Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 11710 Read Count: 12183
[Report This] Published: Oct 03, 2011 Updated: Jan 21, 2017
Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed
Date: Jul 17, 2016 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

Hello!

I only saw your message just now. I'm thinking about taking you up on that offer, since I remember enjoying this story the first time I read it. I wondering though, did you have any specific plans for the plot of this story? I'm not asking for a full summary, but some clue as to a scene you planned to write or the ending would be much appreciated. I may not be able to start adding to your story until my own Maestro fic is finished, but I'm definitely interested.

Miri

Summary:

 Welp, I decided to put this back up. I had to make a few minor changes, see, and I thought it would be best to take it down. 

Normal Valley has remained in its normal state for decades. That is, until a mysterious spirit and a certain Maestro come in to the picture. After one encounter with said Maestro, everything and everyone starts to change. Rated PG-13 for one specific chapter.  Reviews would be nice. In fact, I encourage it. I still need a bit of feedback about what might need to be fixed or explained, etc. 

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author.  The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.  No copyright infringement is intended.


Categories: Horror, Suspense, Mystery
Characters: None
General Warnings: None
Trigger Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Table of Contents
Completed: Yes Word count: 9420 Read Count: 13073
[Report This] Published: Jan 13, 2012 Updated: Feb 20, 2012
Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed
Date: Mar 13, 2015 Title: Chapter 1: Prologue

I'm sorry. :(

Summary:

One upon a time, in a place unknown, there was a dream. No one knew who had dreamt the dream, but such a tiny dream it was. The tiny dream began to think. I do not want to vanish like this. . . How can I make people dream of me? The tiny dream thought and thought until it came up with an idea. I shall let the humans stray into me. That way, I can make them create my world. . .

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author.  The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.  No copyright infringement is intended.


Categories: Mystery, Horror, Lyrics, Adventure, Suspense, Song Fics, Fantasy
Characters: Michael
General Warnings: None
Trigger Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 1 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 885 Read Count: 813
[Report This] Published: Jun 04, 2012 Updated: Jun 04, 2012
Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed
Date: May 22, 2015 Title: Chapter 1: The First Alice

How do you pronounce Michaelis?

Also, are you continuing this?

Summary:

  Maestro

(Maestro)

 

Irinalikeness

(Irina Kuznetsova)

When Maestro was at the end of his rope and despairs that he would wallow in his loneliness forever, things look up for him when he crosses paths with the legal secretary Irina Kuznetsova, who possesses a dark secret none of her acquaintances know. Will Irina be able to overcome her mild fear of Maestro and find the courage to befriend him? Will Maestro be willing to open his heart to her? Find out in this exciting romantic thriller!

 


Categories: HIStory: 1995-1999, Adventure, Fantasy, Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Mystery, Romance, Supernatural, Suspense, Thriller, Trigger Warning!
Characters: Michael, Original Girl
General Warnings: Mild Violence
Trigger Warnings: Death, Domestic Abuse, Emotional Abuse, Physical Abuse
Series: None
Chapters: 5 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 29663 Read Count: 16330
[Report This] Published: Oct 28, 2014 Updated: Jul 22, 2022
Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarhalf-star
Date: Oct 29, 2014 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

I forgot to add: The intelligence and wit of your characters depends on their actions. Wit would be more oriented toward humor, maybe, with the character being able to tell a really clever joke, or get out of a bad situation in an imaginative and creative way. Intelligence is how much they know and how easily they can recall that knowledge. Irina knows a second language, but that doesn't necessarily make her intelligent or witty. It only makes her exotic. If she can prove that she is well-read by referencing classic literature, or shows extensive survival skills by being able to live in the wild, or solves a riddle, (one that doesn't have a simple answer, like cutting through the un-untieable knot) that will make her seem more intelligent.

Also, wow this turned out ot be long, sorry.



Author's Response:

No wories at all, dearest..I like long reviews as well..and point heard..

Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstar
Date: Oct 29, 2014 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1

The formatting in this one is pretty weird. You don't have to bold the dialogue. All that does is take me out of the story. Plus, the *dream begins/ends* thing bothered me. There are smoother ways of transitioning from a dream to reality, without literally announcing it. You could say, "When she awoke, she was left feeling ____." or "She was jarred awake by _____." or even just "Then, she woke up." It all depends on what you're trying to evoke. The second example I gave would help with the flow, because it leads directly into another action and picks up the pace. The third one could be used satirically, since instead of being very flowery with how you describe the simple action of waking up, you just say it plainly.

