For the next few weeks I spent little time at my own apartment and much more time at Michael’s. We shared a bed, we watched movies and spent every spare second that we could together. Gabrielle had been released from hospital and seemed a little happier. She moved back home with her Mother and Father and I’d visited her as much as I could.

I’d been searching for jobs but it seemed really difficult to find one that suited me. I guess I was looking for something cushy because I’d been spoiled so much in my last job. Michael tried his best to help me and even offered to find me a position within his management or his label, but I wanted to keep things as independent as possible for now. It was too early to start depending on him.

I’d been to a few job interviews but for some reason I couldn’t seem to relax and they all turned out to be such disasters. I tried to think of other ways I could search for work but to no avail.

I hung up the phone with a sigh and looked at the newspaper with the various jobs that I’d circled. I shook my head and sank down in to the couch. “Stupid…” I mumbled. The job that I’d looked at had been taken already.

I looked down at a piece of paper I had been writing some thoughts out on and I gave another sigh. I guess there was only one thing I could do and I didn’t really want to go to my father with it, but I knew it was the only way. I needed to swallow my pride, and not only that – my past, and do something that I didn’t want to do at all.

**

“You won’t regret it at all.” Michael grinned at me, giving me a hug. I couldn’t figure out why he was so happy. “I’m really proud of you…” He told me. I smiled back, a little dumbly. I was damn scared, but I knew that ultimately I was making the right decision.

“So are you going to study on campus or off campus?” He wondered, as we drove together back to his place from my apartment.

I shrugged gently, “I’m not sure. I just hope it’s not going to be some stupid amount of money to get back in to the course.” I replied with more reluctance than I wanted to show.

Michael glanced at me as we stopped at a set of traffic lights. He was nervous for other reasons, but he was playing it off for me, he had to be. This was the first time I was going to meet his Mother. As for me? Yup. I was nervous too. Actually, fuckin’ petrified if the truth be told.

What if Michael’s mother didn’t think I was good enough? What if she hated the idea of any girl with her most sensitive and sweetest son? He was about to say something relating to my plans at resuming my college education, but I cut him off. “Michael, what if your Mom hates me?” I threw it out there, I couldn’t handle keeping the thought to myself anymore.

His eyes searched mine and he shook his head before smiling. “There is no way she won’t like you, baby.” He promised me. “You’re so beautiful, sweet and honest, and my Mom will love that about you.” He resumed driving through the peak hour Los Angeles traffic.

I looked away a little modestly. “Michael, I really suck with conversation when I’m intimidated or self-conscious or something…” I confessed, beginning to feel a bit sick in the stomach.

“No kidding…” He laughed, “I remember our first encounter so well. Getting conversation from you was like pulling teeth.”

“I’m glad you found my insecurity so hilarious.” I rolled my eyes, slightly annoyed.

“It’s not that bad, Jade. My Mom isn’t about to interrogate you. She’ll probably want to tell you lots of embarrassing stories about me, she’ll want to overfeed you and will probably want to stuff lots of fatty foods down your throat while telling us about oh-so hilarious-“ He exaggerated, “conversations with her friends at their weekly bingo games.”

I had to laugh, Michael described old people so well. Not that his Mother was too old, but still. “If you listen and seem really interested, then you’ve won her over for life.”

“Okay… I’ll do my best.”

“Oh… there is something I should warn you about.” He said as though a thought had struck him. I anticipated the rest of his sentence. “My Mother is really conservative when it comes to relationships and even though we’re completely innocent – my Mom would never approve of us sleeping under the same roof.”

I laughed. “Understood. My Mom wouldn’t either, especially not when there’s no one else there besides you and me.”

“Okay so it’s our dirty little secret.” He laughed at the irony of his sentence. I smirked.

“Seriously, it’s gonna be fine. Don’t be scared. My Mom is real nice. I promise.”

“Okay.” I tried to relax, but I knew there was no point. I was nervous, and nothing was going to stop that until I was comfortable with his Mom, and God only knew if that was going to even happen.

**

My Mom had been at my house almost all day throwing together a roast meal for the three of us. We had considered inviting Jade’s Mom too, but it was already going to be hard enough for the three of us, so we figured we’d do that at a later date.

