Chapter 19

“Do you believe in UFOs and all that Roswell stuff?” I asked Michael as we lay both staring up at the stars above us in the clear night sky. I nestled in to the crook of his arm enjoying the warmth of his body heat. It was growing a bit cool and I’d left my jacket back in the car.

“Hmm…” He pondered the question for a few moments and gave a little shrug, “Probably not, but it’s fun to imagine. I believe there’s more out there—but I don’t really think about aliens as such…How about you?”

I remained silent and looked at the Evening Star, “Nah. I’m too narrow-minded for something like that.”

We laughed, but I felt that it was probably a truthful answer, but as always Michael was quick to jump to my defense. “You’re not narrow-minded, you just prefer to believe everything as black or white, all or nothing.”

I smiled. He had me pegged to a tee and I didn’t mind so much. “You’re probably right.” I agreed with him. We lay quietly lost in our own thoughts for the most part and I enjoyed it so much. I didn’t feel awkward during silences, and I didn’t feel like I needed to say too much all the time, which I liked. Michael wasn’t the type of person that talked too much, or asked too many questions and if there was a subject that I seemed like I didn’t want to discuss too much, he always left it alone.

I was really taken aback by how sweet and thoughtful his idea for our date together was. I certainly wasn’t expecting it, and it just made me appreciate him all the more.

I turned in to face him, so that I was lying on my side. He was flat on his back staring above. I studied his face, he had light traces of stubble on his cheek and it made me smile. His curls were dry and fell carelessly across his smooth dark forehead. He was so attractive, and I remembered back to the first few times I’d met him and thought about how I’d felt that there was absolutely nothing sexy about him.

Well.

Hadn’t times changed?

He turned to me, noticing that I was staring at him intently with a smile on my lips. He gave me a shy little smile in return. He was so self-conscious, I knew he was probably wondering why I was staring, and would probably never accept it was because I found him to be so interesting and stunning to look at.

“What?” He asked, wiping his cheek, as if he’d had something there.

“Nothing, silly!” I pulled his hand away from his face. “I was just admiring.”

His eyes softened and I could see the muscles in his face relax. He turned in to face me as well and slipped his arm around my waist as I brushed my fingertips along his cheek. His eyes searched mine in perfect silence. I could feel my heart beating faster than usual in my chest and I couldn’t help but acknowledge that I was well and truly in love with him.

The devil on my shoulder was constantly coercing me into believing how easy it would be to just push him away, lock the door of my heart and never ever tell him how I felt, but my heart knew that that would be much more of a painful effort. I really did want to give this man before me the chance to hold my heart in his hands, and I was petrified that he would break it, but I felt like I owed it to him – to me, to give him the absolute benefit of the doubt.

“Would you freak out if I told you somethin’ big?” He asked, dropping his voice low. His hand steadied upon my hip. I shook my head. Nothing could have scared me away from him.

He leaned his forehead against mine gently, before reaching up to find my hand. He laced his fingers through mine and kissed my lips tenderly. “I know this is crazy…” He murmured, “I know that I probably shouldn’t be even telling you yet…” He paused to kiss me again and breaking it just as quickly. “But… I’ve never felt like this with anyone… so comfortable, and so uninhibited.” He confessed.

I couldn’t speak because I felt the exact same way for him. He had really taken me by surprise though. I wasn’t expecting him to admit it all to me.

“I’ve never been in true love before…and I always wondered what it felt like—“ he continued, bringing my hand to his lips and kissing it. “My Mom told me I wouldn’t even have to wonder if I’d been in love if I had, because I’d know.”

I knew what was coming. My heart was speeding and my breath was caught in my throat. I could feel my eyes stinging and I knew I was probably about to cry. “I am falling so deeply in love with you, Jade.” He finally blurted out. “I never thought I’d be able to say it to anyone and truly mean it from the abyss of my heart, but God…” His voice trailed off. “I love you...and I’m sorry if that freaks you out, or if you think it’s too soon, forgive me.”

I was absolutely stunned by his courage to just lay it all on the line.

“You don’t have to say anything, Jade.” He told me quietly, “I know it’s probably too soon—“

I shook my head, “No…” I stopped him. “It’s not.” I blinked back tears. “I…” I stammered for the right words to express what I was feeling. I knew what I wanted to say, just to get them out – that was the hard part.

