Date: Aug 28, 2016 07:01 pm Title: Part III: Gabriela - Chapter 9
Awwww, don't cry before your birthday, Michael :c
Loving this new chapter and the depth of all of your characters. Tyler is totally stringing Gabriela along, and I'm trying not to judge because I don't know why.
Michael is being pretty clueless right now. He seems to be conflating his own feelings for Suzanne with Tyler's for Gabby. It's actually not cute at all.
And for a 16-year-old, Tyler is very distrusting of Michael. I think History in the Making isn't very good for their relationship. Too many new people, and Michael is only of them. In fact, his overeagerness to befriend Tyler makes him seem kind of fishy. Like he's looking forward to capitalizing on Tyler's future success. But he clearly feels awful, that he's not even winning in the friend category, let alone the parent/idol category.
Thanks for reading and for the review! :D
Yes, that's definitely going to be a pattern: Michael will try to find patterns in their lives in hopes that it will help him recognize how he can help Tyler not go through some of the sad parts of his own life. It's quite altruistic in his mind, but, like you noted, that overeagerness makes their relationship feel less than organic, like he's stuck between trying to be a Dad and trying to be a friend. Meanwhile, Tyler only sees him as a manager at his worst and a friend at the very best, but their relationship is rooted in an industry that tries to pit people against each other.
Date: Aug 06, 2016 10:00 pm Title: Part III: Gabriela - Chapter 8
I really like the way you write this. The suspense is great. Emma's finally starting to trust MJ, but at the same time, you're revealing his machinations, piece by piece, and making him hard to trust. He seems to be a character who is capable of making hard/morally sketchy decisions on the fly, and his success is portrayed as intrinsically linked to a talent for manipulation. Despite that, he's still likeable, and human. All of his failings as a parent and a person, as well as his regrets and his capacity for love... it's surprisingly endearing and realistic.
It's also very easy to get attached to Emma, who is basically deciding Allison's life with very limited information. She's a very interesting character, detached as she is from everyone else. However, I think at this point, she is being far too forgiving to Michael, maybe because she feels bad for assuming too much at first?
Oh yeah, the cold shower bit... I was naughty in my head and thinking of something else other than "accusations" :P
Anyway, I'm just rambling as always, but I loved this update as always, and I am following with trepidation. It's a great story, please write more!
Thank you! :D And yes, I'm so glad Michael's character is being read as I had hoped. I definitely don't want him to come off as someone intrinsincally terrible or unlikeable, so much as a very human person whose actions mirror the lessons he stumbled on throughout the different events in his life -- and some of that involves figuring out how to survive as a gentle soul in an otherwise very cut-throat career, especially after being put in charge of other people.
Gotta say that I am exceedingly relieved to hear that so far Emma is coming off as likeable as well. I agree that she's been coming off as too forgiving, maybe too quickly (but I fear that if it came any slower, this story really would last forever, having to map MJ's life in an alternate universe), but I guess in my mind I keep thinking that it would be her guilt, added to her desire to go back to her life and get away from the perceived "circus" as fast as possible that would push her to say "this is what I'm choosing" and shortly after flee for comfort. I think I have a lot of mixed feelings towards Emma as a heroine: She's a bit more of a flat character. Unlike many of the other characters in The Secret, she doesn't get to really make many choices and she /likes/ being in the background (i.e. wearing a mask, not taking credit for her talent as we'll see later, and even hoping/feeling relieved that she's been so successful at melting into the background that Michael Jackson, someone who would have seen her a handful of times, if not more, never even registered her face or her name or anything at all!) What to do with Allison is probably one of the more clear choices she gets to make... and sadly for her it has to be done with very little information, which will likely add to her eternal guilt. But, otherwise, unlike Sue, Gabby (as we'll discover her role later), Michael, Adilson, etc., she doesn't know the truth; she doesn't get to choose whether to keep something secret or not; she mostly reacts to the forces around her, like a ping pong ball.
[Hopefully slowly it'll become more clear that each "part" has a character name because through that readers are supposed to get a hint as to the role each character has played/will play/continues to play in the secret Michael carries. As of right now, I think Emma and Tyler's parts -- coming later -- will probably be some of the more shocking ones because of the choices they do finally make.]
Haha, on the cold shower: I did consider making it slightly naughty, but then thought better about it. Not the right moment. But not to worry! Stuff will come in the future! We just need Emma to have her breakdown first so she can go travel the world and Michael can follow along and they can fall in love and then drama can happen.
Glad you're enjoying the story! :D And thanks so much for taking the time to review. Like I said, this is a very intense writing project, and with work so busy, reviews give me a happy little nudge to try to get my ideas on paper. Thanks so much!!
Date: Aug 06, 2016 09:21 pm Title: Part III: Gabriela - Chapter 8
I haven't even read this chapter yet... just so happy that you've updated. For some reason, serendipitously today, I made an account on mjeol, and I was reading fanfiction when I stumbled across some more of your fantastic stories. At first, I didn't know it was you and I just kept reading, thinking "who is this amazing writer", but then I found the Zavier Kelley one-shot! So I just wanted to say that your updates make my day, and I really liked Story of a Harem. It was too cute and some of the best yaoi I've ever read.
Aww, thanks so much, darling. I'm glad you enjoyed some of the old stories there. I've been meaning to go back and try to pick some up to finish, Harem being one of those stories, but I may have to set that as a future goal seeing as I don't exactly remember where the plotline was supposed to go for some, haha! :) But thanks so much for reading!
Date: Jul 14, 2016 01:41 pm Title: Part II: Suzanne - Chapter 7
I love the progression in Michael's personality here. He's so nice and innocent at the beginning. He's not so naive by the time he brings his son home, but he still sounds very decent. And then boom! Face heel turn.
I've been reading and rereading this story so many times because it's so well written... I hope you will update again!
Thank you! So glad to see someone is reading and enjoying it. It's probably one of the biggest writig projects I've undertaken so I find myself putting it down from time to time but little nudges help. :) Hope you enjoy Chap. 8.
Date: Jan 10, 2016 01:44 am Title: Part II: Suzanne - Chapter 6
I'm kind of confused. How old is Michael in the 2003 part?
I've would be 44. His birthdate hasn't changed. We're creating an alternate universe and history but his age remains the same as it would under other circumstances. :)
Date: Jan 09, 2016 03:05 pm Title: Part II: Suzanne - Chapter 6
If that isn't Tyler in the morgue, who is it and where is Tyler? Why did Tyler not tell Habby before he loved her? Why did he stay with Gabby?
It will all be revealed as the story continues, especially the situation with Gabby! Patience, I promise all will be answered in the insanity of going through these characters' lives... :D Thanks for the comment!
Date: Jan 06, 2016 08:00 am Title: Part II: Suzanne - Chapter 4, 5
I love this. The reader has to stay so very focused.
Please up date soon.
Oh I'm so glad you like it, dear! And thank you for reviewing. This story has become so complicated to write, just because there are quite a few twists I need to keep straight. But reviews really help keep me motivated and keep updates coming fast. :)
Date: Jan 05, 2016 10:02 pm Title: Part II: Suzanne - Chapter 4, 5
Wow, this is just...The cliffhanger right there when Emma doesn't tell Michael what she's decided. The suspense is seriously killing me.
I'm really looking forward to the next update!
Another review? :D Thank you! Another update coming your way very very soon - hopefully tonight or tomorrow!!
Date: Jan 02, 2016 08:03 pm Title: Part I: The Secret - Chapters 1, 2 & 3
I am so hooked right now. Please continue this story!
Michael is so evil haha.
Thanks for the review! This story seems like it's gonna be so long that reviews are super encouraging! :)