And the other thing... the wording of much of this, yikes. I'm assuming this takes place in the present, and people do not talk like this normally. Even if Irina is some sort of immortal witch with eternal youth and beauty, there are ways to make her speech sound less awkward and stilted. The way it is now, Irina's lofty Shakespeare speech sounds pretty ridiculous. I know what you're trying to go for, though, so let me give you an example.

Take this passage, for instance: "I wonder if all those recurring dreams are trying to tell me I am destined to be with Maestro.'  A possibility like that was rather hard to process, but not because she was concerned about whether she would be a good match for him or not. Technically she would, since she was actually half witch. There was just one problem. For the longest time, she had been slightly afraid of him because it was rumored his magic powers were immense enough to put her sorcery to shame, although a part of her always wanted to get to know him and be his friend.  But now she was ready to cross paths with him. ‘If there is any truth to what I was told in the dream, my encounter will hopefully be a positive one I will find memorable.'"

Try something closer to this:

"A thought crossed her mind: Perhaps the dreams are telling me that I am destined to be with Maestro. This troubled her a great deal, but not because she was concerned whether or not they would be a good match. Maybe she was, given her nature. But for the longest time, she had been afraid of him. His magic powers were immense enough to put her sorcery to shame, or so it was rumored. Nonetheless, a part of her always wanted to meet him, to see what he was really like.  Now she felt she was ready to cross paths with him, whether the rumors were true or not. And if her dreams were correct, the meeting would be one she would never forget."

Don't be afraid of going the simple route. The intelligence and wit of your characters does not depend on whether they use big words or not.

And let the readers discover things slowly. You could have a build up to letting them know Irina is a witch, dropping hints and such. (Such as noting that she avoids having water splashed on her, but not actually stating that she will melt if it touches her. I know you're probably not going to use that trope, but it's an example, and it would be an interesting concept to play with if you did use it here. :P) The main thing is, take your time, do some editing (or have someone edit for you), polish but don't varnish, and don't fear being different. You've got a pretty unique story here, (well, as unique as a story about a hot immortal witch can be) and it could be great, if you get really creative and tweak the purple prose into... magenta prose? Mauve prose? Meh.

Summary:

cover for TMAIM

A simple mistake

Could cost you your own dear life.

Visiting her rich aunt at Normal Valley on summer break, Katie finds the town very peculiar. Matching pristine white houses, mowed lawns and white walls standing side by side, the name seemed to be too accurate.

By a chance encounter, Katie meets boy named David who then takes her to the mansion of Someplace Else with its creepy owner 'Maestro'.

But that wasn't the end.

 

Katie gets tangled up in matters more than she could handle, and a world she never knew existed is heading for a war- where no one is truly evil, no one is truly pure. And she is left alone to choose the path she would take.

Which path is the right one?

Which one is the wrong?

 


Categories: HIStory: 1995-1999, Adventure, Family, Fantasy, Horror, Mystery
Characters: Michael
General Warnings: None
Trigger Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 4325 Read Count: 6639
[Report This] Published: Nov 05, 2014 Updated: Nov 17, 2014
Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarstarstar
Date: Nov 08, 2014 Title: Chapter 2: Chapter 2 - The Maestro

You made this one longer. Excellent. *makes evil pyramid with hands*

"Her scanned over the mansion one last time, and suddenly got stuck on something." This single sentence manages to mess up the entire rest of the story. What got stuck on what? Who? How?

Now, since you said you were bad at going horror scenes, I realize you'll probably chalk it up to that. But I wouldn't even really call this a horror scene. I've reread the last four paragraphs multiple times now, and I still don't understand what happened. She got something caught on a rock, and it turned out to be a person? How would she confuse a person, even a rotten corpse, for a rock? Did she fall in an open grave and get her foot stuck under a casket? Is it a talking tree like in the Wizard of Oz? I mean, there's nothing wrong with adding to the lineup of ghouls and ghosts in the mansion, but you need to be more specific with what exactly it is that she found.

And this is more of a peeve of mine, but in the dialogue with the woman while she was looking at the map didn't read very well. Nervous people don't s-stammer l-like th-th-this, unless it's for comedic effect. (Or a reference to I,Claudius, which is a great show that can be watched for free on Youtube, btw. Lol.) It's usually just the first word they get stuck on, and then the rest comes out pretty fast. Also, if the adults don't want people going to Someplace Else, why would they plainly mark it on a public map to begin with? It would make more sense if David actually gave her a map, maybe an old one he found, or gave her directions to assure her it wasn't too far away. Or something like that.



Author's Response:

Hehehe, yep.