“I know we said we’d take this slowly, and I want to. Nothing changes…” He added, interrupting my thoughts. I knew he was paranoid that I was about to freak out and reject him, but I truly wasn’t about to.

I gave a light chuckle, almost just to release the tension. “Michael… you don’t need to defend your reasons for telling me…” I replied with a small smile. I planted a kiss on his lips, trying to break more of the tension before I told him that I felt the same.

He broke the kiss first as if he wanted to talk more, and I felt bad for cheapening the moment with my laugh. I ran my fingers through his curly hair and gave him a fond gaze. “I think you’re amazing, Michael, you are so special.”

He finally smiled, seeming to be satisfied with that answer. I knew he probably didn’t expect anything more from me, but I felt annoyed with myself that I couldn’t force myself to explain my feelings for him quite the way he was able to push them out. That damned devil on my shoulder just wouldn’t let me. I always feared that I seemed insincere when I paid him compliments, or when I showed him affection, possibly because I wasn’t very used to it.

“I feel really comfortable with you… I can be a certain way with you that I can’t be with anyone else…” I told him.

“Yourself?” He simply supplied.

I almost had to laugh at how spot on he was. I nodded and laughed. “See that? You really get me… Sometimes better than I get myself. It’s a bit scary, actually.” I told him, letting go of his hand to sit up.

He sat up too and put his arm around me. I was feeling a bit strange, not awkward, not upset … I couldn’t really place it. I guess I was a little bit overwhelmed, but not in a bad way at all. I knew that he picked up the vibe from me. More than anything, I wasn’t used to being understood, or having someone think they understood me and then try to undo me at the seams, to turn me in to something that I wasn’t – I wasn’t used to being accepted just as I was.

And Michael did. He really, truly did. To tell the truth, it was a bit mind-boggling.

“If it makes you feel better, I feel the same way about you.” He smiled, squeezing my shoulders gently. “You say things to me sometimes and it blows my mind how spot-on you are, but I take it as fate. This… you and I…” He pointed to me and then back to himself, “We’re just meant to be.”

I leaned my forehead on his shoulder. “I’m happy about that.”

“Girl, me too.” He replied as if he were sighing. I relaxed a little bit, and let his arms keep me warm because it was starting to get cool.

“Michael, would you meet my Mom?” I randomly blurted out. “I just… I know that’s a weird question to ask, especially right now but…It’s just that my Dad is gonna go over to see her tonight and no doubt he’ll be bursting at the seams to say something.”

He started to laugh, “Only under one condition.” He bargained.

“What’s that?”

“I’ll meet your Mom if you meet mine. I won’t have you meet my Dad though, he’s a …” He carefully looked for a word that would aptly describe the father that I was beginning to realize he hated. “Jerk.”

“Okay.” I agreed with a smile.

“Deal.” He extended his hand and we sealed it with a handshake … and a kiss.

We talked for a little while, deciding that we should invite our Moms to have lunch with us together one day at Michael’s. Michael was adamant that his Mom would be perfectly happy to slog it out in the kitchen with him and prepare a meal. I was a bit relieved about it, because Mom and I weren’t that great in the kitchen – that was always Dad’s thing.

“You know… it’s getting really late… I don’t really want to end this, but—it’s getting cold and you don’t have your jacket. Maybe we should pack up.”

I nodded in agreement. “I have to work early anyway.” I looked at my watch and realized it was near 2am. “Crap!” I yelped. “Oh my god, I had no idea it was so late.”

“I’m sorry, I should have realized…” He apologized, “I forgot that you had to work.”

I felt like maybe he had fibbed, but that was fine. I smiled , “It’s okay. Not your fault. We better go though. I’m not a morning person as it is.”

He laughed and we packed up our picnic together. I knew it wouldn’t be after three until I got home, but I didn’t really mind, I’d had a fantastic night.

**

When we arrived back at Michael’s, he walked me straight out to my car before even going inside first. I stood at the driver’s door and gave him a hug. I drew in a deep breath and closed my eyes. He broke the embrace and pulled away from me. I kissed him on the lips and said goodnight.

I opened the car door and got in. He smiled at me lovingly and I knew I couldn’t leave just yet. I got back out and pulled him toward me again. He seemed surprised, but didn’t protest. I pressed my lips against his and kissed him hungrily. He slid his arms around my waist, bringing me closer, embracing me tightly. I felt the tip of his tongue against mine. I enjoyed every second of it, but knew I had something more important to say. I broke the kiss off, however passionate it may have been.

