Date: Sep 26, 2018 07:51 pm Title: Love: An adoration, an abyss, an obsession, an unrequited tale - IV
Wait, im alil confused on where she had got those bruises/cuts from? And did alieu jus dissapear again? Anywho, I like the way you describe sonny's look and feelings as she shows up to try to work. Also, i love these little but meaningful convos between her and michael, it's almost like he shows up right on time! Right when sonja's feelin out of control or just needs someone he's always there. And it's like as soon as they look at each other everything else around them doesn't even exist lol.. i'm excited for more!
Remember that convo in chapter three between Sonja and Alieu? Alieu exposed her for scratching herself up late at night occasionally. This is probably the worst case of self-harm. That flashback in the beginning of this chapter triggered her scratching, yikes. These scratches are definitely leaving a scar! Her arms probably look hideous considering the fact that Sonny was trying so hard to go to work but they kicked her out. Cynthia ain’t want someone pseudo-crippled to work for her.
Yes, I want those small converse to mean something as the more they hang out the more their relationship strengthens! He really cares for her, going through hours just to see her smh Sonja don’t appreciate him well enough. You really did word it perfectly, took the words out of my mouth! Thank you for your review as always!!
Date: Sep 13, 2018 09:19 pm Title: Thy God is a fair one, or so he says. - III
Oh my the emotions in this chapter just gives me the chillss! Especially that last part "don't be that coward for michael" i almost fell out😩.Its like I don't like how he tells her stuff, but i know it needs to be said at that moment. Ugh it's like he can read her like a book!( well he did kno her for some time lol) anywayss this was a heartwrenching, sad moment for both but hopefully this will pass and Sonny can get herself together annd maybe go after what she really needs 😉😏
Thank you for saying that, I'm glad my writing achieved that. Yeah, he's very honest and blunt kind of like Sonja. They are like the male version and female version of each other but Alieu is far better at composing himself. Sonny's hella emotional so she'll prolly be in her feelings for a while, let's pray Michael presses the right buttons and makes Sonja move on.
Date: Sep 12, 2018 09:34 pm Title: Thy God is a fair one, or so he says. - III
WAIT. Did I miss something?? Was Ali the one who said "don't be that coward for Michael" ? Or was that Sonny's inner thoughts?
Sorry if I missed something. But other than that this complete chapter blew the hell out of me. In previous chapters Ali was charming and I enjoyed his character, but I didn't feel any type of way about him leaving but after this...
I feel some type of muthafuckin' way, son. In one litte 2000+ word chapter you got me feeling sad and heartbroken at his characters departure. He truly loved/loves Sonny and the fact that her feelings were never publically recipricated obviously burned him a little which had me aweing and kissing my teeth at Sonny behind my computer screen. She truly let a good one get away, but at least she admitted to him that she felt the same? Even though he already knew, it's always better to hear validation from the person. Damn, I'm salty.
Sonny, I like you, but dawg if you mess this up with Michael to the point of no return....
Now regarding your end notes I wanna assume that the dark sentence you wrote was meant to be a joke, but i'm going to say it wasn't... Trust me I'm going through it / there with you. life is... not all blue skys and sunshines i'll say that. Keep your head up love <3 fighting is a much better feeling than giving up... sometimes. Sorry, if this wasn't needed, but I just couldn't balantly ignore the statement. <3
Update when you can... when you feel like it. I'll be here.
Lol! No you didn't miss anything, Alieu really did say that at the present time. I think I had italics on it so it was interpreted as a past thing but nah, wasn't the intention. My use of typographical emphasis switches really to what I'm feeling or how I think they should feel with. I thought about doing some shit like Bold = "Inner thoughts.", Italics = "Flashback/Whisper", etc (This isn't the actual set up), but I feel like that limits be a bit too much. I try to use a lot more context clues to help people understand some stuff but my writing can be a bit abstract, I apologize.
Aww, I can't believe Alieu had you feel that type of way! Alieu really deserved better but he also knew that Sonja's allegedly dark past wouldn't let her validate his or her feelings. I think all Alieu wants now is for Sonja to truly be happy and to move on, so if moving on is with Michael he supports fully.
You know, the original set up of this fanfic was that there was a love triangle between Alieu, Sonja, and Michael. In that trashed idea, Sonja got with Michael and Alieu was heartbroken about it. Alieu, one day, called her shit-drunk on a night when she was in bed with Michael. He had said to her, intoxicated, "Maybe when I'm dead, you'll love me the most." and ended the call. Angsty, I know.
