Chapter 51

Malania seemed a bit happier; she had been spending a little more time on her own, getting used to the feeling of being independent again. I tried hard not to worry about her or take it personal that she didn’t want to spend every waking hour with me, but I had to remind myself that technically, we shouldn’t have been living together.

It was a giant temptation as well as it was confronting for her, having never previously lived with a guy she liked.

Kaito had gone back home to gather some of their belongings, thankfully leaving us alone so that we could hang out without a chaperone.

I was in the business of trying to hire myself some staff who I felt could be trusted and brought into the fold and help rebuild my life.  I knew this was an important in helping me stay distracted and increase my confidence that things would continue going smoothly for my case.

I decided not to bother Malania and left her to her own devices after she’d come back from the gym.  I just let her know that I was going to be upstairs in my office, busying myself with a few phone calls, if she wanted to come hang out at any point.

I’d just got done securing myself a new publicist and I was going to call a friend to find a new, loyal, manager – but I was hesitant. I didn’t want to call anyone who hadn’t called me to loan their support; I was concerned of what they might think of me. So many had disappeared from my life that I now felt like I had few contacts to reach out to.

What I was most concerned with after everything that had happened was whether or not someone was going to be outright awful to me.

I chewed on that thought for a few moments when I heard footsteps. “Michael?” I heard Malania calling.

“In here…” I called back.

A few seconds later the door opened wider and she came into view. I couldn’t help but to grin.

I always loved what she looked like, but today she looked especially beautiful.

She had her hair pulled back entirely off of her face. It’d been awhile since I’d seen her with sleek and kempt hair. It reminded me of the day she came to my arraignment and her hair had been pulled back, leaving absolutely nothing to distract from her gorgeous features.

She wore the same pair of jeans from the night before, and a Ramone’s shirt she had wore while hanging out with me a few months earlier.

She looked like the breath of fresh air that I so badly needed.

“Hey baby, you look … gorgeous,” I remarked as I boldly gave her the once over.

She smiled coyly, showing her dimple that always drove me nuts. “Are you busy?” she asked, avoiding my compliments.

“Never too busy for you,” I replied, “come in…” I motioned her forward. She slowly made her way over toward me and took a seat in a chair that was situated beside mine. I pulled it toward me, the wheels easily giving in as it glided over the hardwood floor.

She chuckled at my eagerness to be closer to her.

I reached over and took her face in my hands gently. Her skin was warm and I could see that her hair was still damp from the shower. I kissed her lips softly. “Did I tell you how happy I am to have you here with me?” I asked her, “because, for real, I am…”

“Me too,” she replied in a soft tone, averting her eyes from mine before flicking them back up to meet my gaze. She did this often; it was a self-conscious habit of hers that I’d come to recognize.

I kissed her again, a bit slower, more lingeringly. When I opened my eyes, I noticed hers remained closed just that little bit longer than mine.

“Did you want to do anything today?” I asked her as I continued to sweep my gaze over her, caressing her hair and letting one of my hands fall in to hers.

She shrugged. “Enjoy some alone time with you?”

“I like that idea…” I agreed, closing in for a third kiss. Just as our lips pressed together I heard the buzz of the security phone located beside my regular phone.  I had a few of them located in different spots around the house.

 “Sorry…” I chuckled, pulling away, annoyed at having been interrupted again. “Surely that can’t be your brother, unless he’s stopped driving like an old man, it’s unlikely he’s even at Fountain Valley, yet.”

“Knowing him, he’s probably come back thinking that we’re in your bed or something,” she muttered resentfully.

I frowned, wondering what that was about. I picked up the receiver, thinking that I’d revisit that conversation after I hung up. Still, my heart beat a little faster at the idea that she thought that could be an option. “Hello?”

“Mr. Jackson,” I recognized the voice of Alfred, from the security gate. “You have company, your mother has just arrived.”

I could have groaned out loud, but I chose to not act like a spoiled brat. “Okay, thanks for letting me know, please let her in.”

Malania glanced at me a little spooked by the idea of company.

“Sorry about this…” I apologised looking in to her eyes, “Mother’s just arrived.”

“Oh shit,” Malania remarked, “I’ll go hang out in my room while you both visit… she doesn’t even have to know I’m here.”