“Michael, remember when you told me you loved me earlier?” I blurted out. My hands rested on his shoulders and his arms never moved from around my waist. He nodded seriously, looking in to my eyes.

“I love you too.” I added simply.

He broke in to a grin and I knew him hearing those words meant so much. He kissed me again, this time I didn’t pull away first. I was so damn ready to go up to his bedroom there and then if it weren’t for the damn promise that we’d go slow, or the fact that I had to be up in just short of 3 hrs.

I hated to go, but I had to.

We couldn’t wipe the smiles from our faces, we must have looked so fuckin’ dumb. I gave him a little wave as I drove away.

I was still grinning when I was back on the highway.

It’d been so long since I was in love. And it felt like a brand new day.

**

I dropped my handbag down as I walked in the front door. I didn’t even care about the mess I’d left in the kitchen earlier in the morning. I disrobed from my stupid black work vest and tossed it on to the couch and slid off my stilettos. I tugged at my own blouse, just desperate to be free of the restricting uniform. I had had the worst day ever.

I had been yelled at by my boss, I had some tosser throw an entire meal and beverage serving at me, and that was only the tip of the ice-burg.

I went to visit Gaby and they had moved her again. I went searching all over the damn hospital, and when I did find her, her parents caused a scene and wouldn’t let me near her, despite both of our protests. I just gave up and left a message at the nurses station that I’d call her later.

I wanted to pick up the phone and call Michael just to hear a reassuring voice. I wanted to vent to him about what a dip shit my boss was, and how rude he’d been even though he knew that I’d had some unfortunate news. It didn’t help that I was in a bad mood in general. I knew I was tired, so that was probably what attributed to the day sucking so much, but that didn’t console me much.

I picked up the phone and dialed his number and waited patiently for him to answer.

Waiting…

Waiting…

I heard the sound of his machine picking up. “Hi, I’m not here right now, but please leave a detailed message with your contact number after the tone. Bye.”

I thought about leaving a message but I didn’t bother. I just hung up the phone and figured he would probably call me later. At least I hoped. Instead, I got up and headed for the shower.

**

Just after eight my phone rang. I picked it up, hoping that it was Michael and not just my Mom calling for a chat. I was really putting off seeing Dad and her for a couple of days because I knew I would enter interrogation city.

“Hello?”

“Jade… it’s me.” Michael’s voice echoed through the receiver. There was a lot of noise in the background and I wondered where he was. I smiled nevertheless, happy to hear his voice.

“Hi Michael, I just tried calling you a little while ago.” I confessed, wondering if he was calling from home. No, he couldn’t be, it sounded as if he were traveling in a car or something.

“Oh, I’m sorry … listen honey… I have something to tell you…” I felt my stomach sink and anticipated some really bad news. His voice sounded really absent, as though his mind wasn’t really with it. I hoped he was okay.

“Okay…” I heard my voice trail off. I closed my eyes begging god not to make my day get any worse.

“It’s nothing too serious, I hope… but well—I’m actually calling you from a plane. I’m on my way to New York as we speak.” He blurted out.

I was confused. There had been no mention of a trip to New York. “Why?”

“I had no idea until lunch time today. I really wanted you to come along, and I tried calling you at work but whoever answered at the front desk was hell bent on not putting the phone call through.”

Fucking Marcus, I thought. My psychotic boss had made the firm decision that day that he hated me all because I had taken a shift away from work because of what had happened to Gaby. He couldn’t find anyone to cover me, and now as a result I was spawn of the devil.

“That sucks.” Was all I could muster up in reply. I felt like crying knowing that my asshole boss had kept the call from me.

I heard him sigh in to the phone. “I have to go to London tomorrow at lunch time and I’ll be there for a week, apparently.”

I knew he’d warned me that things would happen like this, but I couldn’t help feeling annoyed. We had planned to approach invite our mother’s to lunch one day in the coming week, but I guess that plan was shot to shit now. “Okay.” I replied passively.

“Are you mad?” He asked me, seeming a bit disappointed and put out by my response. I gave a shrug on my end, before realizing that he couldn’t actually see me.

“No, Michael.” My tone was still, showing no emotion what-so-ever. “You told me this is how it would be, that’s fine.” It was more like I was trying to convince myself.

