June 25, 1986 - 5:48 pm
It's been 5 days since the incident with Michael happened, & we still haven't talked or seen each other or anything. My fears of calling him still haunt me, at night & I haven't had more then 2 hours of sleep. Knowing I hurt a man who I've always loved, makes, me want to crawl under a bed & never come out. I don't know what's better for me, committing suicide or staying alive. Because I can't be anymore ashamed of myself right now, that it's hard for me to show myself in public.
Right now, I'm walking down in a supermarket, looking for something I may want. Not that I need anything. But, I thought it'd be a pass time for me to not sit in the hotel crying, & it can possibly take my mind away from it for awhile. As I search for the aisle for something I may want, this random man walks around me & I look up & down with attitude at him. I wasn't in the mood for any stalkers.
"Hey, girl…..your looking sexy." he says coming up behind me.
"Thanks. I wish I could say the same for you." I replied as I walked off like a bitch. I really wasn't in the mood, for any kind of flirts, or just to talk anyways. If I open my mouth I just know something rude is going to come out of it. Even if not intended to be.
I walk down another aisle & I see a very, very familiar face. Chastity it was. As if, I needed someone to piss me off, even more. I turn to the right, quickly, pretended as if I didn't see her. But she approaches me slowly & glares at me, as she walks past. When I looked at the corner of her eye & saw her glare, I couldn't help but to react from it. I gave her a glare back to & say
"Who the fuck are you looking at?"
"A underage whore who is fucking a 27 year old man. Oh, your even dressing like him too. Slut." she throws a newspaper at my face & I look down to my feet & I noticed, I'm wearing loafers. Great, I see I've been lacking way to much sleep lately. But how does she know?, even though I'm not sleeping with Michael, how does she even know I met him? Michael's & I relationship has been private….or at least that's how it seemed to be. I look at the front cover of the newspaper & it says
"Jacko's new love affair!"
There's a picture of Michael & I hugging, right at the front of the 'secret hideout' that night I was tipsy. What the fuck! I'm just hugging the man, nothing sexual going on there & all of a sudden I'm his mistress! How can this be? Who found us?, this place was supposed to be a secret place, Michael's & I relationship is supposed to be private, even if ended. Gosh, I can't believe this shit. I bet Michael had nothing to do with this & is probably just as shocked as me. I'd want to talk about it with him right now, but I can't! Maybe he'd think I had something to do with this anyways, & sent out all of our information to the media to make up lies about us & I make money. He probably doesn't even trust me anymore, or thinks I'd pull of stunts like this. I tore the paper up quietly, taking all of my frustrations out on it. Then I walked over to another section of the super market, as if nothing happened. I asked one of the people who work at the super market, to clean up that mess of newspaper, crumbles, at aisle 27. Of course I wasn't going to clean up that shit. I walk over to where I saw these big knives are sold & they immediately caught my attention. I wonder why knives would attract me, it's not like I'm going to use them, anytime soon or maybe ever.
I feel a random tap on my back, I turn around to see who is it, more then likely some random stranger coming up to me to tell me I'm sexy. As if, they have any chance in hell being with me. What I saw was a short, girl, curvy body, looks like she's about 19, looking up at me since I'm really tall handing me the newspaper with a pen in her hand saying
"Hey! Oh My Gosh! I can't believe I'm meeting you! Your Michael Jackson's girlfriend! Can I get your autograph?"
What the hell? What the hell? What the hell? Is all I can think of right now, as my day couldn't have gotten any worse, I have someone treating me like some kind of celebrity. I took the newspaper & put on a fake smile & said
"You want a autograph honey?"
"Yes! Oh & I'd like to ask, how are his kisses? Is he really good in bed as he is on stage? It's wonderful I'm meeting someone really close & personal with Michael! I'm a huge fan!"
I got furious, that this girl wants my autograph just because I'm 'too close for comfort' with Michael. I took the newspaper & cross the headline about Michael & I all off & put a X through the picture, I quickly scanned through the newspaper looking for any other headlines involving Michael & I because I know their going to have the 'cover story' on it too. When I found it I crossed everything they wrote about us & any other pictures they have of us. Then I signed my name in script since she did ask for a autograph & I politely handed her back the newspaper, when she saw it back she gasped in shock & I took a deep breathe & calm down & say
"Before you make any assumptions, theirs only one thing I need to tell you, & that is, if you are any, at all, a Michael Jackson fan, you wouldn't believe a word that they say about us in the newspaper. Okay? Now have a good day."