I laughed at her panic. “Sweetheart, the whole world may as well know you’re here. Mother isn’t going to care…”

“But still…”

“But nothing, don’t be silly, I’ve met your parents, you can properly meet my Mother under better circumstances than awkwardly standing around outside of a courthouse.”

She knew she couldn’t protest any longer. Mother would be kind to Malania; I knew it. Mother had a heart of gold and was especially supportive of anyone who supported me.

I took her hand, “come on…” I led her downstairs. She was really dragging her heels nervously and I could feel her hand getting clammy, I didn’t understand why; she hadn’t seemed that fazed upon her first meeting with my family.

“What are you nervous about?” I asked Malania bluntly as we stood behind the confines of the large oak door.  Noticing that she was turning into herself, I insistently spun her so that we stood face-to-face.

“At the arraignment, it was sombre, no one knew my business, Michael… now I have to face your mother who no-doubt knows everything about me,” she winced, her eyes looking absolutely panicked.

Sometimes living in a bubble made me lose grasp on reality. Sometimes I would forget that there was another world spinning on its axis outside of Neverland. While I was aware of what was making news, I seemed to forget that that very same news extended to family and friends.

“Oh,” I murmured, suddenly realising she was right. I remembered how I’d felt walking through the corridors from my hotel suite to the car that awaited me when the charges had originally been brought against me back in Mexico. I had been so panicked by what others might think of me, of them trying to imagine me doing the things that I’d been accused of.

I supposed the difference was that Malania’s reported experience was true.  Hers was a shame that she couldn’t refute.

“I’m sorry,” I added, “do you want to go hang out on your own for awhile?” I asked. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable…”

She didn’t have the chance to respond before the front door opened. I felt  Malania go rigid.

Mother went to call out to me before she turned her head slightly, realising that both Mal and I were standing right in front of her.

“Hi Mom,” I put on a practiced smile, my stomach plummeting at the realization that I was once again putting Mal in an uncomfortable position.

She smiled back at me. I let go of Malania’s hand and helped Mother inside chivalrously. I felt bad that I hadn’t met her at the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m fine, Michael, I’m fine…” she waved me off as she noticed Malania standing stiffly. “Well hello, Malania isn’t it?” she asked almost gingerly and then looked back to me with a look that seemed almost teasing.

I couldn’t help but to smirk to myself. It was Mother’s non-verbal speak for, “OoOooooh what did I just walk in on?”

“Yeah…” Malania tried her best to smile, but it seemed tense and forced. “Nice to see you again Mrs. Jackson.”

Mother leaned forward and hugged her. Malania hadn’t been ready for it, but she never the less obliged. She stared at me over Mother’s shoulder, looking absolutely horrified.

When she released her grip on my girlfriend, Mother turned and embraced me warmly, rubbing my back in that comforting way only mothers can. It was my turn to smile shyly at Malania, apologising with my eyes.

“I didn’t know you were here,” she said to my girlfriend who seemed to have frozen. Mother finally smiled when Malania didn’t really respond. “I didn’t mean to barge in during your time together.”

“No, its fine,” Malania finally spoke. “I can give you guys some time to chat,” she said quickly, not giving us either a chance to respond before she made an incredibly fast getaway, leaving Mother staring at me, stunned and looking as though she didn’t know how to take that.

“Michael…?” Mother pressed me.

I shook my head, “come on, Mother… come in to the family room,” I put a hand on the shoulder of her blue dress and guided her through the foyer to the large open living area.

“Sorry about that,” I apologised to her when I knew Malania was out of earshot. Mom took a seat on the couch; “things are a bit rough at the moment.”

She gave me a sympathetic smile. “I see it’s true, Malania left the treatment facility,” she remarked. “She looks very healthy.”

I could only assume that my mother had heard all about my girlfriend through the media because whenever the subject came up over the phone, I just told her that I’d talk about it when I was ready.

I guessed that there was no time like the present.

“Yeah…” I nodded.

“Are you ready to talk about it?” she asked me in that gentle tone she always used that seemed to bring me great comfort.

I eased myself down beside her and rested my head back on the couch. “Not really, but… I guess I should tell you before you get blindsided.”

“Too late for that…” she muttered. “This morning I got a phone call asking if I would comment on the reports of my future daughter-in-law’s mental health…”

I groaned. “I’m sorry, Mother…” I apologised.

