Chapter 76

We were stunned by Diane’s exit. She looked distraught and sick. I hoped that she was okay. The judge called for a brief recess but no one was allowed to leave for moment.

“This case is weak at best,” Greg leaned over and whispered to me.

I nodded. I was no lawyer, but I could see that what the DA had spread through the media as their evidence showboat was nothing short of bullshit. They had nothing on me.

I was also super impressed with Greg. He had a very good reputation, but I was shocked by how quickly he reduced each witness to a useless cause for the case.

I began to hear some commotion going on outside of the courtroom. I could hear Diane sobbing and the aid trying to quiet her. I couldn’t quite make out what was being said. Everyone turned to look at the doorway. I turned to see Malania just turning back. We made eye contact; her eyes were wide with surprise. “What the fuck…” she mouthed.

I shrugged.

“Order in the court!” the judge hit his gavel and we turned back to the front.

“Counsel would you like to go and find out what is happening with your client? This is testing my patience.”

Sheldon scurried out.

Within a few moments he returned. “Your honor, I would like to make a request that we finish here today. Given the nature of the crime against my client’s child, she is understandably going through a lot of stress and is not fit to be here health-wise for the rest of the afternoon.”

Greg stood up as they were both asked to approach the bench. I could hear most of the conversation, Greg was protesting and asking that we continue without Diane.

“My client is understandably going through a lot of stress and anxiety given the nature of the accusations against him and he is still here and drawing this out is a miscarriage of justice. My client deserves to have his innocence swiftly proven, if you don’t mind, Mr. Sheldon.”

“While I appreciate your eagerness and your client’s needs, Counsel,” the judge said to Greg, “I am going to side with Mr. Sheldon on this one. If his client is physically unwell, she can get the medical care she needs and pending an assessment, we will adjourn for today and resume at 9am tomorrow.”

Greg sighed and shook his head at me.

I didn’t mind. I wanted to go home. I wanted to go lay in bed.

The judge announced that the court was adjourned and everybody began to leave. I heaved a sigh, feeling worried about Diane. I didn’t want to care but I couldn’t help but to have that nagging feeling in the back of my mind; concern and empathy.

I looked over our notes still on the desk as I waited for the public seating area to clear out. There was a schedule of witnesses. One name piqued my interest; Rosa; my ex make-up artist. She was one of Greg’s witnesses. I smiled and turned to him. “How did you get in contact with Rosa?”

He returned my smile and gave me a funny look. “What do you mean?”

I pointed to the paper, “Rosa… she’s a witness, my ex make-up artist.”

He gave me a bit of a funny look. “Michael, just about everyone that came in to contact with you in the past 10 years who has good things to say about you is one of our witnesses.”

“Is there anyone missing that you can think of?” I asked him curiously. “I mean, do we have everybody?”

“More or less anyone we had reason to look at from their past.”

I nodded.

**

Mother came back to my house after court and it was nice to watch her chat with Malania in a more relaxed way. There was no tension and they were getting along well.

Kaito was asking my mother a million questions, starry-eyed and curious. It was kind of nice.

“Michael,” Malania spoke up. “My Mama and Papa asked Kaito if it was okay to come and visit tomorrow, are you going to be okay with that?” she asked me, looking up from the conversation that my mother was having with Kaito briefly.

“Sure,” I smiled. “Are they coming to court or…?”

“No… just maybe afterwards. Are you sure that’s okay?”

I made my way the short distance to where my girlfriend stood, ready to go and get some food. I put an arm around her and gave her a smile. I let my eyes sweep over the smooth plains of her face. Her lips turned in to a smile as well. I’d never been one for public displays, certainly not in front of my mother. I didn’t worry though, I was comfortable enough with Malania and I wanted my mother to know that I felt comfortable enough for everyone to see us together.

I could tell Malania was a little surprised to see me inching toward her, closing the distance between us for a short but soft kiss on her lips. I pulled away and repeated my action. I smiled at her again. “Of course I’m sure,” I replied, briefly glancing at Kaito and mother. I saw her staring at me.

As soon as we made eye contact, she looked away first and concentrated back on what Kaito was telling her.

“What do you feel like eating?” she asked me sweetly.

I gave a shrug. “I dunno, I’m okay… not really very hungry.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Come on, Michael… I am tired of having to prod you to eat. If I leave it to you, you’d be eating chocolate for a sugar rush.”

