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Author's Chapter Notes:

Sorry that its been awhile since updating, I have had a lot of RL stuff going on :) 

Chapter 32

It was hard to keep my head from falling in to the plate. My eyes were so heavy and I was beginning to feel a bit lethargic, but I tried my best to not let it show. I began to eat the fennel salad that Malania’s mother had served and before me.

I felt Malania’s hand on my arm and instantly I realised that I’d lost my manners. “I’m sorry…” I felt my cheeks flush. It was nerve-wracking enough being in someone else’s home, meeting her parents officially.

“Its okay,” Her mother, Helena smiled warmly. I just put my fork down and waited for everyone to sit.

“Do you ever say grace?” Malania’s Dad asked curiously just after it dawned on me why everyone was waiting to eat, including Malania who claimed to be entirely faithless. Somehow I didn’t really believe that to be the case.

“Sometimes,” I lied.

“We like to say a prayer before we eat if it is okay with you,” Helena spoke softly, avoiding my eyes. I remembered somebody telling me that I needed to make more eye contact when meeting people because it seemed untrustworthy, but sometimes it was hard when I was shy, so I understood why Helena continually avoided mine.

“Of course…” I smiled. Malania sat back and let her mother load up her plate. I wasn’t sure she would eat it all, but she didn’t protest.

Once settled, the three of my dinner mates bowed their head and closed their eyes. I followed suit, trying to seem like it was an every day occurrence that people openly prayed before me.

“Bless us oh Lord and for this meal that we are about to receive from your bounty. We give thanks for our lives, jobs and the health of every person sitting at this table. We especially thank you, Jesus, for Michael, a new friend in Malania’s life; that you might be with him during this difficult time. With the intercession of Mother Mary, all the Angels and Saints and through you, Christ Almighty, we pray, Amen.”

I felt the weight of her father’s prayerful words fall upon my shoulders. I knew he meant it, it meant a lot that they were on my side without really knowing me. It made me aware that they trusted their daughter’s judgment. It meant that they were giving me a chance; that not unlike me, they were trusting me because so far I hadn’t given them a reason not to.

I delivered a small smile upon my lips and repeated the Amen politely along with Malania and her parents.

“Thank you for praying for me,” I said a little quietly, “I appreciate it so much.”

“I told you, Michael, my parents have been praying for you since we came back from Mexico.” Malania told me. I tried to wrack my brain. I didn’t remember her telling me, but I assumed it was early on.

I just smiled.

Both of her parents told me that I was welcome. I knew her father, George as he had re-introduced himself as, liked me—but for some reason, I felt like her mother was the one I’d have to work to win over.

We all began to eat. It was a little uncomfortable, but I was enjoying the flavours in the salad. It wasn’t anything special, but Helena had explained to me that they began every dinner with a salad and the fennel was from her garden.

The silence began to eat at me a little bit. “So,” I looked at Malania’s mother. She met my eyes briefly but quickly looked away, “Mrs. Nakamura what is a traditional Serbian meal?”

Obviously it was the right question to ask and something she was confident in talking about. She lifted her eyes and smiled at me, “do you know what Sarma is? Or ćavapi?”

“Mm, I think the sarma is the cabbage leaf rolls?” I asked, “I think they have been served to me before when I was in Bosnia or some place like that.”

“Ah, yes,” Helena smiled and nodded, “this is the one. I have some here, I have some mince and onion and herbs and spices, I hope you like it.”

“I’m sure I will.” I wasn’t huge on meat, I tried to live a vegetarian lifestyle, but I was pretty in to burgers. I just preferred to not ask questions about where the meat came from.

ćavapi is kind of … uh..” she looked to her husband, “how do you say?”

“sausage,” Malania supplied, “its like a sausage…”

“Okay…” I nodded.

“Yes sausage,” Helena confirmed, acknowledging her daughter with nod, “we serve it with cheeses and potatoes and some other things. It is what we’ll have tonight after the salad.”

“This is one of my favourite things, isn’t it Mama?” Malania asked her mother with a big smile. Its ćavapičić ... so good, Michael, I swear…” she promised me, “a giant sausage sounds like nothing, but you won’t regret it…”

I laughed at her excitement. I wasn’t really a live to eat kinda guy, but I did sometimes really enjoy a good dinner.