Mom touched my arm. “Sweetheart, don’t say sorry… I just, I am concerned with what’s going on with you.  You haven’t told me anything about the case, the media is blowing up about this friend or girlfriend… and my own son won’t tell me anything.”

I looked up, wondering if Malania was around. “Malania and I met a long time ago Mother, maybe about 4 or so years ago-“ I tried to think, “and then she and I met again in Mexico the night that I found out about the allegations and she was the only one who-”

“What about your family Michael, you’ve completely shut us all out.” I gave my mother a raised eyebrow as if to tell her exactly what I thought of the so-called ‘family support’.

“Please let me finish—“ I added, “she was the only one besides you and Liz that genuinely cared for me.”

“Your father genuinely cares for you, Michael, he just doesn’t know the right way to show it.”

I didn’t really want to be getting in to that.

“Anyway…” I changed the subject pointedly, resisting the urge to roll my eyes. “Malania and I have grown closer—we’re both going through hard times…”

“So, is she your girlfriend?” my Mom asked me point-blank.

I hesitated for a second but then wondered why I was so reluctant to share that news with her. “Yeah… I guess that’s what we’d call it if we have to put a label on it.”

“Your father thought that this would help your case,” she commented. I knew what she was doing; she was dropping the comment and waiting for me to respond, probably to figure out if I was being just as manipulative as my father.

I was offended that she would even need to question my motives.

“Mother,” I began warningly, keeping my voice low, “Malania is not a girlfriend out of convenience,” I said simply, though my jaw was clenched and I was trying my best not to show how irate I was. “She is my girlfriend because I love her. I’m not like Joseph.”

My mother was never a fan of any of my previous girlfriends, including Diane. She had always been polite, but never engaging. I knew that she was quick to judge them all as calculating and opportunistic. It wasn’t that her intentions were bad; she just tried to protect me.

“Do you think a relationship with someone who is going through so much is what you nee-“ she questioned, hushing her voice until I cut her off.

“Don’t,” I said firmly. Mother looked at me innocently. “Don’t do that. You’ve met her once, you have no idea about her, you do not get to judge her.”

I could feel myself losing my cool slowly but surely.

“I’m not judging her, it is not my place to judge… I was perfectly polite to her, Michael?” she answered me as if it were a question, it was what she did when she was trying to gather more information while still appearing as though she was neutral on the matter.

“You are judging her because you know she’s spent time in a rehabilitation clinic and because of whatever trash you’ve heard on the news. You should know better than anyone not to judge. Given what they make up about me, it’s a miracle that I haven’t been committed yet, so there’s really nothing much that makes me any different from her.”

“Michael, please calm down…” Mother tried to soothe me, realising that I had had enough.

Maybe it wasn’t her fault, but she was certainly the trigger.

“Don’t tell me to calm down, Mother,” I told her, “I’m not stupid, I can make my own decisions. Rather than second guessing who I let in to my life, why can’t you just ask me how I’m doing?”

It always angered me that it was one thing after another. They all treated me as though I was a baby, like if they didn’t tread lightly around me, I might break.

No one ever just asked me how I was and truly wanted to know without inserting judgement. There was always someone waiting to say ‘I told you so’, and if they didn’t say it, their unspoken words lingered in the air.

I drew in a deep breath.

“I’m here asking you how you’re doing…” she insisted.

I decided to let it go as I always did. I knew how infinitely my mother loved me and generally it was easier to just leave things unsaid between us, it was the only way I could go about life not hurting her feelings.

Mother was great at being a Mom, she was great at being loving and being physically comforting and inspiring when I was at the lowest point – but she was never so great at understanding my needs and wants and the way my heart loved others. She made it clear that she wanted me married, yet no woman was ever acceptable.

“I can’t only rely on you and only you my whole life. Don’t you think I’m entitled to be in love; for someone to love me and to have someone to share my love with?” I wondered.

“Of course, Michael…that’s all I want for you.”

“Well then just let me worry about my love life. I just need you to accept Malania and not judge her or anything about her…”

“I wasn’t judg-“ she began but she stopped and closed her mouth. “Okay, Michael.”

Mother changed the subject and I was glad that she did, because shortly after that Malania reappeared from the hallway looking as though she had composed herself.

“Hi sweetheart,” I greeted her with a smile, lifting myself from the couch beside Mother.

Malania gave me her best smile; I knew she was trying to brave it out.

My mother looked up to find my girlfriend standing coyly in the middle of the living room.

