Date: Jan 07, 2012 05:07 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
this is sad please bring her back :') bring on the second part or do a twist :D that was a beauitful story. cant wait to see what happens the suspence is killing me. you have a great talent bless your heart. Much Love and god bless you
Author's Response: I am going to edit the story and put in more detail. The song lyrics showed that Annie died and this story is based on the song and short film however she is coming back for the sequel of this story :D. God bless you too thank you and always L.O.V.E
Date: Jan 07, 2012 04:41 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
wow that chris or dylan guy is something else being agressive and all. i cant stand men like that.
Author's Response: Dylan sorry for the mistake. He is very aggressive like men in real life that either they get what they want or else.
Date: Jan 07, 2012 04:06 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
that nice of Michael to help her out with the legal problems of karen club. i seen the smooth criminal music video i loved it he is so talented. i love reading your stories.
Author's Response: I can't get enough of that short film the music the scene the beat it all inspired me to write this story. Yes Michael always helped people he was an angel to me. Thank you! Iam so happy you like reading my stories :)
Date: Jan 03, 2012 01:30 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
Michael should've used his magic to save her better yet, he should've used his magic to get there on time lol. You should continue this but remember what I suggested. I think the next part will be great if you did it
do you wan't to co right the next part with me? iam looking for authors and you're a good one
Date: Jan 03, 2012 01:21 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
Shortest chapter lol Magical powers??? lol where did that come from. I laughed so hard at that. Not that its ridiculous but it just came out of no where
lol yes it was a surprise lol
Date: Jan 03, 2012 01:18 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
Oh no, Annie got kidnapped :(
Date: Jan 03, 2012 01:14 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
It's a good story line
Thank you, i appreciated :)
Date: Jan 03, 2012 01:09 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
Oh and I think that, you could put it into a better form. There's nothing wrong with this, Its just confusing a bit. And again, everything happens so fast, I dont know what's going on
i know is just that i wrote it fast becuase i had a tight schedule.
Date: Jan 03, 2012 01:01 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
Again for this, just basically everything I said for the first chapter. I get confuse a little reading this but it's ok
i'll make it better. thanks :)
Date: Jan 03, 2012 12:53 pm Title: Smooth Criminal
Ok, when reading this there was just a few typos, which I dont care about. Everyone makes mistakes. As for this chapter; to me it was like...you took sharp turns, like...everything just happen. For example: Michael met Annie, Michael and Annie went outside. The stars was out. Michael: this is pretty Annie agreed" blah blah blah
I think it should be more smooth, I should say lol For example: On a very dark night Michael entered a club that he never been to before. Then you could describe the club setting or what not.
As Michael went to get a drink, he heard a very sweet voice ring in his ears. He turned to the stage and saw a very beautiful girl. He decided to stay for her little show. So he sat down front row to watch her amazing performance. Then you could go into details about her perfomance.
"This girl is very talented" Michael thought to himself. When the girl finished, she realized a very unfamilair face after looking into the audience. She went down to Michael and introduced herself and blah blah
You should use more details to the story and let it all smooth out. When reading this, I couldn't imagine the story. The image didn't come because everything happened so fast.
You should work on that more but Im going to read the next chapter now
wow you are good. i did had a similar thing to that but i changed it. you are a great author. Thank you for the review. :)