Thank you for your concern, really. I'm sorry for worrying you! I'm super self-deprecative and my humor can include me shitting on myself. Though, nothing particular is happening just busy with school and work and possibly a hurricane. I'll try to update at my possible best, love you so much for your kindness!
Date: Sep 12, 2018 09:15 pm Title: A safe haven. - II
I should've known Sonja would be the one to draw up a contract, but also be the first to admit that she probably won't follow it down to a 't'.
I am so ready to read about Sonny's past, because the girl is holding back some bomb shells. i.e. her scratching herself up at night. I ask the Lord to shield my heart when you fire them.
Michael is so cute in this story, though I have an inkling feeling that he might annoy me in the future/ break my heart, but we'll see.
Btw, nonstory related, but also story related, I love long nails too. Had to stop getting them because of school (not being able to type effeciently/speedily) so now I stick with my real nails painted or really, really, really short.
Hi, Queen. I'm glad you're excited to know about Sonja's past, of course, I've been doing little pieces of her past but they will all create a big puzzle soon. I'll try not to get you sick to your stomach when it happens!
Man, I'm finna be honest, I've been doing a lot of character analysis on Michael in general. I have like a google document where I write down traits, tidbits, and quips that I see Michael do in concerts, interviews, vlogs, etc, along with how he acts around people generally. My interpretation of him is that he's really tender-hearted and playful, from what I've gathered at least. If I make any other MJ stories on this site, this might be my most In-Character Michael out of any other future works idk. I sure he hope he doesn't annoy you but we'll see!
Lmao, I had long fake nails too (I wore them mostly because my nail is naturally weak) but I had to stop wearing them when I started playing the piano.
Date: Sep 02, 2018 09:21 pm Title: A safe haven. - II
Sonja don't front u kno u enjoy michael company like mavis said! Layin all on his shoulder tellin him about urself, somebody catchin some feelss Lol Mavis is raw but real with her words, even what that mobster guy said to her was true about her eyes and the meaning behind them.. i see him and sonja as friends though nothin more really. Oh and i was wonderin if those were grammar mistakes or is that just Sonja's accent in her words. (T'at, nawt, and wan') k i'm finished buut i love the story so farr keep it upp!
Lol! Mavis might be the Bronx prophet. The mobster guy did make a good point, I agree with Sonja he's a bit weird and he probably doesn't know what he talking about but we will see. Also yes, the dialogue that Sonja uses is her accent! It's pretty strong but she can talk without the accent, she just tends to slur her words a lot so it comes out like that!
Date: Aug 24, 2018 07:02 am Title: Yuanfen.
This is so awesome, refreshing, and different! I like Sonja's last name (because it's my last name!) 😊 and her no nonsense personality! I think it would be a nice contrast to Michael's gentle and timid personality but girl I could feel the starstruckness, the awe, and the sexual tension between these two already! Anyway, this is great. New fan!
Aw, is that so? That's so cute!! I think Carter is such a nice last name. Sonja Carter sounds like a very expensive watch or drink to me. Thank you for liking her character! They don't always stay in the personalities but for the most part they fit their tropes. Yes there was a lot of feelings in that first introduction and I'm super happy you feel this way about my fanfic! Thank you for your support!
Date: Aug 21, 2018 06:13 am Title: Bags, and bags of tea (and burden).
Okay girl, I love Sonja’s personality and lying is a art Kmsl!
Please I love you so much for saying this! I hoped she was likable to an extent! I'm so glad she is lololol!
Date: Aug 19, 2018 04:08 pm Title: Never sing of love if it doesn’t exist. - I
Aw this whole thing between michael n sonny is soo cuttee so far! I'm excited for whats to come between them. I see him helping her emotionally through whatever issues she's had in her past, better than alieu anyway lol. Well i remember you said he'll be back in the story later so hmm.. wonder how that's gone turn out lol!
Thank youuuu! I love you so much for this! It will be way more cuter and romantic as time comes! I have a really good chap between them that's super cute to me but it's not ready yet lol. Yes, Michael will help her with her emotions but I think she will help him more than he does. (Hint, hint: dah summary!!!) Alieu wasn't very good at his helping mechanisms for her troubles. But he did care for her, that did help her a good chunk enough! He will be back for one more chapter and then we won't see him for a bit! The next chapter we see him in.. Well it's up to y'all to decide how you feel about what he says to Sonja then.
Date: Aug 19, 2018 11:59 am Title: Never sing of love if it doesn’t exist. - I
First of all from my last review it should be pill* not pillow.