So far so good. Jade resumed her painfully shy and quiet exterior which I’d somehow guessed she would. I wanted Mom to get to know her the way I knew her though, but I remembered just how much I had to persevere to get to know the real Jade. It was gonna be okay, I hoped throughout the night she’d come out of her shell a little bit.

“You know…” my Mother began, looking from Jade to me, “I’ve been trying to figure out what’s changed about you all day and I think I’ve got it.”

Jade and I exchanged curious looks. I prayed for her not to say anything embarrassing. “You’ve put on at least 10lbs since the last time I saw you!” She exclaimed, “Your face is fuller.” Jade and I both laughed. We’d both agreed earlier that I had put on at least 5lbs since I’d met her. It was all because of our dirty pig-out sessions. It was fine though, I really needed to put on weight and everyone had always been telling me.

“You think so?” I asked, “I haven’t noticed.” I didn’t want her to think it was a big deal because I’d always been so pedantic about keeping my weight in check which always worried her.

We sat down in my formal dining room and Mom took charge in dishing out the food. It was true, I was a little more carefree about the amounts of food that I consumed. If I wanted seconds, I wasn’t afraid to eat seconds. If I wanted a huge scoop of pasta, I’d have it. If I gained too much weight, I’d just have to exercise it back off. It wasn’t like I was inhumanely unfit and needed to diet. I was underweight as it was.

“Would you like me to do it?” I asked her.

Mother waved her hand at me and laughed, “If I left it up to you to put food on to our plates we’d starve.”

She began with Jade’s plate. “Tell me what you’d like, dear…” She told my girlfriend expectantly.

Jade smiled politely. I knew she felt reduced to a child. My Mom always did this. She’d never let anyone get their own food, this way she could be sure they’d eat to her approval. “It all looks so good.” Jade murmured. It really did.

“Well, good. At least there’s two of us here who will eat properly tonight.” Mom went ahead and served her food.

“Mom, I eat just fine.” I replied to her smart remark.

She fixed my plate next and as always put herself last. For a few minutes all that could have been heard was the scraping of the knives and forks against the plates. I was starving and just the wafts of the roast chicken had given me stomach cramps. I could have done without the sweet potato and greens, but I ate them first just to appease her. It felt a little awkward, I could see Jade shoveling a mouthful of roast potato in to her mouth to excuse her from speaking.

She could have been making more of an effort and I couldn’t help but feel a bit disappointed in her. I hoped she would soon warm to my mother.

“So Jade, Michael tells me he met you during his stay at a hotel…” Mom turned to me, “The Beverly Hills Hotel, wasn’t it?”

I nodded, feeling a bit of a sinking sensation in my stomach. Jade’s face went flushed. She hated being jobless, and I didn’t blame her. “Yeah that’s right. She doesn’t work there anymore though.” I quickly added, “She’s going to finish her college degree.”

Mom smiled at Jade, “That’s wonderful, darling, what field are you studying?”

“Media and communications.” She replied with a bit of a shy smile. “Maybe I can keep them off Michael’s back.” She joked. Ahh, come on Jade, you can do this. It’s my Mother not just Bob from down the street. I coached her silently.

My mother gave a laugh, “If you can persuade them, darling, then you’d do us all a service.”

They engaged in small talk, but I started to realize that Jade was more nervous than I’d expected her to get. She excused herself for a moment to use the bathroom. It was just Mom and I alone. I was a little bit worried to know what she would think of Jade. My Mother was a bit hard to read when it came to people, since she tried to be nice to everyone regardless of what her personally feelings were, but I wanted her to really like Jade.

“Michael what have you told that poor child about me?” Mom asked me accusingly.

I laughed from surprise, “What?”

“She is so nervous, I can hardly get a word out of her!”

“Oh.” I shrugged, “We both wanted tonight to go perfectly, and she wants to make a perfect impression—she’s just self conscious and shy right now.”

Mom kind of smiled, “She’s very, very cute, Michael and she seems sweet.”

I smiled. “She is. Excuse me Mom, I’ll just go make sure everything is okay.”