I sighed. “I dunno, just.. whatever you make will be fine.”

“I’m going to tell Kaito you’re not eating properly and he’s going to pull that crazy chef shit all over again…” she murmured quietly so my mother wouldn’t hear her curse.

I laughed.

When Kaito first began to stay with me he had been cooking like crazy every night. He loved to cook and everything he cooked was healthy and perfectly portioned to maintain his weight and strength. I at least could understand that.

“Michael,” Mother called to me at the same time the phone started to ring. “Sorry, just a sec…” I replied and turned my back to get the phone. It was a short distance in the hall. On the way out, I could hear Malania and Kaito discussing what to feed me.

“Hello?”

There was a sound muffled by what sounded like sobs. “Hello?” I greeted again. I was ready to hang up, thinking that someone had found my number. I had managed to keep this one for so long now.

“Michael…” a voice managed speak, uncomposed; falling apart.

“Who is this?” I asked, thinking that it was perhaps a fan.

“Michael please don’t hang up on me.”

I felt my whole body grow cold and my muscles tightened. I wanted the moment for so long and now that it was happening, I felt shocked and angry at her sheer brazenness to call me.

“Diane?” I had to be sure. It could have been a set-up, but I wasn’t sure. “Diane is that you?” I hissed, not wanting to be heard by anyone.

“Yes Michael, please don’t hang up, I need to ask you something very important.”

It was against all better judgement. I should have hung up. It could have incriminated me. However, I didn’t understand why she would be calling me if she truly believed I was capable of the things she was accusing me of.

“I won’t hang up,” I told her icily. “you shouldn’t be calling me.”

“I know, I know…” I could hear the hysteria in her voice. I felt for her, but I was determined to be strong and not fold at her emotions. It wasn’t my job to be her emotional crutch any longer. “Michael, please tell me something and I need you to be honest, this is really serious.”

I almost hung up. I knew she was about to ask me if I was guilty. If I told her the truth was she going to drop the case?

“tell you what?,” I asked, feeling the disgust vibrate within the words as I pushed them out of my mouth. I tried my best to keep my tone even and emotionless.

“When I wasn’t around, how often do you think you may have left Casey with Larry for?” she asked. “I mean, I know sometimes we left him with her briefly here or there… but…” she spoke fast and urgently.

“What?” I was confused. Wasn’t it enough she was accusing me. “Why are you asking me that? Do you think I was in some kind of fucking paedophile ring?” I spat at her, my voice low. “I don’t know Diane, the only times I left Casey with Larry were the times that you know about. We were never far away, in our room, down the hall... I could probably count it on two fingers the times where I left her with him while I did fan stuff… Why are you even calling me? This is wrong.”

She was sobbing again. “I went to Sneddon, I told him I wanted to drop the case… but he won’t. He is pursuing it with or without me and can compel me to testify,” her voice broke with fresh tears. She sounded desperate and full of regret.

I could feel myself shaking. I was angry. “Why did you even do this to begin with?”

“I made a mistake…” she sobbed, “Michael… I think it was Larry, I don’t think it was you, but they can’t find him and they won’t listen to me, so I need you to listen to me. Tell your lawyer to find Larry.”

“What?” I was shocked. “What are you saying? You don’t think it was me? You don’t believe I harmed Casey?” I tried to speak again but I was left speechless.

There was some silence between us for a moment until I tried again. “H…why-“ I paused and took a deep breath, “how could you ever think I could do that to her?”  

“I didn’t want to believe it, what was I supposed to think?” she exclaimed, “I’m so sorry Michael, I made a mistake. I was stupid. I am so, so, so sorry. I just thought…” I could hear her crying.

I felt dizzy with shock, numb all over – in fact, more than numb, I had tingling in my hands and arms. I wanted to be mad, but I couldn’t be. “Casey started saying some things the other day… she saw you on TV…she said you didn’t hurt her… she had a nightmare… she started talking about Birdie…”

“Fucking son of a bitch,” I blurted out under my breath. I tried to breathe evenly.

“You have to find him because nobody will listen to me,” she said, “I’m sorry… please know…”

“Michael, who is it?” Malania asked me, coming in behind me, noticing me shaking. I hadn’t even noticed her. I didn’t know how much she had heard.

“Okay,” I said in to the phone. “I’ll find him.” I hung up the phone, not wanting to speak to her in front of Malania, not really feeling as though we should have been discussing anything to begin with.

