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Reviewer: TutThreeSevens Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: Mar 27, 2015 07:08 pm Title: The Dog Bit. The Bee Stung. P3

2) Yes this is my peeve. I love when an OG is flawed yet strong enough to walk through life on her own. Her relationship with Michael is about give and take. Also don't really like when Michael is the 'distressed damsel'. He was sensitive and hyper emotional at times but with due cause and that didn't mean he was falling apart at the seams every time we turn a corner. 

3)The too many. I almost had that happen in CTTG. I decided to just under write some of the charactors that are just supporting. 

6)Lmao. I'm so guilty of this. I have lessen the use of the vowels over the course of the stories tho. Lol. I'm literally lol-ing at this!!

Said vs Meant

Effect and Affect (I don't remember if you added this one before.) 

I'm also very baffled when AU Micheal works for a "Business Company" 

Ah I noticed you used a play on the old title with this segment. Nice touch for closure! 

What's next on the agenda?

more soon! <333



Author's Response:

2) Ugh. Agreed! Nothing is a bigger turn off then when Michael is constantly the 'distressed damsel'. It emasculates his character. Showing emotion is good....constantly crying and needing to be saved is....not.

3) Good catch.

6) I'll admit, sometimes I add extra vowels (e.g. looooooool), but that's just because using caps can come off wrong. In sex? Sometimes I start to feel like it's a measure of how good Michael is supposed to be, with each repeated vowel or consonent representing the degree of toe-curling or intensity of the orgasm.

I didn't include that in the text, as it was in the http://theoatmeal.com/comics/misspelling that I ended up linking. Sadly, I find most of mine in the summaries of stories, and am now realizing that I missed a ton.

Thanks :)

I'm planning on a segment on writing supporting characters next. From there? I'm not sure. I need to find out which genres you guys are interested in me touching upon. I'm also tossing around an idea related to handling critical/negative reviews. Being one who has written some of those (and had the full spectrum of responses), it's clear that some people handle them more tactfully than others. Part of that would also be a breakdown on how to provide constructive criticism (including some of my own blunders).

Off to read CTTG!

Reviewer: KerenOlivero Anonymous [Report This]
Date: Mar 27, 2015 12:30 pm Title: The Dog Bit. The Bee Stung. P3

sometimes writing the third person onmiscient could be tough depending on the chapter so I would stick to the interaction of two characters alone even if others are around which would be third person limited.



Author's Response:

Ah. That makes more sense. I was having a slow moment ;)

Reviewer: KerenOlivero Anonymous [Report This]
Date: Mar 26, 2015 06:21 pm Title: The Dog Bit. The Bee Stung. P3

Yup I do whenever I can..sometimes it gets complicated though depending on how many characters I am covering in the chapter..sometimes I just stick with the first two categories of 3rd person POV. 



Author's Response:

You vary between types of POV between chapters? Why?

Reviewer: brandyandMJ Signed starstarstarstarstar [Report This]
Date: Mar 26, 2015 08:36 am Title: The Dog Bit. The Bee Stung. P3

1. One-dimensional Villain: here is my downfall in writing fanfiction. Its obvious that my favorite to pick on is Jermaine & Diana, LOL, sorry. I have nothing against him or her though. Its funny because in my second story on this site Jermaine was the gay good guy and Michael was the asshole. But I'm going to take your advice and flesh out the character!

2. Damsel in Distress: uh, I've never really done this. Stacey in Mars vs. Venus isn't really a D.I.D although Michael has helped and Semaj really wasn't either and you know Aaliyah definitely wasn't.

3. Blatant foreshadowing: I've done this once or twice but it worked out nicely. I think I did it in GL.

4. Meet, Sex, Marriage: #DIES. I have not sone this and in now way have I found it as okay. My characters have never tols each other i love you under fifteen chapters in except Michael to Aaliyah but they had already known each other. Also I think Semaj and Michael had a good amount of chapters before getting together(19) and before saying they loved each other(29).  It was really supposed to be chapter 35 or 36 but I changed it.