OHMYGAWD. Another typo... and I understand what you meant. It was pretty unclear, so I'll have to edit that. *Pulls hair* Thanks a lot for that critism, and it really helped me a lot! Thank you again! :D

Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarstarstar
Date: Nov 06, 2014 Title: Chapter 1: Chapter 1 - The Boring Town

Kind of short for a first chapter, but significantly better than what I've seen on this site. Carry on with this one.



Author's Response:

Yeah, I've noticed- it was short... *sweatdrop* But though, thank you so much for the review! :D

The Accused by SkyWriter Rated: T starstarstarstarstar [Reviews - 270]
Summary:

 

award winner

The centre of Michael's world crumples when Diane Hargrove discovers that her four year old child has been molested. Exhausted from the Bad Tour and the emotional highs and lows of dealing with his favourite little girl's complicated medical history, Michael finds everyone pointing the finger at him; accusing him of the unthinkable. With the weight of the world upon his shoulders, he struggles through grief and depression and the stress of being the someone that the world perceives him to be.

Scared of being alone, Michael enlists the company of number one fan, Malania Nakamura, who he feels like could just be the only other person on earth who understands his wounded heart. 

What will the future hold for Michael's freedom and for Malania's own troubled state of mind?


Categories: Award Winning, Romance, Trigger Warning!
Characters: Original Girl
General Warnings: Graphic Depictions of Violence, Mild Violence, Nudity, Some Scenes of a Sexual Nature, Strong Language
Trigger Warnings: Alcohol Abuse, Anorexia, Attempted Suicide, Domestic Abuse, Drug Abuse, Rape, Self-Harm, Sexual Abuse, Suicide
Series: None
Chapters: 76 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 336374 Read Count: 160952
[Report This] Published: Jan 31, 2015 Updated: May 12, 2020
Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: Apr 08, 2020 Title: Chapter 6: Chapter 5

I remember reading this story a long time ago and thinking it was pretty good, but at the time I was busy with other things and lost track of all the fanfiction I used to read. Since I saw that you were trying to finish it, I thought I'd revisit this.

Right off the bat, this story drew me in because of the lack of errors. XD But seriously, this came as a surprise and real treat. It is extremely well-written, leaps and bounds beyond most of what's on this site. It reads almost like an officially published novel. You should be proud of it, because not only is the prose excellent, I can tell you really did your research. I'm assuming you've been a fan and studying MJ for years, because your characterization of him is incredibly believable and authentic.

My only concern in these early chapters was that you would wind up spending too much time focusing on Michael's emotional suffering and grief to the point where it would become too repetitive, but you went ahead and switched the POV to Malania before it got to be too much. I also must say that I really like Malania so far. She's not a perfect Mary Sue type heroine; she has a detailed backstory and her characterization is very clear and strong. Like your depiction of Michael, she has both admirable qualities as well as flaws which can be exploited as the plot unfolds.

I look forward to reading on, and since you have shown yourself to be very receptive to comments from readers, I will be posting further reviews every few chapters or so. Rock on! <3



Author's Response:

Hey Miri!

 

Thanks so much for your lovely detailed comment. Its really nice to hear from someone who has put a lot of thought in to their response. As a writer, that is incredibly complimentary and such a nice feeling. It takes a lot of effort to write detailed comments, I know! Thank you for saying such kind things about my writing. I am trying very hard to write books outside of my MJ fandom, so sometimes a bit of a build-me-up when self-doubt sets in is really nice! You are right, I have been a fan of MJ since the late 80s. Obviously the MJ in this story is closest to what I expect him to be with some poetic licence, of course! I'm sure he had his Peter Pan side, but I'm also sure he had his normal guy side too. I think its very important to highlight that although many of us thought of him as a hero to us, he was also just a human guy who probably did annoying stuff and had annoying habits and reactions that disappointed at times. 

When I read Malania's name sometimes I get disappointed because of Trump's Malania, but honestly, Malania is a common Eastern European name and thankfully I dont conjure her up when I think of MY Malania. Malania can be a bit annoying but I'm glad that she can be because she is a flawed person, I like that she's not perfect and she can be incredibly frustrating and childish but also insightful and doesn't take Michael's shit and doesn't always eat up his "sunflowers and rainbows" outlook on the world. That makes her human. I think sometimes fictions make the female lead in to a "shell" of a woman that has no personality or who is obsessed with sex with Michael and the reality is, is after the initial excitement dies off, a personality will keep a romantic relationship more interesting than sex. I like that my characters are complexed and flawed. Its the best part about them both :)

Thank you so much again for writing your lovely comment. I am still writing chapters but I am near the end now and am trying to unravel the plot and take my time (as I have plenty of time at the moment!!!) with the ending so it doesn't feel rushed. 