I held on to the side of the hall table for a moment to compose myself, blocking out Malania’s voice. I tried to train myself to breathe in and out. I wanted to be sick but I wanted to rejoice at the same time.

“Its okay, I’m fine,” I told Malania. “I just had a weird call about one of my old staff members.” I replied coolly. I turned around to face her. She looked worried about me. “I just have to go upstairs to my office and call Greg, its important. Do you think you can keep my mother entertained for about ten minutes?” I asked, trying to act like normal.

Malania’s eyes searched mine. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I promise, I just have to speak to Greg.”

“Okay. I’ll go get you some food too.”

“I’ll come down as soon as I’m done.” I kissed her forehead. As if I was ever going to be able to stomach food now.

I went upstairs and closed the door gently. I picked up the phone and dialled Greg hoping that he would be back at his office. I thought about Larry, the way he had spoken to me the last time he’d seen me. He was so urgent, panicked even. I thought about his wife in Spain… then it hit me.

His wife wouldn’t let him see the two young daughters. After his divorce she had fled back to Spain, taking her daughters in the night. There was only one reason why a father should have ever been kept away from his children in my eyes and that was if he was a danger to them.

After a few rings, Greg answered.

“Hi Greg, its me, Michael,” I said shakily.

“Hi Michael, I didn’t expect to hear from you so soon, how are you?”

“I don’t know…” I replied. “Listen, I had a strange call from Diane.”

“What? Michael, I hope you hung up immediately,” he told me sternly.

“Don’t lecture me Greg…it’s not the time for lecturing me, I just need to tell you what was said. It was brief and I said very little, but she called to tell me something important and… I’m … I don’t know.”

I knew Greg was irate. “Michael, I told you that you are not to talk to her, under no circumstances.”

“She told me she was wrong about me!” I exclaimed, shouting over the top of him. I drew in air. It was a struggle to breathe properly. I was trying so hard to keep the lid on a panic attack.

“She told me Casey told her it was Larry. We can’t find Larry, you said it yourself, he all but disappeared in to thin air. His ex-wife had to flee to Spain during the divorce proceedings, he said it was cos she was vindictive, but it was probably because he did something awful to his girls… we left Casey with him on occasions, it was never for too long, but probably long enough to do some awful things.” I sat back in the chair, feeling better for blurting out all the thoughts that came at me at once.

“What the hell, Michael…” Greg released a sigh of resignation. “What am I supposed to do with all that.”

“Save me…” I told him softly and meaningfully as the gravity of what loomed overhead hit me heavily as it did now and then. “Save me from this mess Greg. I don’t deserve it. I’m not guilty. You said everyone on that list today was someone that had something to say, but why didn’t you make sure Larry was found and vetted the way you did for every other male around me?”

“He had a squeaky clean record,” Greg replied simply, most people who work in such a high level of people management usually are.

“Shouldn’t you have seen his disappearance as reason to look for him? I mean, he was the closest person to me after the guards…” I wondered. “I don’t mean any disrespect, I know you are good at what you do but…”

I sighed and covered my face with my hand, I had enough of the media, the court, the rules, the lies… it was still only early days and already I’d had enough. I didn’t think I could emotionally withstand an entire trial full well knowing both Diane and myself knew I was innocent.

I could feel myself begin to get emotional. I had a lot of emotions coming at me hard and fast and I knew I needed to get off the phone.

“Let’s just see what happens, Michael, I’m reluctant to let you get your hopes up on this matter… just let me follow it up and get back to you.”

“I don’t want to have to be going through this if I don’t have to be Greg, please make it urgent…” I heard my voice crack.

He agreed with me and I hung up the phone. I tried to gather my composure. I needed to know what was going on. I knew I could barely face the others downstairs. I knew that Malania was going to know something was wrong and I didn’t think it’d help her to know that Diane had called me directly.

“Shit!” I cursed, not knowing what to do. I wished I had a pill to swallow, something to take the edge off my nerves. I opened up the door and crept down the stairs one at a time. I needed to just go for a walk. I needed to get away from everyone.

I was just opening up the front door when I heard Kaito’s voice. “Hey… where are you going bro? Is everything okay?”

I turned to face him and I knew it was all over my face. “I need to go for a walk or a drive or something, I can’t talk about it right now.”

What I loved about Kaito was his simplicity, his non-dramatic and calm way of dealing with everything. It seemed like nothing phased him. He knew when to be funny and when to be serious and when to be compassionate.