“Do you want to take a seat? Mother and I were just discussing the trial…” I motioned for her to sit where I had just been.

She shook her head. “No, you sit… I was just wondering whether you would like some tea?” It was a start.

“I’m fine,” I replied.

“Mrs. Jackson?” she asked my mother in her most polite voice. I couldn’t help but to smile. I still couldn’t get over how beautiful she looked with her hair pulled back entirely from her face and held up high on her head.

“No thank you, but I would love for you to come and sit with us,” she replied, glancing at me briefly as if to show me that she was making an effort.

Malania didn’t say a word. She nervously sat in a chair that was a few feet from us. I knew Malania’s insatiable need for tea was because it calmed her.

“I’ll get your tea…” I stood up, wanting to give her a minute with my mother to break the ice. I tried to ignore the pleading look she gave me not to leave her alone. I knew Mother had the good sense to be kind given the earlier conversation.

“Would you like something to drink, Mother?” I asked her.

“No baby, you just get your girlfriend some tea… we will chat.” I couldn’t tell if she was patronising me or not, so I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt. I was sure Malania hadn’t picked up on it.

I couldn’t help but to feel nervous as I went to the kitchen.

I flicked the kettle on and fixed a mug with the English Breakfast teabag and retrieved the milk from the fridge. I waited for the whistle. I tried to listen for the conversation, but it was too soft for me to hear.

I wasn’t gone much longer than five minutes, but as I came down the stairs, I could hear Malania laughing, making me relax considerably.

“Thanks, Mike…” she grinned at me, noticing me at the landing of the stairs. I placed the mug on the end table beside the chair she sat at.

“I was just telling Malania about Mercedes and how she’s been redecorating your room at Hayvenhurst to cheer you up when you decide to come and visit next.”

I smiled; I hadn’t seen my niece since the day after I arrived back from Mexico. “Aw, she is so sweet… How is she going?”

“Really well, she is excited about school starting again after the summer…” a subtle reminder, I thought, though I didn’t feel put out.

“Oh yeah,” I nodded, “Sorry, I have had a lot going on, obviously but I’ll contact Lise about it when I think of it.”

I was going to be taking care of my niece’s education as I always did with most of my family. I believed whole-heartedly in education, obviously more than some of my brother’s did, who, if left up to them, would be sending their kids to public schools. Then again, they wouldn’t even consider that their kids would need an education; like they gave a fuck what happened with their own children.

“Don’t be too concerned, Lisa knows you’ve got a lot on your plate right now.”

“Lisa is Mercedes’ Mom,” I explained to Malania, “my brother, Randy is her father but he won’t acknowledge it. In fact, he’s met her just once when she was born…”

Malania tried not to react with disgust, not wanting to offend my mother.

“Michael, that’s enough…” Mother silenced me. I couldn’t help but to smirk at my girlfriend as if to prove some kind of point.

“What?” I asked innocently, “I am just explaining the truth?” I replied, widening my eyes. My mother gave me a look that showed me she was disappointed in me.

Mother turned to Malania, “I was just telling Michael how nice it was to see you again since the arraignment. You are looking very well.”

She hadn’t said anything of the sort, but I knew it was her way of quickly changing the subject and trying to take the high road. She was never able to let anyone speak ill of her precious idiot sons, but could question any single one of my personal decisions.

“Thanks,” Malania managed a tight smile. She held the mug in her hands but didn’t sip from it. “It’s nice to see you too…”

“Michael tells me you’re staying here for a little while, are you from California?” she wondered.

Malania nodded. “Yeah, my family lives in Fountain Valley – I don’t know if you know where that is…”

“I do,” Mother smiled warmly, “they must be missing you like crazy…I always miss Michael, living so far out…”

“It’s not that far,” I insisted.

“My parents trust Michael to keep the media away from me right now, so even though they miss me, it’s probably for the best,” she replied, clearing her throat.

I chuckled, “it’s not like she’s hostage, Mother, her parents can come and go from here as they please just like you. Malania’s brother is buying a house between here and his job at San Bernadino and Malania is going to be moving there with him once the sale settles…” I explained.

“Oh right, your brother…” I was sure I saw my Mother’s face sour. She had seen the front page of the newspaper where Kaito had gotten me in to a little bit of trouble.  I had to be honest, on that particular day, I was so glad he had stood up for me. I didn’t care that it got me some bad publicity; maybe it would have prevented at least one person provoking me in the future.

