Date: Aug 25, 2019 08:12 pm Title: Chapter 2
Wow! I haven't been around to read things lately since I started school again, but I like the way that you wrote Michael's introspection in this chapter. It was believable and it made me think about what he might have felt like if something like this had really happened.
Question: why does Cedric feel somewhat haunted by the girl he is with?
Hope to read more soon!
Date: Aug 09, 2019 05:52 pm Title: Chapter 1
Hi Ms. Apricot :)
I see that you have started in the middle of the story, using "in medias res". Good technique to throw us into your characters' lives.
Is Ranci his friend or just a past model, like Angel? (I feel sorry for Angel. Is she starting out as a video girl, and thus being really complacent with the guy?)
So, are Michael and Brooke are going to be a "thing" in this story (or nah)?
And I take it that Alex (the biracial one) is a friend of Michael's? What will be his role in the story? Is Alex Quincy's son?
And who is Pete? Is he a real person? (Maybe if I had his last name, I could guess who he is.) (I know who John Landis is.)
Looking to read more of this. I expect more greatness after finishing "Smoke"! :D
Date: Mar 05, 2017 07:34 am Title: Chapter 24
once again you never disappoint, really great chapter this story is amszing, the only thing I will say is that if I was Michael I would want to know why Brook said she wasn't ready for a relationship with a guy like him, but then went into one with a guy like Richie who was more likely to hurt and use her