Have a great day :)

 

Summary:

Sarah’s an award-winning author on a whirlwind tour of small town America to inspire her next book, but nothing seems to stick, until she lands in Normal Valley, USA. Normal Valley seems perfectly average, a nice, safe place for nice, regular people—that is until Sarah decides their town will be the setting for her next book.

Now everything’s different. Her new neighbors ignore her. State police make periodic trips to town to investigate the disappearance of the old Mayor. The children are obsessed with ghost stories. Someone keeps stealing her notes. And then Sarah discovers the mystery of Someplace Else

Or the story that explores the little town in Ghosts.

 

 


Categories: HIStory: 1995-1999, Debbie Rowe: 1997-1999, Adventure, Fantasy, Romance, Supernatural
Characters: Michael, Original Girl
General Warnings: Some Scenes of a Sexual Nature
Trigger Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 7774 Read Count: 249
[Report This] Published: Jan 04, 2016 Updated: Mar 27, 2016
Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: Apr 03, 2016 Title: Chapter 3: Chapter 2: Little Susie’s Edwardian House

You know that feeling when you get used to most of the fanfiction on the net being crappy and full of spelling errors, but then you come across something that's actually really, really good quality and you're left sort of befuddled? That's how I felt reading this. And a tiny bit of jealousy, since your writing is better than mine. ;)

I really like the way you portray Maestro. It's stays close to Ghosts and doesn't drift off into angsty or crazy territory. The first two chapters were really good and had just the right amount of suspense and mystery. The third chapter began sort of weird, I wasn't sure for a moment whether you were describing Someplace Else or another house, but I did figure it out eventually.

This story seems really new and different, and I'm looking forward to seeing where it goes. :D

Summary:

Neverland was a little less than a two-and-a-half-hour drive away and that was depending on traffic. So, Kenya was weaving in and out of lanes trying her best to shorten the time. She had wasted time in her kitchen pacing back and forth trying to decide if what she was going to do was the right thing. Yes. Her hands gripped the steering wheel of her car in anxiety. She had to make it to Neverland before he left. She had to make it there to tell him she loved him. She had to make it there to stop him from marrying Lisa. She pressed her foot onto the gas and prayed that time would be on her side.

 

Kenya is interning for infamous Entertainment Lawyer, Johnny Cochran, when what could be the largest case of the 90s lands on Mr. Cochran's' lap: 

Michael Jackson has been accused of child molestation.

It's easier said than done to keep personal feelings and opinions from interfering with her work even after the conclusion of her internship. It become's even more complicated when she finds herself falling for the man behind stage lights. To make matters worse he seems to develop eyes for her as well, but there's a few obstacles standing in the way. 

Tensions are high, nerves are bare, and skin is thin.

Can she handle it?

Previously Titled: Year 93

 

**This story has been slightly altered.**


Categories: Dangerous: 1991-1993, 1993-1994, Lisa Marie Presley: 1994, Adult, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Characters: Lisa Marie Presley, Michael, Original Girl
General Warnings: Some Scenes of a Sexual Nature
Trigger Warnings: Alcohol Abuse, Drug Abuse
Series: None
Chapters: 20 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 55086 Read Count: 6441
[Report This] Published: Jan 25, 2016 Updated: Aug 02, 2018
Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed
Date: May 08, 2017 Title: Chapter 10: Chapter 10

"That day was mayhem, but Elizabeth did play a huge roll* in me staying.

*role

He was persistent with himself to stop them, but Lisa was allowing hers to blossom instead of parish.*

*perish

:)

I'm assuming the married woman he fooled around with before was Diana Ross... I'm just now realizing how rusty my MJ trivia is. Oh well, back to research!



Author's Response:

I think I made the corrections. Thank you for noticing! 

Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarhalf-star
Date: Sep 01, 2017 Title: Chapter 11: Chapter 11

Yeah, it's a little rougher than the previous chapters, but nothing a little polishing up can't fix. I didn't notice any major errors in spelling, except one instance where you used "playfully" when I think you meant "playfulness". Somewhere towards the end, "she smiled at his playfully" or something like that I think.

 

Anyway, on to the next chapter!



Author's Response:

Yes I did mean playfulness lol and thanks for understanding. I hope you enjoy chapters 12&13. 

Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: Jun 02, 2016 Title: Chapter 5: Chapter 5

About time I got around to giving this one a review. ;)

Anyways, the pros: The writing really works, you convey yourself and the characters well. I'm more than happy to read a story where the female lead isn't instantly smitten with Michael. Kenya's behavior feels very natural, and she is shaping up to be a likable, relatable character. I especially love the fact that she is trying to keep herself removed from the case, not taking sides and just doing her job. It adds an extra dimension to her and is very refreshing. I also enjoy the way you characterized Michael. You show the effect the allegations are having on him without going too out there and making it seem like a different person entirely. Since Lisa has just barely been introduced, I can't say much about her yet, although I'm quite curious about her and her motivations now. You've definitely piqued my curiosity. :)

The cons: There are a few errors, mostly in punctuation and wording, but overall it's still readable and doesn't detract from the story. The last scene of Chapter 5 where he visits the kids kind of threw me off, though. I'm not as well-versed in the history of the allegations as I probably should be, but wouldn't an event like that be discouraged in light of the accusations? I understand that the scene exists for a reason, but I am kind of questioning the logic of Michael/his people/the organizers of the event and the parents of the children attending if they thought it was a good idea.

Overall, I'm so far interested in the story and invested in the characters. I hope you continue this story, and I wish you luck. Write on!



Author's Response:

I really appreciate your support for this story and this review was a-maze-ing, lol. 

I actually thought about just having the fund raiser with adults only and not include the kids from the orphanage, but then I thought about it. I figured that even though he was going through the allegations he still wouldn't allow it to take away him giving to the children. The fund raiser was for sick children so I thought involving the kids would be a good idea. I'm pretty sure Michael's people advised against it, but I don't think he would've wanted to cancel it or not show up for the simple fact that it was for the sick kids. I also believe that not everyone believed the allegations against Michael. He still had millions of people who found him innocent. All in all though I struggled with how I wanted to do the scene, but now what's done is done, so? But I totally appreciate the cons that you listed, they were a great help! 

 

I hope you continue to read on! 

Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: Apr 20, 2017 Title: Chapter 7: Chapter 7

Wow, an update! C:

My memory's a little rusty on the plot prior to this, but I will say your style does not disappoint. I'm hoping the plane will take Michael to rehab, since I recall that being the case in real life. In other words, I wish you luck in the coming chapters, and while it's always good to take your time, here's to getting the next update out a little faster. ;)



Author's Response:

Thank you. I really appreciate your support. The next chapter is up, and fast. I figured I could update back-to-back considering I haven't been very diligent with this story. I hope you enjoy the new chapter and don't be afraid to leave a review. <3

Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: Apr 22, 2017 Title: Chapter 8: Chapter 8

Aw yeah fam! Don't worry about the dates, to be honest I'm just glad you're not having the characters talking on cell phones in 1993, the way seemingly every other fanfic does. Really helps increase the isolation Kenya is feeling as well.

 

Another great chapter as always. Looking forward to reading more! :)



Author's Response:

Yes, that would be pretty bad if they had cell phones in '93, lol. 

Thanks for your support Miri. The new update is up and I hope you enjoy!

Summary:
It's 1988 and Michael Jackson is in Japan on his Bad Tour. While his tour may be "Bad", his life is in danger. When a group of mysterious women arrive at every stadium he performs at Michael becomes plagued with an eerie feeling that someone or something is stalking him. He's paranoid and suspicious of not only them but everyone around him. In a foreign land with the pressure of his superstardom and his life on line, he reaches into the past to find the only person he feels he can trust. But can she help him or is she the reason for the trouble?


Categories: Bad: 1986-1990, Fantasy, Romance, Supernatural
Characters: None
General Warnings: Mild Violence
Trigger Warnings: None
Series: None
Chapters: 4 Table of Contents
Completed: No Word count: 17815 Read Count: 223
[Report This] Published: Mar 23, 2016 Updated: Mar 29, 2016
Reviewer: Miri Fern Signed starstarstarstarstar
Date: Jun 23, 2016 Title: Chapter 4: Chapter 3- Revealing the Truth

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to read all of the chapters. I saw this story a while back and only read the dream sequence, but I gotta say, you have a very good sense of writing, and the effort you put into this story really shows.

The 80s references are a lot of fun. I was a little worried that you were making Michael seem too childish, but in the scene with her grandma I really felt like it was him. Your characterization of Dionne is also very good, and I love how she has her own inner conflicts without seeming petty or melodramatic. The fact that she rejected her grandma's religion for genuine reasons shows strength and practicality rather than just dumb stubbornness. Speaking of which, is Arudianism a real religion, or did you make it up for the story?

Overall, I'm very interested in this story and look forward to seeing where it goes. :)



Author's Response: Hello, Miri! Thank you very much for this great and very detailed review. I don't get much views on this so I was shocked to see one here. No Arudianism is something I made up. Im glad you enjoyed. I'll get back to updating as soon as Im done with Mr and Mrs J :)