**

I glared at myself in the mirror and tried to relax. Michael’s mother wasn’t scary, nasty, or rude and if anything she seemed very nice and very easy to get along with. But man… my own paranoia was having a field day. My palms were so sweaty and I was even shaking a little bit. Michael had told me that Katherine had so far hated every girl that he’d been with because she was the type of mother that felt as though no one was good enough for her son.

At least Katherine and I agreed on that. I still felt like Michael was too good for me. I still had the feeling of wanting out of the relationship now and then. The selfish part of me couldn’t let him go.

I heard a knock at the bathroom door. “Jade, are you in there?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, be right out.” I called politely. I turned the faucet on and fixed up my make up. I was scared that I might have sweated some of it off. I hadn’t though. I hoped it was about to get a lot better. I wasn't sure how much more of this parent meeting thing I could take.

I turned off the faucet and let myself out. Michael stood leaning up against the wall waiting for me. I thought for a second he might have needed to pee. “Are you okay?” He asked me, grabbing for my hand, pulling me back toward him. “What’s wrong?” His other hand caressed my cheek.

I looked away from his eyes and slightly craned my head so that my cheek sat comfortably in his palm. “I’m sorry this isn’t going like it’s supposed to. I dunno why but I’m so freaking nervous, and I feel stupid. I told you I was hopeless at conversation with people.”

Michael chuckled a little. “Sweetie, just relax. This is no big deal.”

“And look…” I pointed to my shirt. “I spilled.” The spot was tiny, but still noticeable.

He laughed, “I spilled too.” He pointed to his own cream sweater, “See?” He wasn’t lying. There were food spatters all over it. I laughed at him. He was such a slob, and he didn’t seem to care much.

“Seriously Jade… I promise this will be okay, but please relax. My Mom will really like you if she actually gets the chance to know anything about you that isn’t through me.”

I smiled a bit sheepishly. “I’m trying, Michael…” He enveloped me in to a warm cuddle and kissed the top of my head sweetly. “I know you are.”

**

Somehow we managed to get through dinner with idle chit-chat. I was resigning myself to the fact that Mom probably would have to get to know Jade slowly, and eventually she'd feel comfortable. "Jade, I bought something to show you!" My Mom surprised me by announcing. I wondered what she had brought. "Just a second. Why don't we move out to the living room." She suggested as I looked around at the incredible amount of leftovers on the table. We hadn't even cleared our plates yet.

I raised my eyebrow at Jade. She smiled. "Okay Mom." I agreed. "Let's go..."

"We should clear up first." Jade suggested, rising up from her chair.

"It'll still be here after, it's okay." I took her hand and pulled her in to the living room. I felt the colour draining from my face upon noticing Mom was holding my childhood photo album in her hands. She had a big smile on her face and I knew that the embarrassment was about to begin.

"Oh come on Mom, don't do it to me..." I begged her, "Please..."

Jade laughed, figuring out that my Mother was set to tell her all about my stupid childhood things.

"Michael, why don't you go and clear off the table while Jade and I talk." She suggested, smiling at me angelically.

"I'll clean up later." I replied, not wanting to leave them alone.

"Clean up now and you won't have to do it later." She commanded in a backhanded way that it sound like she was just handing out friendly advice. She did it all the time and it was a typical Mom thing to do. Man, I was so glad I wasn't still living at home with her. I couldn't get away with anything.

I forced a smile and left the room. I didn't really have a choice. I wasn't about to let her reduce me to a child in front of her, and I didn't have the kind of gall to ever back answer or contradict my Mom.

I cleaned up as fast as I could and strained to hear what they were talking about. It sounded like there was a lot of talking going on and finally I was able to relax a bit. I could tell it wasn't just my Mom too, because I heard Jade's genuine laughter. I supposed that even if they were laughing at my expense, it was sure better than nothing. I put all the leftovers back in to the refrigerator and cleared the dining room table. Admittedly it was a sloppy job, but oh well.

I was so anxious to have everything turn out so perfectly with Jade. I knew it was still early days, but dammit, I wanted things to get serious. We'd known each other for a few months already, weeks were passing by quickly. We hadn't had a single fight and were always so happy and pleased to be within each others company. I hoped that the rapport between us would never grow old or tire.