The girl walked away as if she's confused or unsure of herself. I hope she took my little advice to her & does not believe in whatever they said about us, because it is all lies. None of the information in there has been confirmed by Michael or I. the article says 'representatives' & 'close friends' Which makes it false right away. I turn around & look at the knives again.
"Hey Kitty…."
My thoughts are interrupted by a voice, who I knew who it was right away, Aiden. What does he want from me? My day has been hell, & as it goes on it seems to just get worse. I didn't answer him, nor did I bother to look. I just kept looking at the knives that are in front of me.
"Kitty, I know you don't want to talk to me, or look at me but I don't blame you…"
I sighed, as I just stood there & listened, I wanted to ignore this man, but something inside just tells me to stay & listen, I don't know, maybe inside I still had feelings for him.
"I finally realized what I did to you, was so very wrong, & your mother should have damn well took that gun, & shoot me dead with it…because that's what I deserved…"
He walks up closer to me, & continues
"What I'm trying to say is, that, Kitty, I really did love you…That's why I stayed with you for so long, I really cared about you, I never really cared that much about Chastity, yeah she's the mother of my daughter but that's it. The pregnancy was an accident, what we had was & still is a fling. At the end of the day if I had to choose between the both of you, I knew I'd choose you. & Even now I would…You look as beautiful as ever, never seen you so pretty….."
He walks even closer to me, placing his left hand on top of my left hand.
"My point is that, I want you back. Take me back….I swear we'd live the happy life we planned to live, get married & we have kids of our own…..it can still happen if we just believe."
His words are nice, sweet & loving. But I'm afraid he's a little too late. There's no chance in hell, I'm going to take him back, after everything he put me through. He deserves to be…..killed for this shit.
"Please….Kitty, we need to talk about this…."
I turned around & shouted angrily
"Talk? Talk about what!" I quickly grabbed the knife up & Aiden runs away as I chased him around, security came,& lift me up & took me out of the store as the knife falls out of my hand & I try to fight & give the security a hard time so they can let go of me, right now I was in the mood of just taking all of my frustrations out on Aiden! Just how dare he! He needs to be killed!
The securities carried me out of the grocery store after 15 minutes of me giving them hell about it.
"Hey listen, don't ever come back to the store, or we'll just have to arrest you. Okay?"
"Oh don't worry I won't! Have a nice night." I said as I smiled sarcastically at them.
"whore." I heard them murmur. I'll let it fly, I don't want my day to get any worse then it already is.
Just, what's wrong with me? Lately I've became so short tempered & impulsive, this isn't who I am…..How did I become this way? My normal me wouldn't have picked up at knife like that! Yeah I would have been pissed the fuck off, but to try & literally kill someone? I was never the type to be like that, or I don't know, I guess Aiden's different with everything he had me go through, but still. I got on my motorcycle & rode off back, home.
June 26, 1986 - 2:59 am
**Michael's POV**
Another sleepless night it was for me, as I lay next to my girlfriend Tatiana. We made up earlier, & spent the whole day together, which made me feel allot better about everything, Tatiana & I had the most fun we've ever had in months. It brought back old flames, & made me feel the way I felt about her before we had endless quarrels, I hope it stays like this for us for awhile.
However, even during all the fun I had I was still sad on the inside, about Kitty. I can't seem to take her out of my mind, no matter what. I've been losing sleep & still am over her. I don't know how long this will go on, I'd like if it'd end now, I wish she'd call & apologize to me, tell me how much she loves me & misses me. It's been now 6 days, & I don't know if I should just move on or call, just to know what's up with us, so I can finally get a good night sleep & stop worrying.
June 26, 1986 - 3:26 am
**Kitty's POV**
Another morning, without Michael, & without sleep. I still fear to call the man, I fear once he hears the sound of my voice he'd immediately hang up. I fear because of my own very fears we may never even talk again or even if I overcome my fears we still may never be friends again. It's been 6 days technically & I'm sure Michael's probably haven't thought about me since the day of the incident, that man has a girlfriend & is very busy. He has no time to worry about us. I think….I think it's over. I instantly drowned my face into my pillow as I begin to cry again, for the 166654646 time of the day. I can't believe I fucked up an relationship so perfect, everything was going so nice & smoothly, Michael's been the most sweetest person anyone's ever been to me & this is how I pay him back? If I were him I wouldn't want to be associated with me any longer.