“Yeah, Kaito is Malania’s brother, the guy who stood up for me when that hack was calling me a name.” I replied defensively.

“Well, violence isn’t the answer,” Mother retorted a little cattily.

“I agree,” Malania added even though I knew she didn’t entirely agree. “My brother was out of line and could have got you in trouble. But,” she continued, “he’s otherwise a non-violent, good person…”

Mother just smiled and I knew she wasn’t happy with any of this. I couldn’t help being frustrated by her entire visit.

“So Malania and I were going to go for a drive over to the lake for lunch, would you like to join us?” I asked her. Malania threw me a quizzical glance but didn’t say anything.

I knew there was no way in the world my mother would have dared impose herself upon what sounded like a romantic picnic. I needed to get rid of her before I said something I would regret.

“No thank you, son, I just wanted to see you briefly to make sure that you’re okay since you haven’t been taking my calls.”

Another dig.

“Sorry, I’ll be better, I promise.”

We all got up. Mother and Malania exchanged some superficial pleasantries while I bit my tongue.  I walked Mother out after Malania waved her off and took her empty cup to the kitchen.

“Michael,” Mother began quietly as I helped her into the car that was waiting for her.

“Yes?”

“I am concerned that she’s so young… I don’t want you taking care of her entire family, not again…”

I actually laughed. “Oh?” I laughed again. “So, it’s only enough okay for me to support one financially dependent family?” I asked sarcastically.

I didn’t let her answer. I wanted her to realise what a stupid comment it was. “I love you, Mother, I’ll talk to you soon.”

Before she could respond, I closed the door and turned my back.

**

I closed the heavy door behind me and let my eyes fall shut. My family made me so angry some days.

Even my mother.

I loved her infinitely and she had the kindest heart that taught me everything I knew about showing kindness to others, but sometimes she couldn’t see through her own faults. She was blinded by the stupidity of the rest of my family. She questioned all of my choices in life, yet didn’t bat an eyelid to all the awful and undignified situations my brothers got themselves in to.

Concerned about Malania’s age?

Fuck. That.

“Michael what the hell was that?” Malania asked, surprising my eyes open. She stood before me, looking expectant.

“I’m sorry…” I apologised. “That was a weird way for you to have to meet my Mother properly.”

“I feel like I just stepped out of the Twilight Zone,” she stood before me with the blue mug in both of her hands, standing in the middle of the foyer looking cute as fuck. “I thought you said you and your Mother were close,” she looked more amused than upset or put-off by the whole ordeal.

“We are…” I winced, rubbing the back of my neck a little self-consciously.

“Ah, close like my Mama and I, huh?” she chuckled. I knew what she meant and it was probably more accurate than not.

“Yeah so close you could punch them…” I joked.

Malania laughed and placed her mug down on a coffee table and made her way over to where I was standing, still by the door. I welcomed her thin arms sliding around my waist, making the first move on me.

I let out a sigh and felt my body relax as I reciprocated her embrace. “I’m sorry you had to witness all of that… My Mother just … I dunno…”

“She doesn’t like me, that’s fine,” Malania replied with a shrug.

“Whoa,” I pulled away and looked at her, “My Mother doesn’t know you and when things calm down, she will get to know you and she will love you,” I told her, “just right now she thinks she knows what’s best for me and that’s to keep my head down and fight this case and go on like a robot and only look to her for support.”

She drew me back in and laughed, resting her head against my shoulder. “So, you mentioned something about a drive to the lake… was that something you just said to get rid of your Mother…or?”

I gave her a little squeeze. “You know what the best thing about Neverland is?” I asked her.

“What’s that?” she wondered, drawing away from me. I let my hand fall in to hers.

“It’s that right now save for a couple of workers and my security, we are entirely in private. No one can bother us… we can go to the lake, we can go for a hike, we can do take two and climb the giving tree again…”

“You mean the trauma tree?” she joked. “I am not climbing that again in a hurry.”

I managed to laugh and kissed her cheek. “Well, it’s totally up to you what we do…”

“Let’s do the lake thing, it sounds pretty…” she chose, “and I feel like just forgetting the world and being alone with you.”

“Okay my heart… your wish is my command...” I leaned over and pressed a kiss upon her lips.