“Yes, Malania would always ask me for ćavapičić when she was young. She used to help me make it.”

“Oh yes,” George grinned, “Malania was so sweet, all she ever wanted to do with Helena was cook and bake. Every day I would get home,” he glanced at his daughter, “and she would run out, ‘Papa, Papa – we made ćavapi for you’” he imitated his young daughter.

It made me laugh, “I bet she was so cute,” I chuckled, “she’s still so cute.”

Malania’s cheeks flushed momentarily. “We loved to cook together didn’t we, Mama?” she asked.

Her mother nodded in agreement.

“Well, I can’t cook at all. This morning Malania made me some breakfast and promised me that she will teach me to cook.”

“What!?” Helena exclaimed, “you don’t cook? Who cooks for you? How do you eat?”

I chuckled again at the way she had began firing questions.

“I have someone who cooks for me—well, at least I did,” I corrected myself, “right now I just eat whatever I get someone to get for me…”

“Malania can cook, but I know more. I teach you,” she said with resolve as if it weren’t even up for negotiation.

Malania laughed too, “hey, I can teach him… I’m not an awful cook, he just needs to know how not to burn bread.”

“Stop fighting over Michael,” George told them both and laughed at me, “let him eat his dinner in peace, he can choose who will be his instructor later.”

Helena and Malania eventually settled down, but Malania branded her ownership over me by touching my inner arm gently. “Its okay,” she said knowingly, “you’ll pick wisely.”

It was absolutely lovely to see her joking and calm with her family. I knew it had been a little while since that had been the case. If I was needed there as a little buffer, then I didn’t mind at all.

“Do you have big dinners with your family?” Helena asked me.

I tried not to grimace but I shook my head. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had sat down with anyone in my family besides my mother or my nieces or nephews and eaten a hot meal. “No, I have a very big family… we are all living in different places and its hard to get us together at one time,” I answered diplomatically. “Usually its just my Mom and I.”

“Oh,” she frowned as if she were trying to digest such disturbing information.

“Eating has always been bonding time for us as a family, it is a big part of Helena’s culture.”

“Well, this food is certainly art…” I remarked as the dish of sausage, flat bread, cheeses, sour cream, potatoes and onions was placed in front of me. I wasn’t sure how I’d like it, but it sure smelled good.

“To be fair, you’ve lived on sandwich, soup and salad for awhile and you can’t cook, so anything would like like a culinary masterpiece to you.” Malania jibed me, giving me a gentle nudge in the ribs.

“Its true…”

We ate our dinner chatting politely about dinner. I felt Malania’s mother slowly warming to me. She told me about her eldest daughter and her eldest son, but there was no mention of Samuel, the youngest son. It was clear that Malania was her favourite, despite it being unspoken. Perhaps it was because she was the baby, but I assumed it was for a few reasons.

Malania, although she wasn’t particularly happy with her mother, seemed to have the most time and patience for her. She was an affectionate girl by nature and needed her parents. The other siblings seemed as though they’d been thoroughly independent for a long time.

“So Michael,” George began, “what is the next step for you now in this court case?”

I felt a little more comfortable discussing it openly knowing that they were on my side. I looked down at the traditional red checked table cloth and drew in a deep breath. “We don’t have to talk about the trial,” Malania cut-in, she was irate with her father, I could tell from her tone. I knew she was just trying to protect me.

“No,” I smiled, “its okay, I don’t mind.” I turned back to her Dad, “My lawyers are gathering evidence and witnesses. They’re talking to staff, friends and family who were in my life over the course of my relationship with the Hargrove family. At the moment they are saying my DNA was all over the child’s bed, but its just hair, but the news are making it sound more sinister. I used to read to her before bed. Or sometimes she’d wake and ask for me so I used to tend to her…”

“Its total crap,” Malania sighed.

“Its very unfair, I’m sorry for this,” Helena said in a softer voice. I saw her reach and pat her daughter’s hand.

“Why would this woman think something happened?” George pressed me.

I shrugged. “Something did happen to the child,” I was very careful not to use her name. I trusted Malania, but I didn’t want Casey’s name dropped, “which is heartbreaking for me to know, but… I don’t know who it was, I just know that it wasn’t me. I suppose her mother would assume its me given that I was the strongest male influence in her life and was often left alone with her.”

“Its awful that someone would do this without allowing you the decency to defend yourself.”

I shrugged again, “I’ll defend myself in court, I’ll just keep praying in the meantime that she’ll realise or find out the truth. The little girl isn’t talking at the moment, but that’s not abnormal, she used to stop talking during her sicknesses as a coping mechanism.”

Malania was quick to change the subject. She asked her Dad about his gardening. He tried to go back to the case against me, but all he mentioned was the media coverage from the arraignment.

My eyes were so heavy after we’d eaten dinner. George told me about his previous trip to Japan. I asked him about different kind of gadgets I’d been keeping my eyes on. We agreed that he’d take a list from me when he went next and pick me up some things.

“Dad got my niece a Nintendo a little while ago, she loves it, and so does he, don’t you Papa?”

“What, are you serious?” I asked, looking from Malania to her father who was chuckling almost bashfully at her admission, I had wanted to get a Nintendo since I’d seen them go on the market. “I wanna get one. I love video games.”

“Its in Danij’s play room, would you like to play it?” Helena offered to me.

“Sure!” I exclaimed, forgetting that I was tired.

Malania laughed at my enthusiasm. “Okay, I’ll show you to Danij’s playroom, you’ll be Mario Bros crazy in no time.”

I laughed. “I have played them before, I’m not very good, but its really fun… Mind numbing too,” I added without reservation. It was clear that I really did need something to keep my mind off things.

“Wait,” George began, “before you do that,” he glanced at his wife, they exchanged a look that made me feel a bit nervous, as if there was something they needed to discuss with her in private, “there’s something we have to tell you…”

Malania was at their attention immediately, “What is it?”

Again, her parents exchanged looks. Helena nodded at George as if giving him permission to break something to her. Immediately, I began to think it was something about her brother that she wasn’t going to like.

“Daddy,” she pressed, “what is it?”

“Do you want some privacy?” I asked, “I can leave…”

“No, its okay,” her father held up his hand, “Malania, we had a phone call this morning from the treatment facility. You’ll begin there tomorrow night.”

“What?” she looked from me to her father and then at her mother as if she was in disbelief. “I didn’t think it would be so soon…”

“That’s a good thing,” I said, trying to be brighter about it.

“No…” she shook her head. I was sure she was about to cry, but she didn’t. “Papa, why so soon?”

“My sweetheart,” he started very gently, “you knew you needed to go, you knew the spot had opened up, we have a deal. If you don’t take this spot, you will have to wait much longer…”

“I don’t even need the treatment anymore… I promise,” she began bargaining with him. I said nothing and rested my hand over hers. I knew it would calm her. It was my way of telling her to stop arguing.

“Darling, you need this treatment, please don’t fight us on this.”

She breathed in a deep breath. I put an arm around her shoulders and caressed her bare skin on her arm gently, trying to be of some comfort.

“The sooner you go in and go through the treatment, the sooner you can come home…”

She exhaled and shrugged, “Okay… I guess.” I knew she was trying to brave because I was too. I didn’t know how I’d go for a week without a friend in the world.

“Malania it is because we love you,” Helena added.

She shook her head. I knew she wanted to back-talk her mother, but instead she stayed silent.

“Why don’t you both go and play the computer, your father will help me clean up,” Malania’s mother suggested kindly, giving me the impression Malania usually helped clean up.

“No,” I shook my head, “we’ll help clear up, are we washing dishes?” I asked, pushing my chair back, hearing it scrape against the terracotta slate laid down in the family area.

“No, no, no, guests do not clean in my home,” Helena shook her head, getting up too. “šećeru, please take Michael and show him the game.”

Malania smiled her sweet, dimpled smile at me. “Thanks for getting me out of dish duty,” she winked. She seemed to let go of the bad news.

I just gave her a weak smile. I knew she was disguising her sadness over having to go to treatment, but it was inevitable. She knew it was going to be happening within the week, but I felt as though she thought perhaps she would be able to do some smooth-talking to get herself out of it.

I was glad that her parents were digging their heels in. I knew that there was a chance that they wouldn’t, especially her mother, like to be the bad guy and would fear driving a wedge further between them.

She nudged me softly in the side and returned my smile, as if to assure me that everything was alright with her. I wasn’t used to a smile making my knees weaken. It was the little dimple in her cheek, the way her eyes narrowed slightly, the way it created little lines that mapped out her entire expression.

In all honesty, I wanted to get her alone and I wanted to kiss her – properly without restraint. I wanted to embrace her and smooth my hands down her slender arms and trace the contours of her body—all the impulses that had flooded me upon the realisation of my feelings for her needed to be reeled in though. I’d made a promise and I wasn’t willing to scare her off.

I just smiled back at her and tried to tell her my feelings with my eyes.

šećeru,” I repeated out loud, “what does that mean?” I asked, “is it a nickname?”

“No, it is like sweetie or honey or my sweet, I think…” Helena replied to me, “for a man, I would say ‘šećer’”

“Cool…” I nodded, “Okay šećeru,” I said, nudging Malania, “I’m ready to play Nintendo now.”

**

Malania suggested setting the Nintendo up in the family room since the television was bigger. We set it up and played together until she grew bored. I knew she was just humouring me.

“Can you play on your own?” she asked me kindly almost as if she didn’t want to let me down by telling me she was done with it.

“Sure… although I should probably make tracks soon…”

We were sitting side by side on the chaise, outstretched and comfortable. She pouted at me. “Not yet, stay… my parents like you. And, who know’s when I’ll see you next.”

I didn’t really want to think about it, so I didn’t address it, nor did I want her to. I just smiled at her. “Okay, I’ll stay a bit longer…”

“I’m just going up to my room for a moment,” she said, getting up, “I’ll be a sec.”

She returned, true to her word a few moments later holding the book that I’d given her to loan, Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

“Oh, you’re reading it…” I murmured happily. “I’m glad, you’ll love it, I’m sure.”

“I already do…” She told me, opening to about a quarter of the way through where she found the bookmark. “I’ll read, you play…”

I looked down to the video game control in my hand and smiled. I turned to her; watching her settle back against the chaise beside me, concentrating on the page she was reading.

I nudged her gently with my arm as I unpaused the game, turning back to the TV. “Hey…”

“Mmm?” she rose an eyebrow absently, not taking her eyes off the page.

“You look gorgeous today, did I tell you that?” I asked her.

She chuckled in a way that allowed me to know she was embarrassed as well as overwhelmed by the attention I was delivering to her.

“Maybe once…” she replied casually, trying to be cool.

“Okay, just checking,” I grinned, concentrating back on my game.

She chuckled again and inched closer to me, resting her head on my shoulder as she became reabsorbed in the story.

**

“I really should get going…” I said regretfully to Malania, “do you think it’d be alright if I called Carsen from your folk’s phone?” I asked, putting the controller down.

“I don’t think they’d like you using the phone, so you better not…” she replied in a soft and serious voice that she almost expected me not to question. It was almost 9pm.

I laughed, “I guess I’ll go ask your Dad, if he says no, I could walk down the street and whistle for a cab or something…” I answered her just as casually.

It made her put her book down and face me. “I don’t want you to go… when am I going to see you next?”

“You’ll go to your new centre and you’ll be so busy, you’ll not even think of me.”

“Lies…” she pouted. “I rarely think of anyone else. Its kinda sad, really.”

I reached over and stroked her hair softly. She didn’t become shy, nor did she avoid my eyes. I let my forefingers fall over her cheeks, grazing them lightly with my touch. “You’re going to be okay,” I told her, “I promise.”

“What about you?” she asked, “I’m worried about you. I don’t want you to be alone, I know how lonely you get.”

I was very aware that we were in a public area of her parent’s home and didn’t want to disrespect them by laying hands on their daughter, but I couldn’t bear to see the sadness in her eyes. “I’ll be alright, it’ll only be for a week, right? I’ll read some books. I’ll write you a couple of letters and give them to you when I see you – if you’re lucky, I might write you a song.”

She smiled briefly. I knew she wasn’t really playing nor was she in the mood to see the light-hearted side of things.

I shifted my weight beside her, so that I was facing her properly. I took her soft face in both of my hands and leaned over and kissed her on her warm lips. “Lanz,” I began.

“Wait, don’t call me that… I don’t like it,” she told me honestly, “it reminds me of a shit time in my life, I don’t like it.”

I felt bad. “Sorry… I didn’t realise.”

“Its okay…” her voice trailed off. My eyes searched hers for a moment. She made me smile and filled my heart with an overwhelming sense of joy.

“I’ll come up with something better…” I promised. I felt her lean her cheek in to my hand.

“I just don’t want to go,” she admitted, looking down, “I don’t want you to go, because it means I won’t see you for awhile and I don’t think I have the heart to deal with the therapy side of things.”

“You do.” I confirmed for her, “you’ve been incredibly brave throughout all of this. You’ll come out the other side and I’ll be there to see you emerge and shine brighter than you already do.”

“I hope so…” she murmured.

“You know what my mother said to me?” I asked her, caressing her hair, still holding her gaze.

“What’s that?”

“When I was at my lowest of low and I was about to go and be submitted to the strip-search and photograph at the beginning of all this. She told me to never, ever let anyone steal my shine.”

Malania looked away from my eyes, I knew my words were affecting her and she was growing a little emotional.

“And you know, I felt like screaming in her face and telling her that the world had already taken it away… but now I’m here with you, and I just adore you so much and you’ve made me see that no one can stop me from shining. The world can try to take me down, but it’ll only happen if I let it…”

She looked back up at me. I saw the tears filling her eyes. “What if they make me talk about my secret.”

“You will; because you are brave. You’ll work through it, the way you told me. Don’t let anyone; not your brother, a therapist, anyone, take away your shine, Malania. Make that choice.”

She sniffed.

“Okay?” I insisted.

She nodded. I wiped away a few of her tears with my thumbs.

“Do you want me to come tomorrow and see you before you leave?” I asked her.

“Maybe. I don’t know if it’ll be too hard,” she replied, “I know you’re tired, but is it too much to ask if you just stay here a tiny bit longer?”

“Okay.” I agreed, “Carsen is probably enjoying his night off anyway.”

I settled next to her, slipping my arm around her, bringing her close to me. She rested her head on my shoulder and draped her arm across my waist, holding me. It felt nice to have a beautiful girl holding me; needing me.

She clicked the television on to the Cartoon Network; something we’d both enjoyed watching together.

We watched Huckleberry Hound together for a little while, before she piped up again. “Michael?”

“Yes?”

“Can you…” she paused as if she were looking for the right words. Our eyes met as I gazed at her expectantly. “Could you kiss me…”

I almost laughed at her sweetness. She was so shy, obviously not that comfortable initiating physical intimacy just yet. That was okay, I knew there was a reason for it. There was a part of me that liked that she wanted me to take the lead; it gave me better confidence.

“You don’t have to ask…” I murmured as I slipped my hand behind her head, guiding her toward me. Her eyes fell shut as our lips pressed together. She shifted closer, encircling her arm further around me, getting more of a grip on me. I felt her tongue against mine, eager yet still unsure. I let our tongues do a little dance for a few moments, noticing some goose bumps upon the surface of her skin as I let my hand fall from her shoulders down her arms.

Just as she pulled away and my eyes were opening, I spied her mother standing in the door way, looking a little shocked. When she realised I saw her, she turned her heel and made a hasty exit.

“Malania,” I murmured, feeling incredibly uncomfortable. “Your mother just walked in.”

She clutched her hand over her mouth, “Oh man.”

I could feel my face burning with embarrassment. “Don’t worry,” she assured me, “its fine. My Mom knows there’s something between us,” she sounded as though she was trying to console herself, “I told her earlier. Just relax. I’ll talk to her after you leave.”

Her words did allow me to relax slightly. “Okay…”

Her hand slipped in to mine and she resumed her position, embracing me and relaxing me. I didn’t even remember when it was that I fell asleep, but it was the first time in awhile that I’d felt satisfied enough to sleep without trying too hard.

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