I headed back in to the living room and saw Mom and Jade sitting close to each other, sharing a large brown photo album on their laps. They both had huge smiles as Jade pointed to a photograph of me as a child. "He looks soooooo adorable! Look at his fuzzy little afro..." I winced as if I felt physical pain. I hated photographs of me. They were mostly all very embarrassing. Going from the transition of cute and cuddly child to teenage and adulthood had been really difficult and self-estranging for me. I had a fear that people would continue wishing that I'd never grown up. Hell, the bigger part of me wished I'd never grown up either. Although, having said that, in order to appreciate things that presented themselves in my life, I needed to be grown and mature.

"He looks so adult with all his brothers..." Jade murmured. That wasn't something I was surprised to hear. I used to always hear adults telling me that I was an adult inside a child. I guess time had reversed that dramatically, because now I felt like a child in an adult’s body some of the time.

"Michael was always very adult." Mom replied with a fond smile as she remembered back to my childhood. For a moment, I felt a faint smile cross my lips as I remained in the doorway, not wanting to interrupt. "He was always around the adults and his older brothers you know? He didn't really have too much of a chance to play much."

Jade grimaced and the smile disappeared. "That's a shame, isn't it? He seemed to miss out on a lot." She remarked, "But I suppose he perhaps was able to have other experiences that not every other child gets to." She added.

I nodded in agreement almost as if they could see me. Whenever I felt like I'd missed out on something, I reminded myself that I while I missed out on some things, I also gained a lot of others.

My Mother agreed with her. I knew that my missing out on a big chunk of my childhood was a problem to her, a regret even. I knew that if she had had it her way, then I would have had less time working and more time being a child -- but unfortunately my father had been the sole decision maker in my family. None of us really had a choice in anything. I didn't like to dwell on it though, it was just life. "Michael's father was very hard on them all." She explained. "But they worked hard and were thankful for it, especially Michael."

Jade smiled, and I knew the smile. It was forced. Jade and I hadn't talked too explicitly about my relationship, or lack-of with my father, but she knew from my remarks that I certainly didn't hold him close to my heart.

"See this teddy bear?" My Mom pointed to a photo on the next page and suddenly my face flushed. Please don't Mom, please... I begged silently. "This is Mr. Magoo..."

"Mom, don't...." I blurted out, quickly making a beeline for the album to cover the photo, "Come on.... please... leave me with some dignity!"

Both Jade and Mom began to laugh, "Don't be silly Michael, move your hand." My hand wasn't budging, "It's just a photo, and it's not like you still sleep with Mr. Magoo every single night, we've now restricted him to international tours."

I felt so mortified. Jade glanced at me and widened her eyes. "MOM!" I warned her, "Oh my God!" I let go of the album and smacked my forehead in frustration. "Why are you trying to humiliate me in front of my girlfriend?" I laughed out of disbelief. "Is nothing sacred?"

It was almost as if my mother was enjoying torturing me. "Don't be silly Michael, you've got nothing to be embarrassed about!" Jade was going red in the face trying not to burst out laughing and my face was burning red with embarrassment.

"Don't believe her!" I told Jade, "Anything! It's all lies! Mr. Magoo was thrown out a long time ago!"

Katherine and Jade laughed because it was so obvious I was lying. I sighed and sank down beside Jade, falling back against the soft cushions behind me. "Fine. Make fun of me, talk about me as if I'm not here, and I'm not a 25 yr old man with dignity in the peak of adulthood."

"Oh baby, save your drama." My Mother hushed me. Jade turned to face me and poked her tongue out at me. I had a feeling she was going to tease the crap out of me later. I poked her gently in the thigh with my finger, as if telling her to shut up. She swatted me with her hand, "Michael quit it. Your Mom is trying to show me pictures." She said loudly, as if I had instigated it.

"You're a trouble maker." I murmured mocking annoyance. I wasn't annoyed though, I was happy that Jade was actually talking to my Mom and vice versa. I knew Mom wouldn't have pulled out all the old stories and photos unless she really wanted to make the effort and really liked Jade.

"Michael, do you remember the time when...." Mother began to laugh and I felt my stomach sink again. She had just shown Jade a picture of me sitting on the toilet at about 4 and a half yrs old. "When you fell in to the potty?" She slapped Jade's leg, "Oh it was hilarious, Jade, his little arms and legs flailing around and he called for help!"