Thanks for updating so fast! I got twice the treat today. Regardling the end notes from the previous chapter about Sonja having a mental illness... that didn't even come to mind! But now that I think about it I can see that she would have one. Are you ever going to mention it? Not necessarily in thorough detail, but just minorly.
And I wonder how Michael is going to play a factor in her improvement...
So much to come. So excited for the future!
Michael and Sonny are still in that awkward stage of a beginning friendship, but I can't wait until they are fully comfortable.
And they obviously have things in common. Like their lack of success in their relationships. The only thing is Sonja has somewhat given up while Michael keeps trying. Can't wait to see where this goes!
Loved, loved, loved the updates.
Consider this response sort of the next page of the previous one!
Yes she does have a mental illness, technicallly two (yikes)! I do think I will say the name of the said disorder(s), like maybe the epilouge. I believe the more you read this story the more they become apparent they become. A later, late character will definetely hint at what it could be and whoever wants to research or figure out what it is can do so then.
Ugh, this is going to sound cliche but I'm sure we are already aware that Michael is the love interest. How he affects her won't really be from that ill viewpoint but as they settle into a routine it will be discussed. They aren't fully comfortable yet, despite the awkward and blunt stuff that's being said but they will soon! Sooner than you think! Like you said, so much in common already they will figure that out soon despite how opposite they are to one another.
Thank you for the reviews, they mean so f*cking much!
Date: Aug 19, 2018 11:44 am Title: Bags, and bags of tea (and burden).
The fact that this story deserves waaay more attention than it's getting. Your writing is seriously one for the books and I know we're only 2 chapters in, but I swear I only check this site to see if you've updated. Thank you so much for taking the time out to write and upload. Your hard work does not go unnoticed!
Now onto this chapter. This chapter was heavy, dark, included some humerous moments, but all in all was somewhat of a hard pillow to swallow especially during Alli and Sonny's conversation. I figured the girl had a dark past, but it's really dark. I don't want to speculate what it could be just yet cuz I need more information, but I see why she's so... closed off. And it seems like she both overthinks things, but jumps into thoughts too. The fact that she was so scared just to be Michael's friend and not so much for the fact in getting hurt herself, but because she was afraid she'd let him down and couldn't be there for him. That alone shows who she is as a person and I love it.
I can't wait until we get deeper into Sonny's past because I'm biting my nails and clutching my pearls just thinking about it.
So glad that Michael and Sonny are going to try being friends. Can't wait to see how this blooms!
LMFAO @ the whole vibrator scene. "Can you please put the vibrator down?" HA.
I'm crying? hdfklasalka This seriously does mean a lot, what you've said. Suffering from my own problems like school and etc, just stuff like this really means a lot. Sometimes people don't realize how life-changing their comments can be.. I just feel really good right now, though. Thank you, Brandy. For everything.
Pertaining the chapter.. Yeah, the chapter was dark. This story is very dark, to be honest. Some content breaches people's moral compass and a few points will be detailed heavily. I think I've done a lot of telling and not enough showing. That table will flip later in the story, but I won't be so explicit it has people go into a mental breakdown or whatever. I know some heavy topics don't need to be thoroughly detailed. Sonja's past is very bad. Honestly considering what she did, it shouldn't be too bad but the punishment she got was what ruined her. Not to spoil but the whole change in her life started when she was 16.. Sonja is 23. That means that her past has been haunting her for at least eight/seven years. It's only through some help through others that she is where she is today. Otherwise, she'd be more than closed off. It's not pretty but theories are always welcomed on what it is! Don't think too hard because it might be a while till we really get into the meat of it.
This grasp of Sonja's character makes me happy. Means that I'm doing everything right in order for people to interpret properly. Michael's existence in her life has so many meanings. It's overwhelming but as time goes on she'll be able to look at their relationship through proper lenses. She just needs to try and for once in her life, she is. Thank you for loving it, it means so so much. Thank you for your review, as always. I will always appreciate it. Trust me on that.
(The vibrator scene was much more thourough and ridiculous, but I felt as if we were losing track and beating on a dead horse. I'm glad that revised version was able to make you laugh, though!)
Date: Aug 04, 2018 08:06 pm Title: A moment of uitwaaien is for the long plain fields, not for the cities full of smoke.