“But even so.” He insisted, “it doesn’t stop it from being frustrating and unfair.” He paused, “If you wanted, I could arrange for you to come out here…”

“I appreciate the offer but… I don’t want to leave Gaby right now.” I didn’t know why I bothered, Gaby’s parents made it clear that I wasn’t going to be allowed anywhere near her.

“I understand.” He replied. It was a strange kind of conversation. Both of us were feeling things that we weren’t prepared to say aloud. It felt awkward, almost as if we were daring the other to break the ice. “Did you see her tonight?”

“I was supposed to, but I had a huge argument with her parents and I had to leave again. I’ll call her later.” I breathed out a big sigh. “I better let you go Michael, calling me must be costing you a fortune.” I added with reluctance in my heart.

“No-“ He paused, “Wait… Jade, seriously… I’m sorry. I wish I could have postponed this trip, but I have a hard time saying no, especially since my manager has been really covering my butt this week. I feel terrible for leaving you especially after last night.” I could tell by his tone that he was sincere and that made me feel a scooch better. “And I know we made plans for me to meet your Mom, and for you to meet mine… but we can just do it another time.”

I could feel the tears burning my eyes. I wiped them away, but sniffed audibly. I knew he’d be able to tell I was crying.

“Sweetie, what’s wrong?” He asked gently. I loved that tone he took with me when he was concerned. It made my heart beat faster and made me realize just how much he cared about me. It was so genuine.

I gave up holding my tears and just let them go. “I just had a bad day… I’m sorry.” I apologized, “it’s not your fault. I’m not mad at you.” I admitted. “I’m just disappointed because I really wanted to see you.”

I hated myself for sounding so idiotic, for crying to him like a whiny, emotionally needy bitch girlfriend. Man…

“I know…” He sympathized with me. “I completely understand why you’re disappointed, it’s my fault and I’m sorry.”

I wiped my eyes and nose. “It’s okay Michael, don’t apologize. You better go…”

“It’s not like I’ll go hungry after paying this bill, honey. I can afford to talk to you…” He made a little joke that I briefly smiled through my tears at. “I want to know about your day and how come you’re crying just now…” He told me.

I let out a shaky sigh and felt insanely better about the whole thing. “Marcus, my manager just went nuts on me and gave me a massive lecture about just taking random days off work without any notice.” I explained. “I don’t know what his problem is, I’ve always been his freaking star worker and he couldn’t even cut me slack. He always talks to us like we’re pieces of shit on his shoes, but he really yelled at me today.”

“What? What’s his problem! Doesn’t he know what happened with you?” Michael asked, incredulously and protectively.

“I tried to explain, but he wouldn’t let me speak. He’s just a miserable little jerk. And then… I went up to a room with room service.” I began, “And the psycho, snotty bitch that was staying in the room started ranting about the bed sheets having a mark on them and I kept my cool and went through protocol of apologizing and telling her I’d have someone up to fix it… and she wanted me to take them right then and there.”

“Man…” Michael remarked.

“I couldn’t take it cause I had more food to deliver to other rooms. I repeated again that I’d have someone take it while I put the tray of her room service down and she flipped and basically threw the tray back at me, teapot of tea, roast dinner, the whole shabang.”

“Oh my God!” He exclaimed, “What happened?”

“I didn’t really know what to do, so I just turned around and left the room leaving everything as it was and went to report it to Marcus. Then Marcus went for round two and tried to implicate that I’d said or done something to set her off.” I felt so stressed out. I was beginning to hate working for the Hotel. “I hate my job.”

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry that your day was so shitty.” He murmured. I knew he felt so bad for me. “I wish I could give you a hug.” He sighed. “Why don’t you take a long hot bath and relax for the rest of the night?” He suggested.

“I don’t have a bath tub, remember?” I reminded him with a little smile, “I just took a shower though… it made me feel a bit better.”

“Why don’t you go hang out over at my place while I’m gone…” He suggested. “I’ve got cable… and a bathtub.” He boasted.

“Stop showing off, Richie Rich.” I teased. “I know my house isn’t a castle, but it’s my own.”

“I’m sorry.” He apologized, “I didn’t mean to sound like that…” He said quickly, “I just meant… oh man, I’m so embarrassed. I’m sorry Jade, I didn’t mean to sound like a rich asshole.”