“Okay,” he replied. “I’ll take you for a drive, no security, no bullshit… I’ll let Malania and your mother know.”

“No, they’ll both get upset, they’ll want me to talk – I can’t face either of them, honestly.”

“Its fine, go wait outside and let me deal with your two main babes.”

His humour was well-timed. I managed a smile and felt blessed for his friendship.

I did as I was told and went outside.

What did this mean for me? Would someone listen to Diane and drop the case? Would the D.A continue to pursue it if they had no complainant? Perhaps it’d just look like I paid her some money to shut her up. I sighed, I still didn’t think that if the real culprit was found that my life would be able to go back to normal.

I rubbed my eyes with the heels of my palms and wished so hard that I had access to some pills. It was crazy how easy it was to be tempted to do something that I had truly believed and promised not to do again.

Kaito was beside me, he walked briskly to his car that wasn’t far from the main house. “C’mon, we’ve gotta roll,” he told me. I followed him without a word until I heard my name being called.

It was Malania. I winced. I didn’t want to hurt her. I stopped in my tracks. I paused for a moment to gather myself before turning around. She was coming down the stairs from the main house, two at a time. She was still wearing the black dress that she’d been wearing all day.

“Michael!” she exclaimed. I glanced up and saw my mother was in the doorway. She couldn’t move nearly as quickly as Mal. “What’s going on?”

I looked at her as she caught up with me. I looked back at Kaito who had started the car. “What are you doing?”

“I’m alright,” I told her softly despite the fact that my tenseness and my inability to communicate in the moment told her different. “I just…” I paused, “I need to go have an hour to myself.”

“Not to yourself, with my brother… Michael what happened? Ten minutes ago you were fine. What happened?”

I drew in a deep breath and rubbed my eyes. “Mal, please…” I held up my hand as she tried to touch me. “What I really want right now, is to start popping pills…” I admitted very, very quietly, “and I can’t explain how fucking terrible that feels to admit, but I just need to have an hour to compose myself, to digest some information and then I’ll come and talk, I promise…”

I knew that even she could understand that. She often needed a similar bit of space from me after a therapy appointment or after being given some information that she wasn’t happy about.

“Michael,” I dared look her in the eyes and could see them filling with tears at my admission, “please…” she murmured, “why won’t you turn to me?”

“I want to…” I let my voice trail off, “I will… I just need to breathe and get rid of these urges… I need fresh air and I don’t want you to worry, I promise I won’t do anything stupid. Kaito won’t let me.”

“Michael, please don’t embarrass me like this in front of your mother, please,” she said softly. I hated that I was making her cry. I didn’t want to make her feel humiliated. I looked back at Kaito who was expectant.

I took Malania’s face in my hands and kissed her lips softly. “Come here…” I had to put my own bullshit aside and be a man. I knew the trauma of what I had put her through only a month earlier was coming to surface. I knew she was scared for me, of what happened when I need time to digest.

I pulled her in toward my body and felt her engulf me and it felt okay. It felt like I didn’t need to run.

“What do you want to do?” Kaito asked me, calling from a short distance away.

I looked back at him while I held my girlfriend. I gave my head a little shake as if to tell him to call it off. My mother was struggling down the steps. “Mom,” I called, “Mother, stop… its okay, I’ll come up, don’t come down here.” I drew away from Malania. “Jeez…” I muttered, watching my mother straight-up ignore me.

I was about to let go of Malania to help, but Kaito beat me to it. He quickly grabbed my mother’s arm, probably having the same thought as I was. “Is everything okay?” she asked me.

“I just had a bad phone call about something someone saw on the news that made me feel sick,” I told them both. I didn’t want to worry my mother and I still wasn’t certain of how Malania would react to Diane calling me.

I put an arm around Malania. Concentrating on consoling her made me lose a little bit of my anxiety surrounding the information I’d just been given.

My mother glanced at me and at Malania and gave me a little smile. “Michael, I might send for a car, get myself home before it gets too late.”

“I could take you,” Kaito told her, “I was about to go for a drive anyway,” he smiled.

“You are an absolute gentleman,” my mother smiled back at him. I knew she loved Kaito. It was his chivalrous behaviours and the fact that he still had the British charm about him. It was genuine, he was a good person and he cared a lot about other people, I could tell that. “But its alright, I have a person who does the driving for me, thank you though.”

“You’re welcome,” Kaito replied.