Yea michael is a bit weird for showin up that late but im kinda glad he did at the same time that sonja and alieu got to the door. Now dont get me wrong i do like alieu's character so far buut im keeping eye on him at the same time cuz who knows what he may really be up to ya know? Anywho, i lovee the way your writing style is; so detailed and creative at that. The whole atmosphere of that club and the hair salon i could just picture it all in my head woo chile! Lol and the way sonja is with her peoples. That miss shirley is somethin else too. Im surprised they all don't clash with each other cuz they personalities are so different! I also enjoy how sonja is in this constant battle within herself, i'm just like gurrl i know youre catching some feelins for michael lol i guess it's just the beginning stages still with that. I absoloutely encourage a continuation of this story to see where it goes! You are an amazing author!!
Hahaha, I'm happy you feel that way pertaining Michael! I'll admit, it's very, very weird for the guy to be at her door so late in the night. He didn't have any ill intentions, though. That's just the type of person he is.
I'm crying at you being sus about Alieu. He's just too nice, isn't he? Like that's so unrealistic for men! You should keep an eye on him because he's far from holy and has his flaws too. One that probably affects Sonja deeply than it's intended to.
Thank you, thank you, thank youuuu! I don't deserve this praise, why is everyone so nice to me here? I'm shocked!
My writing style varies from fanfic and for this one, I tried not to be simple but not too complex. I'm so glad it was enjoyable for you to read, there was probably an annoying amount of purple prose and yet you still like it? Ahhhhh, my heart. I'm still so shocked y'all are telling me my description of the places Sonja went to were vivid. I thought I sucked at it! I'm also glad my character's personalities were diverse enough, and them not clashing.. well Cynthia is to thank for that!
Yesss, Sonja is in denial. She's always in denial with a lot of things. Though her reasonings are a bit more justifiable and yet all the more peculiar... We will get into that one day!
Thank you for the review!
Date: Aug 04, 2018 05:32 am Title: A moment of uitwaaien is for the long plain fields, not for the cities full of smoke.
Me? An Icon? Don't be geeking my head up now LOL. But forreal thanks so much for the compliments and the fact that you like some of my main girl OC's cuz a nigga be working real hard.
Now onto this almost 8,000 word chapter that you just slapped me with. I was geekin' to clock off work and get home so i could read and review. So prepare yourself because not only is the review about to be lengthy but im bout to gas you up real quick cuz you did the damn thing on this chapter. Where you been all my life, Pultrite? You been hiding all this good ass creativity.
The whole first half of this chapter had me weeeaaaaak. From Mavis (it was Mavis right?) getting slapped upside the head with a curling iron; to sister shirley pleasing herself underneath the sheets (i hate a mf religious-ass hyprocrite); right back to Mavis and the short (but entertaining) breakdown of her. When I say that not one of those personalities clashed. They were orignial, entertaining, and most importantly real.
Now on to Lala's Cane... when I say you got imagery on point... you got it on mf point. When I say a bitch was having flashbacks to the club near my college campus... I was having flash backs LOL.
Ayo, Alli, holla at me when Sonny makes you mad. Believe it or not I like their characters together. It felt...easy and not forced. TBH The whole time I was reading this I didn't even care if Michael made an appearance or not.This would make a good urban fiction book if you subtracted Mike (but of course I like it this way too!)
Now on to Sonny and Alli about to get down to the nitty-gritty and Michael popping up unannouced. Sonny blocked Alli so damn hard so damn fast. I would've been like Mike you gotta go hun. Come back proper business hours... Dawg, I just knew he was gon pop up!!
Lastly, to Sonny and your end notes. I could tell almost immediately that Sonny wasn't attracted to Michael sexually, but I do notice that there is some sort of attraction there. Like a negative and positive magnet. There's a pull for the both of them obviously because 1) Michael came back and 2) Sonja kicked out what I know was about to be some fire dick.. okaaaay. So of course there is something there.
And man I ain't even mad that Sonja and Mike ain't about to get freaky any time soon. I'm mad curious to see how all of this is going to work out and I'm happy that you updated this soon. Now let me go take a shower then sip on some herbal green tea while I reread this chapter again....
To me, people like you are iconic. I'm very honored to have someone like you (who has been with MJFiction, for quite a while, and thus seasoned and knowledgeable about it all) reading my work. It means a whole lot! I've seen you've updated a lot of your works, and the one I'm reading I have yet to catch up on because school is currently giving me the strap but I will soon though! Your characters are great, they are all different, diverse, and beautiful. Michael Jackson, who? I don't know him! Those ladies are the real MVPs. We support beautiful women written by a great author!