5. Conflict: I usually have no problem with this. I always have conflict.

6. Too Many: PERFECT example - WYWTOM. Too many characters, POVs and Plots.... waaaay too many plots.

7. Sex scene: LOL. "oh gaaaaaaaawd yeeeess Michaaaael! Right theeeeeeeeeeeeerrreeee!" Smh.

8. Run in: I did this in WYWTOM. Big mistake.

Excuse the mispellings and punctuation I'm on my phone, hahha.

Good stuff!



Author's Response:

1. I'll be writing about supporting characters next, so hopefully that will help.

3. Yep, I remember it in GL lol Not sure about your others.

4. I love that you can say that :)

Thanks :) And I'll ignore errors apart from the misspelling of "haha" lol.

Reviewer: KerenOlivero Anonymous [Report This]
Date: Mar 26, 2015 07:52 am Title: The Dog Bit. The Bee Stung. P3

1. AMEN, sister. I mean, I love certain villains in fiction but the one dimensional villain where the bad guy is evil because he/she can be is a huge turn off and I see it has started to become old in MJ fics to the extent where I get frustrated and not read..or wish I had brain bleach nearby..whichever comes first. If it's not the antagonist being evil for the sake of it, the same tired old excuse is often used or even making a mistake in making someone an antagonist who would not make a good one. And the same antagonist over and over. I mean, if there was truly bad blood between Michael and Diana because she broke his heart by dating Gene Simmons from Kiss, would he have made her second choice for guardian of his children on his will? I think not. Also to keep in mind that even if a certain antagonist in the MJ fiction has serious flaws and issues doesn't make him or her evil, so to consider them evil would be purely subjective. I mean, we all have our faults..just the difference lies in whether some tries to correct them gradually and some just live with them. In general, the bad guys I tend to take a liking to are the ones who are good but were tricked into being evil or who have legit reasons for being evil but don't share it away and at some point ends up on the road to redemption. In short I like bad guys who have potential for good and also if they have traits that make them different from your classic badguy.

2. Agreed. even if the OG is sensitive, there should be some indication she could hold her own and not be a weak, helpless person. I mean, I could deal if a fic starts with her losing confidence and self esteem for some reason, but she has to build both back up gradually. All the OGs in my fics who are of legal age have ways to support themselves and are not moochers off of Michael.

3. guilty of that one especially for my anime fics over on fanfiction.net like if a certain character think he/she is alone and someone is spying, but have toned it down a little..sometimes I use Unbeknownst, though.

4. This one? It boils down to lack of development. I have heard of instances where "love at first sight" happened, but even then, the feelings are hidden for awhile as Michael/OG gets to know each other--having Michael get to know the girl makes the relationship believable and also getting into it too fast causes irreparable damage because there are so many unpleasant surprises, not enough time to get used to the other's bad habit/imperfection, etc.

5.Personally am not the biggest fan of conflict but know it is necessary to make an interesting story. I can be glued to the screen reading a fic, depending on the type of conflict. The biggest issue is when there is too much conflict. That's a huge turn off for me. Especially if it is over the flimsiest things. 

6. Too many could be overwhelm the author writing and/or cause a big jumbled mess.

7.I got you on that one. there are times I don't use a tag at the end of the dialogue.

8. yes, it is imperative to consider what is likely and what isn't. 

9. ah, the list of misused homophones..there's also allude(refer) vs elude(escape)



Author's Response:

1.  I obviously agree about the villains. My use of the term "evil" was to emphasize how strongly some characters get portrayed as being the worst of the worst. TBH my motto is that there aren't bad people, there are just people who do bad things. Everyone has their backstory. The trick is to reveal the backstory without doing awkward info-dumps.

3. Is that consistent with your POV? I assume you are doing 3rd POV Omniscient?

heh. I just realized that you are right, I didn't cover allude or elude. I took all of mine from actual stories, so either 1) I'm missing the fanfics with that error, 2) Most authors don't feel comfortable with/are aware of those terms, or 3)The authors who use them, know how to use them.  Either way, you know that my eyes will now be looking for those errors!

Thanks as always :)

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