Jade began to laugh. I, on the other hand, wasn't really able to laugh with her. I had been about five years old and I had ran to use the toilet straight from the bath and I slipped. It might have seemed comical to think about it, but I remembered the humiliation that my father made me endure right after he had pulled me up by my arm, abusing me with filthy words for being so clumsy. I remembered how my arm had burned, he'd pulled me up with such force that I'm surprised my arm hadn't fallen out of the socket. Sometimes my Mother liked to pretend those moments didn't exist. Mostly because I think it hurt her to know that she'd let it go on. I faintly smiled and said nothing.

After a little more humiliation everyone realised it was getting late. Jade was spending the night, but Mom didn't know that. As far as she was concerned, I had to take her home, and I was okay with that. I'd had enough of the Motherly dosage for one night. I was really happy that it all ended well. Mom said goodbye to me and promised to call me the next day and she also told Jade that they'd have to catch up soon which made me smile. We all exchanged hugs and waved her off.

I needed to get up early the next morning, and so did Jade. I was dropping her off at her Father's house for breakfast. It was almost 10pm, which, I knew wasn't too late, but after we wound down properly it would be.

I wrapped my arms around Jade and engulfed her in to a warm hug. "Told you it'd be fine. You and Mom got on like a house on fire... while leaving me inside the burning building." I joked.

Jade laughed, "I'm sorry Michael...I hope I didn't upset you, I was just playing with you before."

"I know sweetheart." I kissed her temple, "That's fine... Mom just doesn't know when to stop sometimes, and it embarrasses the crap out of me."

"She's your Mom, Michael, it's every mother's job to embarrass the crap out of their kids at every opportunity that presents itself."

I sighed, "You're right..." We headed in to the kitchen to finish clearing everything a little better than I had on my own. "Wanna sleep in my room?" I asked her as I closed the front door. It was general fashion that she did, but I always asked, since I never wanted to assume.

"Are you sure you don't have to ask permission from Mr. Magoo first?" She cracked up at her own joke. I raised my eyebrow, showing her I wasn't very impressed. But really? I didn't care. It always just delighted me to hear the sound of her laughter.

"No. I do not have to ask Mr. Magoo's permission. In fact, he's quite supportive of the idea, thank you very much."

"Oh really?" Jade raised her own eyebrows. She always tried to do the one, but both of them always rose together across her smooth forehead and it made me laugh. "Well in that case, I suppose it might be for the best if I do. I wouldn't want to upset anyone."

I broke in to a smile. "Jadey, you're so cute... Love you..." She dropped her act immediately and returned the smile. "Love you too..."

We turned off all of the lights and went upstairs. I got Jade her own set of towels incase she needed to have a shower and let her get ready for bed. I changed in to my boxers and a wife beater and climbed in to bed and waited for her to finish. I saw Mr. Magoo sitting in the corner on an arm chair and went to get him. I was amused by the whole thing. It did seem really lame that I was still so damn attached to a childhood bear. He had odd eyes, since one had fallen off during his travels and Mom had sewn a new one on, and he had a nice scar up his belly from when my Dad had ripped it open when I was about 13. Again, Mom played surgeon there too. He'd lost an ear, and even at one point, Mom sewed an afro to his head. I laughed thinking of all the time I'd spent with the bear curled up in bed with him, probably looking like some freak of a man-child. I didn't care too much.

Jade came out of the bathroom looking fresh. She had removed her make up and tied her hair back. She was wearing a pair of green pajama pants and a tank top. She smiled at me, sitting up in my bed and glanced at the teddy bear. "Ohhhh Mr. Magoo, so pleased to meet you..." She smirked as she hopped in to bed. I twirled the bear around in my hands a little thoughtfully. "Mr. Magoo thinks you look real hot, pretty lady." I replied.

She laughed. "Mr. Magoo clearly has no taste." She took the bear from my hands as she settled back in to her pillows and studied him. "I can't believe you've kept him your entire life. I think that's amazing." She confessed, putting aside her silly taunts. "He's got so many love scars..." She pointed to his tummy, "Did he have surgery too?"

I giggled, "I guess you could say that. He was subjected to a vicious murderer who almost ruined him for life. But I rescued him."