*Pterodactyl screech* Where do I begin? Oh wait, I know! Thank you so much for reading! I will probably always say that because I am always grateful. Support is one of the best ways for someone to progress and progress I shall! This chapter came by quite quick, 8k words? not the biggest number by a long shot but how I pulled that off in a week with work and everything. It's a miracle! You seriously had me smiling with this review but I was a bit shocked because I was like damn a review already? I don't deserve that type of appreciation.
Where have I been hiding this creativity? Kek, nowhere really! I do have other sites where I write work for them too but the fandom is entirely different and whatnot. Though, a lot of my work is hidden and never sees the light of day. What can I say? I'm a lazy bitch who drinks lazy bitch juice.
It's really sweet and astounding that the few works I do publish do garner attention. I'm in awe forever!
I'm glad I could crack you up a bit! Mavis (Yes, that is her name!) is a very eccentric person. Is it because of no supervision? No one really knows, she's just a very gay and very annoying nigresses. In fact, so annoying Sonja smacks her with a hot curling iron. Her anger knows no bounds, especially with this one.
I actually based Shirley on someone I know, but oddly enough their name is not Shirley. The Shirley I know is very laid-back and has a personality very similar to Sonja's. FASW Shirley has a little tolerance for people like Sonja and Mavis. I still don't know why she keeps her job at the salon, but each time they harass her she questions the credibility of everyone else that failed to defend her. It's very funny to watch.
I'm very glad these personalities did not clash! It makes it so easier to do dialogue because then people are like 'Oh, yeah only Mavis would reply like that, etc, etc, etc.' Without having to explicitly say it.
With Lala's Cane.. I gotta be honest, I actually went to a club last week and was like 'Yeah lemme get this imagery down'. I tried not to detail every little thing. Not all the time does everything have to have the big picture, aha. The fact that I was on point, in your humble opinion, is exactly what I hoped for.
Alieu and Sonja? Yes, we sort of support... (I shouldn't be admitting this, this is a Sonja/MJ fanfic!! Geez!) They've known each other for a while and they never really got tired of one another. The healthiest FWB couple that I know, but if they were dating, dating... it'd be too sexy... someone will get pregnant... too much sex...
I wonder why they haven't crossed that line though? Hm.
Anywho, Alieu is a very funny man, who can cook, listen, and support you. Since he's not dating anyone, and since Sonja isn't the jealous type, I'm perfectly fine with giving Alli to you! He's a sleeping beauty type, though. Not everyone likes a man that snores, ukwim?
Yes, Michael popping up was almost like on cue. Sonja and Alieu, as hot as they are we probably will never get to see their shenanigans on screen like that ever again. Michael won't be to blame fully on that, though. Please cut him some slack! He really thought long and hard about coming over to her place, he even brought a gift as an apology! Just cut like a smidgen, however, because he still came over so damn late in the night tryna talk to her. Who does that? Only weirdos.
Yeah, Sonja doesn't see Michael as anything but a celebrity that thinks she's funny. She refuses to see him anything less of that because something could go wrong! But, but, but... we can say for now that this attraction felt between them is definitely not on the same side of the spectrum and maybe not even with the same force. It's a bit one-sided now. Michael came back because... who knows? Sonja let him in her apartment because.... where else could he go, really? It'd also be so awkward for Alieu to come into her apartment and proceed to dick Sonja down while Michael watched afar from the couch like:
Date: Aug 01, 2018 11:05 pm Title: Yuanfen.
Can't lie, the summary really intrigued me I was like, "okuurr this girl Sonja seem different from all the female characters i read about." The way you detailed everything down to a T was beyond me. And the first chapter, whew chile.... the AMAZEMENT. I love how you have Sonja as this beautiful black woman who has a mouth on her, blunt and of course loves her blunts lol. Overall, I can't wait to read more and see what you have in store for us readers.
I'm blushing like crazy, is this real life? I'm getting compliments? I'm about to pass out. Reviews like these have been so sweet and uplifting! You saying that Sonja is different from other OC's? Too much flattery, I really don't deserve it.
I try very hard to make sure detail is a part of everything, that's a feature that I really respect out of authors. When they at least detail something, it's engaging and open's one's mind to the imagery. I've been working on detailing my stories for years now and while my writing style for this particular fanfic is very simple at the moment, I'm pretty sure I'll have to go in deeper writing for this soon! Ah... description... my labors of Hercules and yet my Achilles Heel as well.
Thank you, thank you, and thank you! I'm so pleased you like Sonja's personality, a lot of tropes went into this and work man... you guys should see the document outline for the work that I and my friend had originally started with.... 56 pages of just outline... Whew boy, glad to see it paid off.
The second chapter will be coming soon! I appreciate the support!