Date: Jan 05, 2020 12:29 am Title: Chapter 4
“Hey.” He stepped toward me with a warning gaze in his eyes. “You don’t have to be glad to see me, but boy I am your mother’s brother goddammit, you’re gonna respect me.” Something in his tone made me slightly more subdued. He hadn’t lost his sharp tongue but something was definitely different about him. Even the way he stood straight and tall, he was more serious now than I ever remembered. I knew prison could change a man but I hardly expected this. Without warning he grabbed my chin and peered into my eyes. I broke out of his grasp and stepped back.
I really liked this paragraph. I knew exactly what you meant by writing "something in his tone made me slightly more subdued."
Latoya said and then poked me in the side. I flinched because it tickled.
Awwe, LOL she's so cute with her little brother :)
I enjoyed reading this chapter. :)
Date: Aug 25, 2019 08:12 pm Title: Chapter 2
Wow! I haven't been around to read things lately since I started school again, but I like the way that you wrote Michael's introspection in this chapter. It was believable and it made me think about what he might have felt like if something like this had really happened.
Question: why does Cedric feel somewhat haunted by the girl he is with?
Hope to read more soon!
Date: Aug 09, 2019 05:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hi Ms. Apricot :)
I see that you have started in the middle of the story, using "in medias res". Good technique to throw us into your characters' lives.
Is Ranci his friend or just a past model, like Angel? (I feel sorry for Angel. Is she starting out as a video girl, and thus being really complacent with the guy?)
So, are Michael and Brooke are going to be a "thing" in this story (or nah)?
And I take it that Alex (the biracial one) is a friend of Michael's? What will be his role in the story? Is Alex Quincy's son?
And who is Pete? Is he a real person? (Maybe if I had his last name, I could guess who he is.) (I know who John Landis is.)
Looking to read more of this. I expect more greatness after finishing "Smoke"! :D