"You're everyone's hero, aren't you?" She smoothed the bear's worn outfit down and handed him back to me.

"Not everyone's..." I replied, tossing the bear to the side of my bed and snuggling down in to the covers, waiting for her to turn off the light.

"Well you're my hero." She offered sweetly. I felt the air catch in the back of my throat and I tried not to grin like a goof. She stared in to my eyes, waiting for me to say something but I'd been rendered speechless by the vulnerability and sincerity of her tone. I felt honored whenever she was raw with me. Her green eyes studied my face, obviously anticipating some kind of reaction. I knew that I was particularly good at communicating, but even sometimes I had trouble being able to blurt out how I felt. I'd made all the first steps with Jade, but that really wasn't my style, usually. I'd had girls tell me they love me, and I'd never been really able to return the words -- but perhaps because I didn't want to say it if I didn't mean it. That wasn't ever an issue with Jade though.

"I'll try not to disappoint you..." I murmured softly. It was all I could really say. She smiled lightly at me and inched closer. It was a bit funny. I had a king size bed, and there was plenty of room between us at all times -- but Jade really liked to cuddle up to me, and she did it with such a skill that half the time, I didn't even notice that we were using only one half of the bed, usually mine. I welcomed her presence and while I knew that she was secure in my arms, I too, felt secure in hers. Sometimes it was a difficult if we'd been making out and things got a little carried away, I'd have to just control myself -- or get up and leave and calm down for few in the bathroom. I always hoped I was discreet enough for Jade to notice, but she wasn't stupid.

"I had a nice night, Michael, your Mom is really nice. I'm glad that I met her."

"I'm glad too that you liked her, cause I know she really liked you as well. I'm so relieved that it went okay -- even if you guys were making lots of unnecessary fun of me."

Jade giggled, "You know we meant no harm Michael, your Mom is obviously just so proud of you and loves you soooo much."

I couldn't help but smile. I knew it was the truth. My Mother treated me a whole lot different to my other brothers. She spent more time taking care of me, and probably babying me more than the others, but maybe it was because I wasn't the same kind of person that my brothers were. I guessed that was a good thing. "I know... I can't say I wasn't pleased when the torture was over though..."

"Yeah Mike, that was really smooth," She rolled her eyes and laughed and began to imitate what I'd done, "Ahhhh it's getting kinda late, Jade, I should get you home..."

We both started to laugh at the way I'd made my mother leave for the night. "Wouldn't it be so funny if she forgot something and came back to get it an hour or so later?"

"Hilarious." Jade shook her head, "She'd think I was some dirty little whore trying to corrupt her sweet baby son."

I laughed because it was true. My Mom thought I was the most innocent being on the face of the planet, and if I did something that she didn't approve of, she always blamed the other parties involved, nothing was ever my fault. "Probably." I inched closer and slipped my arm around her waist, "But she'd be very proud that her son has been exercising the utmost restraint at all times."

Jade smiled, "That's true. In fact, not even one sigh of disappointment when I've ended things too soon for your liking, not one curse word... you really are the perfect gentleman."

I smirked and kissed her softly on the mouth. "I just don't get it..." I shrugged, as I lay my head down closest to her pillow. Jade was flat on her back, while I was lying on my side with an arm over her tummy.

"What do you mean?" She wondered.

"Well... I mean..." I began thoughtfully, "If you're not interested in having sex with me, or going any further than us making out, for now, and if it's nothing to do with me--"

"Of course it isn't." She quickly defended me, "You're perfect, Michael, I promise."

I smiled, "I know... I'm saying that as long as your reasons for not wanting to have sex with me, are nothing related to me, then that's fine. What I don't really get is why some men would be angry with their girlfriends or even vice versa for not wanting to do it, you know?" I shrugged again and made eye contact, "Its pointless, it's the same as inviting a girl out to a James Brown concert when she'd prefer not to come, I wouldn't want to attend a concert with someone who wasn't at all interested in being there... do you get what I'm saying?"

We laughed at my pathetic attempt at a metaphor. "I understand completely Michael. I must have scored a jackpot with you though, because I don't know any other single man who thinks in that way." She paused, "But... wouldn't you be disappointed if you've went ahead and bought the tickets to the concert, thinking with all good intentions that the girl would want to come?"