I honestly didn’t mean to make him feel bad. I knew what he meant, and it certainly wasn’t meant to offend me. “It’s okay Michael.” I laughed, “I know what you meant. You were just being kind. Your house is definitely a whole lot more relaxing and spacious than mine.”

“Well you could go over and give me reason to pay my bills, and get some use out of the things I’m paying for but not using.” He joked. “Seriously.”

“You really trust me to go over there and not rifle through you’re entire house so soon in to this?” I asked, a little surprised that he was so open to offering me his apartment. When I flipped the table though, I realized I’d have no problem with him staying at my place, either.

“You can rifle through whatever you please, I have absolutely nothing to hide from you. Not even under my bed or in the deepest, most darkest shelf in my closet.” I knew he was smiling, and so was I, now. “I trust you not to burn the place down. But really, if you want to go hang out there I’ll give you the pin code to the apartment security, and the pin code to the front door.”

I remember the first time Michael had brought me to his apartment, I was really impressed with the technology. He didn’t need a key or any type of swipe card, just a pin code. He’d pinned in his code so expertly as if he was some kind of special agent. It was pretty darn cool, especially when I looked at my big fugly key and rattly doorknob.

“I couldn’t.”

“Sure you could.” He contradicted me. “Go sleep in my bed, keep it warm… watch TV, have a bath and while you’re at it, you could water the darn plant my Mom bought me, cause if it dies she’ll be mad at me.”

I laughed, still stuck on him wanting me to keep his bed warm. “Really? Are you serious, you’re nuts.”

“I’m serious!” He repeated, “Go get a pen and paper and write this down…”

I agreed with a little hesitance. “Ok, so it’s 4593 for the security building and 3840 for my apartment. If you want to park your car in the underground space, it’s the same code as my apartment.”

I smiled stupidly. I was honored and privileged that he wanted me to stay at his place. “What if someone asks me what I’m doing there?”

“They won’t. And if they do, just be honest and so I can call my own house to speak to you.” He said with a bit of excitement in his tone.

“Wait… what about if I answer the phone and it’s not you.”

“No biggie.” I could almost see him shrugging. “Just answer it if you want to and tell them that you’re Jade, and unless it’s one of my brother’s or sister’s who never call, no one will ask any more questions. If it’s my Mother, she knows who you are.”

I smiled again. Michael had already told his mother about me? I was delighted. “I don’t know about this, Michael… I’d feel so … I don’t know… sneaky.”

He laughed. “Make yourself entirely at home, Jade. It’s not like anything you’re going to do there is going to hinder me in any kind of way. Eat the food, it’ll just go off, call a random person in China… what do I care?” He laughed.

I liked the idea of staying at Michael’s apartment mostly because it was closer to work and I loved cable TV. “Okay.” I smiled. “I appreciate that so much, babe.”

“I have a cleaner that comes in twice a week, so don’t be startled if she pops up when you’re home, or if something isn’t where you left it when you go out.”

“Okay.” I agreed.

“Well, we’re going to land in about 30 minutes, so I’m being told to get off the phone, but will you go there tonight?"

It was a bit late, but I knew I’d probably feel less lonely at his place, because it would be different and new, and his presence would be around his house. “Okay.”

“Are you working tomorrow?”

“I am…but I don’t want to.” I groaned.

“Quit your job and let me look after you.” He semi-joked.

“Yeah right.” I mumbled. My Dad would kill me for some shit like that. He always instilled it in to me to be entirely self-sufficient and never let anyone take care of me unless there was a child or a life-time commitment.

“Well… how about I give you a call when I get to London, I’ll try to make it around this time without messing up the time zones.

“Sounds good. Thank you for listening to me have a moan and thank you for your kindness.”

“You’re always welcome, Jadey.” I smiled at his pet name. My Dad sometimes called me Jadey, and so did Gaby. It felt more familiar and less formal than Jade. I liked it. “Can I sound like a loser and tell you that I miss you already?” I asked.

He laughed lightly, “I miss you already too, but I’ll see you soon and I’ll bring you back something nice.”

“Okay have a safe trip. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Bye Jade, love you.” He replied, hanging the phone up before I had the chance to respond.

I put the phone on to the cradle and looked down at the piece of paper. I turned off the television and went to get my stuff together.

I was going to be staying at my boyfriend’s place.

I really liked how that sounded.