I laughed, "That's why you'd ask before buying the tickets, or at least just opt for general seating, not everyone wants to actually meet the band. And see, you and I, Jade, we already had the tickets sorted before we went to the show. I was sure to get the general seating instead of VIP."

We both began to laugh at my stupid joke.

"Seriously, though..." Jade began after we calmed down. "It's not that I don't want to have sex with you at all..." She spoke very frankly. I was glad that she was able to feel comfortable enough to discuss things like that with me while we were lying beside each other in bed. It was brave and honest of her. I appreciated it.

"I know..." I understood, "We don't have to rush in to anything, I'm not ready to do that either."

"But I don't even necessarily want to wait til marriage with you... I just kind of place the intimacy of sex pretty high up there, you know? I mean... imagine if your boss paid you on the first day of work, why bother turning up for the rest of the week?" I smiled at the use of metaphors again. We were both so damn innocent, and this was clearly the only awkward way we could have these talks. But I didn't mind. She really had a point. I knew if a girl was willing to lay down with me on the first night and have sex, then I'd probably lose all respect for her.

"You're right." I agreed.

"Yeah and so... I kind of think of sex as a form of intimacy where ... I guess it's the physical sense of letting someone in, you know? You don't just ever walk up to a stranger and tell them your thoughts, feelings, insecurities, what ticks you, what makes you self-conscious, fear and turmoil in your heart-- and I guess with sex, that's exactly what you're doing... in a more literal and physical sense."

I was amazed that she'd put so much thought in to it, and it all made sense and I felt exactly the same way, just without the ability to ever really articulate it. My insecurities with my own body and my own lack of self confidence were probably the main things that restrained me from jumping in to anything too soon with a girl. Jade was different though, I didn't feel at all insecure around her. I often got a little shy or self conscious, but the better part of me knew that she wasn't ever thinking anything awful or judgmental about me. "Wow..." I murmured.

"I sound like a moron, don't I?" She blushed, "I know I probably make it all seem more of a thing than what it i-"

I cut her off by smiling and shaking my head. "Not at all. What you say makes perfect sense. Not everyone feels that way or respects their bodies like you do, but so what? This is how you wish to live your life, and I think it's beautiful and I agree with everything you said. I think of it all the same way. You put it perfectly."

"Well... I certainly don't look down on anyone else if they don't look at all the same way I do..." She paused and laughed, "well... I try not to, anyway."

I laughed too. "As long as we're on the same wavelength, and we're the only ones in this, no one else’s beliefs really matter, do they?" She shook her head. I did kind of wonder what the boundaries were. How far was too far and how much was too much?

"Can I ask something maybe a bit personal?" I wondered, "You don't have to answer..."

She nodded, giving me an expectant glance.

"How do you know where you want to draw the line? I mean... what's too far, exactly?" I shared my thoughts out-loud, "we both know sometimes it's hard to stop..."

She thought about it for a few moments and shrugged, "That’s kinda hard, huh?" She replied giving me a little smile. "I guess we just have to trust our intuition. If something is going perfectly and there's no reason for ending it on both our parts, then there's no reason why we can't go a little further, right? I mean, as long as we both act on it and stop if something isn't feeling right, regardless of how eager one or the other may seem?"

I thought that seemed very reasonable. I smiled. "I'm glad we can talk like this... sometimes it's awkward and hard but it's good to know where we stand, that way there's no reason to have misunderstandings."

Jade turned to her side and gave a sigh of contentment. "I love you... even if you still sleep with a teddy bear... actually I find it kind of sweet."

I groaned out of frustration, "I'm never gonna live it down, am I?"

She laughed and kissed me. "Not as long as I'm around."

I shook my head disapprovingly and smiled. "I'll find a way to get you back... I'll have a chat to your Dad."

"You do that." She yawned mid sentence. "I'm tired. Time for sleep."

"Wanna turn the light off, babe?" I asked gently before she got comfortable. She rolled over and turned it off at my request. She made herself comfortable once again as I took the opportunity to spoon her, wrapping my arms at her waist, as her body moulded against mine. I loved the intimacy of having her in my arms, it made it so easy for me to relax and feel comfortable. It made me feel wanted